I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

  “School night,” I say. “Maybe this weekend?”

  Henry answers by taking hold of my face and pressing his lips to mine. Our slow, lazy kiss makes my heart skip a beat while exciting the butterflies in my stomach. Every kiss feeds that reaction. I never want it to go away, never want to stop being excited to feel his lips against mine, feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.

  Reluctantly, I pull away. “I have to go back. Reports are waiting for me.” Along with audits and questions and anything else my team comes up with.

  “I’ll let you get back. See you tonight.” We leave each other with a final kiss, one that we’d do like it was the most natural thing on earth. Sweet. Soft. One of my favorites. It held the promise of more.

  The kids are quiet again, only putting up a mild fight when I asked them to get their stuff ready for their dad’s place.

  Jacob’s on the couch, nose stuck in a book. I sit beside him and rub his back. “Buddy? What’s wrong? You and Cassie have been awfully quiet since you got back from your dad’s house.”

  He only nods. Not good enough. I take the book from his hands, marking the page with his bookmark.

  “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  On a sigh, Jacob looks up with tears welling in his eyes. “We didn’t mean to. Honestly, it just slipped out.”

  “Mean to what? Jacob, what’s going on?”

  Did Mike hit them? I can’t imagine that he’d do anything physical to them.

  “Tell him.”

  “Please don’t make me drag it out of you. Tell him what?”

  Cassie slinks up to my side. “I-I told him about our sledding day and the sleepover at Lauren’s house. He wanted to know more, so I told him everything that happened.” A tear slips down her cheek. “He-he asked if we stayed there alone and I said no, that you stayed there too. That’s when he started yelling.”

  Blackness creeps into my peripheral. Everything that’s not black is blinding, like I’m running down a tunnel to the light at the end. I watch their lips move, but no sounds come out. All I hear is the ringing in my ears.

  Mike knows. He knows.

  A knock at the door snaps me out of my trance, though my steps are still shaky and uneven as I’m greeted with his sinister sneer at the door.

  “I’ve heard some interesting things about you.”

  I gulp hard enough that it actually hurts to breathe.

  “Kids, go wait for me in the truck,” Mike calls out to them. They shuffle to us, grab their coats and listlessly head out the door.

  Leaning against the wall for support, I just watch, unable to do anything else. When I hear the latch of the door, my heart beats a smidge faster. Fear sets in as he takes a step toward me.

  “You’ve got a boyfriend I hear.”

  “N-no.” I chew my lower lip.

  Mike sneers. “Liar. You only chew your lip when you’re nervous. Have you done something to be nervous about?”

  Each breath takes more effort than the last. My stomach is raw; bile rising in my throat with each second that passes.

  He traps me against the wall, bracing his hands on either side of my head. “Then who was that kissing you outside your office this afternoon?”

  And there it is. The unease I felt earlier. I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t figure out why. Now I know. Mike was there. He saw Henry and me together.

  “Were you following me?”

  Leaning down, he breathes into my ear. “From the time you left to the time you went back. Wasn’t it fucking cozy to hold his hand on the sidewalk? Or how he opened every door for you? How long have you been fucking him?”

  No matter how hard I try, I can’t move away. He has me trapped, pinned in place. My only exit is the door behind him. Not that it matters. He knows.

  “What do you want?” My voice is barely above a whisper. He’s won and he knows it.

  Mike takes a step away. “You’re going to do everything I want, how I want it from now on. You’re going to give me more money and play by my rules.”

  “How can I give you more money?”

  “Stop making me pay for half the mortgage.”

  I pale. “But how can I live here then? There’s no way I can afford it on my own.”

  “Figure it out. Oh, and you’re going to drop your little boyfriend. You know he’s only with you for charity reasons. I mean, look at you.” He waves his hand in front of me. “There’s nothing special about you. If I hadn’t come around, you’d still be single and pathetic.”

  My gaze finds the floor, focusing on the corner of the rug.

  “And if you don’t play by the rules, you won’t like the consequences.”

