Utterly Wicked: Curses, Hexes & Other Unsavory Notions

by Dorothy Morrison

  Place the nails in the plastic bag, and sprinkle them well with graveyard dirt appropriate to your desire. (A few tablespoons will do it.)

  If the spell calls for rusty nails, sprinkle well with water.

  Seal the bag, allow the nails to rest in the dirt overnight, and they’ll be ready for use the next day. (NOTE: Do not wipe the nails clean before use.)

  While we’re on the subject of nails, you should probably know that those gathered from particular sites can definitely add power to your magic. For your convenience, a few collection sites along with their uses follow below:

  Courthouse: To bring justice or to cause the target to lose his or her legal battle.

  Hospital: To cause illness.

  Jail: To bring jail or prison time.

  Mental Institution: To cause insanity.

  Police Station: To bring about an arrest.

  Workplace: To cause trouble for a co-worker or employer.

  COURT CASES AND THE LEGAL SYSTEM

  Red Brick Victory Spell

  Materials:

  1 yellow candle

  2 red bricks

  Commanding/Controlling/Compelling Powder

  Pen and paper

  Make a list of everyone on the opposing legal team. Include attorneys, witnesses, and the person who opposes you. Then cross the names out one by one, spit on each, and say:

  I cross you and I cover you

  So that your tongue is still

  And cannot speak against me

  No matter your true will.

  Sprinkle the list liberally with the powder, then fold it in half twice. Dust one of the bricks with the powder, place the paper on top, then sprinkle the paper again. Place the second brick on top, saying:

  With these bricks I block and bar

  All evidence against me,

  So the only facts admissible

  Are those that would relieve me

  Of the charges on the books

  And guarantee my victory.

  Place the yellow candle directly on top of the bricks and light the wick, saying:

  Wax melt quickly—seal the spell—

  Scorch the tongues of those who’d tell

  Anything not boding well,

  Anything that might repel

  A legal victory for me,

  Melt quickly all adversity

  To my success immediately

  So a favorable ruling there will be

  And mine shall be the victory.

  Allow the candle to extinguish itself, and place the brick parcel by your front door.

  Opposing Attorney Hex

  Materials:

  1 black candle

  Crossing Oil

  Graveyard dirt

  Copy of a legal document signed by opposing attorney

  Anoint the candle with Crossing Oil and light the wick. Rub a little bit of the oil across the attorney’s signature, then dip your finger into the dirt, and smear that across the signature as well. Say:

  Someone has to win this case

  And someone has to lose,

  So wipe that glib look off your face

  For you shall sing the blues:

  You’re unprepared, you cannot speak

  With eloquence, your case is weak.

  In the court, you look a fool

  With all objections overruled.

  You hem and haw, you stutter much,

  You worry that you’ve lost your touch.

  Your confidence is at a low

  (How could it be you’re eating crow?)

  Nothing works the way it should,

  Your witnesses aren’t any good.

  The judge eyes you with aggravation

  Until at last, with resignation

  You admit your own defeat

  And give to me the victory, sweet.

  Leave the document in front of the candle until the wick burns out, then bury it as close to the courthouse as possible. If that’s not an option, bury it at a crossroads in the cemetery.

  Tongue-Loosening Witness Hex

  This is an excellent spell for enticing a reluctant witness to testify for you in court.

  Materials:

  1 box chocolate-coated laxative

  Pen and paper

  Plastic zippered bag

  Small plastic or glass bowl

  Unwrap all of the laxative, place the pieces in the zippered bag, and set the bag in the bowl. (Do not zip the bag!) Heat the laxative in the microwave for a few seconds at a time until it’s completely melted.

  Write the name of the reluctant witness on the paper, and slip it inside the bag. Press the air out of the bag, zip it shut, and squish the contents until the name is completely coated, saying:

  Your tongue is loosened, you shall speak

  The testimony that I seek,

  Quickly, freely, without qualm

  Otherwise, your bowels so calm,

  Shall churn and cramp and lose control—

  A constant, messy rigmarole—

  Until diarrhea of the mouth

  Ends your problems of the south.

  Place the bag with any legal documents pertaining to the case.

  Southern John Spell

  To have a judge rule in your favor, arrive at the courtroom early, and spend the time chewing a piece of Southern John root (also known as Little John). As you chew, see yourself as the victor. Spit it out onto the floor before the judge enters the room.

  CRIMINALS

  Serial Rapist Go To Hell Spell

  (Based on a spell from the collection of Mary Caliendo)

  Even though this spell was created to stop a serial rapist, it can easily be tweaked to stop serial killers and other extreme evil-doers as well.

