Sunlight

by Gwen Cole

  Seth climbed in before me, hiking himself up into the train car.

  I grabbed the handle after him and pulled myself up with my good leg. As I got into the car I wasn’t ready for the awkward angle, and my left knee buckled under my weight. I quickly caught myself before Ethan had noticed, but Seth was eyeing me warily. I walked over to where they were, trying to hide my limp, even though I was he already knew something wasn’t right.

  I couldn’t be able to hide it forever.

  I sat down against the wall next to Ethan—who was pulling out a pack of crackers from his bag. He handed me one and I didn’t take any time in devouring it. Digging through my own bag, I pulled out my water bottle and took a long drink, washing down the dry food.

  “Where did you and Seth meet up?”

  “Just outside the city,” Ethan swallowed his food and continued, “probably a couple days after the initial attack.”

  “It took you that long to get out of the city?” I had hoped he would have gotten out quicker than that. It would’ve been dangerous for him to be there.

  Ethan said, “Not me . . . Seth. I was outside the limits by the next day, but I stopped to sleep and find some food.” He shrugged with a smile. “I kind of overslept, and then Seth found me.”

  Typical Ethan; oversleeping, even with a war going on around him. I wanted to ask why it took Seth that long to get out, but it really wasn’t my business.

  “So, what about you?” Ethan asked as he handed me another cracker. “Have you been traveling alone this whole time? I would be bored out of my mind if I were you.”

  “You still get bored,” Seth intervened from his corner. “Even though you aren’t alone.” I looked over at him and gave him an understanding smile. Ethan could be doing to the most exciting thing in the world and still be ‘bored.’

  Ethan glared at him. “Hey . . . it’s not my fault that you’re not a talkative person.”

  “Maybe I would talk more if you would stop once in a while.” Seth answered, a smile played across his lips.

  Ethan just smirked back and turned his attention to me again, waiting for my answer. I didn’t know if I was ready to talk to him about this soon. I still had problems even thinking about . . . West. Let alone talk about him.

  Seth suddenly spoke up in my moment of silence.

  “Hey, Ethan, why don’t you go get some more firewood. It’s foggy enough to mask the smoke. It would be nice to be able to eat those hotdogs, wouldn’t you say?”

  Ethan’s face lit up, but he quickly composed himself, trying to act older than that ten-year-old inside him who wanted hotdogs. So he just nodded and jumped out of the train. I listened to his footsteps as he disappeared.

  I felt conscious that I was left alone with Seth, a person I didn’t even know, but I figured if Ethan trusted him then so could I.

  “Thanks for taking care of him,” I said quietly. “I’ve been worried about him.”

  “It was my pleasure. He’s an easy one to get attached to.” He paused for a moment then asked, “So, who were you traveling with? Your face is a little too easy to read, and it’s not hard to guess that whoever is was, they meant a lot to you. What happened to them?”

  A lot? That was an understatement.

  “I was traveling with a guy I met a day after the attack. But we were separated—” I didn’t know what else to say. So . . . I might not see him again? I never wanted say that, ever. It would be like giving up.

  “So he from the South City, then?”

  Crap. I didn’t see that coming. Carrie and Malcolm never had a problem with West’s past, and I wasn’t sure how Seth would react to the truth, but I didn’t want to lie.

  “No,” I answered simply. It wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t offer anymore information.

  His brow wrinkled in confusion. “North City?”

  “No.”

  “East?”

  I just shook my head, and after a short moment I glanced up at him.

  “You mean . . .” his eyes narrowed, “he’s one of them? He’s United?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, half-hoping he wouldn’t hear.

  I took in his reaction but there was none. He started, “Why—”

  “They were going to kill him,” I told him.

  His eyes went blank for a moment, just staring into mine. He was thinking deeply about something and then he said, “Was he—”

  Ethan appeared in the large door cutting him off with an arm load of wood. “Got the wood! Now you have to start it,” he said, dropping the pile at Seth’s feet with a goofy expression on his face.

  That was the end of the questions for the night and I was thankful for it. West was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of before I went to sleep at night. And that was all I could handle at the moment.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Ethan shook me awake in the morning and I found myself rested, something that was becoming rare. I hadn’t had a full night of sleep since . . . I couldn’t remember. I had no doubt that it was because Ethan was with me again. I hated sleeping in the woods alone, not knowing if he was still alive. It was relief being with him again.

  I stretched my legs and looked up at him.

  “Want some hotdogs?” he asked, waving the floppy piece of meat in front of my face. I snatched it out of his hand before he had the chance to yank it away.

  “Thanks.” I grinned, and Ethan rolled his eyes. I sat up while he went over to the smoldering fire to grab another for himself.

  “Where did you get these anyway?”

  “There’s a house like . . .” he wrinkled his nose thinking about it, “a mile east. There was no one there except for the food. Seth didn’t want to stay there though. He didn’t think it was safe enough.”

  I glanced around, noticing he wasn’t here. The train door was open again and the sun was coming over the thick horizon of trees. No fog today, but not like it made any difference to me.

  “Where is he anyway?”

  “He wants to set out again today, so he’s checking the area.”

  “A little paranoid I assume?”

  He laughed a little. “He just likes to be careful.”

  Seth seemed to be a good guy and I was glad Ethan had been traveling with him. If West had been this careful we never would have made it past the South City. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have been caught if we had been more careful. There were so many ‘what ifs.’

  I couldn’t think about him.

  I quietly sighed and watched Ethan pack up his bag. “Have either of you heard anything about the North City? I heard it might not be overrun yet.”

  “Yeah, we heard the same thing,” he said. “Seth is eager to get there and see for himself though. I guess he has a sister living there or something.”

  “It seems like everyone has someone there looking for,” I murmured. I stared into the cold remains of the fire. It seemed like I would never find West though, no matter how long I looked. It was only over a month now, and it already felt like a lifetime. It still hurt to picture his face, knowing that I might not see it again so clearly. “It’s like a never-ending nightmare.”

  “What did you say?”

  I looked up to see Ethan staring at me with wide eyes and I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  That wasn’t something I meant to say out loud.

  Then he said, “You said everyone has someone they’re looking for.”

  “Well, yeah. I was looking for you, wasn’t I?”

  “I guess . . . but what did you say after that?”

  “It was nothing, Ethan, really.”

  He opened his mouth to press me about it but decided against is. He zipped up his bag in the silence that hung between us, and swung it onto his back.

  “Come on, Peanut,” he said. “Seth should be back soon.”

  I nodded silently as he jumped down from the train. He knew something was wrong. Ethan was too good at reading me, but for some reason he let it go this
time. It was unusual for him to let things drop.

  Then I had to remind myself. That was him before the war.

  A few minutes later we were trekking through the forest heading north. Seth was in the lead, Ethan trailing behind him. I was glad to be in the back, still having the habit of glancing over my shoulder. Ethan did talk a lot, but he seemed to know when he was beginning to bother Seth and stopped. I was entertained with just watching his body language as he talked while walking ahead of me. I missed him too much.

  Long past noon, my knee was beginning to ache again and I wasn’t able to hide my small but defined limp. I knew it was still healing, and there was no getting around a little pain after a long day of traveling. It was just the way it was.

  “Reese?” It was Ethan.

  I looked up and noticed they were already on top of the small hill, waiting for me to catch up.

  “Yeah?” I asked, coming to a stop.

  Ethan took a step towards me, his eyes filled with concern.

  “What?” I asked again.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “No . . . I’m fine. Why?”

  “Reese, you’re limping. Is something wrong?”

  I glanced at Seth behind him, curiosity crossing his face. “Ethan, it’s not a big—”

  “It is a big deal,” he interrupted and walked down the hill, coming to a stop in front of me. I didn’t notice until now, but he’d gotten taller. “You say that it is’t a big deal, but to me, it is.” Seth followed him down the hill but stayed a few feet back. “I don’t want you to hide anything from me, Reese. Please. I’m your brother for gosh sake. I know something has been bothering you, and it’s not just your knee. You haven’t been yourself.” He smiled, something small. “I think you’ve forgotten how well I know you.”

  He wasn’t talking like he was a fifteen year old. At that moment it felt like I was the younger sibling. As I looked into his hazel eyes, I actually wanted him to know what had happened; I didn’t want to be alone with my own memories. Maybe the pain that was brewing inside would lessen if I told someone.

  I took a deep breath. “You’re right, you should know. I shouldn’t keep things from you. I’m sorry.”

  Seth listened in, but his back was half turned like he wanted to give us some privacy. Then I just said it, wanting to do it before I decided to change my mind, and not say anything, ever.

  “I was shot.”

  Ethan’s eyes narrowed and his brow creased. “You were shot? How?”

  “I was helping someone escape.” My heart ached like something pressed against it; the weight of my bottled emotions, yearning to come out. I wanted him back so badly that I could scream.

  But I only stared into Ethan’s eyes while I told him, my voice barely more than a whisper. I couldn’t get it to come out any stronger. “The army had been looking for him. He was a traitor to them, and I decided to lead them away before they could find him again.” I shrugged a little and looked down. “I just figured I would rather have it be me than him. I’d been traveling with him for a few days before when they finally caught up with us, and that’s when it happened.”

  “Why did they want one of their own?” he asked. “What did he do?”

  “He had helped some people from the South City escape. People that were going to be killed.”

  I saw Seth’s head rise from where he was, and he looked at me.

  “So, they shot you while you were trying to lead them away?” Ethan asked carefully.

  I nodded. “Then they took me back to their outpost for day, I think . . . I can’t remember how long it was. But he had come back for me, and we escaped again. Then, we ended up staying with a couple; she was a nurse so she was able to fix my knee, but we had only stayed there for about a week when—” My throat felt swollen but I was able to say, “When he left.” I finished quietly, focusing all my attention on keeping the tears away.

  “Why did he leave?”

  “More United soldiers were coming for him and he wanted to wanted to lead them away, and hopefully kill the man tracking him. So we wouldn’t have to run anymore. But—” I looked down at my hands through my blurry vision and saw that they were shaking. “He promised.”

