Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

  Looking at Kai, I realised I recognised him from Mum’s photos. I snatched my attention back to the picture on the wall, debating whether to tell him that the girl was my mother. “What about her?” I asked, intrigued as to what he might tell me. If he even remembered her.

  “She was a character. A real livewire. She was backpacking – came for a week and stayed for the best part of a year! It’s a funny place. People tend to either love it or hate it. That girl fell in love with the place.” He smiled fondly and moved away. I didn’t want the conversation to end.

  “What happened to her?”

  He looked at me seriously. “She left. Went back to England, I guess. I’m not really sure.”

  For a moment, I wanted to tell him. He looked like he’d be interested; as though he’d like to know what became of her. And he could tell me more about Joe. It was a shock to hear that he was definitely still in town. And working right across the road. And he has a wife.

  “Here’s your key,” Kai said, handing it to me. I’d hesitated too long and I couldn’t find the right words. At least I knew it wasn’t going to be difficult to track Joe down. I followed Kai outside, and he opened the door to the next room to show me the communal kitchen. “You’re in room fourteen. It’s just up the stairs.”

  The room was clean and airy. I switched the button on the air con and waited. It was blissfully cool in minutes and I lay back on my bed. What am I doing here? Everything suddenly felt very real. It had seemed like a great adventure but actually being there felt wrong. Some things should be left alone. I shouldn’t be digging around in my mother’s past. If she’d wanted me to know my father, she would have done something about it long ago, not just while she was delirious on her deathbed. Why on earth did she do that? I was quite happy, why did she put the ideas in my head? She had made me curious about him when I’d never been curious before. But I can fulfil my curiosity without anyone knowing why I’m here. If I just meet him, that will be enough. I don’t need him to know who I am. I just want to see him once.

  I knew I wanted more than that though. I wanted to know more about the year my mum spent here. And what happened? Why didn’t she keep in touch with Joe or any of her friends? I needed to find out, and I could only do that by talking to Joe Sullivan and telling him exactly who I was. At least I knew where to look for him. He had a wife called Cassie – and Kai had already told me where to find them.

  In an instant, I was off the bed and shoving my bulky backpack into a locker. My feet moved quickly and I was out the door and down the stairs before I knew it. It felt like I didn’t even take a breath until I was standing outside the camping shop just across the street. The shop window was filled with an array of camping equipment. Everything was squeezed in haphazardly and hastily cut-out signs announced the prices in black marker.

  I only hesitated for a moment before pushing open the door.

  Chapter 33

  EVELYN – January 1995

  After the New Year’s party, Joe left me at my door with a kiss that left me wanting more. There were times when I wished he wasn’t quite such a gentleman. When he didn’t get in touch the following day, it took a lot of self-control not to search him out. I was dying to see him, but I wanted him to be the one to initiate something. I wanted him to ask me on a date. With a huge effort, I ignored the voice in my head that told me he probably wasn’t over Beth. Thankfully, Kai arrived back to keep me occupied with more renovations at the Croc.

  A few days passed without seeing Joe, and it was a relief to confide in Leslie when I saw her.

  “They’ve been together years!” she said. We were sitting at one of the many tables in the newly refurbished barbecue area at the Croc. “He’s probably just taking a bit of time to process things. It’d actually be a bit weird if he split up with Beth one day and jumped into a relationship with you the next.”

  “The trouble is, he didn’t split up with Beth. It was all her idea, wasn’t it? If she hadn’t ended it they’d still be together. He’d be in Sydney with her.”

  “No,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “It was a mutual decision. He never wanted to go to Sydney. Everyone knew that. He loves you. Just give him some time.”

  “That’s the problem,” I said. “I don’t have much time.”

  “Sounds like you’re dying!” Cam remarked, joining us with a sausage sandwich.

  “You have to come and get them,” Kai called. “There’s no table service!”

  A few others were sitting around too: guinea pigs in Kai’s trial run for his big sausage sizzle the following week. He’d finally managed to get Stan to agree to a barbecue evening, and Kai was taking it all very seriously. He was determined to make a good profit to prove his worth.

  It had been four days since New Year’s Eve and I missed Joe. Seeing the adoration in Cam’s eyes every time he glanced at Leslie wasn’t helping me either. She seemed to have gone cold on him again since the party. I’d hardly had time to talk to her alone, but from the short conversation we’d had, I gathered her sudden affection for him had been induced by alcohol and the excitement of a new year. Hopefully the same wasn’t true of Joe.

  I was starting to think that romance was cursed in this town. It was tempting to shout at Leslie and point out what she was missing. Cam was a lovely guy; they’d be so cute together. I held my tongue and listened to them chat. Maybe Joe would turn up, I thought, looking towards the gates. Not seeing him was driving me mad. I looked for him everywhere.

  When he didn’t show up, I turned in and had yet another early night.

  ***

  “What’s up?” Todd asked when I walked into work the next morning. My degrading uniform annoyed me more on that day than it ever had.

  “Why do I have to dress like this?” I snapped at him. “It’s ridiculous and inappropriate. I think I should report it to someone.”

  “I don’t know,” he said, clearly taken aback by my outburst. “Ask my dad. It’s not like I have a say in anything around here.”

  “Well maybe you should, Todd!” I shouted when he went to walk away. He turned and looked at me, perplexed. “You’re the heir to this place, aren’t you? One day it will all be yours! Why don’t you act like it?”

  He stood taller and his nostrils flared. “You try standing up to him. Do you think I haven’t tried? He won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion, and he acts like everyone around him is stupid.”

  I’d said too much. Taking my mood out on Todd had been unfair. My emotions were taking over and rational thought had gone out of the window. “Fine!” I said, cockily. “I’ll show you how it’s done. Come on.”

  I marched past Todd and didn’t slow down until we reached Arthur’s office. My knuckles rapped hard against the door, and I glared at Todd before following instructions to go in.

  “What?” Arthur asked, jerking his head up from his paperwork, looking thoroughly annoyed by the interruption.

  I’m going to lose my job today. I felt the anger course through my body. It was more about Joe than the uniform, but I had to direct my feelings somewhere, and I knew I was about to fire it all directly at Arthur. May as well go out with a bang, I decided, pulling myself to my full height and looking down on Arthur.

  “This,” I said, pulling on the tight, low-cut nylon top, “is unacceptable. Absolutely unacceptable. The skirt is way too short, the material is awful. It’s like a French maid outfit and I cannot work like this any more!” Arthur leaned back in his chair, his expression blank as he absorbed my barrage. Once I got going, I couldn’t seem to stop. “I don’t see any of the men around here wearing skimpy little outfits. It’s degrading and sexist. I don’t know how you get away with it, and I fully intend to get on the phone to . . . to . . . someone official and make a formal complaint. Morally, this is wrong and I can’t condone it any longer.” I inhaled triumphantly and folded my arms across my chest, immediately unfolding them when I realised I was pushing my cleavage up to an indecent level.

  Arthur’s fac
e crumpled and he erupted with laughter. I’d heard Arthur shout and swear at his staff. I’d watched as he humiliated people and fired them on the spot. But I had never seen anything as disturbing as Arthur laughing. I took a step back. What the heck?

  “Really?” he said, as the laughter subsided. “You don’t like the uniform?”

  I tried my best not to let him rattle me. “That’s what I just said, isn’t it?”

  “And yet you’ve been wearing it for how many months without complaint?”

  I searched for words but ended up mumbling unintelligibly.

  “Pathetic!” Arthur said, his voice loud and overbearing. “Bloody kids today have no convictions. You think it’s degrading? But it takes you almost a year to say anything? What is wrong with you?” He waved a hand. “Get out of my sight.”

  “No,” I said, realising he was right; it was pathetic that I hadn’t stood up for myself and I was determined not to back down now. “Not until you agree to change the uniform.”

  He leaned forward, speaking slowly. “Get back to work, Evelyn.”

