Sunlight

by Gwen Cole

  “But he never did. He led us out of downtown and we were almost out of the city when the other soldiers realized we were gone. They were close when he told us to keep going. Then . . . he just turned around and started running back the way we came. He did it so we would have time to escape.” Seth looked up finally, and his eyes seemed weary. “I don’t know why he did it.”

  “It’s because he believed it was wrong,” I murmured slowly. “He did what he thought was right.”

  “So, it was him?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, it was him.”

  “And you were the one who saved him . . .” He left the sentence hanging and something at the edge of my mind told me he had heard something about that day, before I’d even come along.

  “Seth—” he looked over. “What did you hear about that?”

  He shook his head. “Not much, other then some rumors. I heard that one of their own turned against them, and before he was executed, a local helped him escape. But I never heard about the reason behind his actions. And I was confused why somebody here would help the people who attacked us. Now it makes sense.”

  “What makes sense?”

  “Knowing it was him, and why you helped him. You wouldn’t have saved him if he was an actual traitor. You would’ve known the difference. But you saw that he was good, that he was different from the others, didn’t you?”

  I nodded silently, not denying what he said, because it was true. “Thanks telling me,” I told him. “I never really knew the details.”

  He shrugged with a smile across his lips. “Like I said, it was only fair.”

  The rest of the day was uneventful as we traveled at a steady pace.

  As was the day after that. And as we got closer to the North City, my anticipation grew stronger. We had no idea what we would find there, and the end result was always on our minds. It was the last hope for our country.

  Around noon a few days later we stopped for lunch, which consisted of jerky and a few wild apples that we had found a mile back. Ethan was on his back gnawing at his food while Seth leaned against a tree fingering his small knife.

  I scrunched my nose for a moment, thinking I had smelled something, but a small breeze blew it away before I could sniff again. I glanced up at the branches far above me, a strong gust of wind pushing them harder. I could feel a storm coming.

  The smell came again, this time longer, so I was sure of it. I looked at Seth who was staring at me with the same expression.

  “Did you smell that?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  We both stood and Ethan got up, oblivious to what we were talking about. “What it is?” He threw his apple core into the bushes and grabbed his pack from the ground, knowing something was off.

  “Smoke.”

  His eyes became alert again as he scanned the area. “Like . . . cigarette smoke?”

  Even though it wasn’t, my heart still jumped as the memories of Dersa came rushing back. He had smelled like cigarette smoke and gun powder. My body still gave a small shiver just thinking about him.

  “No, wood smoke.”

  Seth brought his gun around in front of him and started forward in the direction it was blowing from. I followed him and made sure Ethan stayed behind me. I thought it odd that Seth had the same curiosity as I did. During the time I had known him, he had always been extra cautious, but now he wasn’t. At this moment, we were all being a bit risky for curiosities sake.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  We came out of woods onto an old highway. The asphalt was cracked with grass growing in between, but Seth didn’t pause in crossing. The road hadn’t been used in years, and it would stay that way. I lagged behind, staring at the few old cars that had been pushed into the ditches. They were barely visible, and one even had a small tree growing through it.

  I gave it once last glance before following the boys into the woods, and soon the road was out of sight, and thoughts of the past went away with it. It was always a shock to see real evidence of the past.

  We hadn’t gone a hundred feet into the woods before it happened.

  Six men stepped out of the trees with their rifles raised high, and we stopped dead in our tracks. Adrenaline pumped through my veins again, ready for anything to come. Seth lowered his gun to show them we weren’t a threat, but he never took his eyes off them. One good thing; they weren’t solders. They were just locals with torn clothes and hunting rifles.

  But they still had bullets.

  One of the men lowered his gun and moved closer to examine us. He was a big man, with a full clean cut beard and dark brown eyes that gazed over us. He reminded me of Paul Bunyan. All he needed was an ox.

  The big man looked over Seth, me, and then to Ethan who was half hidden behind my back.

  “You’re locals then?” His voice was deep, matching my first thoughts of him.

  Seth was the one the answer.

  “Yes.” He paused, and glanced back to me before returning his gaze. “How did you know? We could be enemy spies for all you know. I’m sure you’ve heard rumors of them. How they convince you that they’ve changed sides. We could be one of them.”

  The man lifted his hand and pointed to something behind me.

  “The kid,” he said. “They don’t have them that young in the army, and the way that girl there is standing, tells me she’s related to him. Ready to jump at my throat if I come any closer.” He smiled warmly and told the others to lower their guns. As he did, thunder rumbled high above us and another gust of wind swirled the leaves around our feet.

  “Why don’t you three come with us?” he asked. “We’ve got some shelter and you’re welcome to stay the night, or two, if you need it.”

  Seth glanced back, looking over his shoulder for only a moment.

  Somehow during the last couple days we formed a silent way of communicating. One look was all either of us needed. We had to with Ethan always there talking about some nonsense as usual. I was surprised to find myself growing comfortable around Seth. I was never one to warm up to people quickly, but he was something that I’d never experienced. He was like my childhood friend I had never had until now.

