Sacred Hart

by A. M. Johnson

  “Then I’m coming in. Be prepared, my hands are popsicles.” I smirked as I shut the door behind me and draped the sheet over the small sink.

  I pulled the curtain back and stepped in behind him, placing my cold hand on his shoulder. “Shit. Get in here.” He pulled me against him and closed the curtain. “You’re freezing, Maggie.” His skin was scalding, and it felt divine. He turned me toward the warm spray, and the water soaked my hair as hot rivers ran down my back. He leaned down and greeted me with a gentle kiss before he asked, “I didn’t wake you, did I?” His gaze was repentant.

  “No… well… I got cold… and I wanted to make coffee.” I enclosed my arms around his waist, and it was then I noticed a small scar on his right shoulder I hadn’t seen before. I lifted my hand to the raised skin.

  His eyes followed the movement, and when my fingers traced the line he said, “I try not to think about being in prison. Doing hard time… it’s hell on earth, and the devils aren’t always the criminals.”

  The lump in my throat threatened to choke me. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Ryan. You’ve had so much taken from you.” I leaned my forehead against his chest, and the water trickled down my cheeks, mixing with my tears.

  “It was ten years. Ten years of constantly watching my back. Time spent avoiding eye contact, avoiding human interactions, avoiding the fact that the actual number of humans in the joint were limited.” His hand cradled the back of my head, and I felt his lips against my hair as he added, “They may have broken me a few times, but I won. I’m free of all that shit now, and as far I’m concerned, the day I entered and the day I left were the same day. My clock stopped as the iron bars closed and restarted when my feet hit the soil beyond the gates.”

  He lifted my chin with his fingers, and my teary eyes met his. “They didn’t hurt you?” My voice was wobbly as I tried to make a coherent sentence. What happened to him there? How did he survive? How could this man… this loving creature, bear so much? The questions swirled in my head, but I knew I’d never get the answers. He had shut the door on that chapter, and I didn’t want to be the one to make him open it. Like the saying goes, some things were better left unsaid.

  He took my hand in his and placed it over his scar. “We all have scars, remember?” He smiled, and a sob broke from my lips. “This is just the surface, Maggie. No… they didn’t hurt me… they couldn’t…” his smile fell, “…I’d already sustained the deepest wound possible.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. I listened to that unsteady heart, memorizing each wavering beat, and the truth slipped from my lips. “Do you think it’s possible that I might have fallen for you already?”

  “We haven’t even had coffee yet.”

  I laughed into his chest before I leaned back to look at his expression. “You make jokes, too… I’m a lucky woman.”

  He chuckled and pushed the wet strands of my hair off my face. His smile softened, and his eyes searched mine. “I think it’s possible, Maggie…” Ryan’s brown eyes fell to my mouth, and my arms lifted and anchored around his neck, “…because I think I might’ve, too.”

  The butterflies’ wings took flight in my stomach, and the way we kissed each other, the sensation of it… I felt it throughout each nerve ending in my body. His hands found my hips, and he pressed himself against me. Thoughts of coffee and early mornings disappeared. It was just us, two people grasping a hold of a collapsing ledge. Just us… falling into one another.

  It was about two cups of coffee and three homemade pancakes later before my smile finally fell to an acceptable level of ridiculous. Ryan had to work, but he’d made me breakfast first. I’d decided I wanted to help him prep for the morning rush since I’d kept him up late, and I’d texted Cornelia asking her to bring Beth to the diner instead of school. Ryan, of course, wouldn’t let me help and sat me unceremoniously on one of the stools behind the bar. He was busy in the back, and Lou was chatting up the first customer of the day at one of the booths. The diner’s jukebox played one of my favorite old Fleetwood Mac songs as I took the last bite of my food.

  My phone vibrated in my purse, and I pulled it out from the inside pocket. Cornelia had texted to say she was just leaving, and as I put my phone away, I grabbed my small packet of birth control pills. I removed one from the pack, put it in my mouth, and swallowed it down with some coffee.

  “I hear tea is better for headaches than coffee.” Tony’s familiar voice almost made me jump as he spoke from behind me.

  My right eyebrow raised in question. “A headache?”

