A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man

by Frank Vincent

  Where to Wear It: Too many guys try the “sweatsuit mob look,” and that’s on its way out, big time! Unless, you’re under the age of fifteen, heading to a tryout for the next boy band, or appearing on The Sopranos, you don’t wear athletic gear unless you plan on being athletic. Know what I’m saying? Your workout look is good for places like the gym, playing basketball, bike riding, or jogging in the park with your dog (which is also a great chick magnet). I don’t care what you say, fellas, a cute puppy beats out big biceps any day of the week. Also, you could wear your workout clothes when you play a little tennis with your lovely lady. A man’s man does not wear an all-white tight tennis outfit when he plays—that’s for wimps!

  Accents: Good triceps!

  Foot Gear: If you think that when a man’s man goes to the gym, he just throws on some ratty old tennis shoes that he wears when he mows the lawn on Saturdays, think again. A man’s man wears a good pair of name-brand sneakers with clean laces. If you’re buying your sneakers from a bin, you got problems. If you’re buying your sneakers in an aisle that also sells breakfast cereal, you got bigger problems.

  Also a man’s man buys a new pair of sneakers every six months. If yours still look good after six months, then you’re not exercising enough. P.S. No Velcro allowed!

  The Sleek Suit Look

  THE BREAKDOWN

  A man’s man should always make sure his suits are of superior quality. I am not talking about off the rack, either, unless you’re a man’s man in training or a pimple-faced sixteen-year old going to a bar mitzvah. If neither of those apply, then you need to get your suits handmade (preferably by an Italian). Always go custom, guys. If you really can’t afford it, buy off the rack—just make sure your suit is tailored properly. Now, the most flattering pants are flat front trousers. No pleats, gentlemen. Unless you’re Woody Allen, tweed ain’t the ticket either. He’s the only one who can pull that off and not be on a “worst-dressed list.” Don’t worry. You don’t have to spend a mint on the suit. Also, a custom shirt is always the way to go. Getting a custom suit without a custom shirt is like getting a Range Rover without the navigation system. No skimping here. When picking a custom shirt from a clothier, be certain to choose a fabric and color that coordinates nicely with your suit. Also, it’s all about the mix and match. So, pick items that can be worn in a few different combinations. Getting your shirt monogrammed with your initials is a nice touch, too. The initials go on the cuff or on the pocket. That’s the hip way to do it.

  Where to Wear It: Fancy dinner dates, movie premieres, job interviews, meetings, power lunches with the guys, Broadway shows, benefits, funerals (a man’s man always pays his respects). Fellas, take your date somewhere nice so you can show off your duds, but don’t be afraid to wear this look anywhere you need to to look dapper and cool.

  Accents: A great custom suit always requires a fabulous silk tie. Fellas, not having the right tie can be the deal breaker in many situations! If you have problems putting together the suit, shirt, and tie, ask someone for help. Ask a nice-looking woman friend; ask the guy who is selling and taking the measurements for your suit; consult your gay neighbor in apt 3B; ask who you must, but please, get the right tie. I have heard many horror stories of men getting turned down by women or not getting the job because of the tie they wore. Most important thing to remember: always pick a silk tie. No ties from New York City street vendors—if it is not the real Louis Vuitton, please do not wear it. Also, a handkerchief in your front suit pocket is very stylish. Note: It doesn’t have to match your tie. A little color contrast works in this case. Wear a “hot” watch (by “hot” I mean in style, not from some guy whose idea of a showroom is the inside lining of his trench coat). A name-brand watch is a mainstay. So, put in overtime, get a new job, but get a great watch. If the sun is in your eyes or you just want to look cool, a nice pair of shades completes this look. If you are headed out for a lunch meeting, try some Coach shades, which are classic and cool.

  Foot Gear: Again, black leather shoes. There are many styles to choose from: wing-tip, lace-up, loafer, ornamented with silver buckle. The only way you’ll lose is if they are not shined and clean. If you dare to wear sandals with a suit (and I don’t care if they are Italian leather), you should be shot! The only man’s man who

  could get away with open-toe sandals was Jesus. Hey, I know a guy likes to save a buck here and there, but if you’re into Payless shoes, then you must be into Band-Aids because they are blister city. Payless is not a part of the man’s man vocabulary. Buy one, get one free? That’s weak talk!