  Materials:

  Fabric poppet (readily available at arts and crafts stores)

  Newspaper sketch of the criminal’s face

  Black yarn

  Black thread

  Black permanent marker

  Needle

  Hot glue

  1 tsp. graveyard dirt

  Potting soil

  Aluminum foil

  Jar with tight-fitting screw-on lid

  Cut out the newspaper sketch of the criminal’s face, then scan and reduce it to fit the face area of the poppet. Cut out the face and hot glue it in position. Make a slit in the back of the poppet, add the graveyard dirt, then stitch up the hole with black thread. Bind the hands and feet with black yarn, and tie tightly to secure. Now using the black marker and the illustration below, draw the Eihwaz (death) rune on the genital area.

  Three blows you’ve dealt unto the world

  So your true colors come unfurled:

  Your mind is evil, your heart is black,

  Your actions, despicable—and with all that,

  You’ve bought your own reward today

  And delivery shall come without delay:

  Plucked from our world like a flea from a dog,

  Sucked from our presence like a stick in the bog,

  Imprisoned by bars, imprisoned in fear—

  Where screams are unheard by those far and those near,

  Where no one’s concerned if you live or you die,

  And you’re not worth the effort to spit in your eye—

  And there you shall sit in your personal hell,

  In more pain and misery than mere words can tell,

  Imprisoned forever without hope of release

  A fitting reward for a monstrous beast!

  Line both the inside of the jar and the lid with foil, shiny side facing in. Fill the jar half full of potting soil, toss the poppet in, then finish filling the jar. Light the black candle, and use it to drip wax around the inside of the lid, then screw the lid tightly onto the jar. Blow out the candle and set the jar by your door.

  Cheating Gambler Curse

  You’re probably wondering what on Earth this hex is doing in the Criminals section. It’s no mistake, and I really haven’t lost my mind. It’s just that I have no use for f
olks who cheat at cards and games of chance, and I believe they are criminals of the worst kind who do, in fact, belong behind bars. But since the law won’t put them there, I’m doing my part by putting them here!

  No materials are necessary for effectiveness. Just visualize the target up to his or her antics, and curse him or her firmly and forcefully by saying:

  A liar, cheat, and common thief

  Is what you are; You deal out grief,

  You only play to steal the pot.

  And with this curse, you shall be caught.

  I curse you to the enth degree

  And your cards shall fall accordingly:

  No more Aces, no more pairs,

  No more flushes—not a prayer—

  No more help for a boat or a straight,

  Only poor hands are your fate.

  And if you dare again to cheat,

  All will see you from their seat

  At the table and raise hell.

  Alarms will sound and all will tell

  Others of what scum you are;

  All will know from near and far,

  And refuse to share a game with you.

  And with the cards, you shall be through!

  DEBT RETRIEVAL

  Birdseed Hex

  Materials:

  Prepared poppet, unclothed

  1 c. peanut butter

  1-1/2 c. birdseed

  1/4 yd. fabric netting

  (NOTE: Do not use tulle!)

  Length of black ribbon

  Glass or plastic mixing bowl

  Old newspapers

  As this is a messy sort of project, begin by covering your work area with old newspapers. Place the peanut butter in the bowl, then put it in the microwave for five to ten seconds to soften. Add one cup of the birdseed, and mix well while chanting:

  A treat for you, my feathered friends,

  I mix today so hunger ends

  And so you’ll come from near and far

  And help me wage this personal war!

  Working on the newspapers, apply the mixture to the poppet, covering it completely and paying special attention to the hair, face, and feet. Continue the process until the mixture is completely gone. (By the time you’re finished, the shape of the poppet should no longer be recognizable.) Say:

  Food for the birds, you now become

  To be picked at until I’ve won.

  No rest, no peace—it starts today—

  Just constant picking ‘til you pay

  Every dollar you owe to me,

  Only then, shall you be free.

  Roll the poppet in the rest of the birdseed, then place it in the center of the net. Draw up the edges, and tie them securely with the ribbon, saying:

  I catch you up and jail you tight,

  There’s no escape now from this rite.

  You’ll swing freely from the tree—

  A bird’s delight—your gift from me!

  Take the poppet outside, and tie the ends of the ribbon to a tree branch, saying:

  Come little birds: Come one and all!

  Hear me, hear me! Hear my call!

  Eat this treat I’ve made for you,

  Pick the seeds out through and through,

  And when you’ve pecked the seeds away,

  Peck the flesh until the day,

  That (name of target) has paid the full amount

  That’s owed to me without discount,

  And only then, you’ll let him/her be

  And end this pecking misery!

  Walk away and let the birds do their thing.

  Eye on the Debt Hex

  Materials:

  1 peacock feather

  Commanding/Controlling/

  Compelling Powder

  Paper bag

  Stapler

  Write the target’s name on the paper bag, then clip the “eye” portion from the rest of the feather, and place it inside, sprinkling it liberally with the powder. Fold the top of the bag three times to close, and staple it shut with nine staples. Now, give the bag a good shake to engage the “mind’s eye” in the target’s brain, and say:

  Your mind’s eye has just engaged,

  And now on you, a war it’s waged.

