Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

  “Oh,” I whispered. “I see.”

  “I was just reading books. Mum’s busy today so she can’t play.”

  I nodded, unsure what to say. Her eyes stayed fixed on me as I casually moved away. My heart raced as a thought occurred to me, and I turned back to study her. “Cassie’s your mum?” I asked, drawing near to her.

  She nodded and regarded me with big eyes.

  “And Joe’s your dad . . .” I whispered, thinking aloud.

  “You know my dad?” she asked.

  “No,” I said quickly. “I just heard his name.”

  “What’s your name?”

  “Libby,” I told her.

  “I’m Ruby,” she said. “You wanna play with me?”

  She had the most enchanting smile. I crouched to her level and our eyes locked. Her hair dropped halfway down her back and curled at the ends. Mine had been the same when I was her age. Her blue eyes sparkled. Surely the same shade as mine. I bit my lip. This girl was my little sister. Half-sister, anyway.

  “You’re not bothering the customers are you, Ruby?” Cassie’s voice startled me and I stood up quickly.

  “No, just chatting,” Ruby said.

  “Childcare round here is a nightmare,” Cassie said, smiling at me. “We’ve had a few problems with the childminder so Ruby’s been spending the afternoons with me in the shop until we sort something else out.”

  I nodded dumbly, hardly able to drag my eyes away from Ruby. “I better go,” I said, suddenly feeling the need to bolt. The myriad things in the shop created a maze, and I couldn’t get to the door fast enough.

  The bell tinkled over the shop door before I got to it. “Mum!” the skinny girl called as she charged in. “Mrs Mitchell is being such a cow. I wanted to go to the Swim Beach with Sarah and Jade but the witch gave us a ton of homework. Can I just not do it?” She slowed when she saw me. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I said. Stopping in my tracks, I watched as she perched on the stool behind the counter. I have two sisters.

  My eyes scanned her quickly. I wanted to search for traces of myself just as I had done Ruby. This girl had beautiful olive skin and dark features like her mum. Her glossy brown hair was scraped back into a ponytail but showed no signs of being frizzy like mine. She was nothing like me. There was something rebellious about her too. Her baby-blue polo shirt was adorned with the school crest. It clung to her frame and stopped just above a short black skirt. It didn’t look as though it was standard school uniform. My eyes stopped at her feet. She had bright pink toenails and no shoes. I glanced away when she caught me looking.

  “Are you sure I can’t tempt you to an Akubra?” Cassie asked.

  I dithered, not sure what to do with myself but not wanting to leave.

  “You should get one,” Ruby said, suddenly beside me.

  “A brown one would suit you,” the older girl said. I caught the wink she shot at Cassie.

  “Try one,” Ruby said, pulling at my arm.

  “Okay.” I followed her back to the wall of hats and smiled when Ruby tried one on. It was far too big but she pushed it back on her head and grinned up at me.

  “How long are you in town for?” the other girl asked.

  “I’m not sure.” I took a beige hat and tried it on, moving along to check it out in the mirror.

  “The rodeo is in town next week,” she told me. “If you’re here for that, you’ll definitely need an Akubra.”

  “A rodeo?” A real live rodeo?

  She nodded and flashed a cheeky smile. “Cowboys!”

  “That sounds like fun.” I checked my reflection again before placing the hat back in its place.

  “Skye’s on commission,” Cassie told me.

  “Three more Akubras and I can afford an iPhone.”

  “So there’s no rodeo?”

  “There is a rodeo,” Cassie said. “But there’s no law about headwear.”

  “No written law,” Skye chipped in. “But seriously, who goes to the rodeo without an Akubra?”

  “Get on with your homework,” Cassie said. “Leave the customer to browse.”

  “I better go,” I said. “But maybe I’ll come back for a hat if I’m still here for the rodeo.”

  “Stay for the rodeo,” Ruby said while she escorted me to the door. “It’s fun.”

  “Thanks for the tip.” My eyes lingered on her for a moment before I stepped out onto the street and breathed in the hot, humid air. Will I ever get used to that? It’s stifling.

