Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  “I wish I could learn to listen to that voice,” Lily confessed as she strummed her finger on the shiny teacup.

  “Of course you can and I will help you.” Karisma smiled showing perfectly aligned teeth, and she proceeded to water the plants around the room. She moved gracefully, tipping the water high and low. Her skirt sashayed behind her. It twirled around as though she were a belly dancer, clinking the watering can against the pot plants creating music to sway her hips to.

  “But I have many voices inside of me. How do I know which is the right one?” Lily took a sip of her tea and sighed with confusion. She had spent a long time trying to silence the voices in her head, and here she was being told that she should listen.

  “When you love yourself, the right voice will stand forth, and you will know,” Karisma assured. “Now please, have some more tea to awaken your belly, and then let’s go outside and see what the day will bring!”

  Lily took another sip and stretched out her arms as she stood up and made the bed. Karisma helped as they folded the blankets and moved the cushions to a vacant seat by the window.

  “Thank you so much, you have been so kind, I don’t know how I can repay you.”

  “Your words alone are enough. I am very pleased to have you as my guest, so thank you for staying.”

  Karisma’s rouge cheekbones pushed high near her eyes as her smile broadened across her face. She walked to the wooden cabinet by the entry of the room and took out a piece of plain red fabric, no bigger than the size of her hand.

  “What is it?”

  “Something different to wear today, if you want?” Karisma replied easily, handing Lily the fabric.

  Lily looked puzzled. It wasn’t a dress, or a shirt, or anything to wear.

  “How do I . . . ?”

  “Think of what you want and it will be.”

  “But how do I have the ability to do something like that?”

  “Because our thoughts create our reality. You hold the potential to be the best creator that you can be. Shall we try?”

  Lily looked at Karisma’s dress and thought how nice it was with the crochet, but perhaps it was a little too womanly for her. She pictured the same dress but with longer sleeves, and a little bit shorter, more of a smock style. No sooner had she completed the image of a dress in her head but the piece of fabric in her hand fattened. It plumped up and out, changing shape quite dramatically, and when Lily opened the cloth, it was no longer a small square piece of fabric, but a beautiful lace dress. It was precisely the style that she had imaged. Except prettier!

  “Oh Karisma, this is gorgeous! But… how?”

  “This is your gift Lily. Whatever you think will come true. You cannot change other people though, so do not try to. It is up to them to want to change.”

  Lily listened to the advice as Karisma escorted Lily to an outside shower that was fenced with tall rosemary leaf bushes. Above her head, the water streamed along a bamboo branch, exploding droplets of fresh rainwater upon Lily’s skin. The birds outside sang harmoniously, as the sun warmed the land tenderly, and the sweet-smelling aroma of rosemary drifted up Lily’s nose while the water powdered down on her body gently.

  After a long cleansing shower, Lily proceeded to get dressed into her new red gown. She buttoned the back up tightly and brushed her silky brown hair. Karisma was waiting for Lily in the backyard of the giant tree, holding a basket full of berries, singing as she reached up high to pick the delectable fruit. The garden was in no way perfectly organized in rows or lines; rather it was a jungle of mix-matched fruit and vegetables overgrowing through the meadows as a continuation of the forest. Karisma stood under a mulberry tree that had stained red on the floor from where the berries fell. She wore no shoes and let the blood from the juices mark her feet where she stood.

  “Lily, will you help me gather some fruit for our breakfast?” Karisma asked as she saw Lily approach in her fresh attire.

  Lily nodded gleefully and skipped over to Karisma to help pick the berries from the tree. A rush of birds flew overhead, and Lily could feel the presence of someone else near her. It wasn’t the animals or lizards or insects watching; she knew the feeling of nature. There was someone else and she looked behind her back to see.

  “Come forth, Isabella. To what do we owe the honor of this visit?”

  Karisma spoke loudly to a beautiful young woman walking through the field behind where Lily was standing. She had a great rosy smile, with white crooked teeth shining through, and strawberry blonde hair. And her dress was a simple red cotton smock, with lots of layers like a tiered cupcake, hanging loosely over her delicate frame.

  “Good morning Karisma! I’m here to bring you some good news!” replied the sun-kissed lady as she walked closer to the girls.

  “Then let it not rest with you Isabella, please do share. And may I introduce you to my dear friend here, Lily.”

  Lily blushed at being called a friend of the beautiful empress, even though she was beginning to believe that she deserved such a title. The age gap between them seemed irrelevant—their bodies were merely an exterior that did not interfere with the mutual connection they shared; a love to teach and to be taught. Isabella pulled out a strong perfumed blood red rose from her basket as she walked closer to the girls under the mulberry tree.

  “Ah, so it is true, you have a beautiful young girl here with you.”

  “News has traveled fast?” Karisma asked interested, however with little emotion, as she did not seem surprised.

  “It is impossible to keep anything a secret here, you know that!” Isabella laughed cheerily, as the layers of her dress bounced in the wind.

  “I hope that everyone is behaving themselves with the news of Lily’s attendance in our world,” Karisma replied, and she narrowed her eyes to Isabella sternly.

  “Of course! We have all heard of such beauty and divine innocence. Please forgive me, however, I too wanted to see if it was true. And this rose, I picked it for you in the hopes that it was.”

  The rose floated in the air from Isabella’s hand to Lily’s, and she accepted the rose graciously, lifting it to her nose to smell. The sweet aroma of perfumed musk seeped through the pores of the petals, and her mind drifted away to a time when she was a little girl, playing in her old cubby house back home. She stood still for a moment, lost in thought.

  “Thank you so much,” Lily replied as she moved shyly toward the girl, curtseying down as she bowed her head.

  “Please tell us Isabella, what news do you have?” Karisma asked curiously.

  “Certainly,” Isabella replied as she walked over to Karisma and pulled out from her basket a large black crystal and handed it over.

  “The master volcano has erupted in such plentiful mass, that of which I have never witnessed before! I thought you would like to come and see it for yourself.”

  Lily felt strange when Isabella told the story of the volcano, and her immediate thoughts were to question whether the volcano and the dance of Neo were connected. She wanted to find out more but couldn’t divulge her secret relationship with the mermaids, remembering Jacques’ words of advice.

  “Oh that is splendid news Isabella! Please continue.”

  “The volcano has outstretched further than I have ever seen. It has expanded across the Detre Valley, almost reaching the Wisteria Tree! And the crystals that it has produced are a miracle from below. Here, feel the power of this piece of volcanic dust alone.”

  Isabella held up a small glass jar full of volcanic dust that had a sparkling aura around it. And inside, the dust swirled around slowly in a vortex, playfully moving together.

  “Here, Lily. Please accept this gift from me.”

  “You are most kind, Isabella,” Lily replied as she opened the palm of her hand to receive the magical dust.

  But Lily shrieked loudly as the glass touched her hand. It burnt her skin in a stabbing motion, forcing her to drop the bottle on the floor immediately, and in slow motion she watched as it smashed into tin
y pieces, the black dust dispersing into the ground below.

  “Merv ru hego yoss rad ke rot fymm li!” Karisma spoke loudly and forcefully as she pointed to Isabella, creating a golden cage around her body. Instantly, as she did, the girl transformed into a deathly-frail toad-like creature, hunched over with a balding head and popping brown boils all over her skin.

  “How dare you! I welcome you into my home, and you try to poison my guest? An innocent girl who has not caused you any harm, any pain or discomfort. Why?” Karisma yelled as she twirled the cage around with the power of her finger. Lily stood speechless, unsure of where to move, if to move, and she nursed her scalded hand.

  “Please forgive me, Your Majesty. There are whispers through the trees that this girl possesses dark magic. We have been told she is to be our leader. She brought me here herself.” The voice of the witch sounded remarkably like the voice in Lily’s head that she heard on the shores of Deia. Could she have been with her the whole time?

  “SILENCE! Tell me, who else knows about the girl?”

  “We all know. Everyone does. You know that.” The toad-like creature cackled with a rough deep voice and her eyebrows rose up toward Karisma, as though the two were in on a secret.

  Lily felt her heart beat fast. She was nervous. Very nervous. No longer did she feel like an innocent little girl wandering alone in a brand new world, but her whole universe had just been flipped dramatically and everything she once knew to be true did not seem real at all.

  “Karisma?” Lily whispered as she felt tears well up inside. But there was no voice in her mind telling her to run. She felt frozen into the ground, forced to witness and watch it play out.

  “Come here angel, do not fear,” Karisma said as she turned to Lily and gestured for her to move back inside the house.

  Lily began to walk but stopped and looked behind her shoulder at the caged beast. It was sitting hunched over, staring at the ground. As Lily gave it attention, it began to perk up, knowing it was being watched, and it squeezed its bony arms through the cracks of the gold jail, signaling for Lily to come back. Lily was hypnotized in her own footsteps and was magnetically drawn toward the cage.

  “No Lily, come with me,” Karisma pleaded, not using any magic to force her away. “Do not give it any attention, continue on your own path, and walk with me.”

  Lily felt a wire-like cord pulling her stomach back toward the cage. And when she turned to look once more, the beast had turned into the innocent Isabella—so beautiful and mysterious, holding her hand out to Lily.

  “Yes,” Lily heard the voice inside again. “Come and rescue me. Listen to my voice,” it said. “Pull the petals off the rose and sprinkle them to the ground to release the spell.”

  Lily looked to the rose in her hand, and started to pick the petals off one by one. Karisma watched her silently, not interrupting.

  When the last petal had dropped to the ground, the cage disintegrated into the air, and the beast leapt forward, charging at Lily. The fear inside of Lily bolted through her veins and she cowered down to the ground, burying her head while Karisma pointed to the beast again, freezing the animal in mid-air.

  “Go back to where you came from,” Karisma yelled, swirling the dust from the ground up around the beast and sucking it into the sky, removing it from sight.

  “Why didn’t you stop me from pulling the petals when you knew it would release the cage?”

  “Because it was your intention to do so. I am not to change you, you know that. Those were the words in our first lesson, remember? I had to let you discover the truth for yourself.”

  “Where did she come from?”

  “She comes from you, we all do.”

  The words of Karisma resonated soundly with Lily. She comes from you, we all do. They repeated themselves in her ear, swinging back and forth as they vibrated through her head. She comes from you, we all do. It chimed so loudly that it disoriented Lily; the words stretched out into long sounds, and she was unable to decipher the meaning anymore.

  Karisma had continued to talk, inattentive of Lily’s reaction. And her mouth continued to move, but the sound was delayed. And although Lily was still frozen on the words from before, the conversation waited until Lily was ready to continue, as though the words were hovering, waiting for Lily to tune in. And in fast forward motion, Karisma’s words continued to speak, even though her lips were sealed.

  “So Lily, yes it is true. Darkness exists inside us all. But do not fear this darkness inside of you, for without it, light cannot exist.”

  Her words reminded Lily of Crysanthe, of Jacques, and the horizon. And she felt dizzy, wondering if Karisma had been with her all along, listening to her thoughts. Nothing made sense, she felt faint, she needed something to eat, it had been too long.

  “Come Lily, let us go inside and share a meal and talk it through.”

  Karisma held Lily’s hand and guided her back inside. Although the turn of events made Lily question Karisma’s intentions, she could not deny that she felt safe inside the house. As Lily walked back through the door at the base of the tree, she felt content, relaxed, and happy.