  For the briefest of moments, I caught a look pass across his face and realised he was enjoying this far too much.

  I held his gaze, shaking my head slowly.

  When he brought his fist heavily down on the desk, I jumped but still refused to leave the office.

  “Fine,” he said, returning to his paperwork. “Go and see Mick at Bushcamp. He has a catalogue for work wear. Pick out something appropriate and come and show me tomorrow. You’ll have to put in the order, I don’t have time for it.”

  “Okay,” I said, my voice weak and disbelieving. “I’ll do that. I was thinking of tailored shorts and a shirt. Something smart bu—”

  “Evelyn!” Arthur cut me off without looking up. “I don’t care. Get your work done and then go and see Mick. And get out of here before I change my mind.”

  I should have just left at that point, but I thought I’d see if I could push my luck a bit further. “I’ve also had this great idea about putting some photos up around the bar area . . . pictures of the locals . . . make it a bit of a feature somehow—”

  “Get out!” he growled.

  “Yes. Okay,” I said quickly, scurrying for the door. One thing at a time.

  I stared at Todd when he closed the door behind us. “What just happened?” I asked as adrenalin pumped through my body.

  “You better get to work,” he said with a look of annoyance.

  “I can’t believe that just happened.” My hands clapped together and I jumped up and down. “That was amazing.”

  “It’s just a uniform,” he said curtly. “It needed updating. Of course he would agree to that.”

  Ignoring Todd’s prickly tone, I flung my arms around him and squeezed him tight.

  He pushed me away. “Get off me! You’ve got work to do. Get on with it, will you?” He sounded scarily like his dad, but he couldn’t bring me down from my high. I moved through the hotel with a spring in my step. My morning was spent on cloud nine and I’d never cleaned the rooms so quickly. With everything done, I left work early and hurried to pay Mick a visit.

  It had hardly even crossed my mind that this would mean seeing Joe. After days of trying to think of excuses to see him, I waltzed into the shop without a thought. Seeing him stacking shelves halfway up a ladder floored me, and I stood for a moment, watching him with a huge grin on my face.

  “You look like the cat who got the cream,” Mick said, taking me by surprise when he walked quietly out of the back room. Hopefully I managed to snatch my eyes from Joe before he realised I’d been staring at him.

  “I hear you have a catalogue of work wear,” I said to Mick with a coy smile.

  His eyebrows knotted together and he looked cheerfully puzzled. “I do.”

  “I’d like to have a look please. And tomorrow I’ll be putting in an order for new uniforms for the cleaning staff at the hotel!”

  “Well, well, well!” Mick chuckled. “I can hardly believe it. How the bloody hell did you pull that off?”

  “Sometimes, Mick,” I said, mock-seriously, “you just have to stand up for your convictions and demand change.”

  “Good on ya,” he said. “I’m proud of you!”

  “I’m proud of me!” I squealed, turning to Joe. “You should have seen me. I went all crazy and shouted at him, and when he told me to get out of his office, I held my ground and refused to move. It was incredible!”

  His face shone with a lazy smile and his beautiful eyes lingered on mine in a way that made my palms sweat and my heart race. I turned away quickly, my thoughts drifting somewhere inappropriate with Mick in the room.

  “You have to help me,” I said, laughing as I fought to keep my thoughts on track. “I have to show Arthur what I’ve chosen tomorrow and get him to okay my choice.” Mick slapped a glossy brochure on the counter. “I’m thinking knee-length shorts and either a polo-neck T-shirt or a shirt. What do you think?”

  “Joe will help you find something that Arthur won’t be able to refuse,” Mick said, moving to the ladder where Joe had been working and leaving us to it. The next hour was spent bumping shoulders with Joe while we pored over the brochure. Conversation wandered from the uniforms, and we ended up laughing about Arthur and his grumpy ways.

  “I should probably get going,” I said eventually. “Time for my swim!”

  “I missed you,” Joe whispered.

  “It seemed like you were avoiding me this time,” I said.

