Christmas or Bust

by A. M Burke

  “To make sure you made it to your friend’s alright and to wish you a Merry Christmas,” Nora said as levelly as possible. “And to thank you again for driving me so thank you, I’m sorry for waking you.”

  “You didn’t wake me,” Elliot said simply.

  “Still,” Nora said grasping for something say, “thank you again. Goodnight Elliot.”

  “Nora,” Elliot breathed.

  “Goodnight Elliot,” Nora said more firmly this time. She heard Elliot sigh again.

  “Goodnight Nora.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Nora did her best to make it through Christmas with a happy face and because neither her mother nor father made any noises about her being off she thought she did so very well. Claire texted to wish her a Merry Christmas and Nora returned the favor but they did not communicate beyond that. The hospital was sending her messages constantly, asking if she’d be willing to move up her return and Nora was seriously considering it, for some reason she was eager to get back to the hospital but a search of plane ticket prices changed her mind. On the morning before she was supposed to leave for New York Nora was sitting out on the deck, looking over the forest her parent’s home abutted to and tried to make some sense of her thoughts.

  Finally she decided to chock everything up to being burned out.

  It was a simple, logical explanation. It was why she was having doubts over being a doctor and why she’d been so abrupt with Alex, and why she’d gone to bed so easily with Elliot. After a few days of good food and good sleep she was feeling like a brand new person. The hospital was no longer daunting in her subconscious and actually seemed comforting in its familiarly. The environment may be constantly changing but at least she was never bored.

  She was looking forward to going home to New York, because she knew at least that it was home for the time being, and starting a bit fresh. She was going to start eating better and actually working out instead of using running around the hospital and in between subway stations as an excuse. She was going to settle on a specialty, stick with it, and further her career that way instead of jumping around from subject to subject. And she was going to start dating. Elliot’s abrupt departure had made her realize how lonely she was and making time for dating seemed like a good solution.

  Armed with her resolutions and determined not to wait until New Year’s Nora kissed her parents goodbye at the security gate, promised she find time to make it home again soon and returned to New York.

  All and all she was feeling pretty good, pushing Elliot from her mind and glossing over her answers when Claire returned from Miami the day after Nora, all tanned and full of good cheer.

  “I’m just so glad you two made it out in one piece,” Claire said placing a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. It was the first day of the New Year the two were having an abbreviated girls’ night in since Nora had an early shift the next morning and Claire had partied a little too hard the night before.

  “You were right,” Nora said sipping her cocoa. There was a storm brewing outside and the wind was buffeting against the window. It was going to be a cold commute in the morning but Nora had come to expect it by now. Maybe she really did need to consider transferring to a new hospital in a warmer climate.

  “About?” Claire asked sitting down and snagging some of the blanket Nora was under.

  “Elliot, he’s a good guy,” Nora said and that was just about the most she said about it the trip so far.

  “Hmm, he said he enjoyed himself too,” Claire said grabbing up the remote.

  “Oh?” Nora asked trying not to sound too eager.

  “Yeah, he said you were a good road trip partner,” Claire said thumbing the buttons on the remote to start the movie.

  “That’s it?” Nora asked shocked that she’d let that slip.

  “You were expecting more?”

  “No, I just thought it would be worse,” Nora joked to cover her tracks.

  “No, actually,” Claire went on, “I think he was a bit taken with you. He sent me a message on your second day asking me if you were seeing anyone.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, he didn’t make a move?” Claire asked casually but she looked at Nora, hungry for information. Nora guessed her friend had been eager to ask the question but had been holding back since she walked through the door the day before. Nora struggled for an answer and Claire pounced on the silence. “He did, didn’t he? Oh I knew he’d be all over you if you gave him a chance. Remember? Remember I told you before you got in the car there was something between the two of you? So what is going on? Have you been quiet about it on account of me because please believe me when I tell you I’m more than happy about you two being together. No pressure of course thought. Whatever happens, happens but I do think you two would be epic together.”

  Nora gave Claire a weak smile. “Don’t get your hopes up Claire,” she cautioned quietly and her friend snapped to attention.

  “What?” she asked confused and concerned.

  “Elliot shot me down,” Nora explained. She recalled their earlier conversation on the overlook and realized he’d been lying to her then, just letting her hear what she wanted to hear.

  “He wouldn’t,” Claire insisted looking shocked.

  “Oh but he did,” Nora insisted. “But it’s really ok; it’s for the best even.”

  “You are a terrible, terrible liar,” Claire huffed and Nora looked sharply at her. “Well you are.”

  “I’m not Claire, it’s the truth, we might have started something but Elliot put an end to it,” Nora insisted.

  “Nora, you’ve got to tell me the truth,” Claire pressed, “or I can’t help.”

  “I don’t want you to help, and anyway there isn’t anything to help,” Nora snapped and Claire looked surprised. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you but please, just let it go Claire. Elliot is a super big part of your life and I don’t want things between us to be even more awkward than they have to be.”

  “Nora,” Claire breathed out heavily but Nora cut her friend another look.

  “Please Claire,” she said and mercifully Claire stayed quiet, just let out a huff and started the movie.

