Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “Oh hon, I’m so sorry.” I take her in my arms and let her release the rest of her tears. Austin stands in front of me with an apologetic look in his eyes. I don’t want to blame him, but I at the same time it’s his friend who did this. Why do guys have to be such dicks?

  “I just wanna go home. Please Jade, lets go home.”

  “Okay.” I hold her tight in my arms.

  “I’ll get the car,” Austin says, storming off looking furious. I hope he’s not mad that I want to leave. He has to understand right now I have to be there for Farrah.

  I sit in the backseat with Farrah as she continues to cry. None of us say anything. When we arrive at her house I walk Farrah inside and then head back to the car to talk to Austin.

  “Are you mad me?” I ask him getting into the front seat.

  “What? No. I mean I’m mad but not at you.”

  “Then who?”

  “Josh. He’s such an ass. I warned him not to date Farrah if he was thinking of getting back together with Julia.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. She’s your friend and I don’t wanna see her get hurt.”

  “I love you,” I blurt out without thinking. Austin’s eyes open wide. Why did I just say that? “I didn’t mean it like that I meant...”

  “I know how you meant it,” Austin nervously laughs.

  “Good.”

  “You meant you love me. You wanna kiss me,” he teases me.

  “Shut up! You’re an ass.” I hit him on his arm feeling like a complete fool.

  “I’m only teasing you. Come over here.” He pulls me in closer and begins to kiss me. With his eyes closes he says, “I swear I can kiss you all night long.”

  “Me too, but we have to stop.” I put my hand on his chest preventing him from getting any closer. “I better get inside. I’m sure Farrah wants to talk about everything that’s happened.” I need to get out of his car. I feel so stupid for telling him I loved him. I wish it was a mistake, but it really is how I feel.

  I lean in and give him one last kiss before running inside.

  I’ve spent almost all weekend keeping Farrah busy, so she won’t fall into another crying fit. One minute she would be okay saying things like she’s better off, and then the next she would be crying her eyes out. I hate seeing her this way. It reminds me so much of my mother when my father moved out. I would do anything to remove all the pain she’s feeling.

  To my surprise Logan showed up at her house. I guess she texted him. He held her in his arms and acted like the old Logan I care for. He even actually made her laugh.

  “Thanks for coming over. You really did make her feel better,” I say walking him to his car.

  “Whatever.” He slams his fist on the roof of his car making the angry Logan reappear. “I knew this shit was going to happen. That’s why I warned the two of you to stay away from those assholes. Now look at her, she’s broken because of him. And soon that’s gonna be you.”

  “No it’s not! Austin is different...”

  “Why do I even bother?” He jumps in his car and drives away before I can say anything else.

  I wish he would give me a chance to prove to him Austin is different.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you all weekend,” my mother says when I enter the kitchen on Monday morning.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been busy.” The truth is I’ve been avoiding her. I’m still scared she going to yell at me for inviting my dad and Trisha over. “Farrah got dumped after homecoming so I’ve been on supportive friend duty.”

  “Poor Farrah. Is she okay?”

  “Not really.”

  “Why did Josh dump her?”

  “He got back together with his ex,” I say, stuffing a spoon full of Cheerios in my mouth.

  “I swear these boys are all the same. I’m telling you now Jade you better protect that heart of yours, because I’m one hundred percent sure Austin is going to break it.” Not her too, first Logan and now her. Why can’t they all just stop worrying about my heart and start feeling happy for me?

  “It’s a chance I have to take. Just like the chance you’re taking with Tony,” I spit out feeling angry.

  My mother’s face plummets. “I better get to work.” She grabs her bag and exits the house without saying goodbye.

  I wish I didn’t say that last part, but she made me so mad. At the same time I’m beginning to believe they might be right. Austin is going to leave me sooner or later, and it’s going to emotionally kill me.

  I step outside trying to ignore the stab wounds in my heart.

  “Hey,” Austin says crossing the street. He takes me in his arms and kisses me hello.

  “Hey.” I try to smile but my mouth muscles seem to be having a hard time.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  I get into his car not wanting to talk about it. Besides what am I supposed to say? My mom and best friend are convinced you’re going to break my heart, and I’m not so sure they’re wrong.

  26

  Seems Like No One Likes Us Together

  Austin has been visiting different schools, although his heart still belongs to UT. He says he wants to apply to other schools just in case he doesn’t get in. He’s even applying to Braden University where his brother goes. I’m sure that’s his last choice, or maybe its North State. That’s where he is today.

  To be honest if I had it my way I would want Austin to go to North State. Not only because it’s only ninety minutes away, but also because that’s where I want to go. At least it was where I wanted to go before I found out Trisha was pregnant. Now I’m not so sure.

  I used to love thinking about the future and now I hate it. That big countdown clock keeps appearing reminding how much time I have left with Austin. It really sucks.

  I grab my jacket and step out into the chilly November air and begin to walk down my street. I need to clear my mind and maybe not think so much. I keep walking holding my jacket tightly around me.