  It wasn’t until now as Karisma guided Lily through the different corridors that she realized just how huge the tree house actually was. Each root of the giant tree lead to a different room. Some of the roots went on for miles. Karisma explained that they connected into many other passages, so that she could visit other folks who chose to live underground too. The girls walked uphill and downhill, crossing over and under, and eventually they arrived at the kitchen, where two glass goblet-style bowls sat on a wooden bench. The layout of the room was molded into a circular spiral with cut-out holes that supported the necessary components of a kitchen. The pantry was an open flat wall, which held different jars full of odd spices, powders, and oils. Large square blocks were carved out naturally in the wood, and here the spaces held plates, bowls and cutlery. It was like a museum that honored the display of food, enforcing the creation of eating to be inspiring. Lily sat down on the wooden chair and watched as Karisma explained the breakfast.

  “I am preparing an acai bowl for breakfast, complete with maqui berries, golden berries, goji berries, camu camu, and baobab!”

  Karisma dazzled her finger around and as she said the name of each fruit, the corresponding jar from the wall flew off and popped itself open, allowing Karisma to sprinkle a handful into the bowls.

  “Now, crumble some walnuts to feed the brain. Here, would you like?” she continued.

  Lily stared at the bowl full of strange shapes and sizes of berries and nuts that had miraculously fallen so casually into place, painting the bowl beautifully like a painting. The only item that looked familiar was the walnuts and it was only now that she realized how much they resembled the image of a brain. How funny, she thought. And although it was all very healthy in contrast to what she usually ate, had her father handed it to her she would have stuck up her nose, but here she decided to expand her palate and she thanked her host kindly.

  “I have no idea what any of that is but it sounds delicious!”

  The fresh berries burst inside of Lily’s mouth, oozing a vibrant flavor that swirled all over her taste buds. And the variety of textures in the berries and nuts that crumbled between her teeth satisfied her every craving. She was quick to eat the entire bowl, and absolutely loved every minute of it. Knowing where the fruit had come from had made the berries taste sweeter; in fact, it was one of the best breakfasts Lily had ever had. She thanked Karisma politely once more and reminded herself of how rewarding it was to try new things. She took Karisma’s bowl as well as her own and washed them gently in the basin that was full of soapy water.

  “Now sweet Lily, would you like to accompany me to the Master Volcano?” Karisma asked rhetorically, rising from her seat and walking to the door. She picked up four cloth bags that were hanging on a nail, handing Lily two, and carrying the others.

  “I would like to, although I think I am too scared to walk thr
ough the forest,” Lily replied nervously, accepting the cloth bags and following her all the same.

  “Why?” Karisma smiled as she asked, knowing perfectly well that Lily was being ridiculous.

  “Because if others know I am here wouldn’t they want to cause harm to me too?”

  Lily stood at the edge of the door, withholding herself from walking through. But Karisma just shook her head and laughed, tossing her red hair furiously in the wind.

  “Fear is only real if you think it is,” she soothed, her red hair radiating brilliantly from the sunlight. “This problem is only imaginary. Let it go. No longer breathe life into this thought.” She delivered the ends of her sentences sternly and continued to walk, knowing that Lily would follow her into the garden. She stopped just before the entrance into the dense forest, and turned back to check on Lily.

  “You are right Karisma, I apologize. Let’s go visit the Master Volcano!” Lily held the cloth bags in hand as she ran through the garden, swerving around the edible plants throughout the overgrown jungle. The herbs reached up almost to her waist, and she could smell each aroma thoroughly as she passed them by. Mint, coriander, sweet basil leaves,—the fragrances wafted alongside her all the way to the entrance of the forest where Karisma was waiting.

  “The pleasure is all mine, and you have beautiful manners Lily,” she said, and nodded, swinging the cloth bags back and forth in her left hand. “Your mother would be very proud.” She picked up a long wooden stick in her right hand, using it to lift the branches up high so that the two were able to walk under the canopy of trees.

  Lily bowed her head down to show respect for her mother. And for the first time in a long time, she felt the desire to confide in Karisma about the lack of relationship that had existed. Although, they walked through the forest in silence for several minutes before she was ready to initiate the subject.