  Nora slipped out of the apartment extra early the next morning to avoid interacting with Claire. They’d watched the movie in silence but the air was heavy with unspoken words and questions and Nora was eager to not have to face any of those questions just yet. Layering up against the still howling wind Nora tugged her boots over her jeans, double checked that her scrubs were packed in her backpack and then slipped out like a thief in the night….like Elliot.

  Angry at herself for thinking of him Nora pulled her scarf up in front of her face and headed out to a city still in the throes of the holiday season despite its unofficial end. Multi-colored lights blinked at her from windows and fire escapes while soggy flyers covered every surface advertising outdated Christmas sales and New Year’s Eve parties and specials but Nora kept her head down and plowed through the wind. She was going to have to move, she just wasn’t made for winter weather like this. She loved four seasons but while the city did hold a certain magical quality when it was covered in white it always seemed to go too quickly to grey and steel again. Maybe she could just move out of the boundaries of the metropolis and join the long line of commuters.

  Nearly slipping down the steps into the subway Nora pushed the thoughts from her mind and concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. She had to get her thoughts in order. It wasn’t the time to be thinking about a move or Elliot, certainly not Elliot. She had surgeries to perform today. She should concentrate on that, the patients would certainly want that. The train rolled up and Nora joined the small group gathered on the platform waiting to push through the sliding door. Even underground Nora was freezing, feeling the deep cold in her bones and was disgruntled to know she wouldn’t be fully warm again until she was home under her covers. But even that had been a lonely and somewhat cold endeavor as of late. She’d gott
en very used to sharing a bed in a very short amount of time.

  And there he was again, invading her thoughts without permission.

  Disgusted with herself, knowing no man she’d known for such a short amount of time should be affecting her this much, Nora found a spot on the train close to the door and stood, leaning against a pole for support as the train began to move. She had to ride for a few stops before switching trains so she let herself relax against the pole, briefly glancing around her surroundings to make sure no one was going to take up residence near her. All the other commuters on the train were occupied in their own early morning misery, listening to music, scrolling through their phones, or reading books. A few brave souls were snoozing and Nora envied them.

  The train slowed and a few riders roused to get off the train while others poured in and Nora shuffled back to allow a particularly pushy passenger by. A nice looking man in a business suit covered by an opened trench coat smiled amiably at her as he slipped in moments before the doors shut and Nora automatically returned the favor without much thought. The doors slid shut and Nora dedicated herself to mentally reviewing the patient history for the surgeries she was scheduled for that day. As long as no emergencies came in, or piled up at least, then Nora could get caught up on some case work, maybe talk to the doctor that had offered her the position in the neonatal ward. It was interesting work and certainly worthwhile. She just had to decide if she had the emotional wherewithal to work with such patients.

  “Excuse me,” a voice interrupted Nora’s silent planning. The pleasant looking man in the nice suit had come to stand next to her. “I’m sorry to bother you, you were just very familiar and I couldn’t place you.”

  Nora blinked in surprise but looked at the man, trying to see if he was familiar but he could have been a dozen different people that she saw dozens of times a day. “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you,” Nora apologized.

  “High school?” he pressed. “Did you go to West Belmont?”

  “No, I’m actually from California,” Nora smiled again apologetic.

  “Alright, sorry, didn’t mean to press and this might seem like the worst pick up line in the world but you really are familiar,” he said again looking sheepish.

  “Sorry I couldn’t be of more help,” Nora said smiling weakly.

  “Do you work at any of the courthouses in the Manhattan?” he asked and when Nora shook her head ‘no’ he went on. “No law firms? Police stations? How about a hospital? Are you a doctor? A nurse?”

  “Surgeon actually,” Nora admitted.

  “I knew it, I must have seen you at one of the hospitals,” he said looking vindicated and then stuck out his hand. “I’m Keith Lockhart, I’m a child advocate,” he extended his hand. “Unfortunately many of my clients end up in the hospital and that’s how I meet them in the first place.” He grimaced at his own dark joke but his smile changed to charming when Nora took his hand.

  “Nora Elliot,” she answered and then grimaced herself. “Sorry, that’s Nora Ellis. Apparently my brain isn’t entirely turned on just yet.”

  “It’s early yet,” he grinned at her and let go of her hand. “Name change recently?” he asked glancing quickly at her left hand but it was gloved and wouldn’t give anything away.

  “No, just thinking on a surgery later this morning,” Nora lied. “I’ve been Ellis my entire life.”

  “Ah I see, I see,” Keith said as the train began to slow. “This is my stop, but maybe I’ll see you around Dr. Ellis.”

  “Maybe,” Nora agreed smiling after him but she knew the smile didn’t reach her eyes. He seemed like a perfectly nice man and one whose path she may cross again in the near future. New Year’s Eve had passed by uneventfully for her but Nora still had her resolutions set in her mind. If Keith Lockhart crossed paths with her again Nora would be sure to let him know she was interested.

  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  “Fancy seeing you here Dr. Ellis,” Keith said when Nora stepped out of the elevator later that same day. And what a long day it had been. There’d been an accident involving a church group’s van and Nora had spent the better part of the day dealing with the aftermath. Instead of getting caught up with her casework she was now more behind than ever and hadn’t had a chance to talk to Dr. Dulane about the fellowship. Somehow though she’d been caught long enough running between patients’ beds to be offered a different fellowship in a completely unrelated area, she couldn’t even recall the details, only that the paperwork had been shoved in her arms and it was requested that she get back to them with a decision as quickly as possible.

  Nora was really beginning to hate this whole being gifted thing and the perception it gave people.

  Unlike Keith Lockhart who was looking as clean and crisp and put together as earlier on the train Nora was feeling rumpled and dirty and all out of sorts. Setting eyes on a clean, good looking man was doing a lot to improve her mood even if it was also making her glaringly aware of her mused hair, makeup-less face, and the stains across the front of her scrubs.

  “Yes, a hospital is a very odd place to find a doctor,” Nora agreed with a smile. “What brings you to my neck of the woods? Saving a child?”

  “Just like Superman,” Keith said as he continued working on some paperwork on the opposite side of the nurses’ station. “But actually my current motives aren’t so pure.”

  “Probably shouldn’t say that so loudly when you’re in the children’s ward,” Nora advised making a few notes on a chart as Keith ambled over to where Nora was writing.

  “I’ll be sure to keep my voice down from now on,” Keith told her with a smile.

  “So what can I help you with Mr. Lockhart?”

  “I was going to try and find out when you were off from work, maybe see if you’d be interested in getting a cup of coffee with me.”

  Nora looked at him in surprise. Even with her resolutions still fresh in her mind she was still put a bit off kilter by the invitation.

  “Oh, I’m, I’m working a double tonight,” Nora apologized and noticed Keith looked a bit disappointed. “But maybe some other time?”

  Keith looked hopeful and agreed, fishing out a business card and writing his personal number on it. “I’d like to get to know you Nora, so please give me a call whenever you want to.”

  Nora accepted the card with a smile. “Thank you Keith, I promise I will.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  By the time Nora made it through the door later in the day she was feeling utterly defeated over everything. The apartment smelled wonderful, Claire had obviously cooked something delicious for dinner but the thought of food settled like lead in Nora’s stomach. What she wouldn’t give to have the apartment to herself for a few hours so she could break out a bottle of wine and wallow in pity for a good long while.

  Claire poked her head around the corner as Nora was peeling off her boots.

  “Good timing Nora, I was just getting ready to take the chicken out of the over and the potatoes will be ready in a minute….hey, are you crying?”

  “No,” Nora lied as she turned her back to her friend, hoping her voice didn’t betray her and finding it failing miserably.

  “You are, oh Nora, I’m sorry,” Claire said sounding sympathetic. “Was it a bad day at work?” Claire asked the last question with a bit of trepidation. Whenever Nora had a ‘bad day’ at work it meant that something truly horrible had happened. Claire didn’t know how her friend dealt with death day in and day out. Perhaps Nora just became desensitized to it eventually or was simply made of stronger stuff than she was but Claire had come to learn quickly that tears were rare for her friend and so when they appeared they were to be handled delicately and with the seriousness they deserved.

  “I’m fine Claire, really, just a little tired.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I want a long hot shower, and maybe to turn in early,” Nora said pushing past her roommate, jacket still on, a
nd toward her bedroom door. She kept her eyes averted as she passed. She didn’t want to meet Claire’s eyes, she’d breakdown if she did.

  “Nora please, you should talk about it,” Claire insisted softly and Nora stopped a few feet past her. Claire waited silently, mentally preparing for whatever medical horror story Nora was going to impart on her.

  “I hate him,” Nora finally whispered and Claire listened closely, waiting for more.

  “Who?” Claire asked tentatively when Nora didn’t elaborate. She expected Nora to name off the Chief of Medicine who often, it seemed to Claire at least, more interested in furthering his career than the running of the hospital, or maybe the surgeon Nora seemed to be in constant struggle with because of his archaic beliefs of where women belonged in the workforce. She didn’t expect her to name the man she considered her brother.

  “Elliot, I hate Elliot,” Nora answered swiftly and Claire stepped back in surprise.

  “Elliot? Why? Did he say something? Did you two talk today?”

  “No, and that’s the problem,” Nora sniffed loudly. “We haven’t talked since he and I went our separate ways in California. He just up and vanished and left me with nothing. He didn’t say it would be like that. He had me believing,” Nora trailed off.

  “Believe what?” Claire asked confused.

  “That he cared about me,” Nora said with a tremble in her voice and although she couldn’t see it Claire was convinced she was crying again. Claire was confused by it all. She was about to ask Nora to explain when suddenly it all clicked into place; Nora’s evasiveness in answering detailed questions about the trip, Elliot’s increased surliness, and Nora’s own odd mood that seem to fluctuate between impossibly optimistic to downright depressive at the drop of a hat.

  “Something, significant happened to you two on the trip, didn’t it?” Claire guessed. She had an idea was that significant thing was but wanted to hear Nora say it.