Candace

by Maggie Wells

  Maria walked in. “We’re going take Matteo for a few tests and we’ll bring his bassinet to your room.” She took the baby from Candace. “You need to rest now and get ready to breastfeed him. Visitors out.”

  “Okay, Maria,” Candace said. “Thank you.”

  Sara gave Candace a big hug. “Bye. See you tomorrow.”

  “Love you,” Candace said.

  “Me too,” Sara said.

  “We’ll see you in the morning,” Mommy said. “We’ll meet you downstairs.”

  Candace jolted awake when Maria entered the room in a flood of light from the hallway.

  “Here we are,” Maria said in a soft voice. “Mr. Matteo is hungry.” She wheeled the basinet up next to the bed. “Sit up, honey, and I’ll plump up your pillows.”

  Candace sat up and started shivering again. “What do I do? How does this work?”

  “Don’t worry, Candace, I’m an expert,” Maria said. “Just relax and let your body do its job.”

  Maria handed the baby to Candace and showed her how to cradle his head near her nipple. Matteo’s mouth gaped like a baby bird.

  “Ooh, he’s hungry,” Maria said. “Squeeze your breast a little and let him take the nipple.”

  “Ow,” Candace whispered. “He’s biting me, gumming me, I mean.”

  “Take slow, deep breaths. It’ll help you relax and help your milk flow,” Maria said. “Look what a good job you’re doing. A lot of moms have trouble with breastfeeding. I’ll leave you two alone. When he’s done, be sure to burp him—they showed you that in class, right? Hold him up on your shoulder and rub his back until he burps.”

  “Yes,” Candace whispered. “We practiced with a baby doll.”

  “Good girl. After he burps, try the other breast and see if he’ll take a little more. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you.” Maria slipped out the door.

  Nineteen

  * * *

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE HERE,” CANDACE WHISPERED, stoking Matty’s head. “Wait until Daddy sees you. He’ll change his mind and come back home.”

  Matteo nodded off and dropped her nipple.

  “C’mon, baby,” Candace said. “We need to burp.” She held Matteo up to her left shoulder and rubbed his back until he belched and spit up on her gown.

  “Yikes,” Candace said. “That was gross!” She cradled Matteo under her right breast and he latched on, nursing hungrily. She burped him one more time.

  Maria poked her head in the door. “How are you doing?”

  “I think he’s asleep,” Candace said. “I burped him and he barfed all over me.”

  Maria laughed. “Let me put him to bed. I’ll get you a fresh gown and then you should try to get some sleep. He’ll need to nurse again in an hour or two.”

  “He eats every hour?” Candace said.

  “When they are little, they do” Maria said. “As they grow, they can go longer between feedings, maybe two hours at a time, then three and so on.”

  “How will I know when he needs to eat again?” Candace asked.

  “Oh, don’t worry, he’ll let you know.” Maria chuckled as she laid Matteo in the basinet.

  Between nurses barging into her room to check on her and Matteo needing to nurse, Candace got very little sleep that night. And then it was time to go home. Nurse Rosie wheeled Candace down the hall to the front entrance where Mommy and Sara were waiting.

  “Can I hold him?” Sara was jumping up and down on the sidewalk.

  “Be careful,” Candace said. “Do you know how to work the car seat?”

  Candace sat in the back seat of the car with Matteo and Mommy drove them home.

  “Have you heard from Mrs. Rossi?” Mommy asked.

  “She is supposed to be coming by the house at around three this afternoon,” Candace said.

  Mommy didn’t say anything, but Candace saw that she was gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles were white. Candace put on her headphones and slumped down the seat.

  At two fifty-six, the doorbell rang. Candace and Sara sat stiffly on the sofa. Mommy sat in a side chair nursing a glass of red wine. Baby Matteo was upstairs, sleeping.

  “Julia,” Mommy said. “Could you get the door?”

  Julia opened the door. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Rossi, Mr. Danilo.”

  Mommy stood as Danilo and his mother entered the room. She was tall and sleek, impeccably dressed in designer knits in hues of gold and rust.

  “Hello, Mrs. Rossi,” Mommy said.