  Seth turned back and nodded.

  We followed them in silence with the clouds getting darker by the minute. Periodically, the wind would bring more gusts of wood smoke to my nose, telling me we weren’t far from their camp.

  We came to a part of the woods where the trees were tall and old, spread out from each other almost perfectly. There was very little bush and debris on the forest floor; mostly just pine needles and leaves. Up ahead I could see people scurrying from tent to tent, trying to put things away before the rain hit. The wind came stronger, blowing the stray pieces of hair from my ponytail in every direction.

  There were about a dozen tents, some of them large enough for families and others smaller, fit for two. They were scattered about, underneath trees and nestled in between bushes. As I got closer to the campsite, three small cabins came into view a little farther back into the woods. They were old and weathered but still intact, strong enough to stand up against any type of storm.

  People paused to look at us as we entered the camp, but the big man leading us didn’t stop, taking us towards the far left cabin. The other men scattered off in different directions. He took us inside. It was dark, the only light coming from the two windows on each side of the door, and it smelled of wood and dirt. The cold fireplace looked recently used, but I assumed they only used it at night, when the smoke wasn’t visible from the sky.

  “You three can stay in here,” he said. “The cabins are for people who don’t have tents. You can light a fire after dark and I’ll have someone bring you food.”

  “You don’t have to share your food with us,” I said, shaking my head. “We have some of our own.”

  Without even turning I knew Ethan had made a face behind my back; he’d never once turned down free food.

  The man held up his hand. “No, I want to. You look like you’ve co
me far and in need for some good rest. I want you to make yourselves comfortable. If you need anything just ask around for me.”

  “Um,” Ethan came around from behind me, “you haven’t told us your name.”

  The big man laughed and scratched his beard. “Yeah, I guess I haven’t. It’s Charley. What are yours?”

  “I’m Seth.” He stepped forward and shook his hand. “And that’s Ethan and Reese.”

  He scrunched his eyes brows together and looked at me. “Your name is Reese?”

  I just nodded not knowing where this was going.

  “Hmm” was all he said.

  “What?”

  He walked over to the window and looked out for a moment then turned back to us. His big form caused the floor boards to creak slightly under his weight.

  “Reese is a rare name,” he said. “Especially for a girl. There have been rumors traveling about. I’m sure you all know that their army has been in chaos lately; men have been abandoning their posts and regiments to join our side? I’m assuming you’ve heard all that?”

  We nodded.

  “Well,” Charley continued, “the guy who started everything is out there somewhere, and they’ve been searching for him.”

  My heart skipped a beat. Did that mean West was still alive?

  “But they’ve also been searching for someone else, too.” His eyes drifted over me. “Someone by the name of Reese. The person who was supposedly traveling with him.”

  Ethan turned to me, but Seth kept his eyes on the floor, already knowing. “Was that the guy you were traveling with before?”

  “Yes,” I said softly.

  “So, it’s really you then?” Charley asked.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “It’s just, we didn’t know if the rumors were actually true or not. But . . . here you are. So, where is he?” A frown spread across his kind face as he took the three of us in, one by one.

  “Who?”

  “The guy of course. West.”

  West. Stormy blue eyes and dark hair. My throat got choked up.

  I looked to the floor. “Um . . . we were separated. I don’t know where he is.” It was hard to form the words in my mouth and make them come out the way they were supposed to. I almost didn’t say anything.

  Charley didn’t seem to notice though and said, “No matter. I would have just liked to have meet him. You both are . . . well, I don’t know if I would use the word ‘famous’ but, people know your names just about everywhere now.”

  That I did not know. I knew people had been following in West’s footsteps, but I had no idea that people knew who we were. Not our names at least. But then I remembered back when Mr. Kothem had asked for my name. And I had given it to him. Now I regretted it.

  “Where are you guys from?” Charley asked.

  Seth answered, “The South City.”

  “Well, that’s quite a ways. Not everyone could make that far with the army between us and there.”

  “I won’t say it’s been easy,” he said.

  Charley nodded, seeming to know that that was the end of the conversation. “Remember, if any of you need anything, just ask for me.”

  Shorty after he left, the rain started up. It reminded me of those gloomy days when it had rained nonstop for a week, my first week with West. My eyes stared into it unmoving, hazing over like a dreamlike state. It made me tired.

  Seth sat down on one of the chairs placed near the table and Ethan collapsed onto the bed, followed by an exhausted sigh. I stood where I was, not knowing what to do with myself. It felt odd staying somewhere when we could still be traveling. I still hadn’t decided if I felt comfortable here, around so may people; people who knew my name. It was all too much to take it.

  Finally I took the seat opposite of Seth and leaned back in my chair. I felt so tired. My limbs were heavy and my eyes stared off towards something I wasn’t seeing. Ethan was already asleep, sprawled out across the bed like a disfigured spider. Every time he exhaled, the hair hanging over his face would move just slightly.