  “Sorry. I had stuff to deal with.”

  “Beth?”

  He nodded. “It’s all sorted out now. She’s gone to Sydney and I’m free and single. I just needed some time to get my head straight.”

  We stood close together and I longed to kiss him. “I understand,” I said. “We should celebrate.”

  “As soon as I finish here,” he said, glancing at his watch.

  He looked at me questioningly when the mischievous grin spread across my face. “Mick, you can manage without Joe for the rest of the afternoon, can’t you?”

  “He’s spent the last hour giggling with you, I think he should get on with some work now.”

  “Oh, but he’s been so helpful,” I said fluttering my eyelashes. “And tomorrow I’ll be putting in a big order. It’s all thanks to him, really.”

  “Don’t start giving me the big eyes, young lady. I’m immune to that sort of thing.”

  “If I can get round Arthur, I can get round anyone!”

  Joe chuckled. “Nice try. Drinks later?” he suggested.

  “Oh bugger off, the pair of you!” Mick called as he moved to the back of the shop.

  We hurried out the door before he had time to change his mind.

  Chapter 34

  LIBBY – August 2017

  A bell tinkled above the door and my eyes darted around the badly organised shop. The room was long and dotted with tents and outdoor furniture. Plastic foliage mingled with the items for sale, giving the place a jungle feel. Boxes were strewn around the floor: some empty, some half-unpacked. The till sat on a counter ahead of me and a cordless phone wobbled slightly beside it as though it had just been deposited there. There was a wall behind the counter filled with cowboy hats. Now they were well organised. Each hat had an equal amount of shelf space, and they all sat at the exact same angle.

  I reached for a rich brown hat and was surprised by the softness. My fingers brushed the fabric and a voice broke the silence.

  “Hi!”

  I jumped, snatching my hand back.

  The woman smiled broadly at me and bent down behind the counter again before reappearing and wiping her brow with the back of her hand. “I just got new stock in,” she said. “It’s not normally so chaotic! Interested in an Akubra?”

  “A what?”

  “Akubra.” She picked up the hat I’d been admiring. “That’s a nice one,” she said, placing it on my head and wiggling it before scanning the shelf and reaching for another and trying that one on
for size. “That’s a better fit,” she said proudly, turning me to a mirror which hung further down the wall.

  “Huh! I like it,” I said, surprised.

  “You look like a local,” she told me.

  “I bet you say that to all the tourists.”

  She winked. “You got me! Suits you though.”

  I removed the hat and winced as I caught sight of the price. “It’s not really what I came in for.”

  “What can I help you with then?” she asked, straightening the hat on the shelf.

  The silence stretched a moment too long while I toyed with what to tell her. “I was just browsing really,” I finally muttered.

  “Did you just get to town?” she asked, moving back behind the counter.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m Cassie,” she told me cheerfully. “If you need to know anything about this crazy town, just ask. I know it all.”

  “Thank you. I’ll just have a look around, if that’s okay.”

  “Be my guest,” she said. “Shout if you need anything.”

  Wandering aimlessly through the shop, I tried to make myself inconspicuous while stealing glances at Cassie now and again, eager to know what sort of woman Joe had married. More clues as to the sort of person my father was. I stared at random pieces of camping equipment as though I might actually be interested in buying something. At the far end of the shop, I stopped among a gathering of small tents and watched Cassie from afar. She opened up box after box, occasionally taking out items and placing them on the counter in front of her.

  “Hello!”

  “Oh my God!” I shrieked, looking down into the eyes of the little blonde-haired girl who sat cross-legged in a tent, a picture book in her hand and a water bottle beside her. “Where did you come from?”

  She looked puzzled. “I was here all the time,” she said. “Watching you.”

  “Well that’s creepy,” I muttered under my breath. “Are you supposed to be sitting in a tent?”

  She screwed up her face as though it were a difficult question. “I’m supposed to be with my childminder in the afternoons. But she drinks too much so Mum said I’d have to hang out here until she figures something else out.”