  He stepped behind the bar and grabbed a mug from the shelf above the counter. He picked up a box of Earl Grey tea and turned to face me. He handed me the box and placed the cup in front of me. “The pill?”

  I felt the color fill my cheeks. “Excuse me?”

  He picked up my empty plate. “You just took a pill. I assumed it was for your headache. I’m a nosy old fart. I just figured—”

  “Oh.” My laugh was nervous. “Vitamins.”

  He hadn’t noticed the blush of my cheeks and seemed oblivious to the fact that I was flustered as he placed my plate into a gray plastic bus tub. I sighed with relief. It was way too early to deal with that embarrassment. Tony turned and grabbed a kettle full of hot water from one of the coffee makers, and poured the steaming liquid into the ceramic mug in front of me.

  “You look tired, Mags. Did you stay up late cleaning up the birthday party?” He looked at me with concern. The wrinkles around his eyes deepened with his smile.

  “No, just an early morning.” I pulled a tea bag from the box and dropped it into the cup. I fiddled with the small tag of paper that dangled from the string. “Actually… I was going to ask you a favor.”

  He snickered. “Anything for the lady… you don’t even have to ask.”

  “Can I borrow Ryan for the day? I mean after the breakfast rush, do you think—”

  “It’s done.” His smile reached his eyes. “You guys… working things out?” He raised his eyebrows, and I laughed openly.

  “I guess you could say that.” I brought the cup of tea to my mouth and blew away the steam with my lips.

  He nodded his head, and his smile dimmed. He leaned over the counter and whispered as I sipped the tea. It was still too hot, and it burned my taste buds. “Listen, Maggie, Ryan… well… he’s had a rough go at life and—”

  “I know.” I placed the cup back onto the surface of the counter and flicked my gaze to his. “He told me, Tony, and I want to be there for him… I really care about him.”

  Tony’s smile broke across his face, and he covered my hand with his. “That a girl.”

  I shook my head, and my lips spread into a shy smile. “He’s a great guy.”

  “Who’s a great guy?” A deep male voice spoke from behind me.

  Tony stood up straight and chuckled as he removed his hand from mine.

  “Morning, Officer,” he said with a respectful nod.

  I turned in my stool, and Tate gave me a bright smile. “Maggie.” He bowed his head in greeting, and his tired eyes appraised me as his broad frame, suited in uniform, leaned against the counter.

  “Good morning… you just finishing your shift?” I asked as I sipped my tea.

  “I am,” he groaned. “Long. Boring. Night.”

  “We live in Oakville, Tate.” I smirked, and he scrubbed his hand down his face.

  “I’ll have Ryan grab your usual,” Tony said as he pushed off the counter. He picked up two paper sacks before heading into the kitchen.

  It was quiet for a few minutes, and I wasn’t sure what to say. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but I could tell he had something on his mind.

  “What—”

  “Maggie, I—”

  We both laughed.

  “You go ahead. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Tate’s grin was kind as he held out his hand, motioning me to continue.

  “Oh, it was nothing. I was just abo
ut to say it looked like you wanted to ask me something.”

  He dropped his eyes from mine for a moment and swallowed. “Well, I was wondering, if you’d like to maybe… go catch a movie or something sometime.” He raised his eyes, and his anxious grin made me smile. I was flattered.

  “Thanks, Tate, but I’m seeing someone.” I turned to set down my cup.

  “Oh… who?”

  “Me.” Ryan’s voice held no humor as I lifted my eyes from the counter.

  I hadn’t seen him come from the kitchen, but I liked how tall he stood. When he placed his hand on mine, the protective gesture filled my stomach with warmth. Ryan was quiet, meek. He wasn’t bold or demanding, and even now, his tone was level and his eyes were forgiving, but his body language spoke volumes.

  “This is the good guy I was just talking about.” My smile was just for Ryan and, as he watched me, his lips lifted at the corners.

  “Two bacon, egg, and cheese bagels. Tony’s getting your hash browns now.” Ryan handed Tate a brown paper sack and grinned.

  “Thanks.” Tate looked at Ryan and then at me. The disappointment was evident in the set of his shoulders, but he was a good guy too, and if he knew I was taken, he’d back off.

