Candace

by Maggie Wells

  “I’ve applied everywhere: Starbucks, Pete’s Coffee, Citibank, Star Market, Walgreens, Children’s Place, Stop & Shop, Subway, Lord & Taylor and Macy’s,” Candace said. “I’m going to ride in with Mommy today and try all the stores in Back Bay.”

  “My friend’s mom is a chef,” Sara said. “She has a couple of restaurants—one in Cambridge and one in Seaport. Do you want me to ask him to ask his mom?”

  “Please,” Candace said. “I’ll do anything. Wash dishes, take out the trash, coat check, anything.”

  Candace arrived for the interview in a new Kenneth Cole outfit she had found at Lord & Taylor: slim black pants and a white flowing blouse. Julia had tied her hair back in a French braid. She felt like a million bucks.

  The hostess asked her to wait at a table near the window. She caught her reflection and thought, I look so grown-up. Not like some teen-mom, drop-out loser.

  “Hello, I’m Felix.”

  He was tall and dark-skinned, with long wavy hair. Probably gay, Candace thought. He sat down at the table opposite her.

  “Your mom is a friend of Jody?” Felix asked.

  Candace had no idea who Jody was. “No, my sister’s friend knows somebody who works here. Somebody’s mom or something.”

  “I see,” Felix said. “Well, we can start you out in coat check. And depending on how that goes, maybe move you up to hostess.”

  “That would be great!” Candace said.

  “You’re available full-time?” Felix asked. “We’re not interested in hiring people who are going to leave to go back to school in the fall.”

  “I’m not in school,” Candace said.

  “The hours are four p.m. to ten p.m., Tuesday through Thursday,” Felix said. “Midnight on Friday and Saturday.”

  “Four to twelve on Friday and Saturday?” Candace asked.

  “Yes,” Felix said. “Is that a problem?”

  Candace thought about Matty. How would she feed him and put him to bed?

  “No,” she said. “No problem.”

  “What you’re wearing right now is fine,” Felix said. “Black pants and white blouse and shoes with a low heel, minimal jewelry—that’s the uniform. Do you have a few more ensembles like that in your closet?”

  Ensembles? Definitely gay, Candace thought. “Sure. No problem,” she said.

  “Can you start tomorrow?” Felix said. “Be here at three-thirty.”

  Candace stood up and shook his hand. “Thank you.”

  “Wear your hair down, honey,” Felix said. “And bare a little cleavage—sexy but tasteful. You’ll earn better tips.”

  On the T home, she worked over in her head how this would work. Matty wakes up at six. I’ll feed him and bathe him and Sara can watch him while I shower. Sara leaves for school at eight. I’ll feed him right before I leave for work at two-thirty and Julia can watch him until Sara comes home at six. I’ll leave a couple of bottles of breast milk in the fridge. Then I can feed him when I get back at ten-thirty. Except on weekends. Sara will have to feed him and put him to bed on weekends.

  Candace got off at Copley and walked to Lord & Taylor to pick up a few more “ensembles.”

  At dinner that night, Candace broached the subject.

  “In other news. . .” Candace said.

  Mommy put down her fork. “What is it this time?” she said.

  “I got a job,” Candace said. “I’m working at Tirade—the restaurant on Pacific Avenue? It’s nine dollars an hour plus tips. I’m working three-thirty to ten, Tuesday through Thursday and until midnight on Friday and Saturday. That’s like three hundred dollars a week, plus tips.”

  “A waitress?” Daddy asked. “This is what we sent you to St Paul’s for?”

  “Coat check, actually,” Candace said. “Just until I start school in the fall. I’ll figure something else out in the fall.”

  “Imagine if you didn’t have your sister and Julia to help out,” Mommy said. “How would you manage?”

  “I can’t even imagine,” Candace said. “I’m having a hard time thinking about leaving Matty every night. I’m so grateful for my family, for Sara and Julia. But I’d much rather be here with him than checking coats for snooty rich people.”

  “Three hundred dollars a week,” Sara said. “That’s less than half of what the Rossis pay in child support. Is it worth it?”

  “Probably not,” Candace said. She started to cry. “But I said I’d get a job. I don’t want to be a total freeloader. I spent six hundred dollars at Lord & Taylor today on work clothes.”

  Mommy gasped. “On my charge card?” she said.

  “I’ll pay the bill,” Candace said. “I have the Rossi money.”

  “This is probably a good thing,” Daddy said. “You need to learn what hard work and sacrifice feel like. You should also pay Sara and Julia for their time. What does a babysitter make? I’m thinking ten dollars an hour. Let’s see, you make nine dollars an hour as a coat check girl and you pay Sara and Julia ten an hour. Plus tips but subtract taxes. I don’t see how the math works on this.”

  “You don’t have to pay me,” Sara said. “Matty is my baby, too. And Julia is on salary.”

  “No, Daddy is right,” Candace said. “This means extra work for Julia. I need to pay her something. But can I just say for the record—you are the best little sister ever!”

  Matty started to wail. Candace pushed back from the table.

  “You’ve barely touched your dinner,” Mommy said. “You’re so thin.”

  “I never thought I’d hear those words,” Candace said. “Ask Julia to keep a plate warm in the oven for me. I’ll try to eat something later.”

  Candace clocked in at three-thirty the next day, eager to start a new phase of life—responsible working parent. Felix showed her the locker room, had her fill out some HR paperwork, issued her a time card and name tag and showed her how to register on Zoomshift, the shift-management app. Then he walked her through the kitchen and introduced her to the staff.

  “It’s pretty easy,” Felix said as he showed Candace the coatroom. “Take personal items, keep track of everything with these numbered tags. Make sure everybody goes home with their own stuff. If anything is left at the end of your shift, document it and leave a note with the hostess in case somebody calls the next day. Lock up before you leave and hand the key to the shift manager. Then clock out. If we have a light night, we may send you home early or ask you not to come in at all. Always check Zoomshift to confirm your shift before you come to work. That will save you some aggravation. The shift manager will update the app by three p.m. Your shift starts at four but you must always clock in by three-fifty. The kitchen opens at five, so for the first hour you’ll report to the hostess and help with menu updates and any other task she assigns you. Remember, you’re in training for her job, and her evaluation of you will be weighted heavily. Here’s the tip jar—you keep all of your own tips and are responsible for reporting them for tax purposes. Just empty the jar at the end of your shift. Tipping is not obligatory but generally our patrons will leave a dollar per item. Never ask for a tip or argue with a patron. Be gracious and attentive. Got it, kid?”

  “Check Zoomshift at three p.m. to make sure I’m supposed to come in.” Candace ticked the list off on her fingers. “Clock in at three-fifty. Report to the hostess and help her with anything she needs. Unlock the coatroom at five. Keep track of everything in the coatroom and make sure everyone leaves with their own stuff. Lock up at the end of my shift and hand the key to the manager. Report any leftover items to the hostess. I think I’ve got it.”

  Felix led Candace to the hostess station. “Marcie, Geoff—this is Candace, our new coat check girl.” To Candace he said, “Marcie is the head hostess tonight and Geoff is your shift manager.”

  “Honey, you’ve got a little stain on your pretty blouse,” Marcie said. “Why don’t you go and try to rinse that out?”

  Candace looked down and gasped. Her left breast was leaking.

  Twenty-twor />
  * * *

  CANDACE RAN TO THE LOCKER ROOM AND DABBED AT HER new blouse with a paper towel. A waitress walked in and stowed her belongings in a locker. Then she joined Candace at the sink to check her makeup. She had olive skin, tawny, almond-shaped eyes and exotic wavy hair. Candace read her name tag in the mirror: Toni.

  “Oh, honey,” Toni said. “You have a baby at home?”

  “Yes,” Candace said. “This has never happened before.”

  “You need to buy some nursing pads to put in your bra,” Toni said. “Here, let’s try some paper towels. Take off your blouse. We’ll rinse it and blow it dry.”

  “I’m so embarrassed!” Candace cried.

  “Don’t be, hon,” Toni said. “We’ve all been there.”

  “You have a baby?” Candace asked.

  “Honey, I got two kids and a deadbeat ex,” Toni said. “I’m working two jobs to pay the bills. My mom watches the boys when I work nights.”

