Missing Beats

by K. L. Shandwick

  “And now?” I heard myself say with confidence. What the fuck are you fishing for by asking that?

  “And now, I’d like to get closer to you again.”

  I swallowed roughly and almost choked. My mouth had gone dry.

  “Huh. So you want to be my friend again? Do you think because you are a rock star it gives you a free pass to pick people up and put them back down again when you say so?” I was surprised at how curt I sounded.

  “We’re already friends, Jo. We just haven’t seen each other in a while.”

  “A while…try more than half of my life, Kane. Friends do not discard people because it suits them.”

  “I know...and I’m sorry.” Staring intensely into my eyes, I believed he was.

  “Why? What do I have that no self-respecting rock star should go without?”

  “Genuine friendship. I know you’re not there because I’m on my way up and if I fall on my ass you’d still be there. You know how hard it is in this game I’m playing?”

  “No, Kane, I don’t, and I don’t really care. Life isn’t a game for me. It’s hard work every day just to make ends meet. Living independently means living from pay check to pay check. Some months there is something left over for a treat, some months there isn’t quite enough to pay the rent.”

  “Do you need money, Jo? I’m happy to—”

  “No. I don’t want your money, Kane. I’d never want your money. I want your respect. You don’t get to wander back into my life with your rock star swagger and your sexy-as-hell body and think I’ll roll over.”

  “So you think I’m sexy, eh? And I’d never expect you to roll over. I’m the kinda guy that takes charge…if you know what I mean.” He smiled his heart-stopping smile; the one that shows the dimple on his cheek and makes him almost irresistible to me. It made me realize I’d have to be stronger.

  “Kane, stop that. What I’m trying to do here isn’t easy. It’s harder for a woman than a man to live independently. We struggle to find people to take us seriously in the workplace so earn less and work twice as hard for promotion. Except I work for my dad, and despite all his talk about equality in the work place, he’s passed me over for promotion twice in favor of ex-servicemen like himself. Respect me and I‘ll do the same for you. You don’t get to waltz in here and fuck with my emotions all over again. I’m not that glassy-eyed little kid that followed you around anymore. This is my life and it’s not always easy, but I’m getting there. If you’re back permanently, great, I’m stoked about that, and I’ve waited for twelve years for this day, but if you ever cut me out again, we’re done.”

  “Got that loud and clear,” he said as he cupped the back of my head and drew it to his lips. They pressed softly against my forehead as his cell began to ring, breaking the tender moment we were having. Shifting to fish his phone from his front jeans pocket he checked it and stood up abruptly. “Sorry I have to take this,” he said, before he wandered over to the window.

  “Hey. How is he doing?” he asked. His face suddenly expressionless as he listened to the caller.

  “Alright, keep me up to speed with any changes,” he demanded in a clipped tone, and then hung up.

  “Sorry, one of our security guys was injured after a gig in Phoenix last week. He had to wait for the swelling to go down and had reconstructive surgery on his ankle today.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Why? You didn’t do it, did you?” he stated, as he gave me a smile that softened the way he’d been looking at me. “Quit apologizing for shit that’s not your fault, that’s the Jo I remember.” Slumping back down beside me he nudged my shoulder with his. I smacked his arm and he caught my hand, bringing it to his lips, kissing it softly. Another look passed between us and I quickly pulled my hand away like he’d bitten it. I rose to my feet because the way he caressed my hand had felt too intimate and I had to put some space between us. My mind was stuck on the fact that I wasn’t dealing with the kid I once knew, but a guy who knew women like the back of his hand.

  “Do you want breakfast? I can scramble some eggs and make some toast,” I said, busying myself in the kitchen. The way he continued to stare at me intensely before he answered knocked me off kilter. I had hoped my offer of breakfast would buy me some breathing space.

  Chapter 4

  Breakfast

  “Scrambled eggs and bourbon…hmm…I’ll pass, but I could manage a few rounds of toast.” Turning away he poured yet another large whiskey into his tumbler.

