Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  As soon as they were far away from the castle, Lily opened her bag and handed Silvia a box she had been saving full of the lunchtime sweets.

  “Oh m’am, no, no, I mustn’t,” she replied, turning her shoulder away as such.

  “Oh please Silvia, I want you to have them. You deserve them. I am so grateful for all that you have done for me. I want you to know how much I appreciate you,” Lily pleaded as she watched Silvia’s face lift from a stressed mope into a happy relief, and she gobbled down the coconut chia seed puddings in two swift gulps.

  “The pudding really is delicious isn’t it? I would very much love to learn how to make it,” Lily replied, eager to continue conversation with Silvia, who had warmed up slightly. It was obvious that from the way she had been treated with Jade’s emotional hot and cold temper that she was waiting for Lily to turn too. Lily wanted to show her that not everyone was that way and that she did not deserve that treatment.

  “Do you think there is something I could give to the chef as a thank-you for all their hard work?”

  Silvia nodded, “Up through the rainforest and over the mountains is the infamous Tehar’s market. We may find something there for her.”

  “A market? Oh Silvia that’s brilliant, I love markets!” Lily exclaimed as she thought back home to her favorite local market, which was full of dancing music and beautiful crafts. “How do we attain things though?” she asked, puzzled remembering that money did not exist in this land.

  “Either through gift or trade.”

  “What could I trade?”

  “Anything… anything that you think is important. It could be something entertaining, a poem, a joke, a spell, or perhaps something useful—a crystal or a flower. The harder it is to find, the more valuable it is.”

  Lily thought about the contents inside her crochet satchel. Only a few items weren’t from Sa Neo, and the others had quite strong sentimental value that she didn't want to give up. So she suggested picking some flowers along the way to which Silvia happily obliged.

  They stopped upon the first meadow they encountered, full of brightly colored shades of pink tulips. Lily collected several flowers while Silvia patted the elephant. She could overhear Silvia’s sweet voice singing to the creature while she was waiting. But Silvia stopped singing when Lily came closer.

  “Silvia, don’t stop singing, you have such a beautiful voice,” Lily exclaimed while they piled back onto the elephant.

  Silvia turned away coyly, unsure of how to accept the compliment.

  “Where is the song from? Did you learn it from the band at the castle?”

  “I don’t remember, I have just always known it.”

  “Perhaps your parents used to sing it to you when you were younger?” Lily tried again, but the wall between them was no closer to falling down, and Silvia shrugged her shoulders in response, unwilling to talk about her personal life.

  They continued along the path of crumbled green tourmaline pebble stones as little monkeys sat in the branches watching the girls go by. Lily felt like she could talk to them. There was some kind of language that they were able to communicate together. She wasn’t sure what it was, but for some reason she felt an understanding of mutual respect.

  Lily kept trying to warm Silvia up to her, and finally, about half-way through their trip, Silvia opened up. It was evident that she loved to talk, and enjoyed telling Lily all about the land that they resided on. It wasn’t until the pixie explained that she was never taught how to tedimeta, that Lily realized how lucky she was to have traveled already to two different lands, and have the warmth of love opened up to her by both Jacques and Karisma. Lily wanted to teach Silvia how to tedimeta, and introduce her to Karisma. But is it my place to change someone’s life for them? And furthermore, did Silvia want to live differently? Lily thought. Lily wanted to tell Silvia how to tedimeta, but something stopped her. She couldn’t figure out why, but as Jacques had said, don’t question it. If she is unsure about the decision, it is not the right time to make it.

  “I heard that your initiation created sparkles in the sky up above, Miss Lily? I overheard the other sorcerers talk about it. They said it was truly a magical ceremony, like no other they had ever experienced. They like you better than Jade. They think you are more intelligent and have a bigger heart.” Silvia confided in Lily timidly, and she tightened the reigns over the elephant to distract her eyes to receive praise from her compliment.

  “They said that?” Lily asked confused, not reading it as a compliment. “But our hearts are the same. I think we just differ in our thoughts. Perhaps Jade allows her thoughts to control her heart and not the other way around.”

  Lily didn’t know where the words had even come from, but they reminded her of the conversation she had with Jacques before she left him last. And she thought of how strange it was that such ideas she originally did not understand were now embedded into her mind without her consent.

  “Miss Lily, they wish for you to reign the land Tehar. Would you?” Silvia turned to Lily sternly and spoke her words as though she had an army of village folk behind her, just waiting for the answer to their prayers. And although Lily marveled in the idea of helping those in need, she, herself had her own problems to figure out. Maybe when I love myself enough I will be able to help others, she thought. But alas, she did not want to appear weak to her peers, and she pretended she was unable to rule for other reasons.

  “I am honored for you to speak such words to me; but I fear I am too young to take on such serious matters, and I have my home to go back to. I cannot leave my father.”

  “I understand,” Silvia replied, staring to her hands to avoid eye contact. “I wish I had a family,” she continued solemnly.

  “Oh but you do! Your friendship with the other pixies, can’t they be your family? And what about the animals in the forest? They need someone to talk to, to show love to. The land can be your family, no?”

