Where Does My Heart Belong?

by Libby Kingsley

  “We’ll do that, Mike, just has soon as the wind dies down. There’s no way we can fix anything when it’s blowing this strong. Just relax until I get back. I'm going to the kitchen and make a frosting for the cake." While I'm searching through the cupboards for ingredients, a horrible noise comes from the living room. It sounds a lot like an animal being killed. I rush in there and see that D has Ricky in a headlock on the floor and Ricky is screaming.

  "Stop that right now; get up, the both of you." They get up and glare at each other and at me.

  "I'm going to put you in the garbage can and let the wind blow you all over," Ricky tells D. "If you're still alive after that, we're all going to bang on it with sticks."

  Tony was right these guys are something else. "Nobody is going in any garbage cans," I tell them. "Come on, the wind is dying down so let's go out and look at the damage. Mike, you lead the way, I'm going to need your help on this one."

  "You bet, Libby, first we'll need to go to Grandpa’s shop so we can get hard helmets, and gloves.

  It’s still windy, so I send the girls to the barn and tell them to stay there until I tell them to come out. The boys and I go look at the shed roof. The big piece of metal is still flapping around. We’re going to need something heavy to hold it down. I notice an old tractor tire lying by the side of the barn. “Do you think we could get that tire up there and weigh it down with that?” I ask Mike.

  “We can try, but I don’t know if the tractor will reach that high. Let me get it and we’ll find out.”

  It’s a no go. The tractor is about six inches short of reaching the top of the shed. Then I notice that D is missing. He was here one minute and gone the next. Angie comes running out of the barn screaming, “Libby, Libby, two mother cats are having babies. There are eight, so far.”

  “Do you know where D is? I don’t know where he went.”

  “He went to the house to get a rifle. There’s a raccoon in there and it will kill the baby kitties.”

  This could be my worst nightmare. How will I ever explain to them why I let an 8-year-old have a rifle? Then I hear the sound of a car. It’s Tony and Manny, thank God. I ask Ricky to go get them. When they get here, Manny looks at all of us wearing our hard hats and gloves. “What’s going on here?”

  “The shed roof is coming apart. We thought we could weigh it down with that tire but the tractor won’t reach that high,” Mike says.

  “That’s a good idea, son, but first I think I’d like to climb up there and see what needs to be done. Get me a pair of metal cutters and the nail gun from the shop, will you?”

  All of a sudden, D yells out from inside the barn. “Angie, where did that son-of-a-bitch go?”

  “Look in the grainery,” she screams.

  “I can’t wait to blow his shit away,” he screams back.

  “What’s he doing in there?” Manny asks.

  “There’s a raccoon in there,” I tell him. “Two of the mother cats are having their babies and Angie’s afraid it will kill them.” All of a sudden, a shot rings out and then D comes out holding up the rifle in one hand and a dead raccoon by the tail in the other.

  “I got him, Angie. He can’t hurt your baby kitties now.”

  Angie goes over and kisses him on the cheek. He kisses her back. Tony looks like he’s about to stroke out.

  “Good shooting, son,” Manny tells him. “If you all want you can go back to the house now, Mike and I can take care of that piece of metal. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow to do any major repairs anyways.”

  CHAPTER 45

  After Manny and Mike get finished with the roof, Manny asks if we want to eat out or stay here. I tell him that I have kid food in the crock-pots but it's not enough for everyone.

  "Great, we’ll stay here then. I'll get some steaks thawed out and put some potatoes in to bake. In the meantime, could you go to the store and pick up some things? I’ll make you a list.”

  "I will. I was going there anyway since I need stuff for the frosting on my cake. Is there anything you want me to get?" I ask Tony. He doesn’t volunteer anything so I wait until I have Manny’s list and then I head out the door. He follows me out and walks with me towards the car where Mike is waiting in the driver’s seat. When he sees him, he says, "What's that punk doing behind the steering wheel of my Cadillac?"

  "Earlier, I asked him if he would drive me to the store. I've showed him how everything works. He's really excited about driving it."

  "Of course he's excited, how often does he get to hot-rod a Cadillac?"

  "There isn’t going to be any hot-rodding, he told me that he was a good driver and that he'd drive safely."

  "I know there's not going to be any hot-rodding because I'm coming along."

  When we get to the car, Mike sees us and gets out, thinking Tony is going to drive.

  "No, get back in Mike, you can drive."

  "Gee, thanks Uncle Tony."

  Tony looks in the back seat where Ricky, D, and Angie are sitting. D and Angie are holding hands. "You," he says, pointing at D. "Get out and go sit up front. Libby is going to sit back here with Angie and I’m going to be up front with you and Mike so I can keep an eye on the two of you. Hold on for a minute, Mike. I want to tell Manny that I’m leaving."

  Mike does a great job of driving us to the store and Tony compliments him on it. “You’re a good driver, Mike. I just may have to hire you to squire me around."

  "Thanks, Uncle Tony. Dad taught me to drive as soon as I was big enough to look over the steering wheel. I've been driving around on the farm forever but I get nervous when I'm out on the highway."

  "Well, they say practice, makes perfect, so maybe we should just get together and do a lot of practicing.” Mike beams at him.

  Once we get to the store, the kids all pile out and rush towards it. They remind me of a swarm of locusts descending on a wheat field.

  Tony turns around from the front seat and says, "Let’s just sit here for a couple of minutes. We’ll go in after they’ve been in there for a while so it won't look like we‘re with them in case they try to knock the joint over."

  "Oh, for heaven's sake, they're not going to do that!”

  "You can never tell. Do you know what they did on the last day of school this year? There's this goat farm that’s close to D and Ricky’s school. Somehow, they managed to steal three of them and turned them loose in the school. That in itself was bad enough but they painted a number on each of them, 1, 2, and 4. The school staff spent most of the day looking for number 3."

  I crack up laughing. "That's a good one. Did they get caught?"

  "Nope, I guess nobody saw them do it and they sure weren't talking. Come on let’s go in now. If they hit you up for money, don't give them any. They all get an allowance so they can spend their own."

  Yeah right. First thing off, Mike finds some kind of wrench that he doesn't have in his toolbox and Tony offers to buy it for him. Then Ricky wants a backpack to carry his books. Angie and D are loaded down with junk food. Tony pays for it all. What a softy. He may call them punks and put them down, but I can tell that he loves them to death, and it’s obvious that they love him too. They all crowd around him, giving him high fives, hugs, and thank yous.

  After I collect everything on Manny’s grocery list, I wander around the store. I love these little country stores. They have a little bit of everything. I find an area that's selling artwork and homemade crafts. A pretty sun catcher catches my eye. It’s a green humming bird drinking out of a red Hibiscus flower. The sky is a brilliant blue and the yellow sun is shining down. It is so beautiful. While I'm admiring it, Tony comes over and says, "That's really pretty.”

  “I know. Wouldn’t it look great in one of the living room windows back at Sea Cliff house?”

  “Are you going to get it?”

  "Nope, it's $30.00, too rich for my blood. Are you ready to go? I have everything on my list.”

  When we get out to the car, he says. “Did you by chance get any lemons?�
�

  “No, they weren’t on the list.”

  “I think I’d like to make a batch of margaritas tonight. Hold on for a minute, I’ll go get some,” and he goes back into the store.

  After we get home, Isabel calls and says that she and Luis are on their way home. José is doing well but they're going to keep him in hospital overnight. It wasn't a heart attack as they first thought. The doctors are calling it a mild cardiac episode and he can probably go home tomorrow. Everyone is relieved.

  When I go up to my room to freshen up before dinner, I see a little brown paper sack on my pillow. Inside is the beautiful hummingbird sun catcher that I admired in the store. So, that’s what he really went back in the store for. “Oh, Tony”, I say to myself. “You are the most wonderful man I have ever known. You give and give to me and I take, and take, I just wish I knew what I could do for you.”