  Tony emerged from the kitchen with the rest of Tate’s order. “Here you go. I’ll add it to the tab.” Tony’s laugh was infectious as he placed the bag on the counter, and I giggled under my breath.

  “If you don’t charge people, Tony, how do you ever make any money?” I asked a little unconvinced.

  “Oh, I charge. The state of Washington pays that tab every month, thank you very much.” Tony winked at me, and Tate chuckled.

  Another customer came in the front door, and Tony hollered a hello as he moved from behind the counter.

  “Thanks again.” Tate gave Ryan a friendly smile. “I’ll see you same time on Friday.” Ryan nodded, and Tate brought his attention to me. “Good to see you smiling again, Maggie. I’ll see you around.”

  I exhaled as he left, and the tension eased from my lungs. Ryan leaned over the counter and kissed my cheek. “You okay?” he asked, and his brown eyes scanned my face in an attempt to read my mood.

  “I am.” I gave him a quick peck on his lips. “You better get back to work. I’m stealing you after breakfast rush.”

  His grin was lopsided. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yup. Got permission from the boss and everything.” I bit my lip to suppress my own smile as Ryan’s grin grew.

  “What’s the plan?”

  “I figured we could go see a movie with Beth, and then, if you wanted, I’d love to make you dinner.” I ran my finger along the edge of the cup as I awaited his answer.

  “I think I could handle that.” He brought his hand to my cheek, and I leaned into the touch.

  “Cornelia should be here soon with Beth. We’ll head home, I’ll get ready, and meet you back here. Let’s say, around… eleven-thirty?”

  He dropped his hand from my cheek and looked down at the countertop. “I have to warn you, Maggie, I don’t go out much, and big crowds they make me feel… a little anxious. The last time was the Zucchini Festival, and I only went to appease Tony.”

  “We could rent a movie?” It didn’t matter what we did as long as it was with him.

  Ryan’s eyes slid to the front door, and his lips broke into a huge smile.

  “Mom!” Beth ran across the restaurant, dragging her large stuffed Hulk, while Cornelia followed behind her.

  I hopped down from my stool and caught her in an embrace. I squeezed her tight, and she squeaked as I said, “Hi, Honey Bee.”

  She wriggled from my arms, climbed up onto a stool, and waved at Ryan. She pointed at her necklace with a toothy grin, and I laughed. Her dimples were out full-force, and Ryan’s proud smile made everything in my universe click into place.

  “Thanks for keeping her overnight,” I said to Cornelia as I took Beth’s bags off her hands and placed them on the ground.

  “Anytime.” She looked at me with questions in her eyes and a smirk that said I'd have some explaining to do. “I've gotta run. Call me later?”

  “I will. Thank you again.”

  She waved over her shoulder. “Like I said… anytime.”

  When I turned back to the bar, Beth was bouncing in her seat.

  “I can’t believe you let me miss school.” She was full of energy and couldn’t keep still.

  “I’m playing hooky, so I figured you could, too.”

  “What’s hooky?” Her brows furrowed and she frowned.

  Ryan chuckled. “It means we get to go see a movie.”

  “Really!” she practically squealed.

  “Are you sure?” I asked him.

  “I am. I want to try at least… I want to do this… for us.” His eyes lightened as he watched me.

  I inhaled, putting my emotions in check as I leaned across the counter. “Thank you,” I said before I kissed him softly, and as I backed away, Beth’s eyes were wide with surprise.

  “Mom, you just kissed Ryan… on the mouth.” Her serious statement seemed to echo through the diner.

  I heard Tony bark out a laugh behind us, and Ryan struggled to hide his smile as well. “I did.”

  You wouldn’t think a seven-year-old would be so precocious, but she was… she always had been. “Are you her boyfriend?” she asked in a teasing sing-song voice.

  He nodded. “Is that okay with you?”

  Beth gave him a big dopey grin, and he mussed her hair with his large hand. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he said he was my boyfriend, or that I was sleep deprived, or that he fit into our twosome like he should have been there from the beginning, but as he playfully pinched Beth’s nose and his eyes met mine… I knew. There were no words exchanged, it was just a glance, a shift in the air, a simmered pot about to boil over, a simple moment that weighed a thousand times more than any I love you.