  Reminding that you owe me cash

  With every blink and every flash.

  Nothing else does it let you see,

  Its vision haunts you constantly.

  Insisting that you pay me now,

  Insisting that you not allow

  This debt to go on any longer,

  When you resist, it just gets stronger.

  Pursuing you relentlessly

  Until you write a check to me

  And clear this up, you’ll not be free.

  Pay me now or pay the price:

  A curse of sleepless days and nights!

  Bury the bag close to your mailbox.

  Legal Debt Collection

  If the money owed you is a legal debt of sorts—a court settlement, child support, or payment bound by contract—send an envelope of courthouse dirt to the deadbeat in question. Do not include a return address.

  ENEMIES

  Five-Minute Cigarette Hex

  WARNING: This hex may cause illness in the target!

  Materials:

  1 cigarette

  Black pen

  Lighter or matches

  Write the target’s full name on the cigarette, then light and smoke it while seeing the offender being burned from your life. As you smoke, say something like:

  From my life, you are now burned.

  You wisp away, just so much smoke

  From my life, you fall like ash

  The remnants of a Cosmic joke.

  When you’ve finished, put out the cigarette, and squeeze out any remaining tobacco. Discard the tobacco and butt in a public trash receptacle.

  Get Out of My Life Hex

  As this spell is extremely difficult to reverse, be absolutely certain that you want the target out of your life completely and forever before using it.

  Materials:

  Prepared poppet

  1 black candle

  3 to 4 T. patchouli

  Black electrical tape or ribbon

  Graveyard dirt (see Chapter 2)

  Small piece of black onyx

  Salt

  Charcoal block

  Cigarette carton or a box large enough to fit the poppet

  Begin by lighting the candle and charcoal block. When the charcoal is ready, sprinkle it liberally with the patchouli, and pass the poppet through the smoke. Starting at the top of the head and using a length of tape or ribbon, bind the poppet good and tight with a crisscrossing motion while saying:

  Your interference in my life

  Stops right now, as does the strife.

  You’ve caused for me by word and deed,

  I bind it so it can’t re-seed.

  Your influence, too, is bound up tight

  And has no effect upon my life.

  So what you say and what you do

  Only circles back on you.

  I bind the harm you’ve sought to cause,

  I bind the troubles that it draws,

  I bind them strong and tight to you,

  So they can’t touch me—no matter what you do.

  Place the poppet in the box, and sprinkle it with graveyard dirt, saying:

  With graveyard dirt, I defend my life

  From any damage, stress, or strife

  You wish to cause from here on out

  For me, or those I care about.

  With graveyard dirt, I defend my name

  And honor, and I now regain

  My reputation and appeal—

  The very things you sought to steal.

  Add the black onyx to the box, saying:

  I add black onyx to this spell

  To separate us and dispel

  Any further action on your part

  To screw with me, my life, or heart.

  Sprinkle the contents of the box
with salt, saying:

  And with this salt, I take control,

  I take your power from my soul.

  I extricate myself from you,

  And all your harm I now undo.

  Finish filling the box with graveyard dirt, and seal it securely with electrical tape. Place the box in front of the candle and say:

  And as this wax does melt away

  So does your hold on me this day.

  You’ve never been a friend of mine,

  And now my back is turned in kind.

  The bottom line is this, m’dear,

  You only have yourself to fear.

  For I have bound your shit to you,

  And if you so much as dare to screw

  With me again, that day you’ll rue,

  For all the magic that you do

  Will immediately crash right down on you!

  Leave the box in front of the candle until it burns out, then bury the box outside or place it in your freezer.

  FINANCIAL RUIN

  Empty Wallet Hex

  Materials:

  New wallet

  1 black candle

  Mechanical pencil or stylus

  To sentence your enemy to a life of poverty and financial ruin, purchase a new wallet to give to the target as a gift. Empty the wallet of everything except the identification card and set aside.

  Using the pencil or stylus, inscribe the candle with the name of your target. Carve a dollar sign beneath the name, and draw a large X through it. Light the candle and pass the wallet through the flame nine times while visualizing the target. Then still holding it in your hands, say:

  With an empty wallet and empty purse

  You, (name of target), I hereby curse:

  For as long as you shall live,

  Your cash flows out as through a sieve.

  Poor as a church mouse, you shall be:

  Cursed in money, cursed by me!

  Leave the wallet in front of the candle until the wick burns out. Then gift wrap the wallet, and present it to your enemy.

  Ant Hill Hex

  To create financial discord, sprinkle the target’s doorstep with dirt from an ant hill.

  GOSSIP, LIES, AND GENERAL DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH