Brave

by Natalie Gayle

  “Are you going to freak out if I lift this singlet up? I want you to show me the spots that give you the most discomfort. I’ll try to avoid them, if I can. Just like ripping off a Band-Aid, Eden. Once it’s done, it’s done.”

  My eyes scrunched tight and my whole body tensed. I could do it.

  I nodded slightly, it was subtle but I was sure I had.

  “Give me the words, Eden. Tell me it’s okay.” His voice was low and demanding. It was the tone he used with his students. The one, that even though he was asking for permission, there was no way you could refuse him.

  “Do it!” The words came out before my brain registered I’d done it.

  He didn’t hesitate. I felt the fabric raise and the air hit my skin directly. Up and up it went, till his hand was level with my crop top bra. I knew what he was seeing. I knew how ugly it was. My lungs were burning and I couldn’t seem to draw in any air. I was stuck, frozen to the spot.

  Paralysed by my emotions.

  “Good girl. You’re doing great, Eden. Just focus on my voice. Breathe, don’t hold your breath. Breath control is very important in martial arts. We’ll do a lot of work on it later. Breathe out slowly.” I must have released the breath—I started to feel better. “Okay now breathe in again with me…and out…that’s it Eden. You control the moment. Not the other way around.”

  I listened to his voice. And followed his instructions.

  “Okay, keep breathing just like you have been. Open your eyes.” Slowly, I raised my eyelids. His face was the first thing I saw, a picture of concern. Not pity. Not discomfort. It was genuine and right then I knew he was feeling every single raw emotion I was. My pain, was his pain. He was guiding me through, helping me face my fear—building me up.

  “Okay Eden, now I want you to show me the bits that are the most tender. Don’t forget to breathe. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

  Somehow after his words, looking down was much easier than I thought. The scars were just disfigured skin. Nothing I could do to fix. I raised my right arm and with my index finger I traced the area down the side and under my breast.

  “This area feels a little weird sometimes. The skin seems to be thinner or something. If I move my arm right forward or right up I can feel it pull. It kind of feels like the skin is too tight.” I moved my arm to demonstrate.

  “Is the skin more fragile?”

  “The doctors don’t think so. I put lots of moisturiser on it to keep it as supple as possible. And it seems to settle more all the time, but I think I’ll always have a few weird sensations there.”

  He nodded his understanding. “Okay, so that spot we call the floating rib. It’s a very sensitive part of the body. Any other spots?”

  I pointed to the spot just in front of my right hip. “It’s kind of the same.” Then I acted on instinct and hooked a thumb into the band of my yoga pants and pulled them down a few inches exposing the area below my hip and sliding into my buttock. “The scars end here.”

  I could feel his eyes on me during every centimetre of the journey—cataloguing and memorising my scars.

  There was no more to show—I’d done it. Relief and something else washed over me. I’d faced my demons and won this round.

  I pulled the waistband back up and he lowered my singlet once again. But didn’t step back.

  Instead Xander moved even closer and pulled me to his body in a hug. He was only slightly taller than me but his shoulders were wide and his hips narrow. There was no mistaking the power and strength in his body as my arms held tight to him. My chest was pressed to his and I could feel my nipples start to pebble against him.

  His hand stroked from the back of my head to the middle of my back and I could feel a trail of tingly little prickles in its wake. Then he pulled back from me slightly and captured my eyes with his.

  “Thank you for trusting me, Eden. I know how hard that was for you. It’s going to get easier from here. I promise. When the next challenge comes up, you’re going to remember how difficult it was just now and how good it felt when you managed your fears. Fears rarely ever disappear completely, but they certainly become more manageable. A little bit of fear can be healthy as long as we’re the ones managing it.”

  I could feel the tears about to burst forth again. My emotions were all over the place. I’d gone through a whole scale of them—terror on one end, elation on the other.

  “Let them fall if you need to. I’m so proud of you.”

  How did he read me so well? He seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

  Not sure what else to do, I reached down and picked up the T-Shirt I’d discarded before. I went to put it back on but he reached out to stop me.

  “Don’t Eden. You don’t need to cover up. It’ll just get in the way. Regardless of the scars you’re still a stunning woman with an incredible figure. You don’t need to hide it.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Before the fire I was told so many times how pretty I was, how beautiful I was. They were words I hadn’t heard in years. I’d forgotten how to respond.

  Xander took the shirt from my hand and he had a strange faraway look on his face. “You may not believe me yet. But I’m going to remind you, show you, just how beautiful you are. You gave me beautiful once. I’m going to give it back to you.”

  I didn’t ask, what he meant. Curiosity was screaming for me to, but it didn’t feel right for me to ask. It was almost as if he’d unwittingly voiced something that was meant only for himself. Some things were best left unsaid. If he wanted me to know, he’d explain in his own time. Until then I’d wonder.

  Chapter 8

  Xander

  Did I just say all that out loud? From the look on Eden’s face I had. I hadn’t meant to, but she just moved me in ways that had me doing stuff I didn’t really understand. I walked to the edge of the mats with her T-Shirt and struggled to get my head together.

  I was stunned at how brave she’d just been. How much trust she’d placed in me—I felt the gravity of the responsibility and it was humbling. There’s no way I’d intentionally hurt her or let anyone else for that matter.

  Eden’s bravery wasn’t the only thing I was blown away by—the lady was rockin’ a killer body under all that loose fabric. My God! I could easily see now how she’d secured that modelling contract. She was all long elegant lines and feminine curves. Her skin, not affected by burns, was satiny smooth and seemed to glow. It was easy to be mesmerised by her—burns or not. There was just something about Eden Sommers that tapped into my heart and wouldn’t let go.

  Right, time to get started on what I’d planned. I walked back over to where she was standing. “Okay, are you ready to get going?”

  She nodded and I noticed her eyes were bright but I think the threat of tears had past. “I’m ready.”

  I stood in front of her, but a couple of paces back. “Normally we’d run through a warm up routine. I’ll show you that next time. But I’m going to keep things light and slow today. We’ll let the muscles warm up slowly as we go.” Eden nodded her understanding. “Okay, let me show you some basic punches first. The first one I’m going to do is a jab cross. Let me show you.”

  I demonstrated it at about half speed and half power to give her an idea of what it looked like. Then I went to stand beside her and took hold of her left hand. “So it generally starts with the left hand as you’re a right hander. But first you need to make a strong fist.” She closed her fingers to make a fist but her manicured nails were going to be a problem for fists, although the thought of them running down my back was a whole other story.

  Get your head back in the game, Xan. I mentally chastised myself. “You might need to trim those nails to make it a little more comfortable. Make sure you tuck your thumb under so you don’t get it caught or knock it. From experience, it hurts like hell.”

  Her mouth curled up in a little grin at my words as she focused on what I was showing her with my own fist. “Okay, now I’m going to show you a guard position. So bring your
hands to your face. Your knuckles rest on your cheekbones. Your hands stay here all the time unless they’re striking or blocking.” I quickly demonstrated a couple of other cover positions always starting with my hands on my face. “See how easily I can adjust my cover for incoming strikes if my hands are up protecting my face. I just roll my shoulders inwards and close my forearms and I’ve made a pretty effective cage for my face. Okay you try it.”

  She brought her hands up and mimicked what I’d done almost perfectly. I gently moved her hands slightly. “Show me the closed cover.” Eden moved her left arm in front of her chest to protect but the right one didn’t quite make it in as far or fast.

  “Does that give you problem?” Without thinking my hand went to the spot where the movement was restricted. I could feel the ridge of scared skin below her singlet and she flinched away.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I could feel the heat through the thin material of her singlet, that alone played havoc with my senses.

  Then she turned slightly and I could see something new in her eyes—amusement. “You didn’t. It tickled!” she said a little shyly.

  I chuckled a little with her. “Well, that’s better than pain.”

  “Ah, yes!” Her voice held knowing depth. I doubted the biggest beating I’d ever taken, would have been a hundredth of the pain she must have gone through. It was mind boggling to imagine.

  We ran through some more covers and basic punch combinations for the next fifteen minutes until she could throw them comfortably on my call. Eden was a good student. She focused and tried hard to get things exactly right. It wasn’t hard for me to understand how her grades were so high.

  “Okay, that was great. Now let’s do some basic self-defence moves. I want to show you how to get out of some grabs and holds.” I moved to stand directly in front of her. I was easily in her “personal space.” “Before we get going, I need to warn you, with these ones I will be touching you a lot. There’s no other way.”

  Her eyelids raised a fraction more and I noticed a hint of something in her eyes. “That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll mind too much.” What was I seeing? Was it what I thought it was? God, she was killing me. I wanted to touch her so much and not in a strictly professional way.

  “Well, okay then, I’m going to start with a front grab. But to start with I want you to place your hands on my shoulders or round my throat and I’ll show you how to get out of it. There’s several ways. I’ll show you a few, then as time goes on you’ll figure out which ones work best for you and the ones you feel most comfortable doing.”

  Eden nodded her understanding and placed her hands on my shoulders about an inch away from my neck on either side. She didn’t just rest her hands there, but rather applied a bit of a pressure. It was almost as if she was going to give me a massage and I wondered what that would feel like for a split second before I went about showing her how to remove an attacker’s hands from a front grab.

  I showed her how to pull fingers back to break the hold, how to drive my arms upwards and downwards with enough force to remove those holding me. We also went through how strikes could be added. Once she had the basics, we reversed the positions and Eden got to work on breaking the holds I put her in. We practised those for a few minutes. I was enjoying the look of achievement she got on her face when she managed to get out of a hold. Eden was really digging this.

  “Now let’s do some work on grabs from behind.” I stood in front of her. “Okay, move in behind me and wrap an arm around my neck.” She did as I asked and her arm came around my throat. Her chest was pressed tight to my shoulders and damned if I didn’t feel my dick start to stir in my shorts. I knew it was because of the combination of her body pressed tight to me, her warm breath on my neck and the light scent of blackberries that seemed to always be with her. I fucking loved her perfume. This never happened. I taught classes all the time. Men, women, kids, I taught them all. I’d taught women before—stunning, sexy women but none of them had affected me like Eden was now. I could barely think about what I was wanting to show her.

