Soul Matters

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “She’s one of Gramma’s gossiping buddies at church. Why do you ask about her?”

  “How well do you know her?”

  “Well enough. She’s only been a member of our church for a little over a year. I think she moved here from Illinois with her daughter. I try to say hi and bye to her and leave it at that. She’s too nosy and keeps up too much junk. Why?”

  “She was at the house when I got there.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. I saw her sittin’ there, but I didn’t know who she was. I said hi and went in the kitchen to put back Mama’s pans. On the way out, that lady asked me if I was at the First Night Columbus New Year’s Eve celebration. She said that she thought she had seen you there that night, but figured she was mistaken when Gramma told her you were in Philadelphia. After seeing me, she said that she was absolutely certain that you were there and I was with you. She even mentioned that you were being pushed around in a wheelchair.”

  “Oh no! What did you say?”

  “Nothing! I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there.”

  “Oh my God!”

  “I was glad that I left the kids in the car ’cuz I was totally blindsided. I get on them all the time about telling the truth, so they didn’t need to hear that.”

  “What did Gramma say after that?”

  “That old witch sat there the whole time with a smug look on her face. She said that she wondered how you could be in two places at one time. I didn’t want to argue with her so I just said ‘Whatever’ and walked out. But you know she’s gonna say something to Mama. I suggest that you call her before Gramma gets ahold of her.”

  “Great!” Wendy murmured as her phone call with Kim came to a close. Before she hung up, Kim had reminded her that either way Marlene would be mad, but she wouldn’t be as upset if she heard it from Wendy rather than Frances. Wendy agreed, and now she was trying to figure out what to say to her mother.

  It had been nearly three weeks since she and Kevin had had their discussion. They’d talked a few times since then, but nothing in depth. He’d asked her what she thought about his letter. Truth was, she hadn’t read it. What was the point? He started off the letter with the lie about not having cheated on her. How could she believe anything else he wrote? Not wanting to rehash the whole situation with Kevin, she told him that she’d read it and it didn’t change how she felt about their marriage. Kevin was clearly disappointed. However, he apologized for everything and said that he wouldn’t pressure her any longer.

  Since the night Kevin was over, Wendy had intended to tell Michael and Marlene that they had split up, but each day it became harder to confess. Even when she did get around to telling them about the separation, she definitely hadn’t planned on mentioning that she had never gone to Philadelphia.

  Just call. You might as well get it over with, Wendy convinced herself. She sat down; the nails of her left hand drummed on the table while she held the phone in her right hand. She was so light-headed and nauseous that she felt like she could throw up at any moment. Except this time it wasn’t morning sickness that caused her illness, but fear. Now that she was beginning her second trimester, she didn’t get sick like she used to.

  Once again, she started pushing the number buttons. 5-5-5-7-0-9—3. There! She did it. She nervously listened as the phone rang. She heard the first ring and held her breath. She heard the second ring and could swear that the baby turned a flip in her stomach. When the phone rang for the third time, Wendy let out a deep breath. No answer yet.

  “Hello?” Marlene answered the phone as though she had picked it up just in the nick of time.

  Wendy was quiet for a moment.

  “Hello?” Marlene repeated more assertively.

  “Hi, Mama,” Wendy said quietly. It was a wonder that Marlene didn’t mistake her for a prank caller since she was breathing so heavily into the phone. She had stopped tapping her nails on the table and they found their way between her teeth.

  “Hello, Wendy. I was wondering how long it would be before I heard from you.”

  “Uh . . .”

  “I suppose you’re calling because of what Sister Binford said to your grandma, right?”

  “You know already?”

  “Yes, I know all about you and Kim going downtown for New Year’s Eve,” Marlene said plainly.

  “But . . . I don’t understand.” Wendy was confused. She had expected to go deaf from all the yelling she anticipated her mother would do. Marlene’s calmness was eerie.

  “I just found out you were downtown, but hearing that you were actually in town wasn’t news to me. I found that out a while ago.”

  “How?”

  “From Pastor Jones.”

  Wendy’s heart sank. “What did he say?”

  “He looked for you after Watch Night Service. He asked your daddy and me if you had come. Of course we told him that you were in Philadelphia with Kevin for the holidays. Imagine our surprise when he mentioned running into you days earlier,” Marlene said sarcastically.

  There was an uncomfortable moment of silence as Wendy wasn’t sure what to say. She prayed that Pastor Jones hadn’t mentioned to them where he had seen her. He hadn’t known that she was supposed to be out of town. Even if Wendy had told him, she would not have expected him to lie for her. “Mama?”

  “What?” Marlene snapped.

  “I’m sorry,” Wendy said as tears welled up in her eyes.

  “Oh really? Exactly what are you sorry for?” Marlene’s anger was starting to show. “Are you sorry that your dad and I sat with Pastor Jones for an hour after service was over because we were so stunned by what he said that we were trying to make sense of the whole thing? Not only did you inconvenience us, but you inconvenienced his family, because they stayed there with us. Are you sorry for all of that? Or are you sorry that you got caught in a lie? Which one is it, Wendy? Do you know how embarrassing it was for us?”

  Wendy sat silently as tears rolled down her cheeks. She could hear the hurt in her mother’s voice.

  “Do you know how it felt to discover that you had lied to us—your own family?” Marlene continued. “You betrayed us by allowing us to believe that you were out of the state.” Her voice got louder. “Not only that, but you prance over here after New Year’s and instead of coming clean, you sat here and put on this show about the wonderful trip you had. The whole time I watched you lie through your teeth and wanted to slap the truth out of you. I couldn’t help but ask, what happened to the child I raised ’cuz surely this can’t be her?”

  “Why didn’t you or Daddy say something?”

  “Why should we even have to? You’re a grown woman. You know better.”

  Now Wendy understood why her visit at her parents’ house had seemed so uneasy. Apparently Marlene and Michael didn’t tell Frances what they found out. From the way Kim sounded on the phone, Frances probably thought she was going to be the one to drop the bomb. Wendy wondered just how stupid she must have looked to her parents talking about her trip when, the entire time, they knew she hadn’t gone anywhere.

  “Don’t think that I didn’t have a mind to come over there and strangle you after talking with Pastor Jones that night. You oughtta be thankful that he encouraged us not to say anything. He said that you are going through some things right now and that Michael and I needed to sit back and let God deal with you. Why is it that Pastor Jones knows more about you than we do? We didn’t have a clue that anything was going on with you.”

  “Mama, Kevin and I split up,” Wendy blurted out, hoping that sympathy would be on her side.

  “Oh good Lord, Wendy. What happened?”

  “He cheated on me, Mama,” Wendy cried.

  “Well for heaven’s sake, why would you pretend to go on a trip with him?”

  “I didn’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone else because of what I was going through.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to hear about you and Kevin, but don
’t you ever alienate your family because of him or any other man. Families lean on each other during hard times; they don’t lie to each other.”

  “I know.”

  “And another thing, when I see Miss Kim, I got some stuff to say to her too for not telling us that you were in town. I didn’t know that Kim knew anything until this evening.”

  “Mama, please don’t be mad at Kim. She didn’t know from the beginning. She sort of found out by accident. She took me out so I wouldn’t be by myself. I made her promise not to tell, so please don’t get upset with her. She was just looking out for me.”

  “Yeah, I guess. She still should have told us. So I take it she knows about you and Kevin too, then, huh?”

  “Yes.”

  “Um-hmm, I figured she did. So what makes you think that Kevin cheated on you? Did you catch him with another woman?”

  “Sort of . . .” Wendy hesitated.

  “I’ll be darned. I never would have thought he would do such a thing.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Well, whatever happens between y’all, your daddy and I will support you.”

  “Thank you. I know.”

  “If you knew, then why have you been lying to us for so long?”

