Love Is Relative

by Francis, Haven

  Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. The words are running through my head in a loop. I reach down and pull my underwear back on and I notice how wet I am down there. Is that normal? I cannot believe I just did that with Danny; touched myself in front of him and had an orgasm while he watched. I must be totally insane- the things I’m willing to do when he looks at me with those blue eyes. I grab a pillow and bury my embarrassed face in it, although he’s not here to hide from…he’s in the shower giving himself an orgasm. For a split second I picture him naked, under the water, stroking himself. Surprisingly, I am not turned off; in fact the burning between my legs is back… already. What the hell am I supposed to do, stick my hand down my pants every time I’m in pain? Apparently Danny wasn’t kidding when he told me he jerks off at least twice a day now that I’m home.

  It did feel so damn good though; to let it go, to feel relief, if only for an instant. I doubt I’ll ever be able to do it again though. The only reason I was able to with him was because he was the one who was moving my fingers, his lips were there to kiss, his body was there to hold. Even then it was hard to let the pressure go, to come apart in front of him. But he put his mouth on my nipple and bit me and there was no holding it in after that.

  The burning between my legs is becoming uncomfortable.

  Danny opens the door to his bedroom and I startle, I didn’t even hear the shower turn off. He crosses the room in only a towel that he is holding low around his waist. I notice the small patch of hair that trails part way up his stomach. Oh hell, the pain.

  “You done?” he asks, letting out a low laugh.

  “Sorry,” I say, turning red from being caught ogling him. I make a conscious effort to focus on his eyes, which are no less pain educing than his body.

  “Don’t apologize, Em, you can look all you want,” he says, going to his dresser. I’m about to stand so he can dress in private but he drops his towel right in front of me. Thank God I’m still staring at his eyes. He bends to put on his boxer briefs and I stare at the space on the wall where he eyes had been. “You okay?” he asks, coming to sit by me… on the bed, with nothing but his underwear on. I can smell his soap, I can feel the heat come off his body. I can’t look at him. “Oh, shit. Are you upset, about what happened? I wanted to make you feel better Em, I swear…”

  “Danny, stop. I’m not upset about what happened. It’s just… the relief doesn’t last very long. It’s more painful now, that I have new memories to draw from. You just… you should probably put some clothes on and sit a little further away.”

  He's quiet and I can feel him staring at me but I can’t move. I’m afraid if my legs rub together in the wrong way I’ll fall apart in front of him. Oh my Lord, this is not good. “We can make it go away again,” he says, laying a hand on my thigh and sending a shock right to my burning insides. I clench my eyes shut and bite my lip so I don’t make some ridiculous sound because he laid a hand on my leg. I have to get out of here. This is so bad. “Em, did that hurt, when I touched your thigh?”

  “Yes, Danny,” I say with my eyes still shut tightly. “Everything hurts now. It hurts to look at you.”

  “Fuck,” he says under his breath but not in a oh, fuck angry kind of way but in a you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, good kind of way. He reaches over and grabs a hold of my waist, I try to protest, but before I can, he has me straddled over his naked thigh. Oh my God, I want to scream. “Fuck Emily, you are so wet, I can feel it through your underwear.” I should be embarrassed but he says it like it’s the most amazing thing ever. He grabs onto my back side and pushes me down before pulling me up his long, strong, naked thigh.

  “Oh, no,” I say under my breath because I know there is no turning back now.

  “Just move baby, I won’t touch you,” he tells me, before putting his mouth on my collar bone and biting me.

  “Ahh,” I cry. Every one of his touches sends me to the edge.

  “Ride me,” he whispers into my ear and I feel myself becoming significantly wetter. I’m pretty sure I don’t have to move anything in order to come, all he has to do is talk to me. But my body wants it; it wants to feel him pressed into my ache, so I press down and slide myself against his leg.

  I’m trying not to scream, I’m trying not to pull his damn hair out but I can’t help it. It feels so good. He takes my mouth in his as I continue to rub myself on his leg. “Ahh,” I yell into his mouth, biting down on his lip. He pulls me closer and buries his tongue in my mouth and I completely come apart.

  “Ahh,” I yell, even though my orgasm has come. I know it has, but it’s like I can’t get enough. I can’t stop pushing myself into his leg, I can’t stop crying out. I need more than this, I need him inside of me. It feels so damn good but it hurts so bad. I can feel the space inside of me that wants to be filled by him. I push down harder, moaning into his mouth.

  “Fuck, Emily,” he mumbles around my tongue. “Keep going, baby, if that’s what you need. Fuck.” And I do, I can’t stop it. I can feel myself heading toward another climax and I want it so badly. His hands cover my body and push into my skin and I know he wants me too.

  I’m clearly in an altered, erotic state of mind but even so, my words shock me. “I need to feel you. I want to rub my clit on you,” I whisper into his ears, then I push my eyes shut, embarrassed that I could say something so… dirty.

  “Jesus, Emily, you are so fucking hot,” he says before shifting my body onto his massive, hard dick. All my embarrassment melts away as I feel him beneath me. “Ahh,” he moans as I rub myself against him, hard and fast. I want him inside of me so badly. My back arches and my hips thrust into him. I feel like I have no control over my body or the sounds that rip out of my gut. “Fuck, Em, you’re going to make me come,” Danny says.

  “Bite me,” I tell him, wanting to feel his mouth on my nipple again. He takes a hand off my bottom and pulls down my shirt and my bra. I look down at my exposed breast and I moan. I feel his breath on my nipple before his wet tongue moves across it and I am so gone. I yell out and I can’t stop it.

  “Ahhh, fuuuckkk,” he cries out and then he pulls me into his mouth. I kiss him like I want to devour him. I push myself deep into his mouth and he pushes back. I feel like I want to start moving again but he slows the kiss and eventually pulls out of my mouth. “Jesus, Emily… that was fucking unreal. I never figured you for a nympho, not even in my dirtiest dreams but hell, the things you do to me.”

  I smile at him and run my hands over his bare chest. “I’m never going to get enough of you, Danny. You shouldn’t have done that to me,” I tell him. But I don’t mean it, not really. I’m never going to be able to live without that feeling, without Danny’s body on mine.

  “Seriously Em… I had no idea it would be like this. You’re amazing.” A dark pain appears in his eyes. “I want you so bad,” he says, running his thumb across my cheek bone and over my swollen lips.

  I feel my body become weak and my eyelids droop, I move to kiss him but he stops me. “Hold on, baby, I don’t want to get you dirty.” He picks me up and takes me off his lap. Standing, he grabs the towel that he dropped on the floor and wipes off his stomach. I’m watching his every move, I can’t help it. Slowly, he pulls down his boxer briefs and I see him for the first time. He’s hard and so big. I’m aching inside and I hear a moan escape my mouth. What’s wrong with me? He takes the towel and slowly rubs it up and down his shaft and I feel like I’m going to burst, I moan again and this time it sounds more like a cry. I want to touch him so badly, I want my mouth on him, I want him to fill me up. He drops the towel and slowly pulls his underwear back up and I still can’t take my eyes off the long, hard form underneath.

  He walks over to me and I finally move my eyes, staring into his now. He picks me up and tosses me to the middle of the bed. He climbs on top of me, hovering close to me but not close enough. “You liked that? Looking at me?”

  “Yes,” I tell him breathlessly.

  He moves his hand under my shirt and pu
shes until it’s over my bra, “I liked looking at you too,” he tells me. “Can I?” he asks, holding my bra strap away from my shoulder. “I promise, I’ll try not to touch you.”

  I nod my head at him, even though I’m feeling insecure. He looks into my eyes and I feel better. He unhooks my bra without looking away from me. It falls away and I feel the air hit my nipples. They harden and I want nothing more than his tongue on them again. I let out a low breath wondering if this aching will ever go away or if it will just continue to grow stronger. He runs his finger tips up and down my torso sending shivers through my body. His fingers leave a hot trail across my stomach up my ribs until they are painfully close to my aching breasts. Finally, he lets go of my eyes and looks down. The pain eases a little. “You’re body is unreal,” he whispers and I can feel his breath on my nipples and the pain is back. “I don’t know what to do with you,” he muses, still running a trail of heat around my torso and stomach. He looks back up at me then, his expression serious now. “What do you want me to do with you, Em?” he asks.

