Clementine

by R. Jean Wilson

  She held the piece of paper in her hand, rubbing her fingers gently across his words. She had forgotten about placing the note in her glove compartment a year ago and the memories from that night came flooding back. The taste of his mouth, the feel of his breath on her skin, his body pressed against hers. She studied the note, suddenly unsure if she had made the right decision in moving to Houston. She’d left Holden once without putting up a fight, and now once again she was playing it safe, choosing a path far away from the man who had stolen her heart without her consent.

  “Now, you’re sure this is where you want to be?” Her mom asked.

  “Yes, it feels right mom, and the program really is just as good as Whittington,” Addison answered, wishing she could tell her Mom the whole truth about her decision.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re happy. Having you in Austin is much better than North Carolina so I can’t complain.”

  “Thanks Mom, I love you, I have to get ready for my first day tomorrow. Call you after I leave the hospital,” Addison answered. The moment she hung up the phone, the nerves set in. Am I crazy for doing this? Maybe. Tomorrow morning she would start a new, demanding program, in a hospital where both Stacy and Holden worked, neither of which she particularly wanted to run into on her first day.

  Chapter 15

  Her first week at the hospital, Addison successfully avoided running into both Holden and Stacy. She wasn’t sure which ghost from her past she was trying to dodge more. The idea of bumping into either of them left her with a sinking feeling in her stomach whenever she walked the hospital corridors.

  She had a total of eight rotations to cycle through at Hyde Park. Oncology rotation was first and it only lasted three weeks. That meant she had two more weeks to prepare for her neurology/spine rotation. Two weeks to prepare for the inevitable.

  Addison was glad she’d already volunteered at Hyde Park Hospital a year ago because it gave her one less thing to worry about that first week. Her clinical program was made up of a dozen students: two PA students and ten medical students. Addison was a little intimidated by the idea, but she felt confident that she’d be able to keep up with the fourth year med students. Hopefully.

  All of the hours spent working at Dr. Fischer’s office before PA school had paid off; her experience made her confident in adapting to all of her new roles. She felt comfortable examining patients and enjoyed the way some of the students in her group asked her for advice about how best to deal with certain scenarios.

  The only other PA student in Addison’s clinical group was a petite brunette named Bethenny. She was a few inches shorter than Addison, with long brown hair and almond shaped eyes. She’d seemed a bit icy at first but Addison had eventually coaxed a warm personality out of her. Although she was no replacement for Katherine or Alicia, the two still had enough in common to become real friends.

  “Seriously Addison, that woman was insane back there. I can’t believe you managed to get a smile out of her,” Bethenny said as the two girls walked down the hall, following behind the rest of their group.

  “She was just annoyed that the hospital gave her such a small gown. I stole a bigger size from the supply closet and brought it to her.” The two girls giggled before stopping outside of another patient's’ room.

  It was a difficult rotating through the oncology ward those first few weeks. Each morning was a gamble as to what Addison would see during her shift. Sometimes she’d luck out and her day would be filled with stage 1 cancer cases that had easy treatments and high survival rates. Other days, she’d find patients who’d come into the hospital for abdominal pain and were admitted right away with late stage pancreatic cancer. The days were long and Addison felt drained heading home after each shift.

  Although she hated the emotional turmoil that came with the oncology ward, she didn’t want her rotation to end on Friday because she knew neurology/spine was next on her schedule. Holden’s ward. She still hadn’t run into him at the hospital. She’d gone through dozens of scenarios in her mind. He could still be with the brunette or he could have a new girlfriend. She wasn’t sure if she should be excited to finally see him or worried about all the unknowns that lay before her. Either way, she’d find out the following Monday when she reported to the neurology/spine ward at 8:00 am to begin her next rotation.

  Chapter 16

  Four weeks, I just have to get through four weeks, Addison thought as she put the finishing touches on her makeup Monday morning. She’d set her alarm forty minutes earlier than usual so she’d have ample amounts of time to get ready. Before starting at Hyde Park, Addison and her mother had gone shopping for a whole new wardrobe that would fit the strict hospital dress codes. She’d found a few dress skirts and fitted pants that matched well with various blouses. Today she picked her most flattering pair of dress pants. They were black shape-skimming trousers that hugged her long legs. She matched them with her favorite pair of black designer pumps that she normally skipped over in the mornings. They were taller than she preferred, but today she felt she’d need the confidence from the added inches. Even she had to admit they made her slim legs go on for days. She finished it off with an ivory silk button-down shirt tucked in. Too bad I’ll be changing into scrubs soon…

  Her hair was curled in loose waves that framed her face and she painstakingly applied her make-up. She didn’t need much, and only wore the basics on most days, but today was different. She applied a thin line of eyeliner and a couple swipes of mascara, wanting to look her best. This better be worth it.

  “Wow, stepping it up a bit for the neuro rotation?” Bethenny noted, handing Addison a cup of coffee. They switched off bringing one another coffee in the morning and Addison took the cup gratefully. She knew the caffeine wouldn’t help her nerves but she hadn’t been able to eat breakfast that morning and she needed something to settle her stomach.

  “I’ve worn these pants before,” Addison said looking down at her ensemble, suddenly feeling embarrassed at the amount of effort she had put into her appearance.

  “Mhm, not with those heels though. You look freaking awesome. I wish I was a little bit taller, I could never pull an outfit off like that,” Bethenny said as the two girls pulled their short white coats out of their lockers.

  “You totally could pull it off,” Addison encouraged as she closed her locker. She was sad to cover up her ivory blouse but the coat was mandatory and she liked the way it symbolized all the work she had put into becoming a PA. She tugged her hair out from behind the collar and fixed it in the mirror so it lay in cascades down her back.

  “Okay, I think I’m finally ready.” She grabbed her coffee and her hospital clipboard before heading out into the hallway with Bethenny.

  “I’m not even kidding. It’s sort of unfair that you look like that and are going to be a

  PA.”

  “You’re ridiculous,” Addison laughed and nudged her friend playfully. “But I guess I need to put some effort in more often...”

  Bethenny winked before changing the subject, “I’m sort of nervous about starting a new rotation today.”

  “I know,” Addison admitted, although she knew it was for much different reasons. “I was just beginning to feel comfortable in the oncology ward; at least the residents were nice to us.”

  “Yeah I agree, I’ve heard horror stories about the neuro and spine guys. I just pray they don’t ask us a ton of questions. I’ll do their work; I just don’t want to be put on the spot in front of everyone,” Bethenny said as Addison held the door open for them to enter the neurology and spine ward.

  Addison instinctively held her breath as she walked into the ward, as if she were a soldier stepping into hostile enemy territory. Her heart was beating out of her chest at the idea that Holden could walk by at any moment.

  “Agreed. I will definitely need to brush up on my nervous system anatomy in these next few weeks,” she muttered.

  She was trying hard to act normal around her friend, but her senses were all firing at fu
ll force. She was attempting to listen for his voice or catch a whiff of his deeply spiced scent that used to wrap its way around her thoughts and take hold.

  She saw the other students from their clinical group standing in a tight clump adjacent to the nurses’ station and the two girls made their way toward them. Addison noticed a few of the guys checking her out longer than usual and she internally high-fived herself for spending extra time getting ready that morning.

  “This will be our hardest rotation by far, so let’s just concentrate on how great it will feel when we’re all done!” Bethenny chimed brightly.

  Addison huffed, offering her friend a weak smile. Yeah, right.

  A few minutes later, when all of the students had arrived, a distinguished looking man walked up to the group and directed them to follow. Addison noted the rimless glasses that sat on his thin nose. His white coat looked freshly ironed and crisp. His sharp features and stark white hair seemed to command immediate respect. Her instincts were bolstered when he began to speak. His tone was simple and direct.

  “I’m Dr. Warwick. Head of neuro and spine here at Hyde Park Hospital. Our ward is smaller than most others at Hyde Park but, as you can see, our facilities are state-of-the-art,” he said, stopping the group outside of a conference space. There were no walls separating the hallway from the room. Rather, large panels of glass spanned from floor to ceiling and the door to the conference room swiveled on an axis free from any doorframe. Addison was taken aback by the entire room. The other three walls were painted a stark white, decorated only by large black and white photos of the brain and spinal cord. Jeez, this is intense.

  Dr. Warwick directed them to each take a seat around the oval shaped mahogany table. Addison chose the chair directly across the room from Dr. Warwick, hoping to remain under his radar and out of his line-of-fire if he began to ask them questions.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I know very few of you will end up in this field. The hours are long and there’s never a routine case when dealing with the brain and spine. The purpose of this rotation is to expose you to as much of this field as possible, so that those among you who have an itch that general surgery or pediatrics just can’t scratch may finally find the antidote here.”

  The room was silent as the students let Dr. Warwick’s words sink in. Each of them looked to one another, wondering who among them would be willing to take on such a difficult field. Addison sat calmly, her hands resting in her lap, as her eyes scanned over the ornate patterns ingrained in the wood table.

  “I won’t be in charge of your training during this rotation. Our residents will head you up, but don’t hesitate to come to my office with questions or concerns,” he spoke looking at his watch.

  The room remained quiet for a few moments as the students shuffled their feet or flipped papers on their clipboards.

  “It appears our residents are running a little later than usual today so maybe we’ll pass the time with a few questions,” he spoke as the students sank slightly lower in their chairs.

  “Can anyone tell me the common symptoms associated with a herniated disc?” Dr. Warwick inquired, his hands clasped behind his back, his eyes scanning the twelve students around the table.

  A hand shot into the air and Dr. Warwick nodded to the African American man sitting in the seat closest to the front of the room. Henry always answered questions when they were presented to the group. He’d stood out immediately as one of the top students among them their first few week of rotations. Of course he would raise his hand.

  “A herniated disc by itself doesn’t present pain in the patient. It’s the pressure that the herniated disc puts on the lumbar and sacral spine that leads to pain.” He paused before continuing, “Pain, tingling, or numbness usually presents in the lower back and often times extends down the posterior leg and foot along the sciatic nerve.”

  Dr. Warwick nodded his head, his features remained stoic as he listened to Henry.