  On the street, I took a minute to pull myself together. I have a whole family hidden away in this strange little town. Now I just need to meet my dad.

  Chapter 35

  EVELYN – January 1995

  It was a strange week and by the end of it I was ready to shake Joe. Or maybe just give up on him and leave. I’d seen a lot of him and that in itself was great. But – bar a bit of flirting – things were no different between us than they’d always been. That’s not entirely true; we were awkward around each other. Joe seemed uncomfortable around me and was constantly inviting the rest of the gang to hang out with us. I was starting to think that we’d gone too far into the friendship zone and that was all we were destined to be.

  I kicked up dust beside the road as I waited for the gang to arrive. They were late, and I was tempted to give up and go back to bed. It was Sunday and we were supposed to be going out to Middle Springs. I’d done my best to wake Kai, but he said he was too hungover to move. In fairness, the previous night had been a big one and I wasn’t feeling too great myself. Going back to bed wouldn’t be so bad.

  “Sorry,” Joe shouted as he pulled up. “I can’t get Cam to move from his bed and Leslie’s in a weird mood, she’s not coming. Where’s Kai?”

  “Hungover,” I told him with a raised eyebrow. “I guess I could have stayed in bed after all.”

  He looked thoughtful as he leaned on the steering wheel. “Shall we wait and go another day?” he said after a moment.

  “Okay,” I said flatly. Why is he avoiding being alone with me? Does he think I’m going to try and jump him with no one else around? I probably would, to be honest, but what’s the problem with that? “I’ll talk to you later,” I said grumpily, turning to go back inside.

  “Evelyn,” he called. “We could still go, if you want?” I turned and saw the uncertainty in his eyes, as though he thought I might say no. He covered it quickly with his boyish smile. “It’ll probably be pretty boring just with me . . .”

  I opened the door and flung my bag into the footwell. “It will be very boring!” I said. “But I can probably endure it.”

  As we drove out of town, I was filled with nervous excitement. A whole day with Joe to myself was like a dream come true. I just hoped he’d kiss me again soon or I might go crazy. He’d seemed so keen at the New Year’s party. Perhaps I should just take the initiative.

  The half-hour drive went by quickly. The radio wafted out mellow tunes and Joe pointed out places we passed and talked about the wildlife. After almost a year, I could still find things I’d not seen before or never heard of.

  Occasionally, Joe would fall into an anecdote about times he’d spent at the springs and waterfalls. He spoke a lot about his family, which always included Leslie.

  We arrived to find Middle Springs deserted. The water was inviting and I immediately stripped down to my bikini.

  “I need to cool off,” I told Joe, who was reaching for the picnic things from the back.

  The water was blissfully cool and I swam out to the middle to float on my back. I watched a water monitor swim nearby and kept an eye to make sure it kept its distance. They were harmless big lizards, but nonetheless I didn’t want it to get too close. It seemed he felt the same way and swam away from me.

  “Are you coming in?” I shouted to Joe. He was standing by the ute, watching me. My heart quickened when he pulled his T-shirt over his head. He walked in until he was up to his waist, then dived and disappeared under the
water. When he resurfaced, he shook his wet hair and grinned at me. He’d gone quiet and it unnerved me. Why are things so awkward between us?

  “It’s a shame the others couldn’t come,” he said, swimming closer to me. “I’ve enough food and beer for five!”

  “I will do my best to help you out with that problem,” I said.

  “You’re a great friend! I can always rely on you.”

  We fell into silence again. Is he still thinking about Beth? Maybe it was just too soon. Maybe we needed other people to act as a buffer. I had a feeling the whole day was going to be a disaster.

  “I think I need a drink,” I said. Beer might help. My thoughts and feelings were suddenly out of control; a beer might relax me. At least I might not be so self-conscious after a beer or two.

  Joe followed me out of the water and we lay towels on the rough ground. I swigged the beer too fast, and Joe gave me an odd look. Like he could suddenly read my mind and knew how uncomfortable I felt.

  “Aren’t you having one?” I asked.

  “Better not,” he said. “Driving . . .”

  “Doesn’t usually stop you having the odd one or two,” I remarked.

  He lay back on the towel. “Maybe later.”

  By the second beer, I was completely relaxed and all my worries faded to nothing. In fact, for some reason, I suddenly thought it would be a good idea to talk about Beth. I wanted some reassurance that he was over her.

  “Have you heard from Beth since she left?” I asked.

  I regretted asking immediately. His frown told me this wasn’t a great topic. “I’ve spoken to her on the phone a few times,” he said.

  Why not just stab me in the heart? “Really?” I asked, my tone just slightly too high-pitched.

  “It’s hard to just cut all connections.”

  Somehow, I made a nod look angry. He’s talking to his ex more than he’s talking to me. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that the breakup was entirely Beth’s idea.

  “Do you still love her?”

  There was a pause and I wished I hadn’t asked. “I’m worried that the breakup was all her idea,” I said quickly, “and if it were up to you, you’d still be together.”

  He looked me in the eyes. “Things weren’t right between us for a long time, and I should’ve broken things off with her a long time ago.” He moved his hand to mine. “I want to be with you.”

  It was what I needed to hear and it should have put my mind at rest, but I still felt something wasn’t right. Joe leaned in to kiss me but there was no passion. He seemed so hesitant and unsure.

  “You hungry?” he asked.

  I shrugged and he jumped up to set up a picnic. Later, when he fell asleep on the picnic blanket, I paddled my feet in the shallow water and took in the peaceful surroundings. It hurt that he couldn’t tell me he didn’t still love Beth. Perhaps it was irrelevant anyway; my time in Australia would soon come to an end, and what would that mean for me and Joe?

  It was the first time in a while that I’d thought about my return to the UK. I felt so at home in Kununurra and I had such great friends. It was strange to think of leaving and probably never returning. I could come back though, I told myself, because suddenly it seemed unfathomable that I could leave this place – these people – and never return.

  “What are you thinking about?” Joe said, breaking my thoughts. I’d been holding my breath and I inhaled sharply. “Are you okay?”

  I turned away from him, needing a second to compose myself. “I’m fine,” I said. “I love it here.”

  “It’s one of my favourite places,” he said.

  My eyes were damp but I didn’t care, and I gave up trying to hide it as I turned back to him. “Tell me about your other favourite places.” I thought he was going to change the subject or fob me off with some random story, but he held my gaze and looked serious.

  “Can you play pool?” he asked with an intensity the question didn’t deserve.

  “I’m not bad,” I said, hesitantly. “Why?”

  He stood, shaking out his towel. “I want to take you somewhere. Come on.”

  “Now?”

  “You up for a drive?”

  I helped pack up the picnic things. “Where are we going?” I asked when we were back on the road.

  “You’ll see,” he said.

  We drove back to the Victoria Highway and then headed west, away from Kununurra. Twenty minutes later, wafts of dust billowed up as Joe pulled the ute in front of an old wooden structure. A couple of other cars stood outside of the Old Victoria Pit Stop. It looked like a saloon bar from an old western, and I expected tumbleweed to roll by at any moment.

  “It looks like something from a horror film,” I said.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty dodgy,” Joe agreed. “But you asked about my favourite places.”

  “This place?”

  “My dad brought me here when I turned fifteen. We played pool and drank some beers. I thought it was so cool! We still come out here sometimes, just the two of us. I’ve never brought anyone else.”

  I peered out to get another look at the place. It really did look dilapidated and scary. “I guess we should check it out then,” I said. “It might be fun to beat you at pool.”

  He laughed as we headed for the door. “Dream on!”

  “You should be scared,” I warned as he held the door open for me. The few patrons turned to look at us when we walked in, along with the barman, whose expression softened when he saw Joe. He raised a hand and Joe shouted politely for a beer and a Coke. Joe led me to a pool table and the balls clattered as he set up the table.

