Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  “Your Highness, this lovely little lady is here for you.” He bowed and swerved his arm as he presented Lily, who promptly curtseyed and smiled to the queen while doing so.

  The lady studied Lily up and down before showing any emotion on her face. It was an intimidating moment, and Lily’s immediate reaction was to think that the queen was doing it on purpose, trying to scare her. But then recollections of her and Jacques’ encounter came through and she decided to think loving thoughts in replacement of fear.

  “I believe you sent for me? I am Lily.” She introduced herself, smiling candidly.

  And it was an infectious smile, for the queen grinned too as she replied with extreme animation.

  “Oh darling! Well now aren’t you just the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!” She paused, smiling yet still perusing Lily’s exterior from her head to the ground. “I shall like having you beside me as my princess,” she concluded, nodding and looking over Lily’s shoulder to see if the crowd was watching.

  And it was. She grinned to herself smugly, opening her big olive eyes and fixating her magenta pink pupils onto Lily. Her eyelashes were painted with a thick green paint, and were long and tall. A butterfly could land on them, Lily thought. And just as Lily created such an idea, what should happen, but a little pale pink butterfly landed on the queen’s eyelashes!

  “Oh shoo you little witch!” Jade said while she furiously tried to push the butterfly away quickly. “Oh the horrid children are always playing jokes on me!” She squirmed once more, attempting to catch the butterfly with her bony fingers and long pointy nails.

  She was a funny sight. Long thin arms with pointy claw fingers, thin legs, and a horrid fat belly shaped like an apple. And although Jade had done nothing wrong to Lily, there was something off in the air, and it made her hesitant to get close; but then at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel strangely attracted to the queen. The idea of being a princess, surrounded with royals and riches to do as she pleased, and perhaps make changes for the greater good, sounded pleasurably inviting.

  “Your dress is really beautiful, Your Majesty,” Lily replied as she bowed down to the dress as though it were a piece of art.

  Queen Jade twirled around to show the dress off, allowing the bottom piece of fabric to fly behind her like a tail, reminding Lily of a wedding dress she had once seen.

  “Oh get up here you, no need to bow down, it’s just a dress you know.” The queen fluttered her eyelashes and waved her hand away pretending as though Lily’s admiration was unnecessary, and in the same motion, she leant forward to Lily, holding her hand up as if to whisper a secret but yelling it quite loud so that everyone around her could hear.

  “The lace is actually hand woven by the old ladies on the hill by the well to the west. They have nothing to do with their time so I thought it would be nice to give them a little project, to make the queen’s lace! And their eyesight is quite poor being old, so they use their hands to feel the weave, making their attention to detail beyond perfection! Look, look at it, look up close! Here! Here!” Jade pulled the trail of lace from under her skirt and shoved it under Lily’s nose for a closer look.

  Jade was right, the attention to detail was remarkable. Not a stitch missed, and the pattern was quite unpredictable, yet it made perfect symmetry. In between each of the lace squares was a line of beautifully embroidered soft green crystals. The crystals started off light around the top of her chest and as the dress reached to the ground, the crystals became darker, creating a dramatic impact as it swished across the floor.

  “Do the ladies create lace for anyone else here?” Lily asked, realizing that Queen Jade enjoyed talking about herself.

  “My dear, as if! They barely can keep up with my commands!” she chuckled again. “I meant to say, they are too busy. I don’t want to over-exhaust them, you know how it is.” She quickly covered up her selfish error, and finished the sentence pretending as though Lily knew what she was talking about. Lily went along with the story, noticing that the crowd was reluctant to die down and she wanted to make a good impression. Although, she did feel quite strange as she pretended to agree.

  “Of course, it would be hard work to create such a beautiful masterpiece.”

  This pleased Jades ears, and she stroked her own jeweled glove as she continued to converse with the girl.

  “You understand the quality of fabric in fashion Lily, you really are already like my own daughter. In fact, trusting that all goes well with the initiation tonight, which I do not see how it would not,” Jade winked at a neighboring lady, suggesting that perhaps the initiation would not go to plan, “I will have a special dress made for you.” She flickered her fingers with excitement. “Yes, I will have a dress and you will wear this at tomorrow’s ceremony where we may welcome you into our hearts.”

  Upon her announcement Jade snapped her fingers ferociously and a small pixie girl ran to her side. The pixie took notes hurriedly while Jade whispered in her ear and pointed to Lily, coiling her finger over certain aspects of Lily’s body. The pixie maid then rushed over to Lily, measuring her waist, hips and length, very quickly, and very awkwardly. Lily did not feel comfortable. But she didn’t want to offend the powerful empress and thanked her kindly.

  “Queen Jade you are too kind, how can I repay you?” Lily expected the same response as Karisma, well perhaps not expected, but more so desired. But instead, Jade gave her rules in return.

  “Always be a good girl and do what you are told.”

  For some reason Jade’s conditions didn’t feel quite right to Lily, but she ignored the feeling and instead she decided that she also wanted to be a good girl. She would listen and take instructions, if it meant she was able to get something in return, for example, a princess title, then she was willing to compromise her happiness.

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, Lily. You may not pass initiation.” Jade’s eyes changed dramatically, the dark olive bled into the pink pupils forcefully as she chuckled to herself and lifted her chin up slightly so she towered above. Lily could feel hatred inside Jades words.

  “What happens if I do not pass initiation, Your Majesty?” Lily looked to the ground as she asked the question, realizing that she had not bothered to question such an idea before, not until Jade bluntly suggested that perhaps she would not in fact pass.

  “Are you asking me what happened to the last girl who crossed over our shores, absorbed all our secrets within our lands and when the time came for initiation, she tried to overpower me? What happened to her? Is that what you are asking?”

  The musical dwarf ceased playing her ukulele guitar, and the patrons all zoned in on the queen’s conversation. Even the children were quiet. Jade raised her eyebrows as she replied and turned around fast, letting the skirt trail lift under the wind and thump back down. It walloped down hard on the floor, squashing a baby green frog that was jumping across the path. Jade ignored the sound of crushing bones and continued to walk, curling her finger to imply that Lily was to follow. Not only did Lily follow, but the crowd followed too, several steps behind. For it was suggested that all were to attend the announcement of what would happen to anyone who would try to overpower the queen.

  Jade stopped in front of a giant tree on her right, which towered over the garden magnificently. A proud display of outstretched arms, lush dark green leaves and beautiful soft pink flowers decorated the gigantic tree. Jade pointed her long green claw to the bottom of the trunk for Lily to focus her attention on. The trunk stood thick and large, with a hollow circle inside, yet plaited thick roots framed the outside. And within the opening, Lily could see a sad timid butterfly fairy perched on a nub of wood. It had green antenna-like legs and pale pink wings, decorated with green spots.

  She appeared unable to leave the tree. Despite the boundless air visible to the naked eye, there was something holding her in, and the butterfly fairy barely moved under a weight of undefined sadness. There was an imaginary barrier that stopped her from spreading h
er wings completely, and flying away. Something held her back.

  “Let her be a lesson to us all,” Jade said firmly to the crowd. She paused, and bent down to engage in Lily’s eyesight.

  “Lily, do you think I enjoy misery? Do you think that feeling such paaaaaain and saaadness comes easy to me?” Jade scratched the side of her neck with her dark claw nails as she pulled on her lace collar in discomfort.

  “No, Your Majesty.”

  Lily felt uncomfortable, wishing she never brought up the issue of not passing initiation. But at the same time, she felt overpoweringly drawn to the tree. She wanted to go and talk to the butterfly, to find out what she did wrong that made her not pass. She wanted to know. Perhaps just ask? She heard the voice inside her head. But she was thrown with her thoughts in this new land with these new creatures. Could she be as open as she was with Karisma? Yes.

  “Queen Jade, may I ask what it was that did not allow her to pass?”

  Jade stood up tall and lifted her head as she looked down at Lily; and she narrowed her eyes along her nose as if smelling the air.

  “No, you may not!” Jade replied assertively and laughed in a loud roar that sounded more like broken glass scratching against a cement rock. There was no kindness in her laughter.

  “But what I will tell you. The color of your stone will determine your future.”

  The color of your stone. What does that even mean? Lily thought, thinking back to her ouroboros necklace, and the crystal stones. She swallowed hard and listened to a deafening crinkle in her ears, trying to buy some time as to what to ask next.

  “Is there anything I can do in preparation?”

  “Are you telling me what you need to do?” Jade barked back aggressively.

  “No, Your Majesty,” Lily replied timidly. She was quickly learning that the land of Tehar was a lot trickier to master than Otor. And she looked down to the ground again, casually lifting her eyes up to see if any of the crowd was watching. They all still were. Although Lily could see that no one felt joy when Jade talked down to her, they appeared to be just as scared as to how to react.

  “I didn’t think so. Speak to me only after I speak to you first. That is how you will please me.”

  The words echoed in Lily’s ear. What an awful way to live life. To only speak when someone else tells you that you can do so. Is being treated this way even worth the royalty? If she were to refuse initiation now, it would be considered offensive behavior to the queen, and although she felt sad to have been subjected to these kinds of people, something inside of her kept telling her to keep moving forward. And it forced her to feel hope that perhaps one day it would all make sense. Terrified to startle the witch once more, she bowed her head in agreement.

  “That’s better. Now child, listen carefully, for I will not repeat my words. You are to go out to the woods and find something tangible to represent the following four elements—air, fire, water, and nature. No item can be duplicated. Understand?”

  The details of Jade’s requests were blunt and short. She gave no indication or suggestions as to what something tangible could be, and Lily felt doomed before she had even started. She thought of Karisma’s words, always question everything.

  “Can I have some jars please, to capture things like water, or air? Or can you suggest anything else?” Lily replied confidently, thinking her response was smart and that she had used her brain to think ahead of what she would need.

  “You want some jars to capture water or air? Oh you are ridiculous child. Absolutely not, no more questions. Oh, one more thing, you need something to symbolize transformation, so it’s five things. Now off you go, be back before sunset, or consider yourself failed!”

  Jade shooed Lily away with the same manner that she had brushed the butterflies who teased her eyelashes earlier. She was automatically dismissed. One moment she was the most important person to be alive and the next, she was swept to the bushes, to walk amongst the unknown by herself yet again.

  Lily left the party and walked through the thick heavy forest. It was full of scattered trees, just spaced out enough for the sun to burn her head above. Five things, she thought. Air, fire, water, nature and transformation—five things. She continued to explore further east and soon the nature overlapped the sky, with thicker leaves, heavier trees, more dense, dark and tropical. The rainforest had intensified. The canopy of trees was so close that their leaves crashed into one another, whispering secrets into the wind. With limitless boundaries of only the sky up above, the trees were free to grow into extraordinary shapes and sizes, some so tall that Lily couldn’t even see where they ended. As she saw the changes of the plants, she noticed the temperature change as well; no more cool and dry, there was a moist aroma of warmth and the sound of life bustling. Animals and insects buzzed loudly, dancing magic around her feet, encouraging the direction of her path. She was once again completely alone and she waited for the moment to miss her father and life back home, but she didn’t. She felt destined to be standing in that very moment, searching for an answer that might not even exist. She had accepted the situation for what it was and felt determined to succeed.

  Getting lost amongst the gardens was always one of Lily’s most favorite things to do. No matter how alone she felt, she always believed in herself to be as one with nature, where she ultimately belonged. Lily didn’t just love the pretty flowers, she loved the bees and insects that found their way into the center, she liked to calculate how much pollen that flower would have given to reproduce, and how many times a day such an event would happen. She liked to think about the process involved, how the pollen would be collected and how the flower expanded so quickly with the assistance of another. She loved how everything related to one another, helping each other evolve. She felt safe in her natural environment, supported somehow.

  She was distracted by a familiar scent of rich vanilla infused with lemon and spices. As she turned her face to catch up with the inhalation of her nose, a tree full of soft pink magnolia flowers stood before her. The magnolia was one of Lily’s favorite flowers with its distinct fragrance, and she reminisced about her old house where she was lucky enough to have her own magnolia tree in her backyard. Hypnotized by the memory of her childhood, she wandered over to the tree and then realized that she had found her first product to symbolize nature, the flower of a magnolia tree.

  The magnolia tree was strong, and the stems connecting the flowers were thick. They were so high it was too difficult to reach them on her own. But she lacked the confidence to use any form of magic to obtain one all by herself, without the help of Karisma. What if she would fail? Even though there was no one around to see, she speculated that someone could have spied on her and gone back and told Jade that perhaps she wasn’t worthy for initiation. Oh no, she couldn’t risk it. But then again, she had fulfilled every other task that she had ever tried, so why would this be any different?

  She looked up above. The flower seemed even further away than when she last looked at it.

  Have confidence! You can do it! she heard the voice inside of her sing. But something stopped her, and held her back. She was too scared; too scared of failing.

  She looked up and stared at the flower. It didn’t move; it didn’t budge. And why should it? She wasn’t doing anything different. She had the intention, the desire, but no action and she walked away, not even going to give it a try. She walked past the tree into another field to look for a flower that was on the ground, even though she felt such strong magic from the magnolias. As she walked, she hung her head low, disappointed in herself for being so weak. She picked a pink peony flower nearby, as equally beautiful of course, and it solved the mission to represent nature, but she couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret, for not giving it a go and trying.

  Nature, done. Next, air. Lily looked around again. What to do for air, she thought. And she sat down on a soft patch of dandelion flowers to think about her choices.

  Nothing, not a thing! What to do, what to do… What do
we use air for? To breathe. To fly? Who flies… birds. And how can we capture birds? No, capturing a bird is wrong. But is it, when it is a part of initiation? Could I cage one and then allow it to be released? But what if Jade hurts the bird? Would she sacrifice it?

  She battled the idea in her head. And she looked above to a beautiful green and pink parrot sitting in a branch of the tree, just singing to itself, not hurting anyone. She hadn’t thought of anything else, and it seemed so easy. But as she thought about the process involved, she could foresee the little bird screaming in pain, for being confined to a small caged space that it had never been in before. She couldn’t deny that she would be hurting another. Surely that cannot be the right thing to do if I was hurting another? And after much deliberation she simply decided that capturing the bird would be wrong and that she just needed to figure out another symbol for air.

  As the idea vanished, the bird flew away too, as though it knew the thoughts that Lily had envisioned. While the bird spread its wings to escape, a colorful feather floated down far away, too far for her to get. But it didn't matter, for she already had a feather. It was a gift from Karisma the day they went to the volcano. And a flower too, she realized. She smiled as the corners of her mouth rose up to touch her cheeks. She had been carrying both elements all along already.

  Nature—flower; air—feather. Water…

  I need to be more original than capturing water, she sighed.