  It was in this very moment… at eight twenty-two in the morning that I, Maggie Wright, fell… fell harder than I ever thought possible, in love, with a beautifully broken, unfixable, mess of a man named Ryan Hartford.

  After Birdie had died there weren’t too many things I wanted in life anymore, but moments like this as I leaned down to taste Maggie’s sugar coated lips with mine, I realized there were still parts of life worth living. The anxiety of going into town dissolved the minute I’d sat in her car, and her fingers found mine. I never thought I’d be the man that needed another person to breathe, but the more Maggie wove herself, wove Beth, into my life, the more it became clear I wanted the oxygen she provided.

  Beth giggled to herself as she rolled her honey covered donut in the sugar. “These are so yummy.” Beth’s eyes widened as she put the whole thing in her mouth.

  I laughed against Maggie’s lips just as I pulled away. “Thank you.”

  Her gaze searched mine, her mouth spreading into a slow smile. “For what?”

  “For today, for every day.” I dusted off my hands on my jeans and pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

  It was impossible not to touch Maggie. Her hair was always so soft, her skin warm, and her lips sweet. She was gorgeous in her simple clothes without even trying. She never wore a lot of makeup, and her natural beauty — it was almost too much to believe. Sometimes I’d catch myself staring, like right now, but she would do the same. We watched each other in silent worship, each grateful to the other for our unspoken hope.

  Beth jumped down from the counter, breaking our private bubble. I chuckled as Maggie’s cheeks filled with a pale pink. She bit her lip and turned toward Beth. “Shower and jammies, kiddo.”

  “Already?” Beth’s eyebrows furrowed, and she frowned.

  “Yes. School night, Honey Bee.” Maggie grabbed a paper towel and wiped Beth’s face. “You had a big day.”

  Beth’s shoulders sank. “It’s not even eight yet.”

  “It will be by the time you’re finished. Don’t argue, baby.” Maggie playfully spanked her on her butt, an
d Beth squeaked.

  “Fine,” she groaned. “Don’t leave yet!” She pointed at me, and her serious tone made me smile.

  “Promise,” I said, and I was rewarded with a grin just before she ran to her bedroom. “If you need to help her, I can clean up. You cooked, so I should clean.”

  “I made chicken noodle soup in a crock pot while we saw a movie and ran around town… that’s hardly cooking.” She snaked her arms around my waist, and I pulled her close.

  “You made homemade donuts, and that was the best damn soup I’ve ever eaten.”

  She smacked my back and laughed. “Now you’re lying…” she shook her head and cocked her eyebrow, “… and we made homemade donuts. That was really fun. Beth really likes cooking. Who knew?” She shrugged her shoulders, and I laughed.

  “She’s good at it.” I leaned down and kissed Maggie’s forehead. Beth called from the back of the house, and Maggie sighed. “Go. I can do this. I know my way around a dishwasher.”

  “Thanks.” The corner of her mouth turned up in a small smile as she dropped her hold on my waist.

  She left the kitchen, and the weight of the day settled on my chest as I took in the mess on the counter. A nostalgic wave of familiarity washed over me. This day, with its snapshots, hand holding, and shoulder rides… we were like a family, and the thought took my breath away as a sharp pain shot down my sternum. I grabbed the washcloth off the counter and squeezed it in my hand, trying to transfer the panic. This was real. Maggie and Beth had become a part of me, and I was terrified I’d fuck it up with my one step forward and two steps back routine I’d perfected over the years. I’d surface and sink, surface and drown; it was all I knew. The difference was, now I wanted to keep my head above water… for them.

  I rubbed the center of my chest, drew in several deep breaths, and closed my eyes. Instead of remembering my past, I tried to see a future — Maggie’s lips on mine, my hand on her hip, her hot breath against my mouth as she said my name in a whispered sigh. I swallowed and let the heat consume me, let it push my pulse to a rapid beat as I remembered how good it felt to be with her, and how good it felt to just be fucking content. The ache eased from my chest, and I opened my eyes. The flour-covered counters, the spilled sugar, the smell of cooked dough all surrounded me and I smiled.