  I was hoping to get things off my mind, but the truth is I have things to get off my chest instead. Before I know it I’m standing in front of Logan’s house. As mad as I’ve been at him I really do miss him. I think it’s about time we have that talk.

  Before I’m able to knock on the door it swings open and Becky, Summer’s friend walks out laughing followed by Logan. His face loses every ounce of happiness when he sees me.

  “Hey,” I say trying to ignore the look in his eyes.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks.

  “Hi Becky,” I say, before answering his question. She nods with her chocolate brown eyes open wide in confusion and anger. “I thought we could talk. But I see you’re busy.”

  Logan glances at Becky, who now looks like a scared deer caught in on coming traffic. “Nah, it’s cool. Becky was just here to see Summer, but she’s not home,” he lies. Then turns to her and breaks her heart. “I’ll tell Summer you came by.”

  Becky doesn’t move or say a word. The pain in her eyes says it all, and immediately I know Logan regrets what he just said.

  “Ok. Thanks.” Becky turns around and runs off his porch. Now I feel horrible. I didn’t want Logan to dismiss her like that.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” I say.

  “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything. She really did stop by to see Summer.”

  “Logan, you can’t be this dense. You really think she stopped by to see your sister. That girl likes you, and by the way you smile every time she’s around I think you like her too.”

  He wrinkles his forehead and quickly begins to deny it. “No way. Whatever! So what do you wanna talk to me about anyway?”

  “About us.”

  “Huh?”

  “About our friendship.”

  “What friendship?” He no longs looks at me but instead looks out toward the ocean with jaw shut tight.

  “Exactly. What happened to us? We had become really good friends and now it seems like you can’
t stand me. Do you hate Austin that much that you’re willing to end our friendship?”

  “Damn you Jade! You knew what he did to me, but you still decided to be with him. I would never do that to you. Now tell me Jade, do you like that guy so much you’re willing to end our friendship?”

  “Yes,” I answer honestly, and then quickly regret it.

  “What?” Logan opens his eyes wide in disbelief.

  “I don’t want our friendship to end, but I...Logan you can’t make me choose. It’s not fair.”

  “You act like you love the guy.”

  “I do,” I mumble.

  “What?!”

  “I’m in love with him.”

  “Even after what he did to you? Or what he did to me? I just don’t get it.”

  “For the last time he didn’t know Olivia was your girlfriend. You have to get over that already!” I yell frustrated.

  “I can’t wait ‘til it happens to you, and then tell me how quickly you get over it. You wanna believe he’s a nice and innocent because then you wouldn’t have to admit you’re dating an asshole.” He turns around and stomps back inside slamming his door.

  Tears begin to gush down my face. I walk away feeling dumped. Instead of heading home I decide to head to the beach. The cold wind is twice as strong here. I sit on the cold sand and just let the wind strike my face. I need to feel anything else but this pain in my heart.

  Maybe I should pick my friendship with Logan rather than Austin. But the thought of not having Austin in my life hurts twice as much. I have no idea how I’m going to survive next year when he’s not here.

  It’s been three weeks since I had my fight with Logan and I’m afraid it hasn’t gotten any better. I still get to see him in gym class, and with Farrah. Somehow her heartbreak has made them become better friends. He’s there for her the same way he used to be for me.

  With his help she’s been able to laugh again, and act like she never even cared for Josh. I hate to admit that I’m a little bit jealous. I mean I’m happy he can help Farrah out, but it sucks to have him so close and not be able to talk to him. It feels just like it did when Austin exited my life.

  * * *

  I come home after a long day at Farrah’s house and notice Austin’s car sitting in front of his house. I want to run to his door and just fall into his arms, but I don’t. Instead I walk towards my house. I’m exhausted and I just need a nap right now.

  I walk up my front steps and right before I open my door I hear a loud bang. I whirl around and see Austin standing on his front porch. He smiles and rushes to my side.

  He cradles my face in his hands bringing some warmth to my cold face, and gives me a long beautiful kiss waking my body up again. “I missed you,” he says.

  “I missed you too.”

  “I came out here to invite you over for dinner. My parents thought it was about time I invite my girlfriend over.”

  “You mean right now.” There’s no way I can go now. I’m in an old baby blue sweatshirt and loose boyfriend jeans with my hair in a messy side fishtail braid. I look like crap.

  “Yeah.”

  “But I can’t go over there looking like this.”

  “You look beautiful,” he says pulling me towards his house. I’m not ready to have dinner with his parents.

  I quickly text my mother, Going over 2 Austin’s house 4 dinner.

  OK. If you need me call me. She texts me back. I don’t think my mother is ever going to forgive them for their part in her divorce.

  I walk into his house and am surprised how much it’s changed. Gone are all the bright blue walls. Instead neutral colors run through out the first floor.

  We walk into his living room and once again I’m shocked on how much it’s changed. I remember they had big comfy black suede couches and a huge television, which Austin and Blake played their video games on. Every so often they let me join in. Actually, it was when Blake was done playing.

  Now his living room looks as if no one ever enters it. Stiff white couches have replaced the big black ones, and the television has been replaced by even stiffer artwork.