  “Call me Filomena,” Mrs. Rossi said.

  “Lois,” Mommy said, touching her chest. “I’d like to introduce my daughters, Candace and Sara.”

  Filomena nodded in their direction.

  “Would you like to sit down?” Mommy said. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  Filomena looked at Mommy’s glass and said, “Whatever you’re having.”

  “Julia, why don’t you bring the bottle?” Mommy said. “And bring a soda for Danilo.”

  Filomena sat opposite Mommy and Danilo squeezed in next to Sara on the sofa.

  “You will have the child baptized?” Filomena asked.

  “Baptized?” Mommy said.

  “You’re not Catholic?” Filomena asked.

  “Unitarian,” Mommy replied.

  “What is that?” Filomena asked. “No, never mind. Can we see the child? Matteo is his name?”

  “Julia, can you bring the baby down?” Mommy said.

  “He’s sleeping, Mommy,” said Candace.

  Filomena looked at Candace for the first time. “We can’t stay long.”

  Julia brought the baby down and handed him to Candace.

  Candace stood and walked over to Filomena’s chair. “Would you like to hold him?”

  Filomena gazed at Matteo and her face softened. “He looks exactly like Danilo did as a baby,” she said. She touched the baby’s face but made no move to take him from Candace’s arms. “He is a Rossi. That is the name on the birth certificate—yes?”

  “Yes,” Candace replied, softly. “We thought it would be best.”

  “Yes,” Filomena said softly. “That’s best. And when he is older he can come to Italy and meet his cousins.” Filomena looked Candace in the eye. “Danilo is a young and irresponsible boy. This is not the way we raised him. He is a disgrace to the Rossi name.”

  Candace glanced over at Danilo. He was sweating and squirming in his chair.

  Lois interrupted, “That’s not the way Candace was raised either. She is supposed to be studying at Princeton right now.”

  “Candace seems like a responsible young woman to me,” Filomena said. “What would you have her do? Abort the child? That’s unheard of. No, she will raise the child, but we take care of our own. The baby needs to know his father’s family too. Here’s what we’re prepared to do. We will wire you a lump sum of two thousand euros each month until the child is eighteen. Danilo will work out the details.” Filomena drained her glass and rose.

  “Very nice to meet you,” Filomena said to Mommy. She touched Candace’s shoulder. “Take care of my grandson.”

  Candace smiled nervously and nodded.

  “Danilo, get the door,” Filomena commanded.

  Danilo jumped up. He didn’t look at Candace.

  “Goodbye,” Sara said.

  Julia shut the door behind them.

  “Did you see what she was wearing?” Sara said. “Mommy, you need to carry that designer in your shop! Tres elegant.”

  “That’s French,” Candace said.

  “How do you say it in Italian?” Sara said.

  “Two thousand euros,” Mommy said. “You can’t live on that. What is your plan?”

  “I’ve been thinking.” Candace gently rocked the baby in her arms. “What if I live here and enroll at UMass Boston? Julia and Sara can help out, right?”

  “Sure!” Sara said.

  “Of course,” Julia said.

  “We’ll make it work, Mommy, we will,” said Candace. “
And two thousand euros, that’s not nothing. That will pay for food and clothes and diapers.”

  “And your food, and your clothes and your tuition?” Mommy said. “Who will pay for that?”

  “I’ll get a job,” Candace said.

  “Me, too,” Sara said.

  Matteo woke up and started to wail.

  “I think he’s hungry again,” Candace said. “C’mon baby, let’s go upstairs.”

  Once Matty was asleep, Candace logged onto Facebook. She had posted Sara and Mommy’s hospital photos on her feed, plus a photo of Matteo sleeping.

  Luci: He’s gorgeous!

  Candy: He wakes up every two hours to eat. I’m exhausted.

  Jasmine: It gets easier. Eventually they sleep 6 hours and you can take a real nap.

  Candy: The good news is that I’m skinnier now! My maternity jeans are too big for me.

  Shawna: Keep it up—breastfeeding is God’s natural method of birth control and weight loss.

  Aleecia: Oh man I hope so. I’ve gained 80 pounds already.

