Blue Jay

by A Zukowski

She tells Jess about being a child actor but skips

  the bad bits. Jess seems to have forgotten all about

  her worries and listens with fascination, prompting

  some kind of special bond between them. Jess’s

  large, innocent eyes are full of admiration for Chris.

  Chris still can’t believe the kids take to her so

  well. A few months ago, she wouldn’t have imagined

  she could work with young people like this and be a

  role model to them. She’s perhaps not as much a

  fuck-up as she thought.

  ~~~

  A step.

  “So, how’s the new love nest?” Jeff beams. “I

  enjoy Christening your accommodation with that

  term.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean, it’s…

  nice.” Chris can’t help but smile, his head already

  full of images of the marvellous intimate times he

  and Alex have been having since they moved. They

  play like a montage of his favourite movie

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  sequences.

  Jeff rolls his eyes. “Now, that face is worth all the

  heartaches in the world.” He stands to search for a

  wrapped package from his storage cupboard and

  presents it to Chris. “Congratulations on your new

  home, darling.”

  Chris stares at the gift, shaped like a painting or

  mirror and wrapped in plain metallic paper. “Jeff.

  You shouldn’t have.”

  “Yes, I should. You’ve had a crazy year. I’m so

  glad you’ve found someone. It’s a big step moving in

  with your boyfriend, dear.” Jeff tilts his head to

  indicate the present. “Come on. Open it.”

  Chris’s eyes are misting up. He tries not to tear

  the wrapping paper open too quickly so he can

  savour the reveal. It’s as if he’s getting approval

  from a parent, twenty years too late. When he can

  see the artwork mounted in a simple wooden frame,

  he is stunned silent. It’s a line drawing of two naked

  people kissing, and they are genderless. They are

  two people deeply in love, in a pure and simple

  embrace. The strong brush marks, muted colours

  and lines elegantly spread across the surface.

  “I…” Chris stares at Jeff. “It’s wonderful. I can’t

  thank you enough.” He kisses the older man.

  Jeff smiles. “You can thank me by enjoying your

  life. Chris, I want you to come and see me

  sometime. You let me know when you’re free. I love

  your massages, but I don’t want you to provide any

  sexual services anymore. I’ll pay you the same. Is

  that okay?”

  Chris only gives Jeff hand jobs these days, but

  still. He frowns. “I’m not a therapist or a masseur.”

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  Jeff covers Chris’s hand with his. “As I said, I

  enjoy your company and you can help me relax with

  a good rub. I don’t need anything else. Okay? You

  save yourself for your man.”

  You save yourself for your man. Chris is sad that

  his relationship with Jeff is changing, but he also

  understands Jeff’s request. He thinks of Jeff as an

  older friend, a mentor, too.

  Reluctantly, Chris agrees. “Okay, but if you

  change your mind, let me know.”

  “Good.” Jeff smiles and pats Chris’s face fondly.

  They raise their glasses, even though Jeff’s is only

  filled with water.

  “To your new life.”

  “To good health.” Chris beams.

  ~~~

  Chris enters the small boxing club. The mixed

  scent of body odour, rubber and old, distressed

  wood fills her nostrils. Grunts and sounds of

  punchbags being hit intersperse with Alex’s firm

  instructions.

  Alex coaches a tall black teenager who is throwing

  some strong punches. Alex holds on to the bag while

  the youngster punches fast with his left. Chris

  salivates, gazing at Alex’s bulging biceps and calf

  muscles that remain steadfast as the young boxer

  strikes repeatedly. The developing scene only

  reminds her of how she has loved Alex from the

  beginning. Someone who is invincible and yet

  sweet. Someone who complements Chris in every

  way possible.

  Her soul mate. She shivers at the thought.

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  Chris approaches the pair gingerly. The teen

  glances at Chris, alerting Alex to her arrival with a

  tilt of his head. Alex turns and a wide grin appears

  on his face. Both Alex and the boy move away from

  the equipment. Chris steps forward.

  “You made it,” Alex says.

  “Yeah.” Chris hides her arms behind her back,

  feeling self-conscious in the middle of a rather

  macho place. Alex told her they wanted more female

  boxers but they were the minority among the

  learners.

  Alex leans forward to peck Chris on the cheek.

  Someone makes a cat-call, and Chris blushes,

  almost coy. Alex has the most groovy, gooey grin on

  his face.

  “This is Devan.” Alex introduces them. “Chris—

  my partner.”

  Devan takes his right glove off and shakes Chris’s

  hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Likewise.” Chris smiles. Devan blinks before

  looking from her to his coach.

  Dex emerges from the small office, taking a large

  gulp from his water bottle. When he sees Chris, he

  joins the group.

  “Whoa. To what do we owe the pleasure of your

  visit?” His eyes are twinkling, set against his dark

  skin.

  “Ha. Pleasure’s all mine.” Chris smiles and hugs

  Dex.

