Her Secret

by Tara Fox Hall

  “That’s fine. Please go on.”

  “The man who I enjoyed...um, was with was also the man who rescued me that night from my abductors. He was badly injured doing so. He was also a vampire, and I gave him my blood to heal, though I knew it was wrong.”

  “Why did you think it was wrong?”

  “I wanted him secretly. He had saved me before, and I had wondered what being with him would be like. We’d had sexual chemistry from our first meeting, really. He’d come on to me in the past, and I’d fantasized about what would happen if I said yes.”

  “Fantasizing doesn’t mean that you weren’t forced. You refused—”

  “No, I gave in,” I amended. “I gave him permission.”

  “Did you feel you had a choice, really?” she asked.

  “Not at the time. But when I look back at what happened, I think I wanted him to take me just the way he did. I’m a resourceful woman, and I could’ve escaped, but I didn’t.”

  “This second-guessing and recrimination is common in rape cases,” Carol said neutrally. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

  I looked away from her earnest gaze. “There’s more to the story.”

  “Please continue.”

  “I left out a lot of things that Theo can’t ever know.”

  “Such as?’

  “That the man who made love to me that day was the best lover I’ve ever had in my life and most likely the best one I’ll ever have.”

  Carol’s eyes went wide with shock. “Why do you say that?” she said carefully.

  “He was not afraid to say or do anything that might make the experience better, deeper, more fulfilling for me. He quoted poetry and sang to me as he touched and kissed me. He understood that by speaking to me, he could intensify everything I was feeling with my body. He used not only his body to love me, but his mind.”

  Carol’s face had gone slack, enthralled. Oddly proud of Devlin’s skill, I continued. “Needless to say, the experience was amazing. Though I can’t feel much desire on these drugs, the thought of him still gets my heart racing.”

  “Do you know where this man is now?” she asked throatily. “Are you in contact with him?”

  Did she want to contact him herself? “Yes. He sends me poetry via e-mail. He sent me cards and some flowers. He wants me to come to him. I haven’t responded.”

  “Given what you’ve just said, why haven’t you?”

  “Because I can’t trust him. I’m not sure that this other vampire doesn’t just see me as a conquest. Also, I love Theo, and I don’t want to hurt him. Add to that I’m worried about turning. I’m not sure this other vampire wouldn’t turn me, if he decided he wanted to. ”

  “You mentioned yesterday that you were intimate with him more than once, yet what you’ve described seems to have lasted several hours,” Carol said leadingly.

  “Yes. It lasted most of a day.”

  “And each time, you enjoyed what was happening?” Carol said, her face carefully neutral.

  “Yes, very much. The last several times, I was the one who initiated it. Again, I’m wondering now if that was because I was turning. It was out of character for me to do and say the things I did. I remember thinking that at the time.”

  “You said yesterday that you didn’t want to be intimate with Danial, only Theo. But from what you’ve just said, I understand that when it comes to this other man, you’d rather be with him than Theo; that you would be, if you felt you could trust him.”

  “That’s exactly the way I feel,” I retorted. “Which is why I know most, if not all, of my feelings for this other vampire have to stem from my closeness to turning, not from my real feelings, all his prowess aside.”

  “Sar, it isn’t professional to say this. But I will say it to you, one woman to another. You are right to keep this encounter secret. Your husband is a jealous and possessive man, and he could not handle this information, not and continue to be your husband. If you truly want to remain in your marriage, do as you have been: do not contact or see this other vampire again, and keep everything that you’ve told me today to yourself.” Carol paused. “Have you confided in anyone else?”

  “I told Danial about what happened, all of it. He agreed not to say anything. The problem isn’t knowing what to do, it’s constantly feeling like a bitch because I’m keeping this secret from Theo. I’m not a good liar; I never wanted to be. But I don’t want this vampire dead, or to have him kill my husband, either.”

  “I have heard of Theopolis O’Connor,” Carol replied. “His reputation has grown this past summer, when he moved into the upper ranking.”

  My eyes widened, surprised she knew about Theo at all, much less his rank. “What do you mean?”

  “He is in the top three, after killing Manir’s bodyguard,” Carol stated. “That is what I’ve heard from others in his field, at least.”

  Theo hadn’t told me he’d changed his ranking. It had been fifth, last I’d heard. “Is he second or third? Who did you hear this from?”

  “Another client involved in the same business who is unranked. There’s some confusion over the number two spot. For a long time the second was believed to be something like a hermit. He’d kept to himself for many years, and no one had seen him. It’s just come to light that he’s dead. There’s confusion over just when he died.”

  Why was she going into so much detail? “So Theo is three, but he will be two, if this person is declared legally dead?”

  “Yes,” Carol said, nodding. “You can be relieved, really. Contrary to logic, your husband is statistically less likely to get challenged in his new spot. For many years the top three have stayed pretty much the same. It’s unusual in a history of violent men to have a long stretch in a top position, but that’s what’s happened for several decades now.”

  She was really into this. How weird. “Thanks for that info.”

  “It must seem odd to you I know about the ranking,” Carol said, smiling. “You’d be surprised how many men in that profession need my services. But I’m getting off topic.” She paused, then reached out and touched my hand. “You need to let go of your guilt. What happened that day was not your fault, and you need to let it go. Forget what happened to you. Forgive the man who did this to you, and get on with your life.”

  “I forgave him the day he did it, and told him so,” I said with a rakish smile. “But I wouldn’t forget it for the world. But you’re right, I should let it go.”

  A few moments passed in silence. “Tell me, why does the woman Theo was with bother you so much?” Carol said finally. “You were with another man at the time yourself.”

  “Because I refused to Oath to Danial. It bothers me Theo could have just called and told me to move on. I’d have been pissed off, but I could’ve built a new life with Danial. Instead he let me hang in limbo.” I relayed a brief summary of Theo’s capture and torture to finding me with Danial and going west alone.

  Carol listened attentively, then said, “Love is not the same for everyone. Theo went through hell. He may have turned to her because he lost faith, lost hope.”

  “He should have had hope!” I said angrily. “He told you about the dreams we shared. That makes us special!”

  “You feel betrayed that you held out and he did not.”

  “Yes. Also, I always used to think Theo was a standup guy. Though I wouldn’t tell him, I’m ashamed of the way he handled Aspen, as satisfied as I was at the time to see it. It was cruel of him to treat her like he did.”

  “You see a parallel between his cruelness to you with this other woman, and his cruelness to Aspen later on with you?”

  “Yes,” I admitted.

  “Do you have regrets over marrying Theo and not staying with Danial? You sound as if you do.”

  “Yes,” I said, flushing slightly.

  “But you told me yesterday you don’t want to be with Danial anymore, only Theo.”

  “I don’t know what I feel, or who I am anymore,” I said, frustrated. “Wh
en I knew Theo and we first were together, nothing could touch us. Now things are different. I’m not sure if it’s me or him or my being close to turning. All I do know is that I hate feeling this way.”

  “That’s enough for today,” she said cheerfully. “Come back next week. Until you begin to come to terms with how you feel, you should come for both the joint sessions with Theo and alone. Will this time and day of the week be a problem?”

  “No. Thank you,” I said, getting to my feet.

  My phone rang as I was driving out of the parking lot.

  “Hello?”

  “We have a problem,” Theo said angrily.

  Chapter Eight

  “What is it?” I said, trying to drive and fit my cell phone earpiece in my ear so I didn’t get a ticket for talking and driving.

  “Elle didn’t invite only Violet, she invited three other girls, too.”

  If this was the biggest problem we had to deal with, this sleepover was going to be a piece of cake. “Then we’ll have them sleep on sleeping bags on her floor, and one in bed with her. There should be enough room. If there’s not we can buy an air mattress.”

  “What if she changes in the night?” he said worriedly. “What if she purrs?”

  “Then we’ll handle it,” I said calmly. “I’m heading to the store now to pick up chips and other snacks. Do you want anything?”

  “Maybe some doughnuts,” he said hopefully.

  I laughed. “I’ll get two dozen, so there’s some left for the girls.”

  “How was your appointment?” he asked.

  “Fine,” I said evasively. “She asked questions and I answered them. I made us an appointment for next week, but she wants to see me alone, too.”

  “Good. That will be the 20th, right?”

  There was something unfamiliar in his tone. I pulled into the store parking lot and checked my pocket calendar in my purse. “Yes, December 20th, three p.m. It’s a Monday.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll be here if any of the girls come early. ’Bye, Sar. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up.

  I looked at the phone oddly. Theo hadn’t told me he loved me. He always said he loved me every time we said good-bye. Didn’t he?

  He was probably just stressed over the girls coming. It was nothing.

  * * * *

  Violet was the first girl to arrive. Cathy walked her up to our door.

  “Come in!” I said loudly, giving them a welcoming smile. Cathy and Violet gave me one back, and entered, petting the dogs a little nervously.

  “They sure are big,” Violet said, apprehensive.

  Both dogs stood tall enough to almost look her in the eyes.

  “They won’t hurt you.” I handed her a rawhide stick. “Give each of them one of these.”

  She gave one to Darkness, who took it from her gently. Ghost took the other from her hand a little less gently. When she saw they weren’t going to hurt her, Violet smiled, relaxing.

  Elle came bounding out. “Hi, Violet! Come see my bedroom!”

  With some help from Terian, we’d moved a lot of her things from Danial’s house here for the night. My old sewing room had been completely transformed.

  That whole ordeal had led to a fight with Theo, who’d wanted to outfit her room here to make it a duplicate of her bedroom at Danial’s. Though money wasn’t an issue, I’d refused. Though I’d given Theo other reasons, the real one was that Danial had enough on his mind now; he didn’t need to worry that Elle might come live with us. It was easy to see that was what Theo was hoping for.

  Theo had been angry, of course. He’d asked me directly if I didn’t want Elle around. It had been all I could do not to tell him Elle was better off with Danial, who was a much better father.

  “Sar?” Cathy said loudly.

  Shit, she’d asked me something. “Sorry?”

  “I said I love what you’ve done with the house. All the blues and greens are soothing.”

  That’s because I live with a killer, and he needs to relax. “I like to decorate, especially painting. Did the directions work out okay? I’m not very good, I’m afraid.”

  “Elle emailed us some from MapQuest.”

  “Dad did them,” Elle called from the other room.

  Saved by the vampire computer whiz yet again.

  Theo joined us. “Hi. Thanks for bringing Violet. Elle’s really been looking forward to this.”

  “What do you do again?” Cathy asked, giving him a radiant smile.

  “Security,” Theo said, preening.

  “Is it dangerous?” Cathy asked, her eyes wide.

  “Only when I have to defend myself,” Theo said, giving her a serious smile back. “Then, my life is usually on the line. You’ve seen TV series about agents where every twenty-four hours is packed with action. Let me tell you, I really have days like that.”

  I stifled a snort, biting my lip.

  More cars drove up the driveway. Soon, Fiona, Diana, and Mary had joined Elle and Violet in her bedroom. There were now three other mothers with Cathy in a semicircle around Theo, as he related the daring tale of being in the bar parking lot that night in Wyoming, and fighting off five men. They were hanging on every word. “Oohs” and “Ahhs” filled the room.

  I left them sighing, and went in to tell the girls that dinner would be ready shortly. The moment I opened the door, it was evident we already had another problem.

  Elle still wore the fox head necklace Danial had given her at the Hallow’s party years ago. To my knowledge, she had not removed it since that night. Either the necklace had lengthened as she grew, or Danial had gotten her a new chain for it. Either way, Elle had never taken it off herself or tried to, until now.

  “It won’t come off!” Elle yelled in desperation. She pulled with all her might at her choker. “I don’t know what’s wrong?”

  I went to it quickly, fumbling at the hidden clasps. It hesitated, but finally unclasped, when I put all my willpower and concentration to it.

  I handed it to her. “It’s off. What’s the matter?”

  Elle grabbed the necklace and quickly tried to fasten it about Violet’s neck, but the ends wouldn’t close. “Mom, you broke it!”

  Shit. “It’s not broken, Elle—

  “Can I wear it?” Violet said eagerly. “Just for a while?”

  “I want to try it on, too!” another girl said.

  “Me first!”

  “Everyone can try it on briefly,” I said firmly. “Then it goes back on Elle. Violet, you’re first.”

  I put it on and took it off for each girl, and it resisted me every time. I’d just gotten it fastened back around Elle’s neck when Mary spied my choker. “You have one, too?”

  “Can we look at it, please?” they all said in unison.

  I sat on the bed as they all clustered around me, touching the pendant. Self-conscious, I was relieved I’d put makeup on my scar from Danial in preparation for meeting the mothers. This close, it couldn’t look like anything other than a bite mark.

  “Did you get this from Elle’s dad?” Fiona asked.

  “Yes,” I said, smiling. “When we were first dating.”

  “What does he look like?” one of them asked. “Like Theo?”

  “Elle, you must have a sketch of the two of us?” I said, turning to her.

  Elle brought out one of her sketchbooks and showed them one of the drawings she had done of Danial and I. There was an instant collective clamor.

  “He’s so handsome!”

  “Does he really look like that? He’s so sexy!”

  “Guys, he’s my Dad!” Elle said sarcastically. “Don’t be gross.”

  “Is he coming to the dance recital tomorrow?” Fiona asked. “Do we get to meet him?”

  I’d be missing my ride with Danial tomorrow night, as we’d be at the recital. But I’d been tired this week anyway. There had been so much to do, and the party tonight had weighed on my mind, as the party on New Year’s did also. Maybe it was better to give the riding a re
st anyway. The snow at Danial’s was deep off the driveway.

  “Yes,” Elle said, “Dad is coming.”

  I realized abruptly that I’d been in here about ten minutes already. “Dinner is ready, girls. Come on, before it gets cold.”

  As I led them out, we went past their mothers, who were still being regaled by Theo.

  “Mom,” Diana said pointedly. “Dad’s going to be home soon. Aren’t you going out to dinner tonight?”

  Diana’s mom turned beet red. Then all the mothers began making apologies. Within a few moments, they’d all left.

  “Having fun?” I said, giving Theo a knowing look.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Theo said loftily, then winked.

  Happily, the rest of the night went smoothly. When it was bedtime, I shooed the girls into Elle’s room, and drew her aside. “There’s a reason you can’t get off the choker, or put it on yourself, Elle,” I whispered.

  “Why?”

  “No one can make you take it off. Any supernatural being you come into contact with can easily recognize that you are under Danial’s protection, as I am.”

  “They wouldn’t hurt us?”

  “We wouldn’t be a snack or dead.”

  Elle flinched at my words. “You can take yours off, though. What if someone made you take it off?”

  “I’ll soon have another mark on the other side on my throat to match the one I have now. Even if someone got the collar off me somehow, those marks say something just by themselves, Elle.”

  She nodded. “Marny noticed your bite under the makeup. I told her it was an old scar from an animal.”

  “That’s okay,” I said, hugging her. “She can think that. Danial won’t be offended.”

  “I’m having a lot of fun,” Elle said gratefully. “Thank you.”

  “Good. If anything happens tonight, come and get me. It’s okay, even if the door is closed.”

  She nodded, and went back inside her bedroom. I went into the living room, where Theo was surfing channels.

  I flopped down beside him. “I’m ready for bed now.”

  “I’m sorry, but there are five girls in the house, so I can’t help you.”