  The Nightclub Look

  THE BREAKDOWN

  Unless you’re Bruce Willis, chances are you ain’t getting into a hot nightclub in a major city wearing jeans. I know what you’re saying, “But Frank, I only wear Diesel and Versace jeans!” Yeah, yeah, yeah, but trust me. You’ll have better luck getting past the doorman if you show up wearing a nice pair of slacks. Of course, all black is the safe way to go when going to a nightclub, but a man’s man tries to mix it up. He’ll combine a nice black leather jacket (an Andrew Marc leather coat is the way to go) with a nice stylish shirt (Hugo Boss, Zegna, Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hillfiger are all good choices). When the ladies in the nightclub see that you treat yourself right with some good attire, they know you’ll treat them right.

  Where to Wear It: You want to wear this to a hot club with a tough door policy. You want to get the VIP treatment, and this outfit screams, “bottle service.”

  Accents: A good cologne at a nightclub is always a must. Wear a scent that complements you—nice enough to get the ladies attracted, but not so strong that they get turned off. I guarantee inquiring female minds will want to know your phone number. A money clip, especially one from Tiffany, is definitely the way to go. You do not want a big wallet, with receipts and crap sticking out of it, adding unwanted pounds to your rear section. Also, the Tiffany Valet key ring is important when going to a club in a place like Los Angeles (where valet service is everywhere). The Valet key ring is a double-sided key ring, which lets you take your house keys with you. Hey, there are some shady people out there, and a man’s man makes sure his stuff is safe at all times. When at a club and exchanging numbers with a business contact or an attractive female, having the right business-card in the right business-card holder is essential. Spring for the upgraded business card with the fancy lettering. A Coach belt is also a nice move. Make sure it matches your shoes, and you’re all set.

  Foot Gear: It really depends on the club. If you are going with your friends to a lounge or bar with a non-strict door policy, I suggest Cole Haan, Coach, Kenneth Cole, or Steve Madden. If you’re going to a hot nightclub harder to get into than the White House, I suggest Prada boots in the fall/winter and Gucci loafers in the

  spring/summer. If you are going to an Irish pub to throw back a couple of pints of Guinness (a man’s man only drinks imported beer), then put on some Diesel sneakers and you’ll be relaxed and looking good.

  Getting Past the Doorman

  Guys often have problems getting into the hot nightclub of the moment. Nothing is more embarrassing than having the doorman tell you those fatal four words, “Sorry, guest list only.” Hey, we all dream of getting the treatment that Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) received when he entered the Copacabana nightclub in Goodfellas . Well, a man’s man not only gets past the doorman, he gets the VIP treatment the whole night through. I called upon a friend of mine, King, who just so happens to be a doorman at some of the hottest nightclubs in New York City, for some inside information. (By the way, King is a man’s man name if I ever heard one!) For the last decade, King has worked the door at top places like Spa, Limelight, Life, and NA. These clubs cater to celebrities as well as a mix of downtown and Upper East Side Manhattanites. You have to be a man’s man to get into one of these hot spots, and the one who makes the final decision of whether to lift the velvet rope or give you rope burn is the doorman. I can tell you this: If you don’t look like a man’s man, you won’t be poppi
ng bottles in one of these clubs; you’ll be popping a Snapple from the deli on the corner.

  I stopped by NA to get you some advice on how to get in the door, and to get myself a martini with three olives. Let’s hear what King has to say . . .

  Frank Vincent: King, what’s happening, man?

  King: Good to see you, Frank.

  FV: So, you’ve worked at some of the hottest clubs in all of Manhattan. Who are some men’s men you’ve opened the velvet rope for?

  K: Denzel Washington, Derek Jeter, Stevie Wonder, Tommy Lee, just to name few. I also have to mention some of the lovely ladies who have stopped by like Heather Graham, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Pamela Anderson.

  FV: That’s some good clientele. King, what advice can you give someone who wants to get into your club?

  In the words of Mötley Crüe, “Girls, Girls, Girls.” Bring your neighbor, cousin, sister, or some women from a random bachelorette party you happen to stumble upon. The only thing more impressive to a doorman than a guy with five girls is a guy with six girls. You don’t have to be sleeping with them, just show up with them. Other women are sure to be impressed by that. The other thing I suggest is to follow my three F’s: Funky, Fabulous, and Fashionable. Nice shoes, a fat money clip, and a flashy business card can also help. The big no-no is a white limo. It wasn’t even cool when you were at your high school prom. Lastly, one should never ask, “Don’t you know who I am?”

  FV: (Laughing) That’s solid advice. How about tipping?

  K: Even that can be presented in the wrong way. A man’s man does not hang his tip out there for all eyes to see. He also does not say things out loud like, “How much does it cost me to get in?” A man’s man does his business casually—like it is something he would normally do.

  FV: I agree that a man’s man is always discreet about his business.

  K: Yes. He is discreet, well-groomed and, above all, confident about himself. I remember I turned down some guy who tried to give me $500.

  FV: Why, because he didn’t look like a man’s man?

  K: Exactly. The guy had his shirt open and twenty gold chains on. The only guy I would let into my club with twenty gold chains is Mr. T. Also, approach the velvet rope of my club, or any club for that matter, dressed like you belong in a nightclub, not looking like you belong in a gymnasium.

  FV: Nowadays, baseball caps seem to be popular and are being worn at the clubs. That does not represent a man’s man to me.

  K: People wearing baseball caps are generally the people I don’t let into the club. Now, some celebrities come to my club wearing hats, but they can do whatever they want. I also want to say that being well groomed, confident, and well-put-together doesn’t mean you have to be wearing a suit. James Dean wore a T-shirt and jeans and he looked like a superstar at all times. That’s because it was his look and, most important, he wore it confidently. Nowadays, these kids are wearing whatever looks good on people on MTV and a big style in the hip-hop world is an oversized white T-shirt with the gold “bling-bling.”

  That doesn’t present style to me. You might get into some club looking like that. But you won’t get in a club that’s exclusive, and that’s only where a man’s man goes.

  FV: Well, we’ve got to keep in mind that man’s man Hugh Hefner wears pajamas to nightclubs.

  K: Well, I think pajamas are cool. I have even worked the door in pajamas.

  FV: Six gorgeous Playmates on his arm doesn’t hurt either.

  K: I believe six Playmates is the ultimate “all in” in poker. That’s definitely not a bluff. Anybody who can bring six Playmates to a nightclub can forget about having to tip anyone.

  FV: Okay, here’s the scenario. A guy approaches your club on a busy night, with a hundred people waiting. Half are girls wearing almost nothing, so it’s tough to get noticed. What should a guy look like to get your attention?

  K: Well, for openers, I could pick you out of the crowd because you are the most crazily dressed person in the world and I might want one of those types in there. But, if you are crazily dressed and it doesn’t look like your own personal style, then it won’t work. Everyone says to dress in all black if you do not know the doorman, and that isn’t a bad idea. A great jacket like the one you’re wearing, Frank, would be perfect. The leather on that jacket looks like it’s worth more than some of the cars parked on this block. Now, if you’re from Miami and you’re trying to get into a New York club and you’re dressing in Miami style, it’s probably not going to cut it either.

  FV: If you see some guy coming up to the door who’s obviously not of man’s man caliber, how do you tell him to “Hit the road, Jack?”

  K: I don’t like to be mean to people at first. I might say something like, “This is a private event and if you’re not on the guest list, I can’t help you.” We try not to be like the notorious Steve Rubell at Studio 54 who bluntly told people things like, “How dare you show up at my club dressed like that?” We generally want people in the club who look good and spend even better.

  FV: How can you tell if some random guy is a spender or a hanger-on?