  Jasmine: You’ve got to eat healthy. And exercise every day. I need to get back in shape fast so I can audition.

  Isabella: Audition for what?

  Jasmine: I’m a dancer. It’s what I do for a living.

  Twenty

  * * *

  ON CHRISTMAS EVE, CANDACE DRESSED MATTEO LIKE A candy cane in a red-and-white-striped onesie and matching hat that she had found online. She strapped him into his BabyBjorn and carried him down to the living room where Mommy sat on the floor, surrounded by boxes of ornaments and decorations that Julia had dragged down from the attic. Christmas carols played softly in the background.

  I love Christmas, Candace thought.

  “You could put him down, every now and then,” Mommy said.

  “I don’t mind carrying him, and it keeps him happy,” Candace said.

  “He needs to learn to be alone and comfort himself,” Mommy said.

  “He’s only four weeks old,” Candace said, “He has plenty of time to figure out how to be alone.” She stood with her back to the fireplace, savoring the warmth.

  “Not so close to the fire,” Mommy said. “You’ll scorch him.”

  Candace retreated to the couch and surveyed the familiar holiday tableau.

  Sara came down the stairs. “We’re doing the tree? Why didn’t you call me? I call tinsel!”

  “No tinsel for you,” Mommy said. “Help me with the lights.”

  “Is Daddy coming for dinner?” Sara asked.

  “I don’t know,” Mommy said. “I hope so. I invited Danilo too.”

  “Why would you invite Danilo?” Candace said, alarmed.

  “I thought we could try to negotiate peace in the family,” Mommy said. She had tears in her eyes. “He can’t stay away forever.”

  “Danilo isn’t going to make it better,” Candace said. “He’s only going to make everything worse.”

  “I don’t think he’s coming, anyway,” said Mommy. “I think he went to Rome for Christmas.”

  “Are you in touch with him?” Candace said.

  “I saw it on your Facebook feed,” Mommy said.

  “If Daddy comes over, don’t let him near the carving knives,” Sara said, laughing.

  Mommy sighed. “I asked Julia to slice the roast before she brings it out.”

  “You’re snooping on my Facebook?” Candace asked, indignant.

  “Isn’t that what it’s for?” Mommy said. “Sharing? You have all of Matteo’s baby photos up there. What do your friends say?”

  “To my face, or behind my back?” Candace said. “I think they feel sorry for me. Like something awful happened to me. Nobody called me to invite me to brunch over winter break. Anyway, I have new friends.”

  “New friends?” Mommy said.

  “Her teen-mom friends,” Sara said. “It’s a Facebook group.”

  “There’s a group for that?” Mommy asked.

  “There’s a group for everything,” Sara said.

  “Well, that’s nice,” Mommy said. “Do they live in Brookline?”

  “Uh, no,” said Sara. “St. Louis, Las Vegas, California, Florida. All over the place.”

  “Geez,” Candace said. “Is everybody snooping on my Facebook?”

  “It’s not snooping,” Sara said. “It’s sharing. Right, Mommy?”

  Sara placed the last ornament on the tree. “Time for tinsel! Mommy, please?”

  Matteo started to whimper. “Hey, Aunt Sara,” Candace said. “Do you want to change Matty?”

  “Sure!” Sara said. “C’mon, baby.”

  Candace unsnapped the BabyBjorn and handed Matteo over to Sara.

  “Whoa!” Sara said. “Stinky!” She held him at arm’s length. “C’mon, stinkmeister!”

  “Could you not call him that?” Candace said laughing. “Only I get to call him that.”

  Sara carried the baby upstairs.

  “C’mon, Mommy,” Candace said conspiratorially. “She’s gone—let’s finish the tree.”

  When Sara came back downstairs, the tree was trimmed and the boxes were piled in a corner. Mommy switched on the lights.

  “Wow!” Sara said. “Look Matty, how pretty! Where are the presents? Can we pile presents under the tree?”

  “There’s something about having a baby in the house that makes Christmas so much more fun,” Mommy said. “Not that I would ever have wished this on you or any of us. We could have waited another ten years.”

  Candace took Matteo from Sara. “Look in my closet,” Candace said. “And the hall closet. And Mommy’s closet—right, Mommy? You always hid our presents in your closet. Not such a great hiding place.”

  Sara dashed up and down the stairs carrying armloads of wrapped boxes and positioned them carefully under the tree. When she was done, she stepped back. “It looks great! Good job, Team Parker!”

  “I applied to UMass,” Candace said quietly.

  “You did?” Mommy asked.

  “Biology,” Candace said. “I should hear something in March.”

  “Why Biology?” Sara asked.

  “I think I’d like to go to med school,” Candace said. “Someday. I’d like to be an OB-GYN. Maybe specialize in teen pregnancies.”

  “Don’t tell your father,” Mommy said. “Let’s try to have a nice Christmas dinner.”

  Sara was carting boxes down to the basement and Julia was whipping up her signature eggnog when the doorbell rang.

  Candace opened the door with Matteo strapped to her chest.

  “Daddy!” Sara shouted. “Come look at the tree.”

  Sara escorted Daddy into the living room. “Very nice, girls,” he said.

  “Would you like a cocktail?” Mommy called from the kitchen.

  “Bourbon, please,” said Daddy.

  Mommy carried a glass of brown liquid to Daddy. “Neat?” she asked. He took the glass. She kissed him, hard, on the lips. “Please come home.”

  “I’ll stay tonight,” he said. Then he took a sip of his drink.

  “Dinner is served,” Julia said.

  “I love Christmas,” Sara said. “So much better than Thanksgiving. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans and French rolls. Why can’t we have this for Thanksgiving too?”

  “At my house,” Candace said, “this will be what we have for Thanksgiving.”

  “Then I’m coming to your house,” Sara said.

  “Your house?” Daddy said. “Where is that?”

  “When I get out of college, I mean,” Candace said.

  “College?” Daddy said. “When are you going to college?”

  “George, Candace, please,” said Mommy. “It’s Christmas.”

  “Two thousand euros a month.” Daddy said. “What can you afford on that?”

  “Julia, the meal is exquisite,” Mommy said. “Why don’t you go home and spend the holiday with your family? There’s an envelope in the foyer for you. Merry Christmas.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. P,” Julia said. “
Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas!” Candace and Sara chimed in.

  “George,” Mommy said, “You’re home with us. Can we just have a nice evening?”

  “Why did I spend two hundred thousand dollars on that fucking private school?” Daddy said. “For what? What is your plan Candace?”

  “I applied to UMass,” Candace said. “They have a good Biology program.”

  “Candace!” Mommy said. “I asked you not to.”

  “UMass?” Daddy said. “Well, sure they do. But I didn’t need to take out a second mortgage for you to get into UMass. What about that, Candace?”

  Matteo wailed from upstairs.

  “I gotta go,” Candace said. “Thank you for dinner, Mommy. It was delicious.”

  “Of course you have to go!” Daddy yelled after her.

  “Candace!” Mommy yelled. “Don’t forget the presents. Let’s open presents tonight.”

  Christmas morning arrived. Matteo woke the Parker household up with his hungry wail. Sara tiptoed downstairs and turned on the tree lights. She threw some logs in the fireplace and lit a match. Candace came down when she smelled the coffee brewing.

  “Where are Mommy and Daddy?” Candace whispered.

  “I don’t know.” Sara said. “Should I make waffles?”

  “Please,” Candace said. “With strawberries and whipped cream, right baby?” She kissed Matteo’s head. He was snug in his BabyBjorn. “Oh, you smell so nice, I could gobble you up.”

  Mommy came downstairs to find the girls sitting in front of the fireplace with a breakfast picnic spread out on a blanket: waffles and eggs, coffee and juice. Matteo lay on his back on a baby blanket next to Candace.

  “Merry Christmas, Mommy,” Candace said. “Can we fix you a plate?”

  “That would be lovely,” Mommy said. “Make one for Daddy too. He’ll be down in a minute.”

  Candace and Sarah gaped at each other and simultaneously mouthed the words, “Daddy is back!”

  Twenty one

  * * *

  “HOW IS THE JOB SEARCH GOING?” DADDY ASKED ONE morning at breakfast.