Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  “Come merpeople, it’s time to start the dance of Neo!” Zavier motioned for the dance to commence.

  “Lily, stand here next to me and hold my hand,” instructed Crysanthe, as they joined the group of mermaids already in position, holding hands around the giant ball of fire.

  It must have been at least a hundred mermaids gathered around the Neo, in one great big line, not too close, careful not to burn. It looked exactly like the picture in the cave Lily thought. And on the ground to the side there was an orchestra of mermaids, casually lined up with giant shells for drumming, tightened seaweed for guitar strings, and Zavier at the head, instructing the music to play.

  The dance began.

  The swishing sound of moving tails echoed in vibration and Lily felt the movement from the person next to her beat right through her heart, and the synchronic motion liberated Lily right to her very core.

  Without thinking, she smiled.

  The dance continued for several turns as Crysanthe had explained. Each time the mermaids changed direction a huge explosion from Neo burst through the sea. Sometimes up top, sometimes below, but never harming any of the mermaids. And the atmosphere in the ocean felt different; there were patches of warmth and overflowing streams of bubbles seeped between the mermaids as they moved. Particles of light and weighted textures exploded through the backdrop of blackness. The light from Neo extruded veracious flames of fireworks, satisfying the sense of sight equally with the touch of warmth. And the colors and vibrations of the dance energized Lily; making the blood in her veins circulate in a fast motion, her heartbeat strummed faster with excitement and all she could think about was doing it again and again!

  When the dance was over, the family of mermaids laughed, and they gathered together to share a huge feast. A giant tumble ball of seaweed spun in the center like the flaming ball of Neo, and on top sat a beautifully decadent seashell table throne. The mermaids each took turns in pulling off the seaweed-like string, and chewed on the delicacy as they chattered about their day.

  “Do you like the seashell table? Zavier made it himself,” Crysanthe gushed proudly talking about her partner’s creation, and she pointed to the fine artwork of crushed seashells and stone.

  “It’s beautiful!” Lily exclaimed. “Everything here is amazing. Why is it that I feel everything so deeply in Neosa?”

  “I know what you mean Lily, I feel that our underwater world communicates to you in other ways.”

  “Surely we have the same kind of beauty on land too, though? Why do I not see it the same way?”

  “Perhaps it is because there are too many distractions around you. Look, here.” Crysanthe pointed to the water behind her. “There is nothing but a blank canvas of ocean and fish. In the land you are distracted by the beauty of the sky, the pictures of the clouds and the fire of the sun to begin with, then there are smells, and there are so many colors contrasting to the flowers, the grass, the dirt. It is impossible to focus on just one. But if you can manage to do it on land as you do here below, it is all the same, just a vast floating landscape of dancing energy.”

  Lily gazed at the ocean with an insatiable thirst. She felt radiantly alive floating in the water, weightlessly. And she smiled with happiness, finally feeling the gratification of her uncontrollable urge to explore the water world in her daily life. There was something bigger to be found! And she sat in undisturbed bliss for several minutes until the scene dramatically ended, as a baby mermaid was carried through by an older male and handed directly to Crysanthe.

  “Crysanthe, we need your help! Cloudia has choked on something, something that does not belong in the sea. She cannot breathe, can you help her?”

  Crysanthe quickly took hold of the little mermaid girl, who looked no more than four. Cloudia’s facial expression was sweetly calm, and her eyes were closed. But the color of her skin was a dark shade of violet, and her arms were hanging disconnected from her torso. In a split second, the harmony was overtaken with complete silence in the ocean, an unsettling feeling of everyone staring at a lifeless body.

  Crysanthe placed her hand on the merchild’s forehead and closed her eyes as she sweetly hummed a soothing lullaby. And Lily could feel that any pain or trouble that was still left in the body was gone. Perhaps Crysanthe performed an act to soothe the crowd around her, Lily thought. For it was evident that there was no life left inside the vessel of the body.

  Crysanthe motioned for the body to be taken away and turned to Zavier for condolence, but he wasn’t giving any kind of sympathy, and he turned to the crowd of mermaids, offering his voice to calm them.

  “The displacement of one body in this world can disrupt the peace in thousands of others standing by. It is how we chose to interpret this situation that will determine our future. Let us listen to the teaching of Cloudia and be wary of anything that is thrown into the ocean that does not belong here. We must work harder to clean our waters.”

  Crysanthe moved to Zavier and handed the body over, taking the ouroboros into her hand. She looked into his eyes, searching for comfort but Zavier looked back to Crysanthe and spoke sternly. “I am not blaming you Crysanthe, nor am I telling you not to interact with Lily, but we should have realized that Cloudia was missing from our ceremony. But no, we were too busy entertaining our new guest, we forgot what was important.”

  But Crysanthe wasn’t alarmed; she paused and fired her words back at him, holding Cloudia’s ouroboros tightly between her hands.

  “Zavier, listen to me,” she reasoned. “Death is a gift to teach us impermanence. You have never looked at death as being anything other than rebirth, why is it bad now?”

  “I am not saying this is bad. But no one has died from our negligence. And things are changing in a different way than they have ever changed before.”

  Zavier’s forehead creased with dark lines as he spoke with anger in his voice and the crowd of mermaids silenced as they listened to the quarrel.

  “Well it is times like these that we need to remember most of all that change is forever good, it’s always for the better. It is never a bad thing,” Crysanthe said as she felt the anger rub off from Zavier while he listened, and she turned to the crowd of mermaids to continue, “come all, let us go to the Cave of Zeka and seek the rebirth of this mermaid.”

  The group of mermaids all followed Crysanthe back to the cave of Zeka, where the scriptures of history were engraved. They stopped at the far edge closest to the flaming Neo where the seaweed grew high. The mermaids all gasped with open eyes as they looked to each other excitedly, and Lily watched as the sadness of death was positively replaced with the anticipation of hope. Crysanthe moved forward from the crowd and swept away the tall seaweed, pulling out one large glowing golden egg.

  “When one cycle finishes a new one begins, and we become a child once more, to continue learning. Let this new life transform for the better.”

  “Transform for the better,” the crowd chanted in response.

  She cocooned the egg with both hands as it slowly began to crack. A little hand pushed out first, then another, and in one quick motion, a tail whipped back and forth, cracking the entire egg, as a handsome little merboy opened his eyes for the very first time.

  “Lily, would you please name this baby?” Crysanthe asked, while a puzzled Zavier stood by.

  Lily looked over to Crysanthe, surprised to be asked such an honorable request from her new friend. Under normal circumstances her nerves would have overtaken her stomach with anxiety from having been made to not only speak in front of a large audience but also to innovate an idea on demand; however, for some reason she was okay. It felt completely natural and absolutely right.

  “Crysanthe, this is a huge honor. I am beyond grateful to be given this opportunity,” Lily accepted, speaking with a clear voice, ensuring all around were able to hear.

  “The opportunity is yours to take. I believe it is a true blessing that you have come here to meet us. We welcome you into our family and look forward to hearing t
he name you choose for our new boy.”

  Lily thought hard. She held the merchild in her arms and stared at his beautiful dark blue eyes. She whispered to her mother for help, opening up her mind to allow a name to speak through clearly. Indigo.

  “I would like to name him, Indigo.”

  The merchild flapped his tail upon hearing his name, and his long black eyelashes blinked delicately as they crossed over one another. His eyes were a dark blue indigo, and they stared through Lily, into her eyes, and beyond. She felt strangely connected to him, more so than anyone else she had ever met.

  “And so it shall be. He suits his name perfectly and we thank you.”

  “Thank you,” chanted all the merpeople as they bowed their heads to Lily.

  Crysanthe cradled the merchild in her arm and placed the base of her palm over his forehead. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly, humming gently as she rocked the babe softly. Lily looked around and saw that all the other merpeople were humming and swaying lightly the same, so she followed as well.

  “Welcome to Neosa, Indigo. May your life be as bright as Neo, and may the love inside of you shower in abundance upon all of those who are blessed to come your way.”

  “Welcome Indigo,” repeated the mermaids as they all bowed down once more, holding hands and rejoicing at the beautiful addition to their family.

  “I would like you to be his guardian angel. Will you accept?” Crysanthe asked, brushing the soft black hair from the baby’s face.

  Yes, said a voice inside of Lily.

  “Yes,” she replied out loud.

  “May you give me your left hand, please, Lily?”

  Crysanthe took Lily’s hand and crossed it over Indigo’s small palm. She took the ouroboros off the crown on her head and held it on top of his hand, then she wrapped the chain around the two, bonding each hand gently together.

  “With this chain I unite you together, creating an open line of communication, able to speak fluidly with ease between one another.”

  Crysanthe picked up an oyster shell from the bottom of the oceanic ground and blew lightly to the edge. Very slowly, the clasp of the shell opened, proudly displaying two perfect black pearls inside.

  “Lily, may I have your necklace, please?” Crysanthe requested, as she used her dainty hands to remove the ouroboros from around Lily’s neck.

  She handed Lily’s ouroboros to Zavier, who effortlessly removed a white crystal from one of the serpent’s eyes. He then replaced it with a black pearl, and matched Indigo’s ouroboros as well—one eye with a black pearl from the ocean, and the other, a white crystal that was in Lily’s original necklace. Creating two unique, matching necklaces for both Lily and Indigo.

  “You are now forever connected together. Whenever you wish to contact each other, it will be through these black pearl eyes. A simple whisper of your name will ignite the connection. From Indigo to Lily, or Lily to Indigo.” Crysanthe finished her sentence and smiled to Lily, nodding with appreciation, handing the black and white eyed serpent necklace back. Lily tightened the chain around her neck and it clicked securely, as if it had always meant to fall that way.

  “Come, it is time for me to take you back to shore.”

  The girls swam back above to the red-pebbled shore of Otor as the sun was beginning to rise. A milky pink sky bloomed across the sea, and the red crystals on the beach were glistening, still holding a reflection of love from the moonlight. Lily’s dress had not only washed up on shore, but was hanging perfectly over the branch of a tree, crisp and dry. Crysanthe took both of Lily’s hands and twined her fingers in between. She kissed both hands gently, and blew kisses on their fingertips. When she unraveled their fingers, Lily’s legs had unraveled too, and the mermaid tail slipped off like a snake skin, drifting away to sea.

  “How did you feel seeing Cloudia’s life move into another form today?” Crysanthe asked, as she helped Lily walk back to shore, making sure she was strong in her legs.

  “It was strange. I’m not quite sure what to think,” Lily replied honestly, buttoning up the top of her white lace dress. “What about you? Do you wish it didn’t happen?”

  “I don’t think like that, Lily. Wishing something to be different. We cannot change the course of life.”

  “I know,” Lily replied as an image of her mother flashed into her mind and she lowered her head, heavy with grief. She hadn’t cried for her mother in a long time, however, every now and again she would really miss her.

  She walked back closer to the water, and pulled her mind over to Crysanthe, eager to change the subject to stop any tears that may arise.

  “How does it feel to know that you are the owner of this whole ocean?” Lily waved her hand across the line of the horizon slowly, as she too took in the weight of its beauty.

  “I could ask you the same question. I am no different than you,” Crysanthe replied, looking over her shoulder into the distance.

  “But these waters are yours. You control them.”

  “I am no master, and the waters are not my possession. Join me in loving them.” She smiled, nodding to Lily with reassurance. “Be thankful that we are alive and able to witness such pure pleasure that satisfies all of our senses. We can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste. We are meant to share this together.”

  The two paused in silence as they listened to the soft waves crashing by Lily’s feet. The drumming noise of water lapping onto the crystal pebbles mirrored the sound of trees whispering in the forest behind them. And together they stared at the brightening sky against the dark-lit ocean, the simplistic contrast of dark and light. The blurred line between one shade to the other extended far beyond what the eye could see, and yet they didn't need to see it to know that it existed. They believed it to be so. It was defining infinity. And yet in the moment of staring at nothingness they were creating something so much more. Something that could only be felt by truly loving both sides equally, knowing that it relied on the other in order for itself to be able to exist. And she was grateful to be able to share that moment with Crysanthe. For it was in this tiny moment of space that she was able to see all the love that surrounded her clearly. The moment of clarity only lasted for a second, and although the same flame cannot be lit twice, a burn to the skin has the ability to scar for an eternity.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE MASTER VOLCANO

  The sound of birds singing together in harmony outside the window awoke Lily first. She nuzzled her head back into the pillow and imagined their conversation. The male called out to the female, and the female flirted back. I wonder what they are saying, she thought.

  The smell of hot ginger tea drifted through the doors, and it was then that she opened her eyes to welcome the new day. The room looked different in the morning; the entire ceiling was covered in leaves, long overhanging vines in different shapes and sizes. Nuzzling into one another, crossing over like a large canopy of giant spiderwebs. Lily felt so comfortable lying at Karisma’s house, it was as though she could have been lying in her own bedroom. She was in complete peace. The pillows and covers had cushioned her with warmth all night, cocooning her to provide a safe place for her to dream. Lily pushed the sheets off the bed and stood upright. It was only now that she realized she had been dressed in her lace nightgown for over a day.

  Karisma knocked on the door softly, waiting for Lily to invite her in. She opened the door holding a tray with hot tea and wore a dark red silk crochet dress. The dress hung low to the ground and had large pieces of twisted fringing around the waist. The gold and garnet ring still faceted on her ring finger, prominently standing alone as her only piece of jewelry.

  “How did you sleep?” she asked as she walked through, placing the tray on a wooden shelf that protruded out from the large trunk. The rawness of the wood looked as though the tree had a hand and was eager to hold it, the roots curved around like a bowl, and the tray locked easily into place.

  “Soundly,” Lily replied as she sat up. “Have you been awake long?”

>   “A few hours. I went into town to teach the children how to grow vegetables so that they never become hungry,” she said as she lifted the silk drapes, letting the morning sunlight pour through and tickle the leaves that hung like a rainforest canopy upon the ceiling.

  “You are a teacher?” Lily asked, sitting upright, eager to feel the warm sun on her face.

  “We are all teachers. I have learned from you also.” Karisma smiled as she poured the tea from a meticulously hand-crafted ceramic teapot, painted with red flowers. The steam from the cup boiled over lavishly and the aroma of sweet ginger tickled Lily’s nose.

  “What have I taught you?” Lily asked as she took the warm teacup from Karisma.

  “That you never know what or who could knock at your door. And that is why my door is always open.” Karisma pointed to the door and it creaked open to prove her point. Lily smiled at the synchrony, although something inside was tugging at Lily to understand more. How was Karisma so generous when no one else ever was to her? She didn't need to talk or act in a certain way; it was an agreement from the moment they met. How is it that someone could be so kind? she wondered, as her thoughts changed quickly, and her brow creased with confusion.

  “What is the matter Lily?” Karisma asked and blinked her eyelashes slowly as she observed Lily. Her lashes moved with such effortless ease, they reminded Lily of butterfly wings fluttering, prompting a desire for her to see another butterfly soon.

  “I am wondering why you are helping me?” Lily asked curiously, taking another sip of the ginger tea, allowing the scent to pleasure her senses once more.

  Karisma smiled with a sympathetic grin, and she shook her head lightly as to dismiss Lily’s inadequacy of accepting help.

  “I am being told inside that this is what I am meant to do, and I do not question that voice. For she is the greatest master of them all, she is me.” Karisma stood as she referred to herself, giving herself the respect and love that Lily wished to give to herself also. She picked up a silver watering can from the windowsill, and held it up to the ceiling where a small hole was visible. She twirled her finger around the inside of the hole as a small stream of water dribbled through, filling up the metal can.