Desired Affliction

by C. A. Harms

  Radley reached out his hand and placed it onto mine as I squeezed the railing tightly. I never flinched away…I trusted Rad completely he was one of the good guys without a doubt. I just normally didn’t give many people the chance to prove that to me. “I won’t say anything to anyone…but if you ever need me to beat the fuck out of the little coward…you just point me in the right direction doll, no questions it would be my pleasure. “ He released my hand and after a quick smile he left me standing there on the stairs.

  I made my way up the remaining stairs and to my room. I dropped the bags onto the floor next to my desk and looked at Megan. She could tell by my face that I had ran into Radley, “He won’t say anything Lex…I know he won’t.”

  We ended up going for a walk and going to a little ice cream shop on the corner near campus. I told her about my encounter with Kole earlier in the week but to my surprise she already knew because he had been talking about me. He had even told her that ‘Hope’ was jealous and how I threatened to bitch slap her. Megan said that he laughed when he told her that part because he knew I would have done it. He called me a little ‘Spitfire’.

  Eleven

  (Kole)

  There was a party tonight at some off campus house. Hope had been hanging around the house still flirting with the guys trying her best to get under my skin but it wasn’t working. Lately I was finding myself taking a lot of cold showers and I was on a jerking spree thinking of Lexi. I was planning my move all out looking for the right time.

  “Hey Rad…wait up,” I jogged up behind him as he was heading into the front door. He stopped and faced me. He appeared distant, “Hey Kole what’s up man.” Maybe he got into with Megan and I started second guessing my thoughts but went for it anyway. “I was wondering if maybe you could um…maybe put in a good word for me with Lexi. She is hard to break,” I smiled over at him.

  He turned and was now directly in front of me, “Kole no man…just do me a favor and leave her alone. Seriously she doesn’t need to be hurt...Just not her…please.” He didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he went inside and left me standing on the porch to try and figure it out.

  Something was up with the entire Lexi thing…Megan was way to protective and now Radley. The problem was figuring out what exactly the hell was the secret.

  Twelve

  (Lexi)

  Over the next few weeks things seemed to get a little easier to handle I was less frantic around the guys in our dorm I was learning who had girlfriends who the loners were and the guys I wanted to avoid. I got all my classes figured out and was doing better than I imagined I would. I even found myself occasionally strumming on my guitar when I was alone or singing along with my iPod.

  Things with Radley were getting more comfortable once again he would hang out in the dorm. They had a fundraiser at the Fraternity and I helped with the setup and cleanup…as a favor to Radley. Hope was doing her normal glaring every single time Kole got within two feet of me even though I never actually once seen him with her. He flirted a little and I handled it…I actually didn’t freak out on him which I think surprised us both.

  There was a carwash this Saturday in the Strip mall parking lot which will raise money once again for charity. It was being organized by the fraternity and one of the sororities. Of course the bimbo Hope belonged to the sorority so I would once again be subjected to her glares.

  We had to be there at ten and I as usual was running behind. Why the hell I was worried about what I looked like was beyond me. Who was I kidding I knew exactly why I cared. I had worn my bikini with a pair of snug shorts and a tank top over it. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail but because my hair had a natural wave it curled down my back in big wavy wildness. I put on just a little makeup and lip gloss.

  When I walked into the room Megan let out a loud whistle, “Hello Hot Totty…Damn who you trying to impress.” She made her eyebrows go up and down repeatedly as I leaned over and grabbed my pillow to throw in her direction making a direct connect to her head. “Ow…wench,” she squealed and laughed it off.

  She jumped up and grabbed her bag, “Rad is on his way we are supposed to be downstairs waiting in five minutes and that was about…three minutes ago so we better get moving.” I followed her out of the room locking the door behind us as we quickly made our way to the parking lot just as Radley’s jeep pulled up and in the passenger seat was…Kole. I turned to face Megan and in response to my glare she shrugged her shoulders but as she walked passed me she leaned in whispering, “Stop glaring at me or I’ll be forced to call you Hope all day.” I pulled her hair in a playful way as she yelled ouch and climbed into the backseat of the jeep.

  Kole turned and smiled saying hello to the both of us and then facing the front listening to the music as he rolled his tongue along his lip. At one point he flipped out his piercing and bit down onto it with his teeth lightly. I had to admit that he was the first person to be able to affect me enough to make me blush with heat. He had my full attention…I shook my head and looked out the side window. I hope he didn’t notice me staring. Stop salivating Lexi what the hell.

  When I turned back and saw the cocky grin he had I knew he had in fact noticed. I couldn’t help but smile and that is when I felt Megan staring at me from the side. I turned to face her and she had her mouth hanging open. I shrugged, “What?” Quickly I turned to look out the window popping my ear buds in and blasting the music for a distraction…

  You are fine

  You are sweet

  But I'm still a bit naive with my heart

  When you're close I don't breathe

  I can't find the words to speak

  I feel sparks

  But I don't wanna be into you

  If you are not looking for true love, oh oh

  No I don't wanna start seeing you

  If I can't be your only one

  So tell me…

  It was too late to take it back I realized I was actually singing loud enough to be heard when I caught Kole turn completely around in his seat. I saw his quick movement from the corner of my eye and I yanked the ear buds out, “Shut up…do not say a word. Pretend you heard nothing.” Megan laughed and Radley smiled. “Lexi that was…” I cut him off and held up my hand, “Shh…nothing.”

  Kole looked confused but turned back around and left it alone.

  There were so many girls running around in their suits and the guys in just shorts. The water was spraying and the cars were somewhat being washed. Megan grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back of the jeep. She lifted her top over her head and pointed to me, “Take it off you are not leaving your shirt on. If I have to go through with this so do you.” I rolled my eyes, “Fine but the shorts stay on…that is where I draw the line and the first guy that asks me to show him where my tattoo ends…let’s just say he is going to be singing soprano.” Megan just laughed and after I threw my shirt in the back she closed the door.

  My tattoo started very low on my left hipbone wrapping in both directions around the front and back. It ran up my entire side and ended just under my left breast. It’s a vine of Cherry Blossoms. Vertically on my side it has a quote that says ‘Remembering is Painful’ and directly below that it continues with ‘Forgetting is Impossible’. Megan is the only person that knows why I got it and what was its’ exact meaning. I was most definitely not embarrassed I just knew the drill and everyone would be asking about it or commenting on it.

  We found Radley washing a big black truck and decided to offer him some help.

  I heard a girl squeal and when I turned it was Hope she was being spray by the hose from some guy. Of course she was wearing a white bikini and nothing else…White as in when wet it may as well have been Saran wrap. Her eyes connected with mine and immediately started scanning the parking lot for Kole. Once she found him she stalked off to stake her claim. What a bitch…seriously she was a complete drama queen. She walked up behind him and wrapped her wet body around him and I turned away. Like it was really going to
bother me…honestly I mean I didn’t even know if you would consider us friends.

  Oh please Lexi…of course it bothered me…I hated seeming him with that bimbo. Why…why the hell did I care anyway? He was a guy…a really hot guy but in fact a guy. I don’t know him I don’t trust him and I don’t need him.

  Okay now that I settled that battle within my mind I got back to washing. I felt someone lean into me when I turned to find Kole. He started washing the truck but looked forward, “I have to say Lex…that tattoo is pretty fucking hot.” I turned to look at him, “Wipe the cocky grin off your face Kole…you are not getting anywhere with it.” I heard him laugh, “Oh really because I have been told I can be pretty persuasive.” Now I laughed, “Oh I am sure you can be but the thing is I am not your typical girl…ya know the one that falls head over heels for a sexy smile on a hot guy. I am a little tougher to break than that.” He had stopped washing the truck and was now looking directly at me, “So you think I have a sexy smile…and I’m hot huh?” Oh my god he was so cocky…get over it. I did say that though and you had to be blind if you didn’t think this guy was gorgeous. I just turned and threw my soapy rag at him as it hit him in the chest I walked away and I heard him laughing behind me. I needed distance from him I could not become that girl. I don’t do that…ever…

  “You don’t think he actually likes you do you? I mean he flirts with everyone.” I turned to find the one and only ‘Bimbo’ standing behind me. I had walked over to a soda machine and had just bought myself a Pepsi. I popped the cap and took a drink only continuing to stare directly at her. After I put my cap back on I sat it down on the ground next to me. “I really don’t know who you think you are and to be honest with you I really don’t give a shit. I do have some advice for you though…don’t ever walk up to me and pretend you know me or what I may be thinking. You have no idea who the hell I am or what I’m about. You can go back to your happy little illusion that you and Kole are going to one day get married and have kids living happily ever after…I don’t want Kole bitch… (I moved in really close to her to the point where my nose was about two inches from hers) but just so you know…if I did want him…I could have him in a second…

  Thirteen

  (Kole)

  “Hey Kole…you might want to rescue your little bimbo before Lexi makes sure she isn’t so fun to look at anymore,” Megan hollered over the hood of the Mustang they were currently washing. I turned quickly to look off in their direction. “Fuck,” I dropped my sponge and started to jog over.

  “Okay ladies…we are here to wash cars. No need for a cat fight put the claws away,” I stepped in between them. I actually wanted to tell Hope to get the fuck away because I knew what she was trying to do and it was not going to happen. I could tell by the look on Lexi’s face that I had only pissed her off more than Hope already had, “Oh there won’t be any claws Kole just keep this fucking skank out of my face and things will be fine.” Lexi brushed passed me and bent down to grab her soda from the ground. She paused and looked over her shoulder, “Tell your little bitch there isn’t any need for her to stake her claim on you…I don’t want her leftovers.”