  “Good answer, Mr. Hope,” Dr. Warwick said, having bent down to read his name off the embroidering on his white coat.

  He straightened up and Addison could almost see the ideas churning within him.

  “Now, who can tell me about some of the newest medical techniques associated with disc replacements?”

  Oh, I know this! Addison immediately straightened up and paused to see if any of the other students would volunteer to answer it first. After a few moments, she subtly raised her hand.

  “Ah, yes Ms.?”

  “Caldwell, Addison Caldwell.” She spoke as he offered her a polite nod, motioning for her to continue.

  “Autologous stem cell transplants can be used in disc replacements. When repairing a patient’s spinal disc, adipose derived stem cells may be injected into the surgical site,” she paused to gauge his reaction to see if she was on the right track and in that moment the glass door to the conference room opened. Three doctors stepped through the sleek doorframe to join Dr. Warwick. Holden was the last one of them to step in. Holy shit. He was still the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on.

  He hadn’t seen her as he walked in, but that didn’t stop the air from seeping out of the room as the glass door glided shut, carrying her nerves with it. This was the moment she’d waited on pins and needles for since the day she’d walked out of the hospital a year ago. She’d dreamt of how they would accidently run into each other; the way his smile would spread across his face; his dimples piercing through the defenses she’d put up a year ago. She didn’t dare allow herself to believe it would actually happen and she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around the fact that it was now taking place. She felt her hands shaking slightly and she clenched them into fists, willing herself to calm down. In that moment she’d forgotten she was in the middle of answering a question, in the middle of her first day of a new rotation, in the middle of her training as a PA. She only saw him. Her eyes followed him inside and across the room. He leaned his body casually against the sidewall and looked down at the papers in his hand, completely unaware of her presence. She felt like she was staring at him, memorizing his features for years before she finally heard a voice speaking to her.

  “Please continue, Ms. Caldwell,” Dr. Warwick encouraged, and Addison snapped her gaze back to the distinguished doctor. He nodded his head at her, a small smile letting her know he was sorry for the interruption. She willed herself to concentrate on him but that didn’t stop her from noticing Holden’s head snap up at the mention of her last name. It only took a second before he found her. A deep warmth spread from her stomach to her heart as his eyes bore into her. She knew her face held an unmistakable crimson hue as she cleared her throat trying to gather her thoughts.

  “Oh well... The stem cells offer a replacement to the nerve cells that died at the site of the injury as well as protection from further damage to the spinal cord... They could even potentially generate new supporting myelin.” Her voice was shaky, but she’d spoken confidently in the end.

  “Very good, Ms. Caldwell. It appears you and Mr. Hope may enjoy this rotation very much,” Dr. Warwick said, smiling back and forth between her and Henry.

  “Before I hand you all over to our residents, I’d like to offer you a task. This is optional and holds no reward other than to satisfy one’s own thirst for answers,” he began, handing out a stack of papers so they could each take one.

  “In this packet is a case study. I want you to diagnose the patient and present me with a treatment plan. This isn’t an assignment; you won’t write a report. Just come find me in my office and discuss your findings with me if you so choose,” he offered before retrieving the extra papers and exiting the room. Don’t leave. She watched him go, already mourning the safety net he provided. As long as Dr. Warwick was speaking her attention had to be on him. With him gone, Addison no longer had an excuse not to meet the liquid brown eyes waiting for her at the front of the room.

  She fiddled with her case study packet to distract herself from Holden’s looming presence. Did he have
to look so devastating handsome still? Couldn’t he have let himself go in the year I was away?

  “Good morning, we apologize for holding you all up; our surgery ran longer than expected.” She heard his strong voice command the student’s attention. She kept her eyes down on her paper, wanting to delude herself into thinking, for one more second, that it was some other person she’d seen walk into the room.

  “I’m Dr. Taylor. I’m the head resident of this ward, and as such, will be your main supervisor during your rotation here.”

  At the sound of his name Addison closed her eyes letting his voice fill her ears and crash through her. This is it. She kept her eyes closed a moment longer before finally willing herself to look up and face her demon. He stood with his usual confidence that was made even more intimidating thanks to his dark blue surgical scrubs and white coat. She could feel his gaze on her but she took her time pushing her gaze upward.

  When her eyes finally fell on his face, he was looking directly at her, his beautiful lips peeled into an amused half smile. A small dimple formed as a result and she tried to focus on that instead of the perfect way his hair fell sinuously on his head. He’d just stepped out of a surgery yet his skin held a healthy tan and she assumed he’d been taking his kayak out on the lake since she’d been gone. Maybe this is a dream and he’ll strip off his scrubs, throw his clipboard down, and crawl on the table to get to me. Wouldn’t that be so much better than this reality?

  “We’ll report here every morning for a daily meeting and then begin rounds from there,” He continued but Addison only half registered his words. The fact that he was cleanly shaven intrigued her; he used to always grow his facial hair out just enough to completely entice her. She couldn’t decide which she preferred, his strong features seemed more striking this way and she couldn’t help but want to kiss his attractive jaw and defined cheekbones. How does someone even look like that after performing a spinal surgery?