An Inconvenient Marriage

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “I will not! This is wrong,” she argued.

  “Oh, I’ll do it,” Sue offered. She knew if Jake could pull this simple act off, then he would win the hearts of her siblings, and he wouldn’t feel left out from the activities. He didn’t say anything, but she could tell he wished to be included in their close circle. She put the plate and water in front of him and patted him on the back. “The first time I ate these, I went for a nice, long walk in the forest. I will show you where I went when you’re done.” Once he found out what it was he was going to eat, he wouldn’t be able to hold it down. His tastes were too refined to psychologically handle the food, though her brothers most likely weren’t aware of that.

  She crossed her arms and stood by the door so she would be ready when he wanted to make his exit.

  Jeremiah dumped the oysters on the plate. “How many do you think you can handle?”

  Jake examined them. “These don’t look like oysters.”

  “Oh, they’re oysters alright. Rocky Mountain oysters.”

  Trevor and Luke struggled to hold in their laughter.

  “What’s so funny?” Jake wondered.

  “Nothing,” Jeremiah said. “Now, you two hush. This is serious business.”

  Jake shook his head and picked the first one up and put it in his mouth. He paused, slowly chewed it, while glancing at his audience who was still fighting their urge to laugh, and swallowed it. “It tastes funny.”

  “Do you know what Rocky Mountain oysters are?” Jeremiah asked.

  “Mollusks from Colorado?”

  Trevor burst out laughing.

  “No, they’re bull testicles,” Luke informed him.

  Jake’s eyes grew wide.

  “Think you can finish your plate?” Jeremiah chuckled.

  Jake straightened up and cleared his throat. “I sure can,” he said with a newfound steel resolve that impressed Sue. He took a gulp of water and calmly and methodically ate everything on his plate but the last one. “I don’t want to be accused of being selfish. Do you want it?”

  Jeremiah’s mouth hung open.

  “Nah. You can have it,” Trevor said for his brother.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.” Jake grinned and ate the last one before he finished the cup of water.

  “He’s good,” Luke commented, obviously won over by the newcomer.

  “After a big meal like that, you’re going to need to walk it off,” Sue spoke up.

  “If you’ll excuse me...” Jake nodded to them and followed her out the door.

  “Wait until you’re out of sight before you throw up,” she whispered to him. She led him far enough into the trees and watched the house to make sure no one else saw him as he emptied his stomach. When he was done, she handed him a napkin. “I have to admit, that was an impressive display of bravery in there.”

  “I know when I’m backed into a corner. That was disgusting. Why didn’t you warn me?”

  “And rob you of the chance to show them up? Never. The river is half a mile away. You can rinse your mouth out down there.”

  They walked to the river and he drank the water. After he was done, he brushed off his pants.

  “Now they will ask you to go horseback riding,” she told him. “They only allow those they deem worthy of their respect to ride their horses.”

  “I’ve never ridden a horse before.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to learn. If they have to throw you on a horse, they will. There’s no stopping them when they get an idea in their heads.”

  He sighed. “What did I start?”

  She smiled. “Probably a lifetime of loyalty.”

  Once they returned to the house, her brothers cornered her in the hallway so Jake couldn’t hear them.

  “We want to keep him,” Jeremiah told her.

  She blinked. “What?”

  “We took a vote, including Pa, Ma, Gloria and Patty, and the vote is unanimous. We want to keep him in the family.”

  She shook her head in amusement. “That’s not your decision.”

  “We know. That’s why we came to you. You have to make it so.”

  She narrowed her eyes at them and crossed her arms. “Do you understand what you’re asking me to do?”

  “Of course we do, and we are confident that you can do it,” Trevor replied.

  “No. I will not. This marriage is over in six months.”

  “Five and a half at this point, and the clock is ticking.”

  “It won’t take any effort on your part,” Jeremiah said. “Just lay there and he’ll do the work. Since he’s never done it, it probably won’t take long.”

