Even When It's Wrong

by Nicole Jackson

  “Hold up,” he halted me, before answering the call. “Huh?” he said to whoever was on the line. “Man, I don’t care about none of that shit. What did I tell you about having that nigga around my daughter? And for you to go somewhere and leave him with her, you out of line.”

  I scratched the back of my neck, while he argued with his baby’s mama. They went back and forth for nice bit, before he abruptly ended the call.

  Focusing on me again, he apologized. “Sorry about that.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “So,” he breathed, placing a hand on my thigh. “What happened yesterday?”

  I smiled uncomfortably. I knew that the question was coming, because we hadn’t discussed much the day before. He’d swung by the loft, picking me up immediately, but just dropped me off at his spot, claiming that he had business to handle. And now, here we were.

  I took a deep breath. “Okay. I came home, after hanging with my girl Taraj.”

  “Alright,” he nodded, urging me to continue.

  “I walk through the door, and my so-called friend got Omari’s dick down her throat.”

  “No shit?” his eyes bucked.

  “No shit,” my voice cracked. “A bitch that was smiling in my face, coming to my crib every other day was on her knees sucking him off.”

  “And what you do?”

  “I went crazy on their asses. I attacked her, and then him. He was trying to say that he didn’t know she was sucking his dick, or some dumb shit, but I wasn’t trying to hear him.”

  Flame scrunched up his face. “He didn’t know that she was sucking it? That nigga could’ve came better than that. The fuck? Is he paralyzed from the waist down?”

  “Exactly. That’s what I said. But there aint nothing he can tell me, when I seen the shit with my own two eyes.”

  “Damn,” he stressed. “So, so, now what? I mean, are you going back to him?”

  “Hell, no. I’m done. I can’t be with him, after that,” I sniveled.

  “But you are about to have his baby, though.”

  “I know that, but I can’t be with him no more. Because I would never do him how he just done me,” my lips quivered, as I fought to hold back tears.

  He wrapped his arms around me, before gently kissing my cheek. “It’s gonna be alright. I know you probably can’t see it, right now. But it will, man. And I’m here for anything you need.”

  I solemnly nodded. “Thank you.”

  “That aint even necessary. You just stay here, and get your head together.”

  “I don’t know about that, Flame. I mean, I called you in the heat of the moment, trying to get away from him. But I aint trying to invade your space. I know that you probably got your lil’ friends and everything else. So, I don’t want my bullshit to stop you from living your day to day life.”

  “Mya, chill with that bullshit. Anywhere you go, I’m sure that nigga will show up. And I know that you need to clear your head, right now. So, that’s exactly what you gonna do. How the hell can I swear that I fuck with you the long way, but don’t catch you when I see you falling? I told you that I got you.”

  “Alright, Flame,” I sighed heavily.

  “Good.” He patted me up like I was a damn baby. “You just chill here, and keep me company. We aint even gotta talk about that nigga no more.”

  I shook my head, knowing that was right up his alley.

  Omari

  “Nigga, are you crazy? Do you know how much money you just cost me?!” Melo raged. “You just missed three fucking shows in a row!”

  I sat on my couch, turning up a bottle of Cîroc, as this nigga was on the verge of giving me damn headache.

  “Man, put that shit down!” he barked, knocking the bottle out of my hand.

  “The fuck, man?!” I spat.

  “Fuck that muthafuckin’ bottle! I’m fucking talking to you about some real shit, and you sitting there getting drunk! You supposed to be about your money, and you bullshitting!”

  I scowled. “Fuck that money! I don’t give a fuck about that shit!” I pounded my chest. “My whole fucking life is over, and you talking about money. Fuck them shows, and fuck you too.”

  His chest heaved up and down, as he glared down at me. “Kinfolk, talk to me. Let me know what’s going on with you, man. Cause this aint you.”

  I dropped my head, as I stroked my waves with both hands. “She left me, man. She’s fucking gone.”

  “Who? Mya?” he asked, confusingly.

  I lifted my head. “Who else, nigga?”

  He clenched his jaw. “Nigga, tell me what the fuck happened, before me and you be in this bitch tearing it up.”

  “Her ratty ass friend happened.”

  “Who?”

  “The one that goes to school with her. You know, the slim one with the big booty.”

  “Nia or some shit like that?”

  “Nerie,” I corrected. “Yeah, her.”

  “Okay, so what did she do? She told Mya something?”

  “The hoe popped up over here. I thought she was with Mya, so I open the door for her. Then she claims that Mya told her to come over, because she was on her way home. So, me and her smoke a few blunts together. That’s when she starts throwing salt on Mya’s name, and flirting with me. I brushed her off, and then she went to the bathroom. I fuck around and fall asleep. When I wake up the hoe is sucking my dick, but before I had a chance to react Mya came busting through the door.”

  “Damn,” Melo stressed, as his jaw dropped. “And what did she do?”

  I took a deep breath. “She went off, fucking ole girl up, before going in on me. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t with it, and had been sleep, