Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  Except things weren’t fine. I’m not sure if I was sad because of the wedding or because I didn’t attend. This was a special day for my dad and no matter how much I wish things were different I should have been there for him.

  Austin is the only person I could confess this all to. He held me in his arms as I cried. He didn’t try to fix things with his words, he just sat there and held me. It was exactly what I needed. This is why I know we are going to make it. We both know what the other needs. I know I’ve only been dating him for eight months, but if he asked me to marry him today I would say yes.

  Together we will prove to the world there is such a thing as true love.

  The cold winter days have been battling with the spring days. Every time I think winter is over another cold day hits us. Today is so cold you wouldn’t even think it’s May.

  I’ve spent that last three hours prom dress shopping with Farrah. We both must have tried on about a million dresses, but couldn’t really find anything we like.

  “Why does this have to be so hard?” Farrah asks, dropping me off at my house. I’m so excited she’s also going to the prom. A senior named Scott Linker asked her.

  “I don’t know. But we’ll keep looking.”

  “Ok. ‘Till another shopping day. I’ll call you later,” she calls out before she drives off.

  I look across the street and smile when I see Austin’s car. I’m so glad he’s home. I pull out my cell phone to text him, but before I can even tap on one letter his front door flies open and Austin stomps out with his jaw clenched.

  “I don’t need you!” he yells towards his house before getting in his car.

  His father steps outside looking as angry as Austin. “Good, because I refuse to pay for that school!” He looks up and spots me. His nose flares as his eyes narrow. I spin around and run inside my house.

  I guess he found out what Austin’s decided to do next year. Ohmigod what are we going to do? What is Austin going to do? He can’t go to school next year if his father won’t pay for it.

  I try to call him but it goes straight to voicemail. I text him, Babe please call me!!! But he doesn’t respond. What if he realizes I’m not worth it and decides to end other relationship?

  I can’t think negatively right now. Austin will fight for us, I just know. I run up to my room pop open my laptop and begin to search for ways he can pay for school. I need to help him anyway I can.

  After an hour my phone rings. “Hello,” I answer.

  “He knows,” Austin says in a deep voice.

  “I know. I saw you get in your car. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Just had to get away from his house. He acts like this is his life not mine.”

  “Austin pizza’s here,” I hear a girl say in the background. Who’s he with?

  “Who’s that?”

  “Leah.”

  “Leah?” I’m here worrying about him and he ran off to see Leah. I don’t understand. Why is he with her?

  “Yeah. I came over to see Derek and she happened to be here. I was hoping she’d leave, but she didn’t get the hint.”

  “Oh.” I want to believe him, but the doubts I tried to bury begin to resurface. Carrie was not wrong when she said our dad ruined our trust. Sometimes I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to fall.

  “Are you still home?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How ‘bout I pick you up and we go get something to eat together?”

  “I thought you were gonna eat pizza.” I try my best to keep my annoyance out of my voice.

  “I rather see you. Actually I need to see you.” My heart warms up and buries my doubts deep inside again.

  “I need to see you too.”

  He pulls up in front of my house ten minutes later. I jump in his car and immediately sink into his arms. “Are you okay?” I ask him.

  “Yeah. I spoke to Blake and he told me not to worry. My dad did the same thing to him.”

  “Well if he decides to follow through with his threat this time I found all these scholarships you can apply for and...”

  Austin leans forward and presses his lips against mine before I can say anything else.

  Stroking the side of my face gently he whispers, “You’re the only thing in my life that makes sense. I love you so much.”

  “I love you too.” I lean forward and continue to kiss him. Please let there be a way he can go to North State. I can’t lose him.

  Austin hasn’t let what happened with his father affect him too much. It helps that his father is in Chicago all week long. I found out Austin didn’t really share what happened with his friends. All they know is he got into a fight with his father.

  A week after that fight Austin found out he got accepted to Braden University. He was actually happy about it. He said if North State didn’t accept him he would have gone there.

  I don’t care if he goes to North State or Braden University all I care about is that we are going to be together, even after his family moves away.

  I tried the whole prom dress shopping again, but this time with my mother. She had time to take me so I jumped to the chance to spend some time with her. We actually had a great time. My mother talked about Tony for most of the time but I didn’t mind. I think it’s because I’m so happy, and no ones going to ruin it.

  After three stores I finally find the perfect dress. It’s a light sky blue strapless ball gown with a natural waistline. The top of the dress is satin and the bottom half is tulle. The waist is the best part; it’s sheer net stocking material with crystals all over it. It’s beautiful I can’t wait until Austin see’s me in it. He’s going to love it as much as I do.

  We pull up in front of our house and are both shocked to see Mrs. Evans at our front door. What could she possibly want? Fear sends a shockwave from my head to the tip of my toes. Please don’t let anything bad have happened to Austin.

  31

  Reality Hurts

  “Hi,” Mrs. Evan says, as we step out of the car.

  “Hello Debra. Is there something we can help you with?” My mom asks.

