Watch Me Walk Away

by Jill Prand

  Hopefully Jodi will stay just sober enough to stop me if I start ranting too much. I have not been really drunk in years and I am not known for my good sense when I drink. I don’t want John to go back to Bobby and tell him what I know or that I was so upset I drank my way into oblivion. Although I think Jodi has enough influence on him to keep him quiet, at least for now.

  John parks the car and we get out. The Wharf is on the outlet to the bay and the smell of water hits me as I am walking to the door. The house I grew up in is on the river that leads to this outlet and I miss living on the water. Being able to just taking off in a boat and the feel of wind in my hair. Bouncing on the waves or just throwing a line out to fish and reading waiting for a hit. Or just lying out on the dock, you get the best tans lying on a dock. I can’t wait for summer to come around so I can get back out on the water. Maybe I can find someone to take me out tomorrow, I will have to bundle up since fall on the water can be cold but it would be worth it.

  “Jodi does your father still have his boat?”

  “No he sold it a few years ago,” she says grabbing the door. “He never used it and the dock fees were starting to go up every year.”

  We walk in and the memories come back hard. I spent so much time in this little bar. There is a bar on the left with a few tables on the right. The fireplace in the back is roaring and the side room is open so you can sit and look out onto the water. Fishing and nautical equipment line the walls. The bar is lined with rope as are the stools. It was originally a fisherman’s bar and quite a few still come in after a day on the water but the night belongs to the younger crowd.

  Tom is behind the bar and he does a double take when he sees me. “Lisa, holy shit girl it has been forever since I saw you last. How have you been?”

  I walk up to the bar and stand on the foot rest to reach over and kiss his cheek. He is in his fifties and always treated us like his kids. He was always looking out for us and making sure that we either had a sober driver or he took our keys knowing that Jodi’s house was only a half mile down the road. “I’ve been good, Tom. How are you? Looks like things haven’t changed much around here.”

  “Nothing ever changes here,” he says. “If I know you, you want a tea right?”

  “You’re right, nothing ever changes. Give us a pitcher. John, what do you want?” I ask turning around.

  “Just give me a Bud, Tom,” he says coming up and shaking Tom’s hand. “I am the designated driver tonight so these girls can enjoy your tea.”

  “Well I will make sure that I limit you then,” says Tom. He turns and starts getting our pitcher ready and I look to see if I know anyone else here. The Doors are playing on the sound system and I don’t know if it is the jukebox or WBAB the local rock station. At some time tonight I am sure someone will come in and start playing the few dance songs Tom allows on the jukebox but he prefers classic rock so he plays BAB more often than not.

  I don’t see anyone I know but it is still early, just past nine and this place doesn’t get going before ten. By that time I plan on having a buzz on and I am glad we got here early it means we will have our choice of tables in the back room. The most sought after one is the one right when you walk in by the windows because then you can see both the bar and the back room. You see everyone coming in and everything going on in the back room. There is no other entertainment here. No pool tables or even a dart board, you come to the Wharf to drink and hang with friends. Although the tables all the way in the back have seen their share of make-out scenes. And I have starred in a couple both with Bobby and Steve.

  Tom brings our pitcher, a couple glasses and John’s beer. “Do you want me to start a tab for you?” he asks. The other good thing about a local bar, you don’t have to show a credit card. Tom knows we’ll settle up before we leave.

  “Please,” I say grabbing the pitcher. John grabs his beer and Jodi takes the glasses.

  As we make our way to the back room Tom says, “It’s good to see you here, Lisa. You’ve been missed girl.”

  I turn and smile at him. Yeah I missed this place too. Jodi snags the table as we walk in the back room and puts the glasses down. Then she grabs the next table and pulls it over. “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Just making sure we have enough room,” she says. “I called Patty and told her we would be here. God only knows who she called. She is in total party mode since last night.”