  “You are horrible people!” she hissed. “The answer is no and that’s final.”

  “If you allow yourself, you will probably enjoy it. Sometimes Gloria can’t keep her hands off me, so women must like it too.”

  “I said no!”

  “Fine. We did the reasonable thing and came to you first. Now we’re not responsible for what we’ll do next.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “That’s for us to know and you to find out. Operation Keep Jake is now in effect.”

  She watched in disbelief as her brothers nodded in agreement and left her alone in the hallway. Maybe I should have told him what those oysters really were.

  ***

  Later that evening, she discovered the first part of her brothers’ plan, and even worse was the fact that her parents were a part of it.

  “Well, we do like Jake,” her father said. “It would be nice to keep him in the family.”

  “He treats you well too,” her mother added. “I like to see my children taken care of.”

  “But we don’t love each other,” she protested.

  “Give it time.”

  She shook her head in bewilderment that Jake could come into her home and win these people over in less than a week. That night as she pulled on her nightgown in Trevor and Luke’s bedroom, she decided that she wasn’t going to explain the sudden sleeping arrangements to Jake. The last thing he needed was to be pulled into her family’s elaborate schemes.

  Jeremiah claimed that there was a mouse running loose through his cabin, so he and Gloria had to sleep in Patty’s bedroom with Patty sleeping on the floor. Trevor and Luke offered to sleep in the parlor. There wasn’t enough room for Jake to sleep out there too, so they threw Sue’s things into their bedroom and said she was going to have to share their bedroom with Jake. She didn’t know whether or not Jake bought Jeremiah’s story, but one thing was clear, they didn’t mind harassing Jake about his poor horse riding skills. And Jake enjoyed their good-natured ribbing.

  She didn’t know how Jeremiah and Trevor talked Jake into riding Bossy, but she overheard their comment on how well he handled himself in unfamiliar situations. “He doesn’t back down from a challenge,” Jeremiah noted as Jake struggled to keep himself steady on the horse.

  “That’s good because sis is the biggest challenge of them all,” Trevor whispered back.

  She walked past them and “accidentally” knocked them on their heads with a shovel she was carrying so she could shovel some snow.

  “Watch where you’re swinging that thing!” Trevor barked.

  “Oops. Sorry,” she innocently replied.

  Now that it was bedtime, she realized she should have hit them again for concocting this insane scheme. Gratefully, there were two beds, so she didn’t actually have to sleep in bed with Jake. He would most likely be relieved as well. She laid down and pulled the blankets over her and yawned.

  Jake entered the room and threw Jeremiah’s pants and shirt by his bed. Jeremiah let him borrow his clothes so he could ride the horse. “I am sore. That horse wore me out.” He chuckled as he sat on his bed. “They told me why the horse is named ‘Bossy.’”

  She pretended not to notice that he wore silk dark blue pajamas. He even dresses up for bed. “Did they tell you why two horses are named Trouble and Double Trouble?”

 
“Yes, they actually did. Apparently, they gave you a hard time while you were living at home. They said you were so eager to get out that you left some stuff behind. I didn’t know you collected travel brochures. It seems that you have more brochures for Greece than anywhere else.”

  “I pick up extra brochures when the travel agency decides the ones they have are outdated. I read books and like to see what the places I read about look like so I can visualize the story better in my head. When I read a book, I feel like I’m there, experiencing everything the characters are doing. When I was a little girl, I used to pretend the forest led me to different countries.” She grinned. “Sometimes it was boring around here until Jeremiah was born. He’s five years younger than me, so I had a lot of time to imagine things that would never happen. Father kept me busy once I was old enough to help out with the farm.”

  “Do you still pretend to be in different places?”

  “When I read, I do. It’s the cheapest way to travel.”

  “So why is Greece your first choice?”

  She shrugged. “I went through a period when I was sixteen where I read a lot of Greek literature. I was fascinated with the mythology which is interwoven into a lot of their work. I noticed that you are reading The Iliad. When I read that three years ago, I had difficulty getting through the description of every soldier that was dying, but once the focus of the book changed to Achilles and Hector and how the Greek gods were influencing the Trojan War, I couldn’t put it down. I will say that the Greeks were very creative.”

  “You are full of surprises.”

  By the way he was smiling at her, she realized that he liked what he was learning about her. She raised an eyebrow. “It’s like I always say, keep them guessing. Who knows what you’ll discover next?” She yawned.

  He chuckled. “Well, I hope you have a good night’s sleep.” He turned off the light and laid down in his bed.

  “Good night.”

  She fell asleep right away, but at some point in the middle of the night, someone threw a pile of blankets on her. In a matter of fifteen minutes, she threw the blankets off, still tired enough to go back to sleep. Ten minutes later, she woke up covered in sweat. She sat up and realized the blankets were back on top of her. She shoved them aside and looked over at Jake who had his eyes closed. Was one of her brothers playing a joke on her? She laid back down and pretended to be asleep. When twenty minutes passed, someone threw the blankets on her again. She quickly sat up and grabbed the person’s arm.

  “I caught you,” she whispered.

  “Keep them on.”

  She frowned when she realized it was Jake. “You’re the one who’s been throwing blankets on me?”

  “Yes. I can’t sleep unless you have them on.”

  “But I’m sweating too death.”

  “It’s better for you to be uncomfortable than to drive me insane. The moon lights up the room too much. A man can only handle so much.”

  “Well, I won’t be able to sleep like this. Just turn your face to the wall.”

  “I try but I like to sleep on my left side.”

  “Fine. Let’s switch beds. Then I won’t be right next to the box stove.”

  He agreed and they switched beds.

  Halfway through the night, he threw the blankets back on her.

  “What are you doing now?” she hissed.

  “It’s no good. I know you’re here.”

  “So what difference does it make if I have one blanket or five on me?”

  “A lot. At least, I know you’re well covered.”

  She sighed. This was all her brothers’ doing. She knew exactly what it was they were trying to do, and it was working. Well, she wasn’t going to let them win. “Can we at least open the window for some cool air?”

  He considered it. “Done.” He opened the window. “Can I have that bed back? It’s closer to the box stove.”

  “Alright.” She went back to the other bed, dragging the ton of blankets with her and laid down. “Will you be able to sleep now?”

  “I think so.”

  When morning finally came, she woke up and saw that he was slightly shaking under his single blanket. She shut the window and grabbed the clothes she planned to wear for the day. As an afterthought, she threw the blankets on him so he could warm up. The minute she opened the door to go to the bathroom to get dressed, Trevor ran over to her.

  “Can we keep him now?” he anxiously asked.

  She grinned. “You would really like me to say yes, wouldn’t you? Well, you underestimated him. He has perfect self-control.”

  He frowned. “Jeremiah said the plan was foolproof.”

  “He was wrong.” She enjoyed the sour look on his face as she got ready for the day.

  Chapter Nine

  Jake was tired as he ate his breakfast. He was keenly aware that Sue was sitting next to him. Though she was wearing pants, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was a woman. In a strange way, it made him notice her more since she was trying so hard to hide it. He didn’t believe for a minute that a mouse was loose in Jeremiah and Gloria’s cabin. Her brothers were up to something and he intended to find out what it was. For the time being, he was content to mess with them as they had messed with him over the Rocky Mountain oysters. He grinned as an idea came to him.

  “Do any of you want to ride into town?” he asked as he glanced around the table.

  “Can’t wait to get back to the city?” Jeremiah replied.

  Trevor smirked. “A few days on the farm and he’s given up.”

  “I can handle anything you throw at me,” Jake quickly said. “I feel the need to return a favor.”

  “What kind of favor?”

  “You introduced me to Rocky Mountain oysters. I’m going to introduce you to caviar.”

  Sue almost spit her drink.

  “Sis, don’t spray your husband like that,” Jeremiah admonished, chuckling. “It’s gross.”

  Jake hid his own laughter. She knew what he was doing. He turned to her. “Do you want to go into the city with me and pick up something special for your brothers to eat?”

  “You’d have to ride a horse,” she said.

  “Actually, Jeremiah, Luke and I are going to take our horses out to the fields today,” Trevor quickly inserted. “You’ll have to take him on Bossy.”

  She gave them a sharp look. “You don’t have to go into the fields today.”

  “Sure we do. We got important work to do.”

  By the look on her face, she obviously didn’t believe them.

  Jake shrugged. “Alright. We’ll take the same horse.”

  He was secretly relieved to not have to worry about riding the animal by himself. He had a tough time staying on Bossy when he rode her the previous day. He didn’t care to go through that again, though he would never admit it to her brothers. The animal lived up to its name. It didn’t like anyone telling it what to do. It protested all of his commands and threw him off a couple of times. He never felt so dirty in his life when he fell in the mud. But he wouldn’t let the newfound respect he gained from her family be eliminated by his apprehension, so he kept getting back onto the horse and riding it again.

  “Well, just so you know, Bossy is a very particular animal,” Sue said. “I need to be the one to lead her if you’ll be riding with me.”

  Jeremiah and Trevor tried to hide their laughter but Jake noted their amusement. Something’s definitely up with those two. The rest of her family seemed oblivious to the conversation as they enjoyed their meals.

  “It will serve you right anyway,” Sue told her brothers. “I can’t wait to see you eat caviar.”

  “Bring it on!” Trevor encouraged. “We’re not afraid of anything. We’re country men.”

  “Just promise me that I’m here when you give it to them,” she told Jake.

  “It’s a deal.” He winked at her.

  After breakfast, her three brothers followed him and Sue to the barn.

  “Are you sure you want to w
ear a suit?” she asked. “It won’t be very comfortable wearing such formal clothing on a horse.”

  “I can’t show up at a restaurant looking like...” He paused. He didn’t wish to offend any of the Lewises.

  “A farmer,” she inserted.

  “Certain things are acceptable in society and others aren’t.”

  “What will people say when you show up with me then?”

  “Oh, well I was hoping you’d take me to Henry’s house. He’ll take me to the restaurant.”

  “While you’re at it, you better freshen up at your home because your suit will not be immaculate after you ride a horse.”

  He frowned. He hadn’t considered that. “I’ll do that.”

  She shook her head but didn’t respond.

  She probably thinks I’m a snob. The thought bothered him though he wouldn’t show it. He simply smiled at her as if nothing was wrong.

  “Now remember, you got to hold Sue really tight when you’re on Bossy,” Jeremiah said. “You don’t want Bossy to buck you off again.”

  Her three brothers laughed.

  “That’s enough, you three,” Sue snapped. “Don’t you think for a minute any of this will work.”

  Any of what? Jake suddenly realized she knew exactly what was going on, though she didn’t seem to take an active part in it. In fact, she seemed to be resisting it.

  “Sue, don’t give Jake here a hard time,” Jeremiah said. “It wouldn’t be right to make the poor man suffer. Remember, OKJ.”

  OKJ? What did that stand for? Jake decided to let their comments go for the time being. He could figure it out later.

  Once they got into the barn, Sue took Bossy out of the stable and saddled her up. “This will seat both of us,” she told him. “But Jeremiah’s right. You do have to hold on tightly or else you’ll probably fall off.”

  He was intrigued as he watched her work with the horse. She was very comfortable with the animal, and Bossy seemed to willingly follow her lead. She works well with Bossy. That’s why it’s her horse.

  She got on the horse with ease and urged Bossy over to him. “Are you ready?”

  No. But did he have a choice? He was determined to get that caviar and they would make good time to the city on the horse.