  The aching between my legs suddenly moves to my chest as I register the agony in his words. I reach my hand out and brush the hair off his forehead. This is the worst, I think to myself. The worst pain is wanting to love him completely and not being able to.

  Danny

  “We have to do something,” she says, laying in my arms.

  “I know,” I tell her. “It’s scary as hell though, epically after today. No matter what happens I’m never going to be able to give you up.”

  She lets out an angry sounding laugh. “How do you think I feel? I mean, you’ve been with other women before. You know how it feels. All I can do is imagine.” She grabs onto my chest.

  Lying in this bed with her while she is topless and in skimpy little panties, is nearly impossible. She’s insatiable – I didn’t count on that when I suggested she give herself an orgasm this morning. Every word, every touch has her crawling and it’s damn hard to not respond. We should probably get out of bed… get some clothes on, but laying next to her mostly naked body and having her soft, heavy breast resting against me is not something I can get myself to leave. “Trust me, Em, I have no idea how it feels. I can promise you that I have never felt anything close to the way your body makes me feel.”

  She turns her head and breaths into my neck, I can feel her desire but at some point we’re going to have to stop. She’ll have to go home and I’ll have to go take care of the kids. I need to talk to her before she leaves me. Knowing Em, there’s a pretty good chance she’s going to freak out about the things we did today when she’s alone again. I need to talk to her before that happens. “I know it’s the right thing to do but, hell, I don’t know if I want to know.” We’ve been trying to talk about getting a paternity test done for a while now but our conversations never seem to last long.

  She rolls off of me onto her back, then props herself up on her elbows, giving me a fantastic look at her perfect tits. “Danny,” she says with some force. I look at her eyes and I see the conflict there. “We need to get out of this bed,” she tells me.

  “Yea… we do.” I want to give her one last kiss but I know where that will lead, so I step out of bed and try not to watch as she does the same. I throw my clothes on then I turn to look at her. She’s just putting my sweatshirt on so I continue to stare at her.

  “What?” She asks when she sees me looking at her.

  “Nothing,” I tell her. “Let’s go to the living room. You need to call home and I need to make us some food.”

  “Okay,” she says but she doesn’t move. “Danny?”

  “Yea?”

  “Today… it was amazing for me. I feel different, I feel like I’m not going to be able to stay away from you. I feel like all I’m going to want is for you to touch me. I love you so much, I always have. But now I need you and I know it’s wrong. What’s going to happen to us?” She looks up at me with her big, scared eyes. She’s being realistic like she always is. She knows what she’s capable of and this is probably the first time in her life that she has felt out of control.

  I pull her into my arms and she buries herself in my chest. “We’ll figure it out, Em. We have to.”

  She shifts herself so she’s staring back up at me again. “What if we can’t be together? I’ll never love anyone again. I don’t want to see you love anyone but me.”

  “Emily, no. That will never happen,” I tell her, feeling my chest tighten at the idea of us apart, at the idea of her with someone else. “I’ll never love anyone but you. We’ll figure this out. We have to.”

  “Okay,” she says before releasing me and going out to the living room. I go to the kitchen and take out sandwich supplies but I’m distracted by her. She paces the room looking at her phone. I can’t lie to them. That’s what she told me earlier. She’s trying to find away to explain her absence without lying.

  She finally sits down and hits a button on her phone. She takes a long strand of hair between her fingers and starts twirling it. “Hi, Pa,” she says and her fingers stop moving in her hair. I’m surprised she called Cliff’s cell instead of the house phone. “I’m still down at Danny’s place. Sorry I didn’t make it home to do my chores this morning.… I know but I’m still sorry. I should have called earlier but Danny and I had some things to work out and I guess I lost track of time.” I watch as her brows pinch together. She didn’t lie to him but she feels guilty. “Yea, you were right, it was a misunderstanding. I was stupid not to talk to him sooner.” She shoots me a glance and I try to focus on the sandwiches in front of me. “Well thanks Pa, but I could have saved us all a lot of headaches, you included…. I know…. Well, unless you need me home now, I think I’m going to stay a little longer… Okay, thanks Grandpa. I love you.” She hits the end button on her phone then lets out a big breath.

  I grab the sandwiches and a couple of Coke’s out of the fridge then bring them to her. “Oh my gosh, I am so hungry,” she says, looking at the food in front of her. “And thirsty.” She opens the soda and takes a few gulps before picking up the sandwich.

  I pick up my own sandwich and have it gone in four bites. I drink my Coke then sit back on the couch waiting for her to finish. It’s taking her too long and I’m feeling impatient so I finally say, “What did Cliff have to say?”

  She sets her sandwich down and turns to me. “Not much, like always.” She looks away from me before speaking again. “I had told him why I was mad at you… about Kristie. I shouldn’t have but it was killing me- having him watch me mope around the farm, worrying about me. Then when I got home from the movie theatre he was on the porch waiting for me and I just told him everything. I’m sorry,” she says, looking at me now. “I shouldn’t have told him that even if I believed it to be true.”

  “It’s okay, Emily,” I tell her.

  “I told him that it was a misunderstanding- just like he thought. I hate that he’s always right, I mean in this instance I’m glad I was wrong, but you know what I mean. One of these days I’ll figure out that he’s never wrong and I should just do what he says.”

  I laugh, relived that my vixen in the bedroom is still the same Emily outside of it. “I tell myself that at least once a week.”

  “I can’t keep lying to him, Danny,” she says, shaking her head at herself. “I had to lie to him once already when he asked if the two of us were just friends.”

  “He asked you that?” That seems a little too intrusive for Cliff. It means the subject was bothering him and he needed answers.

  “Yea, he did. We have to find out, Danny. I know we do but it scares me so much. Do you think Mike could be my dad?” She asks with pleading eyes.

  I reach out and take a hold of her hand, cautious not to get too wrapped up in her. “I’d be lying if I said absolutely not. There are plenty of reasons to believe he could be. The fact that he admitted sleeping with your mom would be a good one. It’s definitely a possibility.”

  “If we can have the paternity test done and
we find out he is my father, then what? What happens to us Danny? We shouldn’t have done what we did today, I shouldn’t have ever kissed you even…” she trails off as a tear escapes her eye.

  This is exactly why I needed to talk to her before she left me. She’s too practical, she’s too good. “What good would that have done us, Em? I don’t regret any of our kisses, I definitely don’t regret today. If that’s what we find out and you decide being with me is wrong, it won’t change the fact that all I’ve ever wanted is you and, even if it’s for just a moment in time, I had you. That’s better than anything I will have in life. No matter what, I’ll always love you. Even if you can’t give yourself to me the way I want you to, you’ll always be part of me. I’m never going to lose you completely.” Her grip on my hands tightens and her head moves from side to side. I panic. “Am I going to lose you, Em? Are you just going to leave me if that’s what we find out? I want everything from you, no matter who your father is, but I’ll take what you’re willing to give me.” She shakes her head more vehemently as the tears fall. “Emily, don’t tell me you would give up on us… don’t tell me that,”

  “I can’t be near you, I can’t look into your eyes, I can’t hear your voice, I definitely can’t feel your touch, without wanting you. Things changed today Danny. I don’t know if I can give you something different.”

  “Then don’t. Let’s forget all this crap and be together, how we want to, no matter what.”

  She turns to me, pulls her eyebrows together and tilts her head. “Danny, that’s wrong,” she whispers.

  “Says who?” I ask because it’s all I have.

  “Um… says human nature… says the law… says society in general… says Grandpa and Grandma… says your mom.” She freezes at the mention of my mom and then takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have brought Cora into this mess.”

  “Cora wouldn’t think this was a mess. I’m pretty sure she would agree with me.”