  Bench seats go around the outer walls of the entire room. I slide into the corner to stake out my spot, the prime spot. When we first started coming here there was no way I could get this spot. The person in this spot was always the one to pay homage to when you walked in. I don’t know who has occupied this spot lately but it’s mine tonight. Jodi and I owned it our whole senior year and I am taking it back.

  I pour the tea into the glasses and that first sip, heaven! Now you have to understand that a Long Island iced tea is five different liquors plus sour mix and coke. If even one of the ingredients is off the whole thing will taste horrible. But when you get a good one, it tastes just like iced tea and you have no idea how fucked up you’re getting until you stand up. I have on occasion in this very bar tried to stand up to go to the bathroom only to fall back into my seat not able to move when a minute before I was holding an intelligent conversation. It can hit you that fast and it will if you’re not careful. I mixed some up for a party once in college and luckily everyone was from my apartment complex because no one made it more than a hundred feet from my door. People were sleeping on lounge chairs by the pool because they couldn’t make it to their doors. Thank God no one fell into the pool.

  The three of us are alone for about twenty minutes before Patty and April show up. “I thought this was a girl’s night,” screeches Patty. “I didn’t invite any guys. John you will just have to leave.”

  “Oh no,” I say putting up my hand. “He’s the DD for tonight so Jodi and I can finish a few pitchers. He stays.” There is no way either one of us is driving tonight and we don’t live right up the street anymore.

  “So why are you planning on getting shitfaced?” April asks. “Does it have anything to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome man?” Jodi kicks her foot. I am not ready to talk about this yet. I need to be at least into the second pitcher before I bring him up.

  “We’re just reliving some old times,” Jodi saves me. “Go grab yourselves a glass and we’ll share but John is only driving us so drink at your own risk. And the next pitcher is on you.”

  April goes to the bar as Patty sits down. “I see you grabbed the table. Good job. I wonder how many kids we’re going to piss off by being here. Last time I was here there was a new queen and she is really bitchy. She looked at me like I was an old lady or something. Hell I haven’t even had my ten year reunion yet.”

  Jodi asks, “Were we bitchy when we sat here? We just wanted to know what was going on. We might have been nosy but we were never bitchy.”

  I nod my head. We were always friendly with everyone and Tom would tell us if someone was back from college or whatever and we would always give up our table. And we usually had seen them before and kind of knew them. Our group included people two years ahead and behind me so one of us always seemed to know others even if they weren’t with us. The only time we had to worry about giving up the table was around the holidays when all the college kids came home and we were all busy with family stuff then anyway. Times do change I guess. We will see if “miss bitch” tries to make a scene. I have never seen Tom ban anyone but I don’t think he would take too kindly to someone harassing us. Not that we can’t take care of ourselves. If needed we can all pull off bitch.

  A few other girls come in that I haven’t seen in forever and our table fills up. I see John texting and wonder if he is calling in reinforcements. Sitting at a table with seven girls intent on reliving high school hijinks and what we have heard about classmates is probably grating on his nerves. I don’t think he has actually opened his mouth to speak in almost an hour. Our
third pitcher is getting low and I need to go to the bathroom so I ask Jodi and John to let me out. John says he will get the pitcher, I think he just wants to get away from us for a while.

  I stand up and only feel slightly light headed. Still good to drink more, not staggering floor is still even and I don’t even mind the line for the bathroom. I take out my phone and see that I missed a call from Stuart. Well I can’t call him back from here he thinks I don’t feel well and if I call him now I will probably tell him the truth. The only problem with that is I don’t know the truth yet. I don’t know what I am going to do about my love life.

  As I am walking back from the bathroom I notice Brad walk in. I feel bad that we didn’t really get to talk yesterday. There was a time that I told him everything. We used to sit on my dock, throw a line in the water and just talk for hours. He got me through my parent’s divorce and I got him through the fact that his parents didn’t love him as much as his older sister. I went to his lacrosse games and he came to my horse shows and then to the plays in high school. My mother was convinced that we would end up together but he was always my brother and I never felt anything other than that for him. I pretty much screwed up our relationship the night we lost our virginity together. Brad thought it meant I was ready to see him as more than a friend when all I wanted was to show Bobby my virginity meant nothing to me.

  I walk over and put my arm around his waist, “Hey stranger. Do you come here often?”

  He squeezes me in a hug and says, “Does this mean you are talking to me tonight?”

  “I totally deserve that. I am sorry we didn’t spend any time together yesterday but I was thrown for a loop.” I look up at him and smile, “Forgive me?”

  “Always, you know that. I can never stay mad at you but I would appreciate my friend actually talking to me tonight,” he says as he grabs his beer from Tom. “Do you need anything or do you have a pitcher waiting on you?”

  I smack his stomach with an open hand, “Yes Mr. Know It All, there is a pitcher waiting for me back at the table. But I warn you there are seven of us back there so you and John are totally outnumbered. Proceed with caution because we are in rare form.”

  We walk in with our arms still around each other and Patty has her phone out snapping pictures of the girls. She turns to us and gets a picture of Brad looking down at me. I don’t see it until later but you can tell he is still hung up on me. John gets up to let me slide in and shakes Brad’s hand, “Glad you could come, man. This has been torture, I need some male bonding. Please don’t leave me alone with them.”

  Brad laughs as he follows me in putting his arm around me, “John, you are such a pussy. Here you sit with all these beautiful women and you are complaining? In high school we would have paid money to get these girls alone with us for one night.”

  We all laugh when April says, “How much?” which makes us laugh harder.

  I put my head on Brad’s shoulder and whisper, “Thanks I really need this tonight.” He squeezes my shoulder and kisses my head but doesn’t say anything. He always seems to know when I need a pick me up.

  We stay at the bar until one o’clock and Tom is telling us he is not making us anymore pitchers. The “bitch” showed up about an hour ago and demanded we all move. We told her to get her skinny high school ass away from us. We found out she was a kid sister of a classmate and proceeded to tell her some raunchy stories about her sister. After that she said we were allowed to have the table any time we wanted as long as she got more ammunition against her sister, who it seems plays the saint at home.

  As we stand up to leave I notice that the floor is no longer even, it is tilting significantly to the left. Funny but the last time I was here I thought the tilt was to the right. We pay our tab and tell Tom we will be back soon. Brad keeps his arm around me to make sure I get to the car in one piece. As we walk out I am again assaulted with the smell of the bay. I mumble something about wanting to get out on the water and Brad offers to take me out tomorrow. I say yes and he asks for my phone. I ask him why and he says he is going to set the alarm with a reminder so I don’t forget. Good plan. I hug him goodbye and tell him I missed him then proceed to fall into the back seat humming along to the music on the radio.

  Chapter Ten

  I get up Sunday morning to my phone alarm at nine-thirty. I vaguely remember asking Brad to take me out on his boat and him setting my alarm. What was I thinking? No way will I be able to handle the water with a hangover. My head hurts and the sunlight coming through the windows hurts my eyes. I roll over to go back to sleep when my phone rings. It’s Brad and I really want to let it go to voicemail but I know if I do he will just keep calling back.

  I answer the phone with a grunt, “Wake up and go wash your face, brush your teeth and put some warm clothes on. Then go to the kitchen and get some coffee and two Tylenol in you. On the way to my house stop at Bagel Barn and get a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich and a chocolate Nesquik. Eat before you get here, I’ll be waiting on the boat. Be here by eleven now get moving.” It’s like one run on sentence and I can’t even get a word in edge wise but it gets me moving.

  My feet hit the floor as I say, “I am hopping in the shower so don’t yell at me if I’m a little late.” I groan as I walk to the bathroom, “I am so going to get you for this you know.” I hang up on him before he can respond.

  At least my stomach isn’t bothering me. Dark shades and the Tylenol should pull me through until the salt air can take effect. I get in the shower and it helps a little. I get out and brush my teeth and put my hair up in a ponytail not even bothering to dry it. I put on a pair of jeans, a tank top and a hoodie. I slip on my old boat shoes which have followed me around since before college. I am so glad I never got rid of them.

  John is sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I look over and there is half a pot left. I grab a mug and the Tylenol out of the cabinet and say, “Morning, Jodi still sleeping?”

  He smiles at me, “Yeah and I wasn’t expecting to see you ‘til at least noon.”

  “Brad is taking me out on his boat and the bastard set my phone alarm for nine-thirty. Then he called me to make sure I got outta bed.” I pop the Tylenol in my mouth and wash them down with the coffee. “Then he gave me a list of instructions to follow and told me not to be late.”

  John laughs, “Well the salt air should help your head but how’s your stomach?”

  “My stomach’s fine and will be better after I complete the fourth item on the list and stop off at Bagel Barn,” I say.

  “The old egg bagel and Nesquik morning after trick?” he asks.

  “I wouldn’t have needed it if you would have stopped at Airport Diner last night. I would have been right as rain after eggs over easy and home fries,” I pout at him.

  “Jodi was almost comatose by the time we hit Sunrise Highway. There’s no way she would have made it through breakfast,” he says.

  I go over and give him a peck on the cheek, “When she wakes up tell her I asked to go to the diner last night on the way home and let me know what she says.” I know my best friend and we always pick eating before sleep when drunk. You wake up feeling better with grease in your stomach while you sleep.

  I gulp my coffee down and grab my bag. I look in the coat closet and ask, “Can I borrow your windbreaker? I don’t know which box mine is in.”

  “Take it,” says John. “I don’t ever remember the last time I wore it.”

  “Thanks! I will see you later. Don’t let Jodes sleep too long or her head will be worse.” I walk out and get into my car.

  I dial Brad once I get to Bagel Barn, “Just wanted to see if you needed anything before I place my order.”

  “No, I had breakfast hours ago and you’re late so hurry up.” He hangs up on me. I guess I deserve that for hanging up on him earlier. I look at the time, ten-fifty-five, I am not late yet! I go in and order an everything bagel with cream cheese instead of the egg sandwich but I do get the Nesquik. It is still th
e best hangover remedy I know.

  I eat the bagel on the way and by the time I get to the dock I only have two bites left. It is eleven-o’seven and I figure anything before eleven-ten is not late. I could have hit traffic. So I put on my shades and Yankee hat and get out of the car. Brad is standing on his boat looking at me like he’s angry. I know he’s just playing because I am sure he thought he would be waiting a lot longer than this.

  “Surprised to see I made it before noon?” I ask.

  “Actually yes I am,” he says. “You were pretty out of it last night.”

  “Ready to go?” I walk up to the boat. “Do you want me to untie?”

  “Sure. Get the front first and I will hang onto the dock until you get on,” he says.

  I untie the bow rope and throw it on then get the stern and climb on. Brad pushes off the dock and starts the engine. We have to travel about twenty minutes down the river to get to the bay. Brad turns the boat down river and we pass the house I grew up in. It looks almost the same from the outside and I wonder what the new owners have done with the inside. I do notice the greenhouse is gone and the dock and bulkhead have been replaced. Brad and I spent a lot of time talking on that dock especially after Bobby left for basic training. Even when I was seeing Steve we still made time to spend together. We were close until that New Year’s Eve. Once we lost our virginity to each other everything changed. Brad told me he always loved me and I still thought of him as my brother. He didn’t understand that the only reason I was with him was because I was so hurt by Bobby. He thought it was fate and we would be together from then on.

  I am hoping that we can get back to the time before when we were friends. In fact I am banking on that today. I need to talk out the things between me and Bobby and Stuart. Maybe Brad can shed some light into the male point of view. I can’t ask John since he is friends with Bobby and will take his side. But Brad was never friends with Bobby and he doesn’t know Stuart so hopefully he will be able to be objective and help me.