A Gift Freely Given (The Tahaerin Chronicles Book 1)

by J. Ellen Ross

  He laughed. “I don’t need the money from you. You’ve always paid me more than I asked for, and the other investments I’ve made pay me well, too.”

  “Other investments?” She knew about the house in Achym and the horses, but she never considered what else he might do with the money she paid him.

  Zaraki speared another half a peach and a roll. “Oh, yes. I’ve bought property and a few businesses. Symon helps with the books, but I make all the decisions. I’m better at organizing than I am with figures.”

  “You’re endlessly fascinating.” He was fiscally responsible and involved in business decision making? “I’d marry you tomorrow, if I could,” Leisha said, thinking he would make an excellent king. It seemed unfair Tahaerin law did not allow for a commoner to become king or queen through marriage.

  His heart jumped to hear her say it so casually, but then he sobered. Knowing she would still have to make a political marriage in the future and knowing he would tolerate it to be with her, Zaraki said, “That brings up something I’ve thought a lot about. I just want you to know, I understand you’ll have to marry one day. I’ll—”

  “No,” Leisha interrupted and continued eating without looking up.

  “No?”

  “No, I won’t. This is my kingdom, my throne. I won’t be ruled over by men who want to dump their worthless sons on me for an alliance. They’ll work with me because I’m their queen and not because I agreed to become a pawn in their politics. If I can’t marry you, I won’t marry at all.” Leisha grabbed a sweet roll from the plate in front of him.

  He smiled and cleaned his plate, wondering why he ever imagined she would do anything other than exactly what she wanted.

  Once they were done and the servants came to clear the dishes away, they sat together on a bench, twining their hands together, both savoring the feel of the other so close.

  Zaraki shifted and looked at her. “Tonight. I’d like to— I’ve asked for dinner to be delivered to my rooms. Tonight, I want to make love to you.” An unmistakable image flashed through his mind, clearly the two of them together in bed, clearly something he had imagined before.

  “Zaraki, yes. If you’re ready, I would love that.”

  “I assure you, I’m more than ready.” He bent and kissed her and felt her breath catch. His arms went around her and she pressed herself into his embrace. This time he trusted himself to enjoy the feel of her lips and the scent of her skin.

  As am I, she sent to him.

  ***

  After lunch, they parted ways. Leisha asked her maids to fill her tub with lavender-scented water and she soaked for an hour, savoring the thought of the night to come. When she climbed out, she asked to be dressed in something without any complicated closures and Danica picked out a lilac silk gown with a silver belt. The color stood out against her pale skin and dark hair, which the women left down without her asking. She peeked at their surface thoughts and realized they knew.

  Looking at herself in the polished mirror, Leisha thought she looked pretty and perhaps modest. She wanted to march over, strip Zaraki naked and ravish him, but he had imagined this night over and over and deserved the chance to let it unfold the way he planned it. And, if she was honest, she hardly knew what to expect. Sex with Lukas hinted at hidden secrets he had not shown her.

  Servers were bringing dinner when she arrived. Zaraki’s taste in food tended toward the simple, and tonight he chose a soup made from venison and vegetables. It made her smile to realize she knew his preferences. Why had she never paid more attention to her own feelings?

  They pulled a bench up to his table and sat next to one another, touching the length of their bodies. After finishing their soup, he said, “I raided your wine stock. I hope you don’t mind.” He had spent an hour rambling through the cellar trying to find the perfect barrel and to keep himself from fidgeting over other details.

  Remembering to sip her wine this time, Leisha said, “It all belonged to my father, so no, I don’t mind. You should always feel free. Branik is now as much yours as it is mine.”

  It made him flush up to his ears with delight, and she laughed. “This isn’t just a bit of fun for me. So long as you want me, I’ll share everything I have with you. Including myself and my body.”

  Zaraki turned toward her and, brushing her hair out of the way, ran his fingers down her neck. He leaned over to kiss her behind the ear and then down to the top of her shoulder. When he looked up, she had her eyes closed and he could feel her pulse quicken under his fingers. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed the corners of her mouth before running his tongue over her lips. He heard the rustle of fabric as she clenched handfuls of her dress in her fists.

  “You taste like wine and smell like lavender,” he whispered in one ear.

  “Of course I do,” Leisha said in a low voice. “You nearly had me naked in the garden when you smelled it on me the other day.”

  “Damn your brain,” he teased, tilting her head back and kissing her throat. As his mouth left a trail of fire across the tops of her breasts, he asked, “What pleases you?”

  “I don’t know,” she admitted, her breath coming in small gasps already.

  Puzzled, Zaraki drew back to look at her and she said, “I would describe my previous experience as repetitive and underwhelming.”

  “Ah. Then we’ll go slowly.” He stood up, and taking her hand, led her to the bedroom.

  A few candles burned in the room and Leisha saw he still kept it sparsely furnished, much as he had the last time she had visited here. Several chests sat along one wall and an ornate, carved wardrobe stood in the corner near the only window. His bed took up most of one wall and he kept it covered in lovely blankets. She remembered it all from the time Staval’s spy stabbed him and realized she had not been in here in nearly six years.

  Standing together in the middle of the room, Zaraki took her hands. “I want to you to know how much I love you, how long I’ve wanted this.”

  As he bent to kiss her, Leisha closed her eyes and felt the torrent of his emotions crash down on her. Love and lust twined together and she saw what had always been missing with Lukas. She returned his kiss, matching his intensity, and did not shy away when his tongue darted into her mouth.

  She felt his trepidation. He was pleased when she did not demur but worried he would do the wrong thing or go too fast, and she would pull back. Or worse, this was all a dream and she would turn to smoke and blow away. Don’t fear. I’m not a virgin and I want this, she sent.

  Zaraki held her, fixing the smell of her skin and the feel of her body in his mind once more. His hand traveled down her back to unclasp the belt, and it fell away, but he fumbled with the buttons on her dress, so Leisha turned around and lifted her hair out of the way.

  With hands that only shook a little, he trailed kisses across both shoulders as the dress fell open. Tracing the length of her spine with his fingers, he felt her shiver and gasp. As he spun her back to face him, Leisha let the gown fall to the floor and he saw she had not bothered with underclothes.

  His breath came in a rush when he saw she looked as beautiful as he always imagined. But, when he reached to kiss her again, Leisha put up a hand and smiled. “A bit of reciprocity, please? I wish to see my prize as well.” Reaching up, she tugged his tunic off over his head and ran her hands over his broad chest, over the scars. There were so many, and she wondered how many of them he got protecting her.

  “No. Not now,” he told her, seeing where her thoughts were going. Catching her hands, he kissed each finger then let his tongue play over one palm, bringing her back to the task at hand.

  When he let go, she began exploring again, pressing her body against him. Her hands ranged over his neck, his chest, his arms. I love you, she told him over and over. When she brushed over his thoughts, they were filled with devotion and desire – not just lust as Lukas’s had always been. Zaraki loved her and her touch moved him.

  Leisha kissed his chest and felt him shudder. Pull
ing the laces of his trousers she pushed them off his hips and as they fell, she smiled, seeing she was not the only one to forgo underthings. She stepped back to gaze up and down the length of him. Hardened by years of training, he was gorgeous. “My golden-haired lover,” she whispered in one ear when she stepped close again. “You’re magnificent.”

  “Enough,” he said, his voice hoarse as he scooped her up into his arms. Joyful, silvery laughter burst from her lips.

  Zaraki laid her on the bed and stretched out next to her. Propped up on one arm, he ran his fingers through her hair and then down her side to one hip. He bent to kiss her again, feeling her arms twine around his neck and drawing him in closer. One hand caressed her neck and collarbone before moving down the valley between her breasts.

  Reveling in his slow and deliberate motions, Leisha gasped. It was so different from Lukas’s stampeding hands. Her body sang with pleasure and anticipation as he took the time to please her, instead of just sprinting to his own release. This, she knew, was the nameless thing she always craved but never received.

  His hands roamed over her skin and she felt his mouth hot on her breasts. He used his tongue and his teeth and she arched her back towards him, lost in pleasure. When he parted her legs, she shuddered and felt his hesitation, unsure and afraid he went too far or too fast. “Please, please,” she implored, thinking she would sell every crown, every castle to make him keep going. “Don’t stop. Please.”

  Hearing her beg drove Zaraki mad. He wanted to go slow, he wanted to draw this out, but he had waited so long and she writhed and moaned as he explored her body, pulling at him with greedy, impatient hands. Once more, he felt her invading his mind as she filled his thoughts with yearning and hunger, pleading for more but not knowing the words to name her need.

  Zaraki loved the smell of her, the taste and though he had known other women, never had one excited him the way she did. Raising himself up, he paused to savor the sight of her body under him. Her legs went around his hips and he gave in, sheathing himself in her body. So many years, he thought distantly. So many years and it was worth every damn day waiting. She felt like heaven.

  Using her legs to pull him deeper into her, Leisha moved with him, delighting in every motion. She felt the intensity of his longing and desire swallow her up and she despaired, afraid it would all be over and she would be left wanting again. Then she felt him waiting for her, holding off his own release until she was satisfied.

  Along his neck, Zaraki felt her breath coming in ragged gasps as her hands dug into his back. He held her head and whispered in her ear, “I’ve loved you for so long.” Then she was crying his name as she lost control of her gifts. Submerged in the sea of her emotions, he felt a tidal wave rise up and drag him under. Overwhelmed by her pleasure and his own, he drowned with her.

  Leisha clung to him for a long minute, breathing hard, not wanting him to leave her yet. Stroking his mop of hair, she ran her hands down his back and felt him shiver. She knew she would never tire of this feeling or the rapturous look on his face as he took his pleasure from her body. When she let go and he rolled off her, he did not fall immediately to sleep, but kissed her shoulder and brushed hair back from her face.

  For all their years together, this was the intimacy she longed for but had been too afraid to seek. Knowledge blossomed, as she finally understood his devotion to her. Faced with it now, Leisha knew she would fight ferociously to save this, give up her life to save his. If anyone dared threaten him, she would set loose a terrible vengeance. She would not lose this man or his love.

  Feeling possessive and full of gratitude, she fit herself against his side. “Is that how it usually is?” she asked. “I’ve never felt that before.”

  Zaraki’s throat caught at the question, and he knew she meant sex with Lukas. It infuriated him to think of the spoiled princeling abusing this gift. “Yes, that’s how it should be.” And then he paused before saying, “He never loved you.”

  “No, not like you,” Leisha agreed, her voice trailing off as she fell asleep in the crook of his arm.

  Someday, Zaraki thought before following her into sleep, I’ll have to thank Lukas for setting such low expectations.

  They slept entwined for hours and when Leisha awoke, most of the candles had burned low and gone out. She climbed out of bed and padded to the table with the pitcher of water. She took a long drink and when she turned back, she saw Zaraki propped on one elbow, watching her in the dim light. Even without reading his mind, she knew what he wanted.

  She walked to stand next to the bed and he swung his legs over the side. His hands grabbed her hips and he pulled her close to his face. Kissing the hollow between her breasts, he moved lower, running his tongue around her navel, his breath hot on her skin.

  “I want you again.” He sounded confident now, his voice low, full of desire, all his shyness and uncertainty banished.

  “As do I,” she assured him, running fingers through his hair. This time, she knew, it would not be slow or gentle. His mind raced as he submitted to his desire - a hungry, covetous fire that consumed him. He yearned for her and pulled her onto his bed.

  One hand skimmed down over her thigh and parted her legs. Leisha lifted her hips to meet his hand.

  “I need you,” Zaraki whispered into her ear. And then she felt his mind fill with a fierce desire, a need to own her, to banish Lukas forever, to know he held her heart completely. “You’re mine now,” he said, as his mouth roamed over her body.

  Leisha shuddered. With anyone else, she would have balked, rebelled. No one owned her. But here, she gave herself to him as she felt his longing, his need to forget all the years of waiting for something he could never have, to forget all the years of denying this part of himself. She knew she would do anything to please him. “It’s only you, Zaraki,” she breathed, reassuring him and trying to soothe the storm raging in his mind.

  “Promise me,” he demanded, his voice ragged with need. He knew she could sense his thoughts, knew she could see he needed this, needed to take her. So many years of wanting her. Some part of him needed to claim her. Insistent fingers moved, bringing her ever closer to release. “Promise me,” he said again before bending to part her lips with his tongue.

  When he raised his head, her answer came hoarse, pleading. “Anything, anything.” The hand between her legs moved slowly now, drawing her back from the edge. She gasped and tried to follow as he withdrew his fingers.

  “Promise me forever.” Zaraki moved his hand and shifted over her.

  “Only you,” Leisha panted. Horses, jewels, titles, she would give him anything he asked for in that moment, anything for the feeling of him inside her again. “Only you, forever.”

  His hands went around her hips and he buried himself in her body. She cried out and arched towards him. He drove into her over and over as she met him thrust for thrust.

  ***

  As the sun rose, Zaraki rolled over and jumped as he caught sight of the small form and cascade of black hair in his bed. He had not woken up next to anyone else in years. Memories rushed back and he smiled, wrapping Leisha in his arms. “You’re still here,” he said and then nuzzled at her neck.

  “Yes, of course I am. Where else would I be?” she asked, beginning to stir and stretch.

  “Well, maybe you had second thoughts about this.”

  “No,” Leisha said, turning to peer over her shoulder at him. “I told you. I love you. I’d marry you tomorrow and make you king if I could.”

  She said it with such ease and Zaraki marveled at it. “This is enough. I don’t need anything more.”

  “I know and that’s why you’d be perfect. I’ll have to keep thinking about how I can make it happen.” With his arm around her, Leisha clasped his hand in hers. His skin enchanted her and as she traced his fingers with her free hand, she noticed the brand on his wrist. In six years, she had never seen it.

  “What is this?” she asked, frowning and running her fingers over it.

 
“It’s meant as a way to prove we’re Ostravan and to remind us of our oaths.” Zaraki had to laugh at it now, remembering the solemnity of the ceremony as he recited the words Cezar had them memorize. The words had come so easy then, the vows effortless. Years later, he would toss them aside just as easily for the woman in bed next to him.

  “Once we took our oaths, we branded each other, to bind us together. Which didn’t work.” His hand twitched at the memory, the smell of burning flesh as Fellnin held the strike to his wrist. “It hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. I passed out.”

  “It sounds barbaric and awful.”

  “I suppose it does.” Zaraki had never really considered it before now.

  A knock on the door announced the arrival of breakfast. Rolling off the bed, Zaraki pulled on a pair of linen trousers and Leisha felt her pulse quicken as she watched him walk away. Apparently, it did not matter if he wore clothes or not - she wanted him just the same.

  “Breakfast is laid out,” he said when he returned. Then with a shy smile, he handed her a pile of neatly folded clothes. “Danica sends her regards and says you’ll need these. Eventually.”

  In her rush last night, Leisha had not thought to bring a robe or anything. She realized how inconvenient it was having her things in another part of the castle. They would discuss it, but first she wanted to eat. Laughing, she pulled on the robe from the top of the pile and considered how to thank Danica for her thoughtfulness.

  They ate with their chairs pushed together and when Zaraki stood up from the table, Leisha saw the way his trousers hung from his hips.

  He caught her looking, lips parted and eyes wide. “Yes?” he asked, pleased beyond measure to see her face flush with desire. He loved sex and he loved her. When Leisha did not answer, he bent to kiss her and felt her hands twist in his hair. Shoving aside the dishes, he tugged her to her feet and lifted her onto the table. Zaraki marveled at her willingness to try anything.

  As they stumbled back to bed and lay wrapped in a blanket together, she asked, “What pleases you?”