  “My sister is watching my baby,” Candace said.

  “What about your mom?” Toni asked.

  “My mom has her own business,” Candace said. “My parents didn’t really sign on for this.”

  “Whose do?” Toni said. “My mom didn’t want me to be a single mom. Nobody does. But moms show up to take care of the kids. That’s what they’re supposed to do.”

  “My mom isn’t really into kids,” Candace said.

  “Oh, one of those,” Toni said. “I get it. Here honey, your blouse is all dry.”

  “I’d better get back to the coat check,” Candace said. She buttoned her blouse.

  “You got lucky,” Toni said. “Jody, Felix—these are good people. They will take care of you. Do a good job, look after the customers, and you’ll be fine. You can work here until your baby is out of college.”

  Work here until Matty is out of college? Candace blanched at the thought. Will I end up like Toni—a single mom in my thirties working two jobs? No, not me! I’m going to medical school and become a doctor. I’m going to have a big house in Brookline and a nanny. I’m going to be the most successful teen mom ever. I’ll show them!

  The first few hours went well. Coat check is easy, Candace thought. Just like Felix said. Take the coat or bag, hang it on a hanger, hand them a numbered ticket. Plenty of time to check email and Facebook. The customers were generous. She eyed the tip jar. There must be fifty dollars in there.

  But around six o’clock, Candace started to feel feverish. Her breasts ached; they were hot and swollen. She needed to sit down. She saw Felix across the room and waved at him.

  “How you doing, kid?” Felix said.

  “I need to pee,” Candace said.

  “No problem, Geoff will spot you,” Felix said. “Did I forget to tell you that? If you need a bathroom break, flag Geoff.”

  Felix signaled to Geoff and he trotted over.

  “Yeah, boss?” Geoff said.

  “Spot Candace while she takes a bio break,” Felix said.

  “Thank you,” Candace said and scooted past them, praying she wouldn’t bump into anything. Her breasts were on fire.

  “Ow, ow, ow,” Candace moaned. She sat on the toilet trying to express some milk. Nothing came out.

  As her shift wore on, the pain intensified. Her breasts felt like boulders. It seemed as if ten o’clock would never come. Around nine-thirty, Felix appeared at the coat check door and said, “You can clock out, Parker.” He eyed the tip jar. “Good first day—the customers seem to like you. Reservations are a little light tomorrow. Be sure to check Zoom before you head in.”

  As she waited for the T at South Station, Candace thought, This is too hard! I have to get up and do this again tomorrow? How do single moms do it? She prayed, Dear God, please cancel my shift tomorrow. Please? And where is the fucking T? I want to go home!

  When Candace walked in the door, Matty was wailing. Candace ran up to her room to find Sara pacing frantically.

  “He wouldn’t take the bottle,” Sara said. “He’s so mad at me!”

  Candace tore off her blouse and cradled Matty to her breast. “C’mon baby, Mama’s here.”

  Matty latched onto the nipple but got frustrated when nothing came out. He started to wail again.

  “Shit!” Candace said. “Please tell me this isn’t happening.”

  “I read that nursing mothers drink wine to relax,” Sara said, trying to be helpful.

  “Go!” Candace said.

  Sara ran down and found an opened bottle of red wine in the cabinet. She grabbed a juice glass and ran back upstairs with the bottle.

  “Here, drink this,” Sara said, pouring a glass and shoving it at Candace.

  Candace took a long swallow and let out a big sigh. “Okay, Matteo, let’s try this again.” Matty latched on and started to nurse fiercely.

  Sara sat down on the bed, gently. “How was work?” she asked.

  “Where’s Mommy?” Candace said. “Did she leave you here alone with a screaming baby?”

  “They went out,” Sara said. “To the theater, I think. They said they’d be back around eleven.”

  “I had no idea how hard this was going to be,” Candace said. “My milk was leaking all over my blouse and then my boobs started to swell up and ache. It was horrible! I’m scared that my milk will dry up and he’ll starve.”

  “What are we going to do?” Sara asked.