  “Consequences?” My mouth dries.

  “Do you think people will come to his little restaurant when they find out he’s a wife stealer? Preying on vulnerable married women? How would the magazines like him then?”

  No. He can’t. Henry is innocent in this and doesn’t deserve Mike’s wrath. I won’t let him take Henry down. Not if I can help it.

  He takes another step back. “I’ll be back tonight with the kids. You better be here and alone.” I don’t bother looking up as he walks away, slamming the door behind him.

  On a sob, I slide down the wall, curling into a ball on the floor, and weep. I knew if I started something with Henry that Mike would find out. This is what I get for not listening to my own advice. Just as I was about to admit I was falling for him, I get knocked back to the ground with a healthy dose of reality.

  I pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears away. I need to talk to Connor, tell him what just happened.

  “Connor Johansson.”

  “Hey, it’s Jocelyn Wentworth. I’m sorry to call you after hours, but I don’t know what else to do.”

  “Are you okay?” The worry in his voice almost makes a new round of tears spring to my eyes. No, I have to be tough. Mike doesn’t get to win, not anymore.

  “Mike was just here. Made all kinds of threats, told me if I didn’t play his game that he’d take the kids away.”

  Connor huffs through the phone. “Arrogant bastard. You know that’s not how this works, right?”

  I swallow hard. “He-he found out I’ve been dating someone.”

  “So?”

  I jerk my head back. “Well, won’t that look bad?”

  “No, Jocelyn, it won’t. Unless he has a rap sheet a mile long?”

  “Um, no. He owns his own business and has two kids.”

  “Even better.”

  I blow out a breath. “He also said he’s not going to pay for half the mortgage anymore.”

  A chair creaks over the line. “I know this is going to sound horrible, but let him. Then document that he didn’t make the payment.”

  “But if he doesn’t make the payment, I’ll default for the month. I can’t make up his half plus have enough money to feed the kids or get any other essentials we need.”

  “Can you get someone to help you?”

  I could ask my parents. They’re always saying how much they want to help me throughout this process.

  “Probably. I don’t want to be in debt to someone, but I may not have a choice.”

  “As horrible as this is, it’ll help you. Trust me.”

  “Maybe now’s a good time to sell the house.”

  “We’re at the end, Joss,” Connor says. “If you can get help for a few payments, do it. But we have an injunction that prevents you from selling without Mike’s agreement and we know he’ll never agree.” Oh yeah, forgot about that.

  “You know, Mike coming over there tonight to threaten you pisses me right off,” Connor says. “First, I’m going to call his attorney and tell him to get his client on a leash unless he wants it all to come out in court, should we make it that far. Next I’m going to do some checking around. I heard a rumor and want to make sure it’s true or not. If he wants to play hardball, then so be it.”

  I chew on my thumbnail. “What should I do until then?”


  Connor hums. “Try not to make him mad for the next two weeks. Let me do my thing.”

  “What about my relationship?”

  “It’s obviously a hot button for Mike. He’ll continue to spiral and screw up regardless of your relationship. If you both can handle it, let it play out. Maybe hold back on the PDA just to ease your mind?”

  After hanging up with Connor, my stomach isn’t any more at ease than it was before Mike was here. No time to dwell on it now. I sprint to my room and get ready for my shift…and the long talk I need to have with Henry after.

  The heavens were smiling down on me tonight, giving us a bustling dining room that kept my mind off of everything. I can’t be concerned with my own problems while trying to joke around with customers. My smiles had to be real. For a few hours, they were.

  Trinity brushes back a piece of hair that’d fallen out of her ponytail. “That was insane. Where did they all come from?”

  I shrug. “Don’t know, but it was worth it. I really needed that tonight.”

  “Yeah, me too. Living on your own is expensive.”

  Oh to be young again. “Try going through a divorce. That’s expensive.”

  Her smile dips slightly. “I forgot about that. Are you doing okay?”

  Forcing a smile, I nod. “It’s almost over.”

  Trinity claps her hands together. “Well, now’s as good of a time as ever for a closing shot.”

  I groan but follow her to the bar. Troy already has shot glasses lined up. “For a busy night, we get two. I’m calling this one the Garden of Eden.”

  “Do I even want to know?”

  He sets two glasses in front of me. One is a pale yellowish color; the other, bright red. Both smell sweet and fruity and definitely something I could drink. There’ve been a few shots Troy has made that were questionable.

  Henry appears, sliding a hand over the small of my back. A few weeks ago, everyone discovered we were dating. And by discovered, I mean, walked in on us sharing a kiss at the end of the night. Luckily, it didn’t get awkward after that. Just a lot of teasing and joking.

  Troy holds up both glasses as we follow suit. “To temptation. May it always bite you without regret.”

  Trinity rolls her eyes. “Your toasts are lame.”

  “I’ll show you what’s not lame when we get home.” Trinity turns bright red, which instantly quiets her rebuttal. I think it took them as long as me and Henry to start dating. They are cute together. Sort of like us.

  The four of us slam the shots, letting the glasses clank against the bar when empty. I lick my lips and hum. “Those were delicious.” The first was very pineapple-y and the second was tart. A good contrast. “Why do you call it the Garden of Eden?”

  Troy smirks. “It’s a Water Moccasin and Washington Apple.” I look at him stupefied. “You know, snakes and apples? Sin and temptation? Garden of Eden?”

  “Like I said, lame.” Trinity flips her hair and heads back to the server station to start cleaning.

  I tap the bar. “Very clever. Definitely worth the temptation.” He smiles and starts loading glasses into the dishwasher.

  Henry follows me back toward the kitchen. Before he disappears to start his nightly ritual, I grab his hand and pull him off to the side. “I can’t stay after to talk tonight.”

  “What’s wrong?” He cups my cheek. Dread swims in my stomach, aggravating the unease again.

  “Mike came over and threatened me when picking up the kids. He knows about us. Told me if I didn’t break it off, he’d take the kids away. I know he can’t do it, but I’m so sick of dealing with all his bullshit.” The dam breaks and he pulls me into his chest. My tears soak his shirt as he rubs my back.

  “Shh, it’s okay.” He leans back, cupping my face to pull my gaze up. “Listen, you’re stronger than him. He uses intimidation. Don’t let him control you anymore. You’ve really blossomed over these last few months once you got out of your head.” Leaning down, he presses our foreheads together. “You need to stand up now for you and your kids. Show him you’re not going to take it anymore.”

  “I-I don’t know.”

  Henry tips my chin up with his finger. “You’ve come so far. Don’t go backward now,” he says before pressing his lips against mine.

  “How can you have so much faith in me?” I murmur against his mouth.

  “Because I’m in love with you.”

  Pulling back, I look into his eyes, trying to find any source of uncertainty or lie. Crystal clear blues stare back, showing emotions I’ve been too afraid of for far too long.

  A smile pulls at my lips, tugging the corners up until my cheeks practically hurt. “You’re in love with me?”

  Henry lets out a quiet laugh. “You really are horrible at paying attention.” He takes my hand and presses it to his chest. “We’ll fight this together. A united front is better than a torn one. So if you had any thoughts of kicking me to the curb, get rid of them now. I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I love you.” I pull his face down to mine, kissing him with everything I have. “Thank you.”

  Trinity clears her throat behind us. “If you two are finished, the dining room floors need to be vacuumed and we still have to sweep and mop back here. Kinda hard to do when you two are sucking face.”

  Henry laughs into my neck, giving me a final kiss in my most favorite spot. “Better get cleaning. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with your boss.”

  I shove his shoulder as he backs up. “He’s kind of a hardass.”

  “So I’ve heard.” Henry disappears into the kitchen, leaving Trinity standing there with her hand on her hip.

  After a second, she looks to the sky and throws her hands up. “You two are impossible.”

  Grabbing the broom, I bump her shoulder as she passes with the vacuum. “Um, I’m pretty sure I caught someone in a compromising position the other week with a certain bartender in the walk-in cooler.”

  Trinity’s face turns bright red. “It’s this damn place. Nothing but a hotbed for sin.”

  “I heard that,” Henry calls from behind the door. We break out laughing and start our nightly closing process.

  Henry agreed not to follow me home after I promised I’d be okay. Someone has to stand up to Mike.

  Within seconds, Mike’s loud truck pulls in behind my car. Jacob and Cassie jump out and run straight into my arms. I kiss each of their heads and usher them inside, telling them to jump straight into the shower.

  “You break it off with your boyfriend?” His sneer used to be intimidating. Now, the more I look at it, the uglier it makes him. He’s just a man who gets pleasure out of making everyone else miserable.

  “No, I didn’t.” Every muscle in my body is shaking. I do my best to conceal it. Luckily, the wind picked up, bringing with it the chill of the night air.

  It takes him a second to collect his thoughts. I think I stumped him. “You’re willing to sacrifice your children so you can keep fucking this guy?”

  “No,” I say, slowly. “I’m not sacrificing anything. You think you can make my life hell? Be my guest. I’d love to see you try.”

  His upper lip curls, showing his teeth. “Bitch.” With that, he crawls back into his truck and speeds away, his loud muffler echoing in the sleeping neighborhood.

  I walk into the house and secure the door. As soon as I sit on the couch, Jacob and Cassie come out to join me.

  “Are you mad?” I have to strain to hear Cassie’s quiet voice. Patting my leg, she crawls into my lap while Jacob sits on the cushion next to me.

  “You kids did nothing wrong. If anyone needs to apologize, it’s me. I should have been honest and upfront with you regarding Henry. And it was inappropriate for us to stay at his house and confuse you.”

  “Um, Mom? Not to break it to you, but you’re horrible at keeping secrets.” Jacob’s nearly laughing. As is Cassie. I draw my brows together.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Mom,” Cassie says, dra
gging out my name. “It was kind of obvious.” I don’t break my stare as I try to read her face. “The way you two looked at each other, plus all the time we were spending with him and Lauren and Luke. Not to mention you were happy.”

  “And we saw you kissing him a few times,” Jacob adds, scrunching his face.

  I laugh. “Looks like you’re right. I’m horrible at secrets.”

  “We loved seeing you happy so we never said anything.”

  I ruffle Jacob’s still-drying hair. “Thanks, buddy.”

  “But I have a question.” Cassie wiggles in my lap. “Are Lauren and Luke going to be our new brother and sister?”

  Oh God. I’m not ready for this conversation. “Okay, it’s time for bed,” I say by way of subject change. They both throw me a look saying this isn’t over, but kiss my cheek and say goodnight anyway.

  I walk into the kitchen and find the bottle of wine Henry left the last time he was over. Grabbing the largest glass I can find, I fill it up to the top, kind of like Elaine did in Seinfeld. I said I’d only drink one glass during the week. Well, I’m going to make it a good one.

  After stripping off my work clothes and crawling into my comfy pajamas, I plop on the couch and surf Netflix. I really should go to bed, but I’m so wired that I know I won’t be able to sleep.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  My heart leaps in my chest. Who in the hell would be at my door? Shit, what if Mike came back?

  With shaking knees, I inch toward the door and peer out the peephole. I can’t undo the locks or open the door fast enough because on the other side is the person who helped me rebuild my life and heart.

  No words are spoken the minute he’s inside. Grabbing my face, he assaults my mouth with his, propelling us until my back hits the wall. I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back with every ounce of my being.

  “I couldn’t leave you alone. Not tonight, knowing Mike had been here.” Henry picks me up and wraps my legs around his waist, abandoning my glass of wine in favor of the bedroom. We settle onto the bed and continue speaking without words. He trails his hands over my ass and down my thighs as I hover above him, enjoying the feel of his stubble against my fingertips.