  “Kane, it’s not even 8:00 am yet and you’ve had half the bottle. Do you have a drinking problem?”

  “Nah, technically it’s still my night. I haven’t been to bed yet, and besides I’m a little intimidated by you,” he said, grinning wickedly.

  “By me? You’re the one with the rock star tag, the sexy songs, and the hot band. It’s me that should be feeling inadequate,” I replied as I moved around the kitchen making toast and coffee.

  “From what I can see, you’re definitely not inadequate. You’re as sexy-as-fuck, Jo. I’d do you in a heartbeat.”

  My hand stopped from beating the eggs and I stared, open-mouthed, at his comment. My heart catapulted from my chest to my throat then dropped to my belly before slamming against my ribcage.

  “You did not just say that.” I gave him an incredulous stare.

  “Sorry, that thought just slipped out, but why fight a great connection?”

  “You’re not being interviewed now, Kane…there aren’t any cameras in here,” I stated, feeling awkward again.

  “You’ve been watching me on TV?” He smirked after he said that and his eyes narrowed. “So you don’t find me attractive? Maybe you need to drink more, like you said.” He looked at me and chuckled.

  “I was being crass, Kane. I don’t do casual sex. Besides, I’m in a relationship.” I had to shut his flirting down because he was hard to resist and Elliott was the perfect weapon to hide behind. I turned away to take the butter from the fridge, and to catch my breath before turning back. Pouring the filtered coffee into the filter, I closed the lid and flipped the switch on. When I looked directly at Kane I caught the disappointment on his face. He held my gaze and sat forward on the couch, clasping his hands between his open legs. I figured he looked a little bit taken aback by my news. Obviously, my mom hadn’t told him that part of my life.

  “Well fuck,” he said quietly. “Where the hell is he? Why did he allow you to drive in the middle of the night to pick up a guy like me? I’d be all over you if you were mine, babe. What kinda guy is he? He should be taking better care of you.”

  “Elliott is overseas right now. There was something urgent that only he could deal with. He’ll be back on the third. I’d just finished talking to him last night when you called.”

  “So he was the lucky guy you were wet and naked for, and he wasn’t even in the country? Well hell, I’m jealous. I guess I left it too long and missed my chance,” he muttered, in a mock deflated tone.

  “It’s just as well I remember how you were when we were kids. I can take the conversation we’ve just had seriously, but I’m not so easy to get a rise out of these days, Kane.” I shrugged his comment off as I continued to butter the toast. Pouring black coffee into two, white ceramic mugs I admitted to myself I couldn’t read Kane as well as I did when we were children, and I wasn’t confident what was fact and what was his sick sense of humor.

  I made my way to the table and placed the stacked toast in front of him, and instead of sitting back down beside him on the sofa, I chose to sit on the floor on the opposite side of the low table.

  “Drink the coffee,” I prompted.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He nodded and chuckled while reaching for the Jack Daniels bottle again. My hand covered his, “No, Kane, coffee,” I said sternly, because I was concerned at how quickly he had drunk what he had.

  Slowly he took his hand off the bottle and picked the mug up, cupping his hands around the warm pottery and huggi
ng it close to his mouth. “So…how serious is it with Elliott?” he enquired, his blue eyes looking straight into mine.

  “We’re still new—six weeks, but he’s been away for almost one.”

  “You’re into him?” he asks quietly.

  “I like him a lot, yes.”

  “Is it love?” His inquisitive eyes pierced mine, holding the gaze a little too long so I looked away.

  “Hmm…I still have to think about that so I guess I’m not there yet,” I answered honestly, looking at him, even though I wasn’t completely comfortable answering that question.

  Kane stared at me in silence and our connection was awkward because his face was expressionless. It was hard to read what he was thinking.

  “And he’s not back until after my gig on Monday night?” he queried.

  “No. The third of December. Wednesday.”

  “So we have two days together with no interruptions?” Raising his brow, my heart flipped over at the suggestive wide-eyed stare he gave me and I had to dig deep. I was no pushover with men and normally I saw past all the bullshit, devious ways they had, but they weren’t Kane. My heart ached for the boy I knew, and feared for the man he’d become. Somehow I’d have to resist him and be careful not to blur the lines of our adult friendship.

  “To do what?”

  “Have fun. Can I take you to a club?”

  “No, Kane. I don’t want to be classed as one of Kane Exeter’s groupies.”

  “I’d never let them do that to you,” he said, sitting forward on the edge of the sofa with a concerned look on his face.

  “And how would you stop that, exactly? Any woman you are with from now on is going to be tagged with that label. You’re naïve if you think otherwise. Plus, I have Elliott to think about.”

  “Will you tell him I’m here?” I thought for a moment and decided I would. If Kane was back in my life it would come up sooner or later. The connection we’d had as kids came up one night when we were talking about our childhoods over dinner, so Elliott knew how strongly Kane’s friendship had affected me.

  “Of course. I don’t keep secrets, and you and I are just friends, right?”

  Kane closed his eyes a fraction too long before opening them wide to stare back at me. “Right,” he agreed. After he accepted we’d hang out at home, we began to reflect on our pasts and ate every crumb of toast before I yawned, stretching my arms above my head.

  “Wow, those carbs have sapped the last ounce of energy I had. We need to go to bed,” I said.

  Kane’s slouched position on the sofa looked pretty mellow, but his head snapped around in my direction. “Lead the way,” he said, giving me another trademark smirk and caught my hand in passing. I pulled it back sharply.

  “I meant you there and me in my bed,” I replied, gesturing with both hands to the sofa and giggled.

  “Ah, gotcha. Can I just say that this friendship is not very beneficial right now?” The way his voice rose in question made my core tweak with interest. It felt uncomfortably wrong that I should have such feelings when I was with Elliott.

  “Kane, there’s the door, I’m sure you’d find plenty of women to take up that offer,” I quipped, gesturing my thumb in the direction of it.

  “True. All true, I’m afraid,” he replied, with a wry grin. “Pity my sights are set on the unavailable,” he scoffed, winking at me and my heart raced again.

  “On that note, I’m going to bed. If I were you, I would too.” Without waiting for a reply I stood up to head for my bedroom, but before I could get far he stood up as well and pulled the hem of his shirt out of his jeans.

  “Sure. Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse. Lead the way, babe,” he dared, with a cocky swagger in his voice. Glancing back, I gave him a puzzled stare. “What? You said you were going to bed, and if you were me I should too. So…” Holding his hands out he paused, sporting that flirtatious grin of his again.

  “I meant the sofa, Kane.” I smiled at him and shook my head as I passed him by. “Really, those moves of yours are ancient, it’s a wonder you get into any woman’s panties with lines like that.”

  “So teach me. What do I have to say to get into yours?” he provoked, catching my wrist and holding it firmly. The way he hit on me like that took me by surprise, and although his line was corny, it had turned me on to think that in some way he really wanted me.

  “Enough, Kane. I’m tired. Get some sleep and I’ll see you later,” I asserted firmly, walking over to the linen closet. I handed him a clean comforter, sheet and pillow. “Bathroom is the second door down the hall. See you when I get up.” I was surprised at how he had made my stomach tense in all the right ways. Kane was sexually confident and because I knew enough about him, he wasn’t coming off as leery. If anyone else had behaved the way he had with me, I’d have run a mile. Getting into bed with that thought, I pondered, what if I didn’t stop feeling so attracted to him? How would I control the feelings he stirred in me.

  *****

  Someone was talking when I woke up and initially I lay listening, trying to get my bearings, and remembering that Kane was out there in my sitting room. He was obviously talking to someone on the phone. His tone seemed pretty curt when I heard, “Sure I’ll tell her when she gets up.”

  I slid out of bed and padded into my bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped under the warm water allowing the powerful shower jets to bring me back to life. I had no idea what time it was, but I was thirsty. After I’d gone to bed, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding as I mulled over the conversations we’d had when Kane had flirted outrageously about having sex with me. I found myself fantasizing what it would be like to kiss him.

  With the same thought creeping back into my mind in the shower I quickly shrugged it aside, turned off the faucet and reached for the towel. Once dried, I grabbed my bathrobe and wrapped it tightly around me. A knock on the bedroom door startled me and I spun in the direction of it just in time to see Kane pop his head around it. “Coffee?”

  “Thanks, I’ll be right out,” I explained, tugging at the ties on my robe to ensure they were secure.

  Kane had his cell phone hooked up to a laptop and was busy typing when I walked into the open plan kitchen. “Hey, you look great,” he complimented, before looking back at what he was doing. I looked like a drowned rat with my blonde hair wet and straggling from the shower.

  “Coffee’s on the side. Black right? Like this morning?” He’d taken note how I liked my coffee. “Elliott called by the way,” he mentioned with a sly smirk and continued to type. “I told him you were still sleeping.” My heart stopped for like a millisecond.

  “You answered my cell?” I shrieked, my high-pitched question showing how stressed I felt about that.

  “Sure. It was loud and you were asleep. Would you have preferred I cut off the call?” I wasn’t sure why I felt guilty. We were only friends after all. Unless maybe, it was because I’d let my mind wander in the wrong direction about Kane.

  “What did you say to him?”

  “I told you what I said.”

  “And that was it? Nothing else?”

  “Well, no. He asked who I was and what I was doing in your apartment while you were asleep. I explained I was in town for a gig and you had kindly agreed to put me up.”

  “Yeah, like he’d really believe that, Kane. He’s not stupid. Why would a rock star forgo staying in a fancy hotel to stay in a dingy apartment?” I asked, before realizing I’d spoken the truth.

  “I don’t really know. I was wondering that myself. Do you see any orgies going on here? Jesus, Jo, we’re friends, aren’t we? That’s what friends do; spend time together. Call the guy back for Christ’s sake. I never said anything wrong. Just told him how it was, that’s all!”

  Elliott was doing the same, having company, he’d told me that already. The last call we’d had he’d talked about getting a little more serious but we weren’t exclusive yet, there was no firm commitment talked ab
out. I picked up my phone and called him back as I wandered into my bedroom for some privacy.

  “Hey. You rang?”

  “Indeed. Kane Exeter is staying at your apartment? I thought you weren’t in touch anymore?” His angry tone pissed me off.

  “Listen, Elliott, I had as much of a clue about this as you did. He rang last night after I got off the phone with you and told me he was playing in town. He asked if he could come and spend some time with me.”

  “And after twelve years you said, sure come on over.”

  “Pretty much. We were close friends once, Elliott.”

  “Open your eyes, Josie, no woman is just ‘friends’ with Kane Exeter.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked indignantly.

  “The guy is a serial seducer. I’ve seen him in action. He could charm the panties of the most frigid of women.”

  “Well we both know I’m not frigid, Elliott, and thank you for the vote of confidence,” I said, livid that he could make such a snap judgment about either of us.

  “Did he tell you he wished me luck in keeping you?”

  “Elliott, if you knew him like I did once, you’d know he was testing you.”

  “To my limit,” he huffed, exhaling heavily into the handset.

  A long pause killed the conversation before he spoke again.

  “Right. Spend time with him, Josie. Do what you need to do with him. I’m not happy that you took another man into your home as soon as I was out of the picture. I need to know if you are worth my time or whether Kane Exeter will always be on your mind. I heard the way you spoke about him that night when we had dinner at the Drake Hotel.”

  “What exactly are you getting at, Elliott? Because I’m damned if I know!” I thought his reaction was absurd, but the anger in his tone sounded possessive and more than a little demanding.

  “I don’t share, physically or emotionally. Spend time with him. I should be home on Tuesday. Call me then if you’re still interested.” Click.