  I thanked the barman when he brought the drinks and then turned to Joe. “Have you turned teetotal and forgotten to tell me?” I asked.

  “It might not be a bad idea. My liver would probably appreciate the break.” I looked at him, searching for the real reason he wasn’t drinking. “It’s a long drive back. I better not.”

  “Come on then,” I said. “I’ll let you break . . .”

  “You can’t break?” he asked, chalking his cue.

  “Not very well,” I admitted.

  He won the first game but I insisted I was just rusty. I managed not to embarrass myself so that was something.

  When the barman looked our way, I ordered another beer and then racked up the balls for another game. “I was only warming up,” I said to Joe.

  “Are you one of those people who gets better the more they drink?”

  “Possibly,” I said, laughing. I took a long swig of beer and then moved to take my shot.

  Joe grinned. “You really can’t break!”

  “I never could.”

  “Do you want me to teach you?”

  “Nope,” I said. “Take your shot and don’t be patronising. I’ll still beat you!”

  Later, when I sank the black ball to win the game, I threw my arms up in delight. People around us turned to look as I danced around the table.

  “I was always gonna let you win the second game,” Joe said, his eyes sparkling in amusement.

  “Let me win? Pff! Best of three?”

  “Let’s just call it even and hit the road.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. The thought of the day coming to an end was disappointing, but I was glad he’d brought me to play pool. I was reassured by the fact that he’d wanted to take me somewhere special to him and that it was a place he’d never brought Beth.

  “Where are you taking me next?” I asked cheekily as we walked outside. The alcohol buzzed in my system, and I felt like trying my luck.

  “I reckon it’s time to get back to town.” He paused for a moment. “But I guess we could always check out the action in the Tav.”

  “You finally gonna have a drink with me?” I asked.

  “Maybe,” he said with a wink.

  Chapter 36

  LIBBY – August 2017

  My mind was elsewhere, lost in a daydream, when I walked back to the Kununurra Croc and meandered slowly through the peace
ful gardens. The pool was empty and only a handful of people sat at the tables beside the bar. I nodded a greeting at no one in particular and took a seat at the bar. When Kai appeared, I ordered a beer and drank it too fast. I have two sisters. I’d never really contemplated having siblings, but I found myself liking the idea.

  “You okay?” Kai asked, snapping me back to my surroundings.

  I held up the empty beer bottle. “Can I get another?”

  He nodded but when the beer bottle arrived on the bar, he placed a large glass of water beside it too. “Make sure you drink enough water,” Kai said amiably. “The heat catches people out.”

  I was dying to ask him about my mum, but it was hard to know how to bring it up. “Thanks,” I said and he left me alone.

  Anger washed through me about halfway through the second beer. I raged at my mum in my head. Why on earth didn’t you talk to me sooner? Why did you leave me to figure all this out alone? As always, any anger I felt was quickly replaced by sadness. My eyes welled up and my hand moved to my neck in search of the comfort of my necklace. Panic hit me as I groped at my collarbone. Where is it? Glancing down, I pulled at my T-shirt, hoping to find it nestled in my clothing. No, no, no. Where is it?

  With urgency, I hopped off the stool and retraced my steps through the garden. It couldn’t have been gone long or I’d have noticed. I scanned the ground and then moved up to my room, even unpacking my entire backpack to look for it.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Kai asked when I returned to the bar, scanning the ground where I’d been sitting.

  “I’ve lost my necklace,” I said frantically, groping at my neck again to check it was really gone.

  “It won’t be far away,” he said, kindly. “I can help you look.”

  When there was no sign of it, I rushed back to Bushcamp, scanning the ground as I went. Cassie and the girls helped me look, but it wasn’t there. When did I last have it? I couldn’t remember.

  My heart raced as I hurried back to the Croc. Kai looked sympathetic and suggested looking in his office. He headed away from me and I moved over to look around the long wooden tables. I can’t have lost it. My heart was beating so fast and a wave of nausea washed through me.