  I decide to leave my dress in the car. I don’t know why I’m afraid to pull it out in front of her. I think my mother feels the same way, because she doesn’t say anything when she see’s me empty handed.

  “I was actually hoping to talk to you Jade,” Mrs. Evans says with a warm smile. Good, there can’t be anything wrong with Austin if she’s smiling like this. Maybe she’s here to tell me she accepts our relationship and will work on her husband.

  “Okay, but why don’t we go inside,” my mother says still looking a little worried.

  “You guys can talk in the living room.” Suddenly fear is knocking on my heart once more. Why do I feel like this is not going to be a good conversation?

  “I’ll let you talk,” my mother says, but before she can leave the room Mrs. Evans stops her and asks her to stay.

  My mother comes and sits on the other side of me.

  “Jade, you know I really like you, and I think you’ve been really good for my son. I’ve never seen him so happy.” I can’t help but smile. “But I have to be honest with you. I’m scared for him.”

  “Scared for him? Why?” I ask confused.

  “I don’t know if you know this, but Austin has chosen a school to go to next year.” She bites her lower lip in agony. “He’s going to North State.”

  “I know. He told me.”

  “Do you know he’s doing it for you? To be closer to you.”

  I nod with knots getting tighter in my stomach.

  “You also know that this was not his first choice. All he’s ever spoken about is going to UT. Getting accepted was a dream come true for him. Now he’s abandoning that dream for you. I know you think your relationship will last forever, but who knows if next year you two will be together. He would have given up that dream for nothing.” Tears creep into her eyes. “I already had one son who did that, I can’t watch another one make the same mistake.” I don’
t think Blake going to Braden is that bad. He actually likes it there.

  “I don’t know what you want me to do. I already told him to go to UT, but he said he no longer wants to.”

  “He won’t want to go if you two are together.”

  “What are you saying?” I ask mortified of her answer.

  She takes a deep breath before she reveals her motive for talking to me. “I’m asking you let him go. Let him live his dream. I know what I’m asking of you is really hard. But if you truly care about what he wants you will let him go and let him fulfill his dream. You two can still have a chance after he’s goes to school.”

  My heart and brain scream NO! How can she ask me to walk away from the only boy I’ve ever loved? I can’t. There’s no way I can.

  “Jade, I know I have no right to ask this of you, but as mother who loves her son and really does not want to see him make this mistake, I beg you to think about it.”

  I don’t nod or shake my head. I can’t move. I can’t believe what she’s asking me to do.

  Mrs. Evans gets up looking defeated. I look up at her with hatred in my green eyes. She’s pure evil to me. “I better get going. Please think about what I told you.” My mother walks her to the door, while I still can’t find the energy to move.

  “Are you okay?” my mother asks coming to sit next to me.

  “No, I’m not okay. Can you believe what she’s asking me to do? She’s crazy if she thinks I’m breaking up with Austin.”

  “Jade, I know it sounds crazy, but I think she might have a point.”

  I stand up enraged with my mother now. “I can’t believe you! You’re siding with her? I’m not breaking up with Austin! And that’s final!”

  “I’m not saying this because I’m siding with her, I’m saying this because I love you. Your father and I made the same mistakes. We both gave up our dreams to be together, and look how that turned out. I just don’t want Austin to regret being with you because he didn’t get to do what he really wanted.”

  I stand up and leave the room before I can release any of the tears that are dying to escape the walls of my eyes. This can’t be happening. There’s no way I can break up with Austin. There has to be something else I can do.

  By the time Austin picks me up to go to Derek’s latest party I’m emotionally drained. My mother tried to talk to me again, but I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. I just want to pretend Debra Evans never came to talk to me.

  “Woo Hoo!” Derek screams spinning Leah in the air.

  “What’s going on? Austin asks grabbing a beer.

  “I got into Arizona State!” Leah says with a proud smile.

  “That’s awesome!” Austin lets go my hand to give her a tight hug. I hate the pang of jealously my body feels every time he touches her. I know he only see’s her as a friend, but I also know she would love to have more.

  “I’m so happy. I actually got into my first choice. Next year is going to be amazing! Derek’s going to Florida State, you’re going to UT and I’ll be...”

  “Actually I’m going to North State,” Austin says with an unreadable smile.

  “You didn’t get accepted to UT?” Derek asks.

  “I got accepted. I just changed my mind,” Austin replies, taking another sip of beer.

  “What? But all you’ve talked about the last few years is going to UT,” Leah says.

  “Things change.” Austin puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a tight squeeze. There’s a part of me that thinks his mother put Leah up to this.

  “I guess they do,” she says looking at me with pure anger in her cold ice blue eyes.

  The knots in my stomach become tighter and all of the sudden I begin to feel sick. Leah walks off to share her news with her other friends who cheer just as loud as Derek.

  Austin grabs another beer as his demeanor changes. “Austin are you sure you want to go to North State? I mean UT...”

  “I’ve already decided. I’m going to North State.”

  “But if this is about us, we could make it work. I’ll fly down every weekend if I have to.”

  “You’re crazy.” He leans in and gives me a tender kiss on my lips. “I’m going to North State for a lot of different reasons. And yes one them is you, but you’re not the only reason. I really like their writing program.”

  “But I’m sure UT has a better writing program than...”

  “Oh my God Jade. I’ve already decided! Can we drop this?” He takes a gulp of his beer and then slams it into the garbage can. “I’m kind of tired. You ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” My throat burns as I try my best to not cry again.

  I grab my jacket and head towards the door while he says bye to all his friends. Right before I walk out Leah approaches me. “You know you’re ruining his life.”

  “Leave me alone Leah.”

  “All he’s ever talked about is going to that school and now you enter his life and all his plans change. I hope you’ll be happy next year while he’s miserable. You’ve known Austin as long as I have, and you know he’s not going to be happy at North State.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Maybe, but what I do know is you’re a selfish bitch who’s only thinking about your happiness. I hope Austin wakes up before it’s too late.” She walks off before I have a chance to respond. When I woke up this morning I never thought I would realize I’m responsible for ruining someone’s future.

  Austin finally comes outside and opens the car door for me. I climb in without saying a word. My heart is torn in so many directions.

  “I’m sorry about what happened in there,” Austin says, taking my hand into his. “It’s just my parents are still hassling me about my choice, and I just didn’t want to hear it anymore. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  I try my best to give him a strong smile. “Are you sure I’m not the reason you’re going to North State?”

  “You’re the only reason I’m going there.” He leans in and begins to kiss me. In his mind he thinks it’s the perfect answer, while in my head it’s defiantly the wrong one. I know what I must do now.

  32

  Hardest Choice Ever

  “Are you crazy?” Farrah says, when I tell her what I’m thinking of doing. “Just tell him what his mother asked you to do.”

  “No. Besides all that’s gonna do is get him mad at his mother.”

  “But if you go through with what you’re planning he’ll hate you.

  “I know. I need him to hate me so much he’ll want to get as far away from me as possible.”

  “Can’t you just try talking to him?”

  “Farrah, I already tried that. Look I’m not going to be the reason he doesn’t follow his dream.”

  “But it’s only a school. I’m sure he has other dre...”

  “Enough. I’m doing this!”

  “Okay,” she says looking away as if I hurt her. “But why don’t you do it later. Prom is in two weeks, at least have one more magical night before you go through with it.”

  “I can’t. By then it’ll be too late. I have to do it now.”

  Farrah puts her arm around my shoulders. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I’m not the one that’s gonna get hurt.”

  “Yes you are. And I’ll be here for you.” She leans in and gives me a big hug. I can’t think about the pain I’ll be in. Right now I have to be strong for Austin.

  “I better go. I have to go talk to Logan and Garret before I go through with this. I’ll call you later.

  It’s not hard to convince Garret and Logan to help me. Now it’s just up to me. I know breaking up with him out of the blue won’t do it. Austin is a lot like me and will be able to know something is up.

  It’s taken me over a week to actually put my plan in motion. I keep hoping something will come up and I won’t have to do this.

  I spend the weekend at my dad’s and pretty much make up every excuse in the book not to see A
ustin. It’s so hard because all I want to do is be with him before he no longer wants to see me.

  Every time he calls or text me I don’t answer. I also decide to sleep in my dad’s guest room. That way if Austin shows up after everyone is asleep I won’t have to listen to him bang on my door. I know I won’t have the strength not to open it. It really has been one of the hardest weekends I’ve had in a long time.

  By the time Monday comes my body physically aches from missing him. I’m starting to rethink every thing. There’s no way I can go through with this. I walk into school with every muscle twisting in agony.

  “Hey babe, I stopped by your house but you’re mom said you had already left.” He leans in to kiss me, but I move to avoid his lips. Having him stand in front of me I know I have to go through with it. I love him that much. I need him to be happy without me. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “Nothing. Just tired.”

  “Where were you this weekend? I kept trying to reach you but never answered or called me back. Then I showed up at your bedroom door, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I know I was busy, and I came home real late,” I coldly answer trying my best not to look at him in the eyes.

  “Are sure there’s nothing wrong?”

  “Yes.” He grabs my hand as we begin to walk down the hall. I want to squeeze his hand and tell him I love him. But I don’t. Instead I pull my hand out of his and say, “I have to get to class.” I run off before he can say anything else. I hate being this mean to him. Instead of going to class I run into the bathroom where I no longer can stop my tears from coming out.

  I spend the rest of the day hiding. By the time the last bell rings all I want to do is go home and pretend I don’t have to do this, but I know I can’t avoid Austin any longer. This has to be done now, before it’s too late for him to choose UT.

  Austin is waiting for me right by my locker. He’s smiling as he talks to Derek and Josh. I’m really going to miss that smile and those dimples.

  I take a deep breath and try to search for that hatred I once had for him inside me, but it no longer exist.