  “How are you Jade?” Mrs. Evans asks with an unreadable smile.

  “I’m good.”

  “Well I’m glad you finally came over for dinner. I’ve been begging Austin to bring you by for a while now.” I try to find a sign of kindness in her amber brown eyes, but they are as blank as her smile.

  “Mom! No guilt trip tonight. You promised.”

  “Is dinner ready?” Mr. Evan says entering the room. I don’t know what it is about him, but the air around becomes as stiff as their sofas. “Oh, Jade, I’m glad you can join us for dinner.” He has the same smile Mrs. Evans has.

  “I’m glad to be here.” My stomach twist and turns with nervousness. I wish this was a new feeling I was sensing towards them, but I’ve always felt this way about them. Well actually Mrs. Evan used to be kind and nurturing. I wonder what happened to her in last six years.”

  “I hope you like chicken,” Mrs. Evans says leading us into their dinning room. This room seems to have a little more life in it. The dark wood table and matching chairs are exactly the same ones I remember from when I was a kid. I’m glad something has stayed the same.

  “I do.” I sit right across from Austin, although I wish I were sitting right next to him. Mr. and Mrs. Evans sit at the end of the table.

  They begin to pass all the platters with the food around. It all looks and smells delicious. I serve myself chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and salad. I wish my mother would cook like this.

  “It’s really good,” I say, after swallowing a piece of lemon garlic chicken.

  “Thank you. It’s nice to finally sit as a family at the table. With our schedules it’s so hard to do that. I’m sure it’s the same way at your house,” Mrs. Evan says.

  “Yeah. I mean it’s only my mom and me...”

  “And her boyfriend,” Mr. Evans adds.

  “Dad!” Austin looks at me and mouths the word sorry. I shrug letting him know it’s okay.

  “Yes, and Tony. But he doesn’t live with us, or is hardly over for dinner,” I lie. The truth is the only time we do eat like a family is when he’s over.

  “So how’s your father?” Mrs. Evan asks with her hands clutched together in front of her.

  “He’s good.”

  “And Trisha? She must be getting excited to have the baby.”

  “I guess.” As much as my relationship with Trisha has changed I still don’t like the fact she’s having my father’s baby.

  Dinner continues smoothly. Mr. Evans does most of the talking. He mostly chats about work and some new office he’s going to move to. I don’t pay much attention, because all I could do is stare into Austin’s eyes. I love him so much and wish I could tell him.

  Now I know what people mean when they say someone is their everything. I used think that line was so stupid and unrealistic, but now I understand it. Austin has become my everything.

  “Have you heard anything from UT yet?” Mr. Evan asks Austin, taking him by surprise.

  “No, not yet. But I went for an interview with North State and it went great.”

  “Why are you wasting your time with them?”

  “I didn’t see it as wasting my time. I’m trying to keep my options open. Besides I really liked their writing program,” Austin says, looking at me with a beautiful smile. My heart begins to pounce at the thought of him actually picking a school so close by. It would be perfect and I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to him.

  “Writing program? You can’t be serious,” his dad bellows.

  “Your dream has always been to go to the University of Texas,” his mother says, looking upset.

  “Things change. Besides I still don’t know if I got into UT. “

  “Is this because of her?” his father questions him in a thick voice. The way he said her sends chills up and down my back. I wish there was a way to get up and run back to the safety of my house.
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  “What are you talking about?” Austin raises his voice to match his fathers.

  “I knew you getting a girlfriend this year was a bad idea. I warned you not to let her ruin anything for you.”

  “I’m not ruining anything,” I whisper, trying to figure how things got so bad so fast.

  “Dad, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Jade hasn’t ruin anything for me. She’s made things better.”

  “Better? Before she came in your life you wanted to go to UT and study law, and now you’re talking about some writing program at some two bit school.”

  Austin shakes his head as his eyes filled with rage.

  “I think what your father is trying to say is we don’t want you making choices because of Jade just like your brother did,” his mother says in a calm voice. “All you’ve talked about for years is going to UT, and now you’re talking about North State. It’s just a little strange.”

  “This is all bullshit!” Austin yells slamming his fist on the table.

  “AUSTIN!” His father yells turning bright red.

  “Come on, we’re getting out of here!” Austin grabs my arm and pulls me out of his house before they can say anything else.

  27

  Feelings Expressed

  My mind is spinning. I don’t understand why they got so mad that he liked North State. Do they want him to move away that badly?

  We both enter his car and he slams his door shut. I’ve never seen him this mad. He takes off speeding through our street. His breaths come in heavy as he focuses on the road. He makes a turn so fast my whole body flies to the left. If it weren’t for my seatbelt I would’ve ended up on his lap.

  “Please slow down. You’re scaring me,” I finally say.

  He pulls over right in front of the beach and slams his fist on his steering wheel making me jump. I search every corner of my mind for the right thing to say, but I can’t think of anything. I’ve never experience anything like this before. I mean I’ve seen my parents yell at each other, but never has that anger been directed at me.