  My breathing was becoming labored, my chest constricted with every breath. “He promised he would come back.” I was whispering again. It was almost like I was trying to convince myself that he was still going to keep his promise. It had been too long. Where else could he be besides a cell or . . .? I left the thought hang off; I couldn’t finish it.

  I wouldn’t finish it.

  Ethan pulled me into his arms. I shook without tears, not wanting to break that promise to myself. Crying wouldn’t make West come back.

  I wasn’t supposed to feel this way anymore. I figured after I’d found Ethan again that feeling would go away, and maybe someday my feelings for West would slowly disappear, too. I was lying to myself when I told myself he was still alive. I didn’t want it to be true, but where was he?

  Ethan held me tightly in his arms until my breathing calmed. I felt so embarrassed at myself. Especially with Seth there; someone who I barely knew. I wasn’t giving him a very good first impression.

  “Jeez, Reese,” Ethan said into my hair. “I leave you alone by yourself, and you go and get yourself in trouble. You have serious problems.”

  I pulled back and looked at him as a smile broke across his face.

  “You’re so weird,” I said with a groggy voice.

  He shrugged and pushed his hair out of his face. “Are you going to be all right now?”

  I answered truthfully, “I don’t know.”

  Ethan took my hand and we started walking again, with Seth in the lead. My heart felt lighter; I didn’t have to hide anything anymore. Then I noticed Seth was walking slower than we previously were.

  “Seth you don’t have to walk slower on my account.” I rolled my eyes. “Actually, let me rephrase that. Don’t walk slower.”

  “I don’t want you to be in pain,” he said. “Didn’t you just say you were shot?”

  “I’m not in pain . . . well, sometimes I am, but that’s just the way it is.” I wasn’t arguing my case very well. “I deal with it, all right?”

  He just kept walking at the same pace. Instead of arguing with him, I squeezed Ethan’s hand harder, and pulled him after me as I quickened my stride. As we passed Seth, Ethan gave him a small shrug.

  “You’re acting childish,” Seth said behind us.

  “Well, sometimes you need too to make a point,” I countered. I turned suddenly and faced them both. “Look, I don’t want you guys to treat me any differently than you did before. If I need to stop, I’ll tell you.”

  Ethan gave a small laugh at my last statement, and I knew exactly why. I would normally just hide things like that and never tell anyone.

  “Ethan, I promise I will. Just pretend I never said anything. Please?”

  He glanced at Seth before nodding. “All right.” Seth also nodded and I was satisfied. Ethan rolled his eyes before taking off in front of us. Seth hung back, walking alongside me.

  “Reese, I feel like I should tell you something. I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other, and it’s not right that I know things about you, when you know nothing about me.” His eyes kept flickering to me like he was unsure.

  “That seems . . . fair.” I felt embarrassed that he had seen my emotional break down. “What did you want to tell me?”

  “Ethan doesn’t even know this,” he said, “but I think you should.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked grinning. “I was aware that Ethan knows everything about everyone.”

  He huffed a laugh. “He does seem to know things. But no, he doesn’t know this. This was something that I was hoping to forget, but then I realized I shouldn’t. It was just one of those days you want to forget, but you know it’s better if you remember.”

  Now I was curious. “What is it?”

  He waited a moment before s
peaking, making sure that Ethan was far enough ahead.

  “It was the day of the attack, that evening after the bombs went off. I was trapped inside of a bus. The doors were wedged so I couldn’t get out, and the windows were to thick to break. I was the only one that had survived in there . . .” His eyes studied the ground as we kept walking, like he was reliving that day over in his head. “Everyone around me was dead, and I didn’t know what to do. My leg was sliced with a piece of shrapnel and I was having a hard time stopping the blood. I know you felt the same thing that day. Like living in a nightmare. There was nothing I could do but wait.”

  My heart pounded as I listened to his story, and I knew I had it so much easier than everyone else. I was able to escape when others weren’t.

  Seth continued, “After what seemed like hours, the streets were quite. It was so eerie, and dark. Then the foot soldiers started roaming the streets, looking for any survivors. And if there were any, they shot them. Their orders must have been to take out as much of the population as possible in the initial attack, to lessen the possibility of any resistance. They saw me trapped in the bus and one of them pointed their gun at me, with just the window separating us. I really thought I was going to die . . .”

  “I know the feeling,” I said. I glanced at Ethan who was still ahead of us, still out of hearing range. “I was practically bleeding to death in their cell, and there was nobody there to help. I don’t think they cared if I died or not.”

  Seth nodded. “I guess that’s what war does to some people.” After another short pause he continued, “But the man never shot me. They pried open the door of the bus, tied my hands, and dragged me out into the street. There was already a small group of prisoners with them, and they added me to their collection. By the end of the night there was a dozen of us. They told us that by the next morning we would be executed, without giving us a reason.”

  I already had an idea on where his story was going, and I found myself eager to find out if it was true.

  “An hour before dawn, a soldier came to our holding area. It was just an abandoned storage room. I thought they had come early to get us, but then I realized it was only the one guy. He opened the door and told us to leave before the others would come back. I didn’t believe him at first, maybe thinking he would just shoot me in the back as I left.