  Can we get off of this topic now?Wendy wanted to ask but didn’t dare. She knew that Marlene’s feelings were hurt. Marlene often stated how proud she was of the communication she had with her daughters. Wendy was certain that her mother felt betrayed. “Mama, I am sorry.”

  “What hurts most is that you didn’t trust your daddy and me. We had to find out through the grapevine.”

  “Is Daddy there now?”

  “No, he went to pick up your grandmother’s prescriptions from the pharmacy. Do you want him to call you when he comes back? I’m sure he would like to speak with you now that everything is out in the open.”

  “Yes, please. I think I need to talk to him.”

  “Well, I’ll tell him. We’re both disappointed in you, honey. Michael especially because he was so worried about you when you were gone. Rather, when you were supposed to be gone. He really wanted you here for Christmas.”

  Wendy’s conversation with her mother didn’t last much longer. Marlene got off the phone so she could prepare dinner. It wasn’t too long after she’d hung up with Marlene that Michael called. Like her mother, he was saddened by the way Wendy had handled the situation, but he didn’t go off. Marlene had informed him about the separation before he called. He said that he wasn’t going to pry, but he did have one question for Wendy: Did Kevin lay his hands on her? Luckily for Kevin’s sake, Wendy was able to say no. Lord have mercy on any man who would dare hit one of his daughters. It would be best for that fellow if he left Columbus and never came back. If Michael Tibbs got hold of him, he might forget that he’d been saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost.

  Chapter Ten

  The Young and Restless

  MOMMY,” Tori whispered in Kim’s ear, trying to wake her while tapping her on the shoulder. “Mommy.”

  Kim managed to pry her eyes open and saw the silhouette of Tori’s nightgown as the streetlight shone through the blinds. “What?” she moaned, still half asleep.

  “I’m scared,” the six-year-old confessed. She had been awakened by the wind beating against her bedroom window.

  Without mumbling a word, Kim scooted closer toward Terrance to make room for her daughter. Every now and then one of the children would come to sleep with them in the middle of the night because they couldn’t sleep well for one reason or another. Kim used to get up out of bed, go to their rooms, and comfort them back to sleep. That process would last up to an hour, if not longer, and Kim would be exhausted by the time daylight hit. It was much simpler to placate their fears by allowing them to sleep with her, especially when she had been awakened from a deep sleep.

  Tori hopped into the bed and lay on her stomach. A minute later, she changed positions onto her side. Unable to get comfortable, she then tumbled onto her back.

  “Be still,” Kim demanded. Each time Tori moved, she accidentally jolted her mother with a foot, knee, or elbow, making Kim’s attempt to doze off impossible.

  Tori looked up at the ceiling. Although her fears were suppressed by being in the same room as her parents, she found it difficult to go back to sleep. “Mommy?” Her tiny voice rose over the stillness in the night.

  “What?” Kim croaked as if she was in pain.

  “Can I turn the TV on?”

  Kim heard Tori’s question but couldn’t formulate her words to give an answer right away. Tori’s soft voice echoed loudly through her mother’s head. Kim desperately wanted the peacefulness she had felt prior to Tori walking into the room.

  “Mommy, can I turn the TV on?” Tori repeated with a louder whisper this time.

  “No. Go to sleep.”

  “But I can’t.”

  “Uhhhh,” Kim moaned. “I don’t care if you go back to sleep or not, just be quiet and be still.” Why do they always come on my side of the bed? she wondered and once again covered her pupils with her eyelids.

  It was only a few minutes before Kim was disturbed yet again by the sound of Tori’s voice whispering in her ear. “Mommy.”

  Kim felt like putting a muzzle on Tori. She would pay money for that child to go back to sleep. “What?” Kim answered in a loud voice, hoping Terrance would wake up and deal with Miss Young and Restless. Contrary to her wishes, Terrance kept snoring and didn’t budge.

  “Are you going to church with me and Tyler today?” Tori’s head scarf had come off sometime during the night and she lay there twirling her ponytails with her fingers.