  “We’ll start him on formula tomorrow,” Candace said. “He needs to get used to drinking from the bottle, and I can’t count on my milk supply. I’ll nurse him as long as I can, but he needs more.”

  Matty calmed down and Candace started to relax.

  “So, how was work?” Sara asked again.

  “Not bad. The people are really nice,” Candace said. “This waitress, Toni, she’s a single mom too. Oh, and I made seventy-two dollars in tips.” Candace pulled a wad of singles out of her pocket and handed it to Sara. “This is for you.”

  Sara took the cash and meticulously straightened and smoothed the bills into a tidy pile on the bed. “Cool,” she said.

  “You earned it,” Candace said. “Let’s go to Walgreens in the morning and buy some formula. Will you do the research? Find out what kind of formula is best at his age—what do the best doctors recommend?”

  Sara ran to get her iPad.

  “Not now, dummy!” Candace yelled after her. “We can do it in the morning.”

  Eventually, Matty fell asleep. Candace set him down in his crib, gingerly, so as not to wake him. She took her soiled blouse, washed it in the bathroom sink with Woolite and hung it in the shower to dry. She was startled by a commotion downstairs and tiptoed into the hallway to listen.

  “George, I was hoping to mend some fences,” Mommy was saying.

  “Fences?” Daddy asked.

  “This is our daughter. Matteo is our grandson,” Mommy said. “I know it’s not the future you had envisioned for Candace. But think of how much you save on tuition. UMass isn’t so bad.”

  “Really, Lois?” Daddy shouted. “You too? You think this is just about money? It’s not about the legacy of the Swift family?”

  “Legacy?” Mommy asked.

  “Your father never thought I was good enough for you,” Daddy said. “Granted, the Parkers didn’t come over on the Mayflower. They may have traveled in steerage a few decades later. But, I’ve worked so hard to give you a house he would be proud of and to send our daughter to a school that even he would never have been admitted to. After twenty-five years of striving, well . . . shit. Why don’t I just sell my business and buy a Winnebago? Why don’t we just adopt a dog and take to the open road?”

  “George, I had no idea you wanted to travel,” Mommy said.

  The rest of the conversation was muffled as they shut the bedroom door behind them.

  Candace smiled. Things seem so much better than they were a year ago. Matty is amazing—my beautiful little Squirt. Mommy and Daddy are back together. Sara is my rock. I got a job—sure it’s hard but I’m lucky. Othe
r people have it so much worse.

  Twenty-three

  * * *

  CANDACE FOUND THE ENVELOPE LYING IN THE FRONT HALL under the mail slot. Congratulations! was printed on the outside. She turned it over in her hands, not quite ready to open it, not quite sure how she felt. Hooray, I got into UMass, she thought glumly. She remembered how excited she had been to get the letter from Princeton. This was such a different sensation. She had become a different person. She looked at starting school in the fall the way she looked at going to work every day—not with dread, exactly—it was okay—but she’d really rather be home playing with her baby boy. Whenever Candace entered the room, Matty greeted her with a big gummy grin. She was madly in love with him.

  He is such a charmer. Just like his dad, she thought, ruefully. How could I have been so dumb? So naïve? What will I tell Matty when he asks about his father? Sure, Danilo’s family wanted to have a relationship with their grandson—but what about Danilo? Maybe not? That thought made her very sad. I brought a child into the world whose father doesn’t want him. What will that do to his psyche? How can I protect him from all the hurt that will come his way? Fuck Danilo. He’s the one losing out, here.

  At breakfast the next day, Candace rocked Matty in his baby seat with one hand and held her fork with the other. Sara walked in and poured herself a bowl of granola.

  “Hey, guess what?” Candace said. “I got into UMass. We can commute together. Yay.”

  Sara didn’t say anything. She went to the fridge and opened a carton of low-fat milk.

  “Hello?” Candace said. “Aren’t you happy?”

  Sara poured milk over her cereal and stirred it with a spoon.

  “What’s going on?” Candace asked.

  Sara sat down at the table and gave her cereal a couple more stirs. Then she put her spoon down on the table and looked Candace in the eye.

  “Daddy said I can apply to Ithaca,” she said. “He said he can afford to send one of us a private university.”