  Lily allowed her arms to float up gracefully as she spoke kind words in an attempt to cushion Silvia’s pain of feeling so terribly alone. She pointed out the flora and fauna that surrounded them both, the beautiful elephant upon which they sat, and the endless wonders that breezed through the sky, dazzling around them both just waiting to be recognized.

  “You are so wise.”

  Lily chuckled at the irony. If only Silvia knew what kind of mental problems her world back home thought she had, and after awhile, she had believed them too. What was it about this land that made her think differently? She held no anxiety of tomorrow, or any regret of what had happened in the past. She just focused on the moment they were sharing right now, and trying to make the most of whatever came her way. And as of right now, she was sitting on an elephant’s back, next to a pixie fairy, traveling through a beautiful luscious forest, on her way to a wonderful market.

  The elephant grooved slowly as the girls felt every part of its body sway into the ground and push back up. They waltzed over the mountaintop as the heat from the sun burned warmth to their heads. As they rode up higher, the trees spaced out, until at the very top point of the hill, all they could see was the valley below, and down along a thin pathway, far up ahead, Lily could see a magical circle full of market stalls, performers, colored smoke, and animals all around.

  The marketplace was a great field of short green grass and shady trees upon which each little market stall was set up. The smell of freshly baked goodies and sweet perfumed oils wafted through the air, tickling the girls’ noses, and an abundance of giggling laughter from children playing, and music singing, calmed the girls’ ears.

  The market had a relaxed feeling to it. No one was yelling or pushing products on to passersby; they all were enjoying each other’s company, chatting openly if one so wished to communicate.

  Lily was drawn to a stall owned by an old lady that displayed a beautiful collection of antique silver jewelry. Buried in amongst the riches was a small cedar wooden cubed box which had a fractal pattern drawn in a black ink pen. When L
ily opened up the lid of the box, it was not empty or hollow, but pulled out like an accordion with a long piece of paper attached from one end to the other. The pages were blank.

  “Ah my dear little sweet pea. For you to have chosen this treasure of humble wood amongst all the jewels and riches on my table, I believe it belonged to you all along,”

  the old lady cooed as she shuffled closer to Lily and Silvia. She smelled of nut butter and orange marmalade sandwiches. Her hair was a rich dark green, combed back to a low ponytail, parted in the middle. She wore large hoop earrings, and a scarf tied around her neck.

  “What is this?” Lily asked inquisitively as she folded the accordion paper into the cube box once more and handed it to the old lady. The gypsy promptly rubbed the edge of the wood with her wrinkly hand and then returned it to Lily.

  “It is the magic scroll of spells,” she spoke again with her gentle voice. “Whisper into the box any question upon which you wish to seek, and allow the truth to unravel. But dearest beware, anything you so desire to create, destroy, or manipulate will be yours.”

  Lily felt slightly nervous and deemed unworthy to be gifted such a potent tool upon the land. She had already seen the strength that others around her possessed, and she too was growing great and powerful as well.

  “Why did you give me this incredible gift without anything in exchange?” Lily asked surprised.

  The old lady stepped closer to the girls, as though letting them in on a secret. She crouched down slightly, using her warm hand to lift Lily’s chin.

  “It’s because of your eyes that I trust you,” she spoke, her voice calm and soothing. “You are not one of us.”

  Lily knew she was safe yet she felt uneasy and she jolted in her body quickly. Her uniqueness was apparent, although she had spent several nights in Sa Neo. She knew the movements, wore the clothes; she thought she blended in, but it was her eyes that gave her away.

  “I did not mean to startle you, sweet pea. I intended no harm. Your eyes are pure. They compel kindness and see the truth. You will not let evil play in front of you, for your eyes are strong. They know the way of life.” The old lady spoke as her hands cupped Lily’s cheeks. “I want to help you, in any way I can,” she continued.

  Lily felt her face mold so casually in between the old lady’s hands, she didn’t want to move. The warmth from her touch and the wrinkly skin cushioned her so comfortably. Lily could feel the old lady searching her eyes for answers, and they stared at one another for several seconds.

  “Thank you so much for your gift, but I too wish to give you something in return, in exchange for not only this item, but for your kind words,” Lily replied as she softly took the old ladies hands off her cheeks.

  “Okay, well perhaps we can exchange another day, I will come and visit you. Where are you staying?”

  “I am staying with Queen Jade, in her castle.”

  The old lady tried to hide her shock but Lily could see it. Lily also felt the lady could have perhaps regretted gifting her the item, but then she remembered that all was as it should be. Lily understood perfectly well the response that was implied, and she tried her best to speak partially to define her intentions.

  “I traveled from the land of Otor, and have come to Tehar for initiation. I am still learning, please understand that.” Lily smiled as she handed over a small shell from her satchel to give in exchange for the scroll box. The old lady gasped at such a gift, and Lily did not realize the attention that the small shell would have garnered.

  “Where did this come from?” the lady asked, turning the beautiful shell over and over again in the palm of her hand.