  “No. You’re going with your grandmother. You know that.” Kim threw the covers over her head, wishing that she could block out the sound of Tori’s voice. Just go to sleep! she whined inwardly.

  “When I get older, are you going to take my kids to church?”

  “You can take them yourself. Honey, Mommy really doesn’t feel like talking right now.” Kim tried to stay calm. “I don’t think you realize what time it is, but it’s very early.”

  Tori looked at her mother’s digital clock. “It’s fifty-three-zero,” she said proudly.

  “Five-thirty,” Kim corrected her. “It’s way too early for this. If you are not going back to sleep, then you need to go in your own room.”

  “But why won’t you take my kids to church?” Tori asked as if she hadn’t heard the latter part of her mother’s statement.

  “I just told you why—now leave me alone!”

  “Last week we learned a new scripture.”

  “Great. Go back to your room.”

  “It’s Proverbs 22:6. Do you know what it says?”

  “I really don’t care right now.”

  “It says to train up children in the way they should go and when they are older, they will not stray from it.”

  “Good. Now go to sleep.” Kim was ready to carry Tori into her room but was too tired to do so.

  “Our church teacher said that it means a lot of stuff. Like parents should take their children to church themselves if they want them to go when they get older. I told her that you and Daddy don’t come to church with us and she said that I should ask you to come. Will you come, Mommy?”

  Kim was so exhausted she would have agreed to cut off her right leg if Tori asked her to. “Fine, I’ll go with you sometime, but just leave me alone and go to sleep.”

  “Will you go today?”

  “Yes! Did you learn the scripture about obeying your parents?”

  “Yes ma’am. Our church teacher said that God wants all the little children to listen to their mommies and daddies.”

  “Well, I’m telling you to go to sleep, so do it.”

  “Okay.” Tori shut her eyes tightly and then opened them back up suddenly. “Mommy.”

  By this time, all of the interacting with Tori had completely woken Kim up. She glanced enviously at Terrance, who lay beside her undisturbed by the con
versations and commotion that had taken place. “What?” Kim wanted to cry.

  “I have to use it.”

  “What are you telling me for? Just go!”

  Tori jumped out of bed and went into her parents’ bathroom. She left the door open so the light shone in Kim’s face, and every noise the toilet made while flushing magnified Kim’s inability to go back to sleep.

  After Tori came out of the bathroom she settled down, and it wasn’t long before she was knocked out. Now it was Kim who tossed and turned, longing for time to freeze until she regained every second of sleep that was lost. By the time it was a quarter to seven, Kim figured she might as well get up since her alarm clock was scheduled to go off at seven. Hitting snooze at this point would do nothing but irritate her.

  “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Kim had never thought more about Proverbs 22:6 than she had the last hour. A couple of months ago she had tried explaining to the children what it meant now that she and Terrance were engaged. It was difficult because she found herself telling them not to do things the way she did.

  She remembered Tyler asking why “Aunt Wendy” didn’t have kids before she got married. “People are really supposed to wait until they get married to have children,” Kim had explained.

  “Why did you have us, then?” he further questioned. The only explanation Kim could give was that they were very special gifts to her. Although she wasn’t married, God blessed her with two of the most precious children in the world. At the time, Kim had been satisfied with the answer. Now she was wondering about the kind of example she had set for her children.

  Kim got out of bed and took a shower. The warm water felt good as it ran down her body. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Kim prided herself on getting her own apartment, not living off of the welfare system, and raising her children herself instead of leaving them for her parents to raise, as many young girls did. But is all of that enough?

  Starting today, I will be a better role model, she pledged. Her pledge had nothing to do with church. In fact, she was hoping that Tori would forget coercing her into agreeing to go that morning. That scripture can mean a lot of things. I don’t have to go to church in order to train them up right. I’ll stop cursing around them, I’ll spend more time with them, and I’ll be more careful about the type of music I listen to in their presence.