  “You know,” Seth stared as he tapped his long fingers on the wooden table, “we don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I know you don’t partially like the fact that they know who you are. I probably wouldn’t either.”

  I nodded in understanding. “It just makes me a bit edgy. I had no idea they were still looking for me, and I don’t know when one of them might decide to turn me over for a reward, or if one of them is a spy.”

  “It is a bit risky,” Seth commented. “When do you want to leave?”

  “Maybe a day or two, but no more. It’ll be nice to sleep in a bed for at least a couple nights.” Then I mumbled, “My back feels broken from sleeping on the ground.”

  “Are you sure?” He turned his head so he was staring into my eyes. I had never noticed they were such a deep brown; so soft and warm. Maybe it was because I had never stared at him before, as least not this hard. Even though I had only known Seth for about a week, it felt as if I’d known him a lifetime.

  With West it was different. It felt like I still didn’t know him and yet I knew that that was the reason I was attracted to him. He was full of missing pieces still to be found. Ones that I could only find.

  “I want you to be safe, Reese,” he said. “Even though you don’t talk about what happened when the army took you, your eyes say it for you.”

  I studied him a moment longer before turning away. “And what do they tell you?”

  “That you’re hurt, more deeply than other people can see. Your knee is obvious, but there is something more, something that’s hidden. I know it has to do with West.

  A silence hung in the air around us, so thick that it was loud.

  “I can keep you safe, Reese.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever be safe,” I whispered. I’m not sure why it came out like that but it did. Maybe because it was true, or maybe because I didn’t want to believe it to be. “They’re still hunting me, and they will until they find West.”

  That was the first time in a long time I had said his name out loud.

  Seth turned away and I could see the muscles working in his jaw; clenching and unclenching. He stared at the wall.

  “You shouldn’t feel like you have to protect me. I don’t want you to. If you want to protect somebody, protect Ethan. You know it would mean a lot to me if you would.”

  He glanced over at Ethan, sleeping away in the bed, and nodded. “You know I already am.”

  My heart felt a little lighter. “I know, and that’s all I can ask of you.”

  “Why won’t you let me to help you?” His eyes were narrowed and asking questions I didn’t have answers too.

  “What do you mean? You are helping me.”

  “Only to an extent, and you know it. You won’t let anyone get close to you. You’ll barely even let Ethan touch you anymore. I know, because he tells me.”

  His words hurt me, and my eyes drifted towards my little brother sleeping away. My bitterness was starting to come back again, and the holes that Ethan had once filled, were slowly emptying again. I had no idea it would happen so soon, though. I thought I would at least be happy for a while being with Seth, and especially Ethan again. The first night I had slept well because he was with me. But that was the first and last of it’s kind. I was no different from before I came across them.

  I was cold again in my dark, hidden cave, and it was harder for me to find my way out than I had thought.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been distant,” I answered truthfully. “But it doesn’t feel right to be close to anyone right now. It doesn’t feel the same as it did before, and I don’t know why.”

  “It’s because of West,” Seth said with his head turned away, unable for me to see his expression. “Isn’t it? When he left, he left you hurting, and he hasn’t been back to patch you back up. You broke when he left, and you still are.”

  Seth’s words were of a truth I didn’t want to believe, and left a bitter ta
ste lingering in my mouth. I didn’t want West in my mind right now because different feelings would sprout out when I did, ones of anger and something else entirely. Was it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?

  I didn’t want to hate West. I wanted him be waiting behind me when I glanced over my shoulder in the woods. To see him standing there with his wonderful smile and striking posture. To see him there and be happy. Not bitter like I was now.

  “I don’t want to talk about him, Seth. Not now—”

  “You can’t ignore it forever,” he answered.

  “Ignore what?” The venom in my voice was clear and I was immediately ashamed that I said it that way. Seth didn’t deserve to be around me when I was like this. Nobody did.

  Seth sat back in his chair and sighed softly. When he spoke his voice was calmer than I had been expecting, especially right after I had snapped at him.

  “Everything inside you that’s screaming to come out.”

  We must have sat in silence for a whole ten minutes. His words were heavy in the air for me to think about.

  “I’m not ignoring it. I wish I could just shut away what’s going on inside of me, but it seems impossible. I am hurt,” I nodded looking down at my hands, “you’re right. But I’m not sure if West knew what he was doing to me when he left. I’m not sure if he knew what he was putting me though when he did.”

  “You mean how you feel about him? Did you never tell him?”

  “I thought he knew.” It hurt me to admit it. “But maybe he didn’t think my feelings were as strong as he thought they were.”

  “No, I think he did know, but he chose to leave because he wanted to keep you safe. You both are probably going through the same thing right now, and it hurts West just as much to be away from you.”

  I smiled. “I don’t know if I believe you or not, but it makes me feel somewhat better, knowing that maybe he hasn’t forgotten about me.”