  “Is that what you wanted?” Her words came out beside my ear and I shivered from the feel. Focus Xander!

  “That’s perfect. So this is a really dangerous situation to be in. Doesn’t get much worse than this. From here, you have the ability to choke me out really quick if I don’t do something about it. You need to stop the arm from tightening around your neck and you need to do it quickly. First off, you need to turn your head into the hold. So if the right arm is around my neck, I turn my head to the right to create some space so I can breathe a bit better.” I moved my head to demonstrate. “Now I need to loosen this hold. A backward elbow to the middle can work well.” I moved my body a little away from her and moved my right arm back mimicking the strike. “You can stomp on toes, rake your foot down a shin. Strike to the groin. You need to be serious about getting out of here quick. This is a very aggressive hold—you need to show equal aggression to break it.”

  I brought my hand up to her arm and indicated that she should let go. “Okay, now you try to get out of my hold.” I moved in behind her and wrapped my arm around her throat and brought my left hand up and interlocked my arms. My left palm cradled the back of her skull but also made the hold that much more aggressive and more challenging to break. Her hair was so soft and silky under my fingers; I had to resist the urge to stroke and massage it.

  “What about your hand on my head? I didn’t have that with you before.” She sounded confused and I wasn’t sure whether she was a little put out at me making the hold harder or the feel of my hand on her head. It could be quite intimidating for some people.

  “So focus on what you need to do first. Turn your head, give yourself some room to breathe. Don’t panic, I’m just going to demonstrate something.” She nodded slightly. “Okay, you can feel me tightening my arm around you. I could increase the pressure to choke you out easily. So turn your chin to the right. Create the room you need to breathe.” She moved her head slightly. “Good, now do what you need to do to break the hold.” I didn’t want to give her pointers from here. I wanted to see what she would do.

  A second later her right arm flew back and connected with my mid-section. The swift blow took me a bit by surprise. I needed to mention to her we weren’t trying to wound each other for practise. She twisted her body around some more and swung backwards with her hand obviously aiming for my groin. I managed to get my right hip and thigh into place to take the hit, rather than my groin. Her hand slammed into my thigh hard enough that I knew it would have left me gasping for breath if she’d connected with her intended target. I loosened my hold and let her struggle some more and break free.

  She turned to look at me and I could see colour had pooled in her cheeks and her chest was heaving as if she’d run. It had to be from the emotions that this sort of stuff could stir up. Her attack had only been recent. “You okay, Eden?”

  Her eyes closed and she swallowed. I could see she was trying to pull herself together. “Yeah, I’m okay. That was just a bit too real.”

  I chuckled and thought about my package. “Yeah, I thought you were really going to drop me for a sec. When we do this sort of training, we go at an intensity that demonstrates we know the moves and can break them, but we don’t intend to do any damage. We want to be able to keep training.” I winked at her and a little grin spread across her face. “Won’t be long until a guy would be a fool to mess with you. You’re going to be just as fierce as your sisters I see. Must run in the family.”

  Her eyes lit up and the grin became a smile. There it was. I could look at it for days.

  Dane came through the front doors and gave me a wave before he headed down the corridor to the locker room to get changed. His arrival jogged my mind as to the time. It seemed to fly whenever I was with Eden. I also didn’t miss that she’d put her body behind mine to prevent him from seeing her.

  “Okay, we’re going to have to call it quits for today. Dane and some
of the guys have a session on these mats in about fifteen minutes. Let me go grab your shirt.” I jogged over to the edge of the mats and snagged her shirt.

  I passed it back to her and she immediately slipped it back on. “Thanks for understanding.” She reached for my hand as she said it and her eyes spoke to me as much as her voice.

  “I think you’ve done amazingly well today, Eden. Why don’t you go get changed, then come and find me in my office?”

  She nodded and did a perfectly executed bow.

  I wanted to hug her, to tip her chin up to me so I could see her eyes and do a hundred other things that would have been inappropriate. Instead I gave her a friendly pat on the back as she walked past me.

  I just needed to touch her.

  I was in such deep trouble.

  * * *

  Eden

  I felt completely all over the place, wrung out as I left the locker room and headed to Xander’s office. Hey, it had been going on for days—ever since Xander Todd had come crashing into my life. But I also felt freer and more alive than I had in years. My emotions terrified, hurt and excited me all at once, but the one that was really playing with me hard was the hope. That scared me the most. Getting a glimpse of something amazing only to have it ripped away—I knew just how gutting that was. I didn’t want to feel that level of pain again. I was no stranger to physical or emotional pain. Physical pain could be managed with pain killers—nothing touched the emotional pain.

  The door off the corridor was open and I could see him sitting at his desk, his eyes on the computer screen in front of him. His head was shaking from side to side and he looked pissed off.

  I stood there for a second, not sure whether to knock or just go or what. He looked really annoyed.