Where Does My Heart Belong?

by Libby Kingsley

  After we arrange the service for Grandma, Fred takes us out for lunch. When we get back to the house, I tell them that I think I should have a buffet of some sort after the service and invite everyone back here. “Do you think I can get a caterer on this short of notice? How many people should we plan for?” I ask them.

  “I’ve got a better idea,” Fred says. “Let’s have it at my club. We can plan on a fifty people. If we need more food, the staff can whip it up in a jiffy. If it’s too much they can serve it to others or you can take it home with you.”

  “That sounds great, Fred, thank you,” I tell him.

  “Okay, then, the service is at 11:00 on Thursday, so I’ll pick you up at 10:00. Call me if you need anything before then.”

  “Libby, will you let Angie and me stay with you tonight? I don’t want you to be alone,” Tony asks.

  “Sure, Tony, that will be fine. You can have the downstairs the same as you did before. I’ll go get the beds made up.”

  “While you do that I’ll go pick up Angie at her school.”

  When they get back, Angie is ecstatic to see me. After she hugs and kisses me she says, “Hey Libby, I talk American now, do you know what ‘shithead’ means?”

  “Angelita,” Tony hollers. “Where did you learn that word?”

  “En escuela, what does it mean Libby, huh, what does it mean?”

  “It’s a slang word for a stupid person. It’s not a nice word to use in English. It’s derogatory.”

  “Please don’t say that word again, Angie,” Tony says. “It’s not nice.”

  “What’s doggertree? Is that a tree where doggies go pee-pee? I’m going to watch TV now.”

  Oh, my God, I cover my mouth with my hand. I don’t want her to see me laughing. I head for the bathroom and Tony follows me in. I laugh until I think I’m going to be sick.

  “Ten thousand dollars,” he tells me. “That’s what that fancy school of hers is costing me a year, and this is what she comes home with, a bunch of bathroom vernacular. If I wanted her to talk like that, I could have saved the money and sent her to public school.”

  “The school didn’t teach her that. Kids pick up everything they hear other kids say.”

  “Yeah, I know, she’s probably heard worse from my renegade nephews, Manny’s kids. They can cuss the wallpaper off the walls. I’m glad she doesn’t see them that often any more. “

  I’m still laughing.

  "You can laugh now, Libby, but mark my words, when you have kids of your own you won't think it's so funny. I don't know how my folks did it, raising the five of us. One of us was always into something."

  "Did you get spankings?"

  "Oh, yeah, spanking was the order of the day back then. Manny got the most of them; he was the problem child. I got a few, the worst one was the last one.”

  “What’d you do?

  “We hadn't been in America very long and we were dirt poor. My folks would buy our food in bulk because it was cheaper that way. We had a little pantry where we stored it and we kept the flour in this little barrel. One day Mama was going to do some baking so she asked me to get her some. When I took the lid off the barrel, I saw several little mice running around in there. Instead of bringing her the flour, I got our black cat and put him in there with the mice, then put the lid back on. That cat made an awful racket, yowling and screaming. He wanted out. The barrel was rocking and rolling from side to side and I was laughing my head off. When Mama heard the commotion, she came to see what was going on and got there just as the lid flew off the barrel. That cat high-tailed it out of there, covered in flour. Then the barrel tipped over and the flour and mice spilled out. She gave it to me good for that one and when Papa came home I got it again.”

  "That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I wish I could have seen it.”

  “Yeah, I thought it was funny too until they explained to me that I had ruined one of their food supplies and they didn’t have the money to replace it. Speaking of food, what do you want to do for dinner tonight?”

  “Let’s order in, whatever you want.”

  “Great, I really don’t feel like taking Angie out to a restaurant. If she doesn’t like the food she’ll probably call the waiter a shithead.”

  Still laughing, I say, “Okay, pizza, Chinese, or what?”

  “Make it Chinese, she’ll eat that. She’s not too crazy about pizza.”

  “Chinese it is. I don’t know what you like, so would you order it? I can eat just about anything on the menu.” I hand him the phone book. “The Siam Palace is the closest.”

  While he places the order, I go check on Angie who’s watching TV in the family room and then set the table. When Tony gets off the phone, I’m rummaging through Grandma’s liquor cabinet. “Dang, I wanted a drink but there’s no Early Times, guess I’ll have to drink this blended Canadian stuff she liked. Yuk, it gives me headaches.”

  “I brought a bottle of Chardonnay. Would you like to have a glass? I’m going to have one.”

  “Make it a glass or two, a glass or three or even four,” I tell him. We get to enjoy one glass before the food gets here. After dinner, I tell him that I need to turn the phones back on in case anyone tries to call. I turned them off when we got back from the funeral home because I didn’t want to be disturbed while Tony and Fred were here. No sooner then I turn them on the ringing starts and I spend a good hour answering calls. By this time, its 9:00 o’clock and I’ve had it so I turn them off again. I get ready for bed and fall asleep thinking of my beautiful Grandmother.

  CHAPTER 35

  Grandma’s funeral was lovely, I was so happy to see a large turnout. So many people loved her. After it was over and we had the celebration at Fred’s club we came back home and Tony told me that he and Angie would like to stay for a few more days. He doesn’t want me to be alone.

  “It’s okay with me. Where are you living now?”

  “We’ve got an apartment not too far from Angie’s school. It’s close enough that I can walk her there and back.”

  “Geez, Tony, why don’t you guys just move back in here again? I don’t know how long I’m going to be here but when I go back to Eagle Valley, it would be nice to have someone I trusted to look after the place. You could save on rent.”

  “Thanks, Libby, that’s a great idea, let me think about it.”

  A few nights later, after he’s put Angie to bed he comes into the living room where I’m sorting through some old magazines, and holds up a bottle of Early Times.

  “Care for a drink? I’d like to talk with you for a while.”

  “Oh, baby, you know what I like. Let me get some glasses and ice.”

  He fixes the drinks and we settle down on the sofa.

  “God, I’ve missed you, Libby. I can’t believe it’s been over a year since you left. So tell me, how are things going up there in Washington? Has everything turned out the way you hoped it would?”

  “Not really. I told you about my boyfriend Red, how he dumped me and then unexpectedly showed up again. We’ve been trying to work things out but I still can’t forget what he did and fully trust him. He wants to get married but I told him no.”

  “Be careful, Libby, you’re about to become a very wealthy woman. The wrong choice in a husband could be disastrous.”

  “I know. Grandma and I talked about that. Is that the reason you’ve never gotten married?”

  “Partly, I did fall head over heels once for this one woman, I’m sure I could trust her not to be going after me just for the money, but she doesn’t know I feel that way about her.”

  “Then you better get on the ball and tell her. You’re not getting any younger you know. Angie might like to have a little brother or sister to play with some day,” I tease.

  “We really haven’t spent that much time together. I just can’t come out and say something like that now. I guess I’ll have to court her. I’ve never really courted a woman before; I’m not sure how to go about it.”

  “Well, what ki
nd of dates have you been on?”

  “Mostly just casual stuff during the day.”

  “Then try something not so casual in the evening; you know the usual, a play, concert, or the opera. Bring her flowers and a little gift. Is she an outdoors person? Can she ride a horse? If so, then take her on a trail ride. There’s this one place down near Saratoga that I’d like to go to, Garrod Farms. They have 1 hour guided rides through their vineyards and forests. After the ride, you can do a wine tasting at their winery. If she’s not into that then if you really want to impress her, book a flight to Long Beach or San Pedro and go to Catalina for the afternoon. According to the song, it’s the island of romance. Have dinner at some fancy restaurant, then fly back home. Make sure she knows it’s not an overnighter. Don’t push the sex thing, don’t be a Bill Fitzgerald.”

  “I’m still laughing over that one. I hope I never get on your bad side.”

  “You could never be on my bad side, Tony, never. You’re one in a million and I’m so glad I have you in my life.”

  “Glad enough to have another drink with me? I’m not trying to get you drunk or anything but I’d like another one.”

  “You bet. You mix ‘em up and I’ll be back in a minute.” We spend another half hour talking about Angie and then I tell him I need to get to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll be going to his folks place and I’ll be spending the weekend there. When we get up off the couch, he puts his hands on my shoulders and kisses me on my forehead. “Good night, Libby, sweet dreams, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  There are no sweet dreams though, I toss, and turn, thinking over the conversation we had about the woman he liked. My intuition and ego is in overdrive; is it possible that he was talking about me?

  The next morning we head for Marin County. I’m happy to be there again. José and Isabel welcome me warmly and tell me that I’ll be staying in the main house tonight, not the guest cottage. She shows me to one of the upstairs bedrooms. “Angie’s room is right across the hall and Tony’s is down on the end. Make yourself at home and come down whenever you want. I’ll have lunch on the table at noon.”

  I hang my clothes in the closet and lay down on the bed. I’m so darn tired. The stress of Grandma’s death must be getting to me. It isn’t long before I’m asleep. I wake up two hours later to Angie’s little voice, “Libby, Libby, es hora de despertar. Almuerzo está listo.” Libby, Libby, it’s time to wake up. Lunch is ready.

  “Oh my, I can’t believe I fell asleep like that. Let me freshen up a bit and then I’ll be right down.”

  After lunch, I ask Isabel if I can take a walk around the property. The fresh air will do me good, I still feel tired. Tony goes with me and we spend a nice afternoon together. After dinner, I retire early and sleep until 9:00 the next morning, waking up still tired. Tony takes me back home at 11:00 and asks if I want him to stay another night.

  “No, go on home. I’ll be okay. I have an early appointment with the lawyers tomorrow. Fred is coming for me at 8:00 o’clock.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Take care of yourself. This whole thing has been a strain on you. Oh, and Libby, I’ve decided that Angie and I would like to move in. I need to give 30 days’ notice at the apartment but then I’m all yours.” Then he’s gone and I’m alone, already missing him.

  The next morning I meet with the lawyers. They’re preparing to start the probate process of Grandma’s will. It will probably take eight months to a year before it’s finalized. They schedule the reading of the will for Friday. I’m going to have some tough decisions to make once it’s final. What will I do with the house and that looser recording studio in Seattle? I won’t need the house if I’m going to live in Eagle Valley but I don’t know if I can bring myself to sell it. I’ve fallen in love with it and this part of San Francisco. One worry I won’t have is the jet. Grandma leased it to the pilots who wanted to start a small charter business of their own. I’ll still own it but I won’t have access to it whenever I want to.

  I call Red every other day and keep him updated on what I’m doing. Right now, it looks like I’ll be here for a while. There’s so much to do. He says he understands but I can tell he’s not happy about it.

  CHAPTER 36

  About a week after going to Tony’s folks, I get sick. I’m weak and have a few spells where I think I’m going to faint and I’m vomiting all the time. I put myself to bed for a day but it doesn’t help, I don’t get any better. Concerned about my old head injury, I call Leona Cashman and ask her to take me to the doctor. Henry has retired so I don’t have a driver any more. She wastes no time in getting me to Stanford where they x-ray my skull and do all kinds of tests. I spend a night in the hospital.

  The next day the doctor tells me that my skull is fine and so am I, I’m just pregnant, that’s all. Pregnant, there’s no way I tell him, my boyfriend has had a vasectomy. How long ago, he wants to know. About 10 years I tell him. Then he tells me that a vasectomy can reverse itself if all they did was just clip the cords. The ends of the little tubes try to find each other and re-join. It’s the body’s way of healing itself. He wants me to come back in a month and see an ob/gyn. He gives me a prescription to help with the nausea and vomiting and one for prenatal vitamins and tells me I can go home. I call Leona and ask her to come and get me. “I’m okay. My skull is fine. I must have picked up some kind of bug,” I tell her. I don’t tell her that I’m pregnant. I don’t want anyone to know about it yet.

  Later that night I try to call Red several times but there’s no answer. Just as well, probably, I’m not sure how to tell him about this. There’s no answer the next night either and I start to get worried. Then I get a call from John at the Management Company. He tells me that Red has moved out. Do I want them to try to find another renter?

  “What do you mean he moved out? What’s going on, John?”

  “I don’t know Libby. I’ve been trying to call him so I could do the inspection. When I called today, his phone had been disconnected. I went down there but I couldn’t get in. He must have changed the combination on the door locks. I was able to look through a couple of windows and the place is bare. He’s gone.”

  “Hold off on looking for another renter for a bit. I’ll try to find out what’s happened and get back to you.”

  He moved out? He’s gone? This is like déjà vu all over again. I’m frantic to know what’s happened and scared to know. How could he do this to me a second time? I call the dealership where he works and they tell me they laid him off a couple of weeks ago. They haven’t seen him since. I call his brother, Bob, and he says Red was going out to look for another job but he doesn’t know where he is. I give Bob the number here and ask him to tell Red to call me if he hears from him. It’s important, and I stress important. I am sick at heart.

  The next day I make the decision to go back to Washington. I need to check on the house and try to find out where Red is. Getting there won’t be easy since I don’t have access to the jet or anyone to pick me up at the airport if I fly commercial. I was depending on Red to do that. I put in a call to Barb & Chris but they’re out of town at a horse show and not due back for a couple of days. I ask their house sitter to have Barb call me collect. Then as luck would have it, Tony calls.

  “Hey, I heard you were sick and in the hospital. Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “I’ll be fine and yeah, there’s something you can do for me. Any chance you would have a couple of hours to spare to go car shopping with me one day this week?”

  “Car shopping, why are you going car shopping?”

  “A bunch of crap has happened, Tony. I need to go back to Washington and I can’t fly because I don’t have anyone to drive me home from the airport. I’m going to have to drive so I need a car.”

  “Just hang on. I wanted to see you anyways so I’ll be there in about 15 minutes.”

  When he gets here, he can tell I’m upset. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong? Come here, sweetheart, let’s sit down and you ca
n tell me all about it. Does it have something to do with your boyfriend?”

  “Ex-boyfriend. He’s gone. He’s done another runner on me. You won’t have to worry about me marrying the wrong guy now. I’ll probably never see him again.”

  Just then the phone rings, its Barb. “Oh, Barb thanks for calling back so quickly, I desperately need a favor. I’m still in San Francisco. Red was supposed to be watching the place but he’s taken off on me again and changed the combination to his door locks. Do you still have the combination to the front door and my side of the house? Good. When you get home, could you get a hold of John at Apex Management and arrange to go down to the house with him. He has a remote to open the gate. Then go and see if everything looks okay. Try the door to Red’s side and see if he left it open. Then use one of the phones and call me. I’ll call John and tell him to expect hearing from you.”

  “Of course, Libby, I’ll be glad to. I’m so sorry. Chris is going to have a fit when he hears this.”

  “Thanks, Barb, I’ll call John right now.” I hang up, and call John and tell him to expect a call from Barb in the next day or two.

  “Well, that will be one worry off my mind if they find everything okay,” I tell Tony. “It will take the pressure off of me getting back there right away.”

  “Look, I been doing some thinking. Do you think you could wait another ten days or so before going back? Angie will be out of school on the 30th. Why don’t I drive you back? That way you won’t have to buy a car and travel by yourself.”

  “That’s nice of you to offer, Tony, but I haven’t told you everything. There’s more going on and I'm afraid if I tell you, you won't like me anymore.”

  "Oh, Libby, there's nothing you can say that will make me not like you."

  I put my face in my hands and sob. I may as well get it over with, he’ll find out eventually anyway. If he turns away from me, I’ll just have to deal with it. But I like having him around; I don't want to lose him. I raise my head up and with tears streaming down my face; I tell him that I’m pregnant. He doesn’t say anything; he just puts his arms around me, and holds me while I cry.