  When they come apart, she twirls her forefinger

  around. “This is an awesome place. I’m sorry I’ve

  not visited before. Alex talks about the club all the

  time. It’s like his other lover!”

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  Coach laughs.

  Alex joins in, too. “I’ve practically grown up here.”

  Devan quietly observes the adults converse. The

  history behind Alex and Dex’s relationship is well

  known in the club and the teenager clearly idolises

  Alex.

  Alex glances at the clock. “We’ll be done in fifteen

  minutes or so. Why don’t you wait in the office?”

  “Sure.”

  Dex leads Chris to the small room at the corner of

  the club, while Alex and Devan resume their

  practice.

  Once in the office, Dex offers to make Chris a hot

  drink.

  “Water’s fine. Thanks!”

  Dex gives her a bottle.

  As soon as they’ve sat down on the two

  uncomfortable chairs, Dex clears his throat. “I want

  to leave Alex this club when I retire, which should

  be soon if my wife and children have their way.

  What do you say?” He gazes at Chris, waiting for her

  answer.

  “You’re asking me?” Chris swallows.

  “Who else? You’re the most important person in

  Alex’s life. That’s quite clear to everyone. And he’s

  the love of your life. Don’t deny it.”

  Chris giggles. “I’
ve never been someone’s love of

  their life. They usually run for their lives! You asked

  for my opinion on an important matter. I don’t

  know what to say right now.”

  She doesn’t think beyond the rent, one month at a

  time. Planning the future has always been a

  frivolous pursuit.

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  Dex declares his admiration for Chris. “Alex will

  need you because you’re a tough cookie, Chris.

  Knowing what you did for Alex… You’re stronger

  than me, and I am not comparing muscle mass.”

  “Thanks, I guess. I know nothing about boxing,

  though.”

  “Well, talk it through. See if this is what you both

  want,” Dex suggests.

  “Okay. We will. Thank you.” Chris knows Alex

  would love to do it, though their finances will suffer.

  They’ll sort something out if this is what Alex wants.

  Everything Alex wants, he should have.

  ~~~

  Chris walks along the main street leading up to

  the youth club among a few high-rise apartment

  blocks. This is the quieter side of Camden towards

  Kentish Town. The other end boasts the canal and

  the busy markets, hordes of tourists and eighties

  punk wannabes.

  The night air flows in a damp fog through the

  remnants of an earlier drizzle.

  “Chris.” A croaky and uncertain voice calls out to

  her. She turns around.

  “Jess?”

  The young girl steps up. She has a hoodie on,

  obscuring part of her face. There’s little light in that

  section of the street, but Chris can make out

  something’s wrong from the way Jess stays in the

  shadows and the dark fabric covering her head.

  “What happened?” Chris carefully removes a

  strand of hair that partly hides Jess’s face. A black

  eye. Swollen cheek.

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  Chris’s heart sinks. She kneels down to the

  teenager’s level. “Who did this to you, Jess?”

  “Dennis. My stepdad.” Her voice is low as a

  whisper.

  Chris gazes at Jess’s small face, making her seem

  so vulnerable right now. “Jess, we need to report

  this. He’s hurt you bad, honey. Shall we go to see

  Rosie?”

  “No, I don’t want to see her.” She blinks a few

  times.

  “Why not?” Chris touches Jess’s hair. It’s damp

  and messy from her wait in the light rain.

  “They’ll take me away. I want my mum.” Jess’s

  eyes are shining with tears.

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s still at work.”

  Chris glances around to consider what she should

  do. “Let me take you to a café and we’ll talk about

  this, okay? Would you like a hot chocolate to warm

  up?” She suspects Jess has been waiting a while for

  her.

  Jess hesitates, but eventually she agrees.

  In the nearby café, Chris sits Jess in a corner and

  orders the drinks at the counter. Away from the

  other few customers, Chris asks, “Is there anywhere

  else he’s hurt you?”

  Chris doesn’t want to imagine other kinds of

  abuse that Jess might have suffered. She can’t bear

  to think about it but she has to ask.

  Jess pulls back her hoodie and then puts her hair

  behind the left ear. Chris shields her from the rest of

  the coffee shop with her body and inspects the gash

  there. It’s a couple of inches long and blood has

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  congealed like a nasty dark red brush mark.

  “We should go to the club, so Rosie and I can

  clean you up.” Chris sips from her cup of chocolate.

  Jess nurses the warm mug in her hands. “I don’t

  want to see anyone.” She lowers her head, her

  lashes obscuring the brown of her eyes. Chris

  remembers all those times when she was a kid, and

  she knew what some men were thinking when they

  looked at her. Her heart sinks.

  “Jess, did he? Dennis…did he touch you? Has he

  ever touched you sexually?”

  Jess slowly shakes her head. “He only shouts at

  me cuz I want to be a girl. He doesn’t like boys. He

  calls me a poof and he says he’d cut off my willy

  himself.”

  Chris closes her eyes. A small mercy, but what a

  fucking bastard . Her familiar anger surges inside of

  her.

  They take a sip of their drinks and are quiet for a

  while. Chris is at a loss what to do if Jess refuses to

  see Rosie.

  “Where do you live?” Jess asks, her voice

  trembling a little.

  “Haringey.”

  “Do you live there on your own?”

  “No. I… I live with my boyfriend Alex.”

  “Is he nice?” Jess’s eyes are wide with curiosity.

  She idolises Chris. Chris can understand why she

  wants to know what kind of life she leads.

  “Yes, he is. He’s a wonderful man.” Chris doesn’t

  want to make Jess feel like she’s not loved, though.

  “Your mum will worry about you. Let me talk to

  Rosie.”

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  “I want to stay with you. I can’t go home. Mum’s

  got the worst taste in men. Dennis hates me. He

  refuses to call me Jess. I hate being called James.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. I’d love for you to visit but… My

  mum’s the same, Jess. She brought the most

  dreadful boyfriends home.” And the rest.

  Chris smiles at the memory, though. The physical

  abuse she has witnessed could have happened to

  her too. Annette had always protected her that way,

  except that one time when young Chris stood

  between Annette and her attacker.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” Jess’s voice seems even softer.

  “It’s okay. The only thing my mum was ever good

  at was… She didn’t allow them to touch me or beat

  me up.” Chris gazes intently at Jess. “I don’t want to

  nag you, but you need to tell someone about this.

  Where was your mum when this happened?”

  Jess’s eyes are full of unshed tears once more.

  “She was at work. I’d hidden it from her so far, but I

  can’t go home now because she will see these.”

  She waves her hand in the air to indicate her

  bruises. So, it’s not the first time. It’s as if Dennis

  isn’t only hurting Jess but Chris, too, reminding her

  of the previous assaults on her body. Chris is livid.

  “I want to go back home with you. I can meet

  your bloke.” The hope on Jess’s face makes her look

  so innocent.

  Chris takes a deep breath before she forces a

  smile. “I’m sure Alex would love to meet you. But,

  you see, when your mum starts to look for you and

  can’t find you, she’ll call the police. We will be in

  trouble.”

  Jess shakes her head. At that moment, she seems

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  every bit a barely teen—young, lost, confused and

  sad. The mirror image breaks Chris’s heart.

  “If you let me speak to Rosie, we may find a

  solution. She is very clever like that.
Don’t you

  think?” Chris needs Rosie’s support, and she wants

  to clean up Jess’s face and the bloody mess behind

  her ear.

  Jess bites her lip and considers the suggestion.

  She slowly nods.

  Chris glances around the café. They’re quite far

  away from the next occupied table. She turns on the

  speaker, but keeps the volume down. She places the

  phone on the table.

  “Chris, are you not coming in tonight?”

  Chris hunches over the table. “I’m with Jess.” She

  looks to Jess to gain her consent and Jess nods.

  “Her stepdad has beaten her up, but she doesn’t

  want to report him or go home. Yet.”

  Rosie inhales. “Jeez. How bad was it?”

  Jess chirps in, “It’s okay, Rosie. I mean…I want to

  go home with Chris.”

  Rosie is silent for a few seconds. “Jess, you need

  to report him. Where are you? I’ll come to get you.”

  Jess pleads to Chris with her eyes and shakes her

  head. “Mum’s not back till late. I don’t want to go

  home in case he’s still there.”

  Rosie insists, “You won’t need to go home yet, but

  —"

  Jess closes her eyes. “I don’t want to be taken

  away. I want my mum.”

  Rosie is right, of course. Jess should report

  Dennis to the police.

  “Rosie, is it all right if I take Jess home with me

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  for now? I’ll clean her up and make her some

  dinner. You can come after the youth club and talk

  to her and help her report the assault? Will that be

  okay?” Chris wants to protect Jess, who has become

  like a little sister to her.

  Jess gazes at the phone hopefully as if she can see

  Rosie. After a few beats, Rosie exhales. “Okay. I’ll

  come right up—after nine.”

  Chris gives her the address to save her looking up

  her details and finishes the call.

  Jess breathes a sigh of relief. “What’s Rosie going

  to do?”

  Chris shakes her head. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I

  have no idea. But let’s get you home, yeah?”

  Chris calls for a taxi. They put on their jackets and

  wait outside the café.

  When they arrive at the block of flats, Chris takes

  Jess up the first floor. The three-storey building is a

  conversion from a large Victorian house. It’s homely

  if a little untidy and old. The white walls in the hall

  and stairwell have seen better days but at least the

  place is clean enough. There are only two flats on

  each floor. As soon as the door opens, the musty

  scent is replaced by the whiff of toasted bread and