  CHAPTER 46

  When Isabel gets home and sees me, she puts her arms around me and starts to sob. “Oh, Libby, thank you for staying with the children. You don’t know what it meant to have my sons there with me. I was scared to death that I might lose José.”

  “De nada, Isabel. It wasn’t a problem. They’re wonderful children. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

  “Come upstairs with me, Libby. I want to freshen up before dinner. The boys can handle things in the kitchen. I taught them all to cook so they know what to do.”

  When we get upstairs and walk into her bedroom, she says, “Do you know this will be the first night that I haven’t slept with my husband since Tony was born? More than 30 years, I can’t imagine what that’s going to feel like tonight. I’m so scared that I’m going to lose my husband.” I wrap my arms around her while she sobs against my chest.

  “Would you like for me to stay with you tonight? I don’t mean to be intrusive but if it would help I’d be glad to do it.”

  “Oh, would you?”

  “Of course, I’ll go get my things.”

  Later that night while we are getting ready for bed, she asks me, “So how do you like having Tony and Angie for roommates? Are they behaving themselves?”

  “Oh, my goodness, yes. Tony is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and your sweet granddaughter is such a pleasure to have around. I couldn’t ask for better roommates.”

  “I’m glad. I know they’re happy living there. Libby, can I be frank with you about something?”

  “Sure, go ahead.”

  “I think Tony is in love with you.”

  “Has he told you that?”

  “No, just call it mother’s intuition. I can see it in his eyes. I can tell by the way he acts around you. I’ve never seen him like this before. Has he told you that he loves you?”

  “Not to my face. One day when I was upset, he stayed with me until he thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. When he left he kissed me on the forehead and whispered ‘I love you, Libby’.”

  “What about you? How do you feel?”

  “It doesn’t matter how I feel because I’m not in a position to….”

  She interrupts me. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

  Oh, God. “Yes, but it’s not his.”

  “I didn’t think it was. My son would have told me if he was expecting a child. Do you mind telling me about it?”

  So, I tell her the whole rotten story about Red. When I’m finished, she hugs me and says, “I think you dodged a bullet there on that one. No matter how much you loved him, you’re better off without him. A man who truly loves a woman would never do what he did to you. So, he doesn’t know about the baby?”

  “No, I found out after he was gone. I have no idea where he is and I don’t think I’d tell him if I did. In fact, I’ve been thinking of giving it up for adoption. I don’t think I can raise a child all by myself but every time I think about giving it up I don’t think I can do that either.”

  “Does Tony know all of this?”

  “He knows about the baby but not about me wanting to give it up. But Isabel, Angie doesn’t know, and I want to keep it that way until Tony thinks it’s the right time to tell her.”

  “She won’t hear it from me. He didn’t turn away from you when you told him, did he?”

  “No, that was the day I was upset and he said he loved me. Then he moved in. He said I didn’t have to go through it alone.”

  “My instinct tells me that I’m going to have a new daughter-in-law and grandchild in the very near future.”

  “Now that really would be a fairy tale ending, wouldn’t it? Somehow I don’t think fairy tales happen to girls like me though.”

  “Of course they do. Just look at Cinderella,” she teases. “I think you and Tony are a couple of fraidy cats. He’s worried that you’ll turn him down if he asks you to marry him and I think you’re afraid to show your true feelings towards him because he might reject you. I’m confident that this is all going to work out for the best. Keep the faith, my dear. Now, if I could just figure out what’s going on with Luis. It’s as if he’s off in la-la land somewhere. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was in love too. I asked him if there was anything bothering him but he said no.” I start to chuckle.

  “Okay, so what do you know that I don’t?”

  “He’d kill me, if he found out I told you, but it’s nothing bad.”

  “He won’t find it out from me, so please tell a concerned mother what she wants to know.”

  “He met a woman and I think he’s smitten.”

  “That explains it. He did sort of remind me of a lovesick calf today. So who is she, how did he meet her?”

  “She’s the flight attendant on my jet. He met her when we flew him to Eagle Valley so he could drive my car back. I flew home in the jet, then she stayed with me until Tony, and Luis got back. That night we all had dinner together and danced. Hang on, I’ll show you some photos.” I get my purse and take the photos out. I hand her one of Sandy and Luis seating on the couch, grinning.

  “My goodness, what a beautiful, beautiful woman, no wonder he’s smitten.”

  “You bet, and she’s just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the out. We’ve become friends, and I’m pretty sure that she’s smitten too.”

  “Goodness gracious, maybe I’ll be going to two weddings one of these days. Tell me more about her.”

  “She’s 40, never been married, and has been flying for years. Her greatest joy in life is helping and pampering people. I feel so blessed to have her for a friend. I hope it works out for them.”

  “I do too. Luis deserves some happiness. He went through hell when his wife died from cancer. Libby, I hope you don’t think of me as a meddling mother. One of my cardinal rules has always been never to meddle in my children’s lives, but when I see them unhappy or struggling, I want to know why. I want to know if there’s some way I can help them.”

  “What’s it like to be a mother?”

  “Oh my goodness, girl, we don’t have time to go into all of that tonight, but off the top of my head I will say it’s bliss and terror all rolled up into one. When your baby is born, and the maternal instinct takes over, you will want to protect and nurture it. I can’t speak for other women, but for me, that instinct has never gone away. Your baby could look like an alien from outer space, but it won’t matter, you will fall madly in love with it. I love my husband more than anything in this world. I'd take a bullet for him, but my love for him doesn't compare to the love I feel for my children. You’ll never have another day in your life without fear in it. You’ll always worry that something might happen to your child. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever do, and the best. Please think long and hard before you decide to give your baby up. Regretting your decision in years to come might be harder to live with than raising it. Let’s go to sleep now, honey, I’m tired, but just know that I’m here for you whenever you want to talk.”

  CHAPTER 47

  When Isabel and I go into the kitchen the next morning, we find it in chaos. The kids are screaming and having
a food fight. The men don’t seem to care and are boisterous and horsing around as well. When they all see Isabel, there’s an instant silence.

  “What can I fix you ladies for breakfast?” Luis asks.

  “Coffee, fruit, and toast for me,” Isabel says.

  “I’ll have the same,” I tell him.

  Isabel focuses her gaze on each of her family members, one at a time. I can almost feel them squirm. Gone, is the scared, sobbing woman from last night. The family matriarch is back, taking charge.

  After we finish eating, she turns to them. “Children, I want you to clean up this food fight mess. Then, boys, please go outside and make sure the animals have enough food and water. Carmen, I would like you and Angie to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, please. Carlos Antonio, I want to see you in my room.”

  “Hoo, hoo,” Manny chortles. “How long has it been since this happened? What did you do little brother?”

  “Nothing that I know of,” Tony says as he stares at the floor. I wonder if Angie told Isabel about the mustang ranch. I’ll bet that’s what he’s thinking. Angie told me once that whenever someone has been naughty, Isabel takes them into her room for a talk and deals out their punishment. Poor Tony, I don’t envy him.

  “Don’t go too far away, Manuel, because when I’m through speaking with your brother, it’s your turn.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he says, not looking at her.

  Tony gets up and follows Isabel to her room.

  “Mike and I are going home to get the big tractor,” Manny says to me. “We won’t be gone very long so would you tell Mama where we went and that I’ll be right back?”

  I tell him that I will and then I help the girls clean up the kitchen. When Tony comes back from talking to Isabel, he looks giddy with joy. That talk must have been a doozy but he never tells me what they discussed. I notice that he’s holding something in his hand. He tells me that Isabel would like me to join Manny and him for a talk. Then he goes to his room, and when he comes back, there’s no longer anything in his hand.