  “Yes, Lily, where did this come from?” Silvia piped in, moving closer to the merchant seller to have a look at the treasure from the ocean.

  Lily wanted to confess all and share her knowledge of the oceanic beauty with the people of the land. To tell them about the poetry she had felt when she was floating in the ocean. How the visions of the light from the fish beneath the sea are so obscurely designed that they manage to satisfy the sense of sight with just one flash. But something stopped her, and she had to listen to herself.

  “I brought it with me from where I was born, far away from here.” Lily spoke truthfully, and thought back to the days when she collected such lovely seashells on the golden sandy beaches back home.

  “I had only seen this in my dreams, I did not know it was true!” the old lady exclaimed, staring wondrously at the shell in her hand.

  “I think everything in our dreams can be true. Perhaps I was destined to give this to you, so that you believe in it too,” Lily said lovingly, understanding just how powerful her words were.

  “I am so grateful that you crossed my path sweet pea,” the elderly lady replied as the wrinkles on her skin curved upwards with a smile.

  “And, I, you.”

  Lily thanked the stall seller and moved along. She held the small cube in her hand and looked at it again. She whispered quietly, show me what I need to know. She pulled open the lid of the box once more and looked at the pages inside. This time, they had writing. Two words: “Mia Veol.”

  From just those two words, Lily felt strange. There was an unusual sense of relaxation of having being told direction. She knew immediately that holding that box was exactly what she was meant to do, and although she was looking for something for the chef, she was unable to let this box go, and she believed it was a gift for her to keep. She told Silvia she wanted to keep looking.

  “Miss Lily, what did the box say?” Silvia asked impatiently, having overseen her whisper quietly.

  “Mia Veol.”

  Silvia’s eyes twitched with discomfort. The two words made a strong impact on the pixie fairy, and Lily could tell that she was too scared to voice what it had meant.

  “Tell me Silvia, I know you know something.”

  Silvia looked to the side, down to the ground where the grass had grown in sparse patches. She crouched down, and picked up the small green pebbles, sifting them through her fingers, contemplating her next course of action.

  “Silvia, it’s okay. What you say to me I will hold as a secret.” Lily held her hand up, showing her truce of secrecy.

  “Mia Veol is the name of the caged butterfly,” Silvia replied very seriously, unable to look Lily in the eyes.

  “You mean, Mia is the girl who passed initiation and threatened Jade?”

  The image of the beautiful butterfly inside the hollow tree was etched into Lily’s mind, along with the sadness that the butterfly held, unable to be forgotten.

  “Yes, Miss Lily. But you see, she was no threat, she was just herself.” Silvia stood up hurriedly, eager to explain.

  “So then how is it rumored that she failed?” Lily asked perplexed, although she remembered how quickly words from the tongue can change as they pass to each person.

  “No one knows for certain. They say that when she passed initiation her whole body illuminated with a bright white light around it,” Silvia confided, speaking very quietly, and looking over her shoulder to ensure no one was listening. “Her aura was so beautiful that Jade was severely jealous of such mystique. And although she did not want to destroy her beauty, in fear of karmic duties playing out, she decided to capture it for her own pleasure!”

  Lily felt a knot in her stomach from hearing such hateful actions, and the thought of spending one more night under the control of a beast such as she, sent prickly splinter shivers all over her body.

  “But, Silvia how did she get away with such an awful act? How was justice not served?” Lily replied angrily at the outcome, remembering the eyes of the sad butterfly trapped within the tree.

  “Queen Jade is hated and feared throughout the land of Tehar, I think that could be justice enough,” Silvia admitted solemnly. Lily could sense that although Silvia did not respect the queen, she still felt sad that someone could attract being hated by others.

  “Now, Silvia, you are very wise.”

  Silvia smiled at Li
ly for the compliment.

  “I think we should go and see Mia when we get back. It will be our secret, promise?” Lily asked, excited at the thought of helping the troubled butterfly.

  “I promise.”

  The girls continued to walk amongst the marketplace, Lily walking first and Silvia pattering quickly behind. The wooden market stalls were displayed in a large sphere, making an outline inside the field where children and animals played inside. Silvia ushered Lily to a large table that had pocketfuls of different spices all over. A handsome bearded middle-aged looking man wearing a felt-tipped hat and shining yellow eyes greeted them.

  “Well, hello there ladies! You have both traveled far to come here today I can tell.” The gentleman picked up a scoop of sweet cinnamon spice and put it in a bag. “Now, I know that this is what you are looking for.” The gentleman handed Lily the bag of cinnamon and smiled with wide-set teeth.

  “It is?” asked Lily, surprised at his confidence.

  “It is! This is a gift, correct? She likes to make sweets, am I wrong?” He winked his yellow eyes and smiled with freckled dimples.

  “You are correct,” Lily replied excitedly, although she wondered how the man was so in tune with her own desires.

  “Then the voices are too,” he said as he slapped on his knee and pointed up to the sky.

  Lily chuckled to herself with the irony, nothing sounded crazy to her anymore.

  “Thank you. May I give you this crystal in exchange?” Lily replied as she pulled out another obsidian crystal from her bag.