  K: The first thing every doorman learns is to look at people’s shoes to see if they have money. Listen, we have bottle service at our club starting at a $300 minimum. That’s not cheap. So, we cater to a certain level of clientele. However, if you have money, but are acting like an asshole, that doesn’t mean I am going to let you in either. I had two guys, and I’m not going to name names, who are known killers who approached the door. They told me they were going to kill me if I didn’t let them in the club. I didn’t let them in, and they didn’t kill me.

  FV: Sticking by your guns; I respect that. You’re a man’s man doorman if I’ve ever heard of one.

  K: Any good doorman will tell you that it’s not based 100 percent on money. There are moments when conversation can come into play. If a guy comes up, looks you in the eye, smiles right, and seems like a person who is going to go in and have a good time and not cause problems, then I will probably let them in. Sometimes they say the right things and seem nice. Hey, a man’s man has to look good and talk well.

  FV: I agree that a man’s man has to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Does a man’s man always have to get bottle service at a nightclub?

  K: A man’s man does not need to show off. He gets a table and bottle if it’s appropriate. My advice is that if a man’s man shows up at the club with a date, he should get a table in a dark corner of the club. However, if he’s celebrating after a great day at the track with the guys, he pops bottles at a table out in the open. But, he’s also confident enough that he doesn’t have to buy bottles of Cristal and spray them on the floor. Again, a true man’s man is one who does not need to show off, but can when he wants to. Like man’s man author Mark Twain once said, “It’s not bragging if you can back it up.”

  Grooming

  A man’s man can be dressed in one of the sharpest suits imaginable, but if he’s got nose or ear hair so long it could be braided, it’s sure to kill the look. A nicely pressed shirt and a pair of well-shined shoes without a clean shave and a good haircut is like a Benz without the engine. Do yourself a favor, and be complete with your look. You should shave a minimum of every other day and do an overall maintenance (fingernails, toenails, sideburns, etc.) a minimum of once a week. You’ve got to take the time to go over your appearance. Even a little goes a long way. As I mentioned in the introduction to this book, my father always smelled and looked great. When I was a young boy, I would often watch my dad get dressed. He would take the time to make sure that his appearance was as polished as his shoes. When he walked into a room, he had an air, a presence about him that would make people stop and take notice. He showed me from an early age that when you are groomed correctly, people will definitely take you more seriously in business and life. First impressions are everything. You need a little guidance in the grooming department? Read my advice, and you’ll be off to the races.

  The Haircut

&
nbsp; Choosing the right barber is like choosing the right numbers in roulette. If you choose correctly, you’ll come out a big winner. Choose incorrectly, and you go home a loser (not to mention wearing a hat for the next eight weeks). The haircut is a major part of your look and appeal. You need someone who is going to cut your hair in a stylish and age-appropriate way. Plus, don’t forget “year-appropriate.” The long, shabby, wild hairstyle might have been cool back in the ’70s, but not now, fellas. As far as hairstyles from the ’80s are concerned, a man’s man forgets that decade ever existed. He doesn’t use a buzzer on his own head or a bowl from his breakfast cereal to cut his hair. (If you’re forty-five years old and your mother still cuts your hair, you’ve got more problems than a math book.) Also, unless you’re Fabio, or Furio from The Sopranos, ponytails are out. You need to go to a barber who knows your lifestyle, knows what looks good on you and knows what’s hip.

  Now, a man’s man goes to a real barbershop—a local place where everybody knows your name when you walk in. “Hey, Frank, how you been, pal? How’s your family?” That’s the warm treatment a man’s man should receive. He doesn’t go into some fancy schmantzy beauty salon and read Cosmopolitan magazine while surrounded by twenty women with more tinfoil in their hair than what’s used to cover a honey-glazed ham baking in the oven. No, a man’s man goes to the barbershop and talks politics, sports, music, and movies. He knows his barber by name and they have a good rapport. Around the holidays, he brings his barber a bottle of red wine as a gift. Are you catching my drift? Here’s the bottom line: You want to have a good rapport and friendship with anybody who’s using a scissor and straight-edge razor on your face and neck.