  Damn she’s hot when she was pissed. She was different and it hooked me…it was crazy the way Lexi had crawled beneath my skin and spread like wildfire. I watched her storm off as her tight little shorts showed the bottom of her ass cheeks. If I didn’t think she would knee me in the nuts I would definitely cop a feel of that sweet little ass. I watched her walk away as her hips swayed back and forth.

  “You are seriously not in to her are you…she is so nasty Kole,” what did I ever see in Hope her voice drove me crazy. Oh wait I know what it was I was drunk and she was easy…

  “Nasty…she’s nasty is she? How many of my frat brothers have you fucked in the last two weeks trying to get my attention? You would be the definition of nasty.” I turned back to look in the direction of Lexi, “Now that girl over there…that is one fine ass girl…and yes I’m in to her. So you can cut the crap Hope…because you’re starting to piss me off.”

  Fourteen

  (Lexi)

  I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to avoid any contact with him. I was making every attempt to stay on the opposite side of the parking lot from both of them. “You do know Lex that it’s okay to like him. He isn’t a horrible guy,” leave it to Megan to pick up on my irritability. I just kept washing the car, “I don’t like him like that Meg. He is just a guy…a really cocky self-centered…arrogant, conceded guy.” I tossed the towel onto the side of the bucket, “I think I am going to call it a day. You only have like what…thirty minutes left. I can catch a ride or walk…I have washed enough cars for one day.” I didn’t wait for her to argue I just started walking toward the college.

  “Are you seriously going to walk back to campus by yourself…it’s like three maybe four miles.” I thought I had escaped unnoticed but it appears Mr. Cocky has followed me. “I’m fine walking by myself Kole,” I kept walking without looking at him. He placed his hand onto my lower back causing me to flinch and I immediately stopped walking to turn away. “Did I piss you off or something? If I did I am sorry. I thought we were actually getting past all this…shit,” I didn’t get the chance to answer him before he continued, “What exactly did Matt do to you for you to be so angry all the time.”

  The air in my lungs disappeared. I felt the bile raise and I fought back the tears, “What did you say?” I looked back to the parking lot and connected with Megan looking very concerned, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Megan was now walking in our direction with Radley close behind. I turned back to him and swallow hard, “You have no idea what you’re talking about…” Kole stepped toward me bringing up his hand to place it on my arm but a stepped back quickly causing him to pull his hand back in. “Listen I’m sorry Megan said that somehow Matt was responsible for how closed off you are. I was just wondering how…what did he do.”

  I felt betrayed she was my best friend why did she say anything. “Megan how could you?” Radley and Megan were now standing directly in front of me and I blink and a single tear ran down my cheek as I quickly wiped it away. Megan looked from me to Kole and finally back to me, “What?” I felt sick… “Damn it Megan you had no right to tell him about Matt…It’s my fucking life. I am the one that battles this every god damn day…ME! I can’t believe you said anything to him about that.”

  I didn’t wait for her to respond or anyone to say anything I just turned and ran. I didn’t stop until I reached the dorms I needed space I had to get out of here and fast. I changed my clothes quickly then left. I had to disappear I needed to forget…

  Fifteen

  (Kole)

  I rode with Radley and Megan back to the dorm I felt like such an ass…

  “Megan I’m sorry I said anything. I had no idea she would freak out like that,” I felt horrible about everything. “Kole you couldn’t have known how she would react. It’s my fault I never should have said anything to you. I have to find her,” Megan stood in their room crying.

  I was worried about what exactly I had just caused by saying anything about Matt. I have never seen a girl freak out like Lexi did just from breaking up with some guy. It was like she was terrified, “Maybe we should split up we could cover more that way. If you take me back to the house I can take my car and drive around too.” They both agreed that would be better as they turned in the direction of the frat house.

  Once I got into my car I grabbed my phone…I had a phone call to make. Someone was going to tell me what the hell was going on…and now.

  After the third ring he picked up…

  ‘Kole, what the hell man what are you up too…it’s been awhile’

  I knew if they found out I was calling Matt things would turn even worse if that was possible but no one was giving me answers and I needed to know what I was missing.

  ‘Hey fuckhead…how’s Cali…and college’

  Matt just laughed I could sense the freshman coc
kiness in his voice

  ‘It’s great but you know that…hell the amount of pussy a guy gets from being in college on a full athletic scholarship in fucking insane man…but hey hit it all you can right.’

  Okay ready to get on with this conversation Matty was always a little too arrogant for his own good and I only had one reason to call him…

  ‘I got a question for you…did you date a girl named Lexi Warren?

  He was silent for a minute and I almost asked him if he was there.

  ‘I wouldn’t say we dated. More like she followed me around my entire senior year and then showed up to this party after we graduated and let’s just say she went a little wild. I fucked her a couple times…but hell I wasn’t the only one. So date her…no. Just banged her…she’s a little whore Kole. If I were you I wouldn’t get wrapped up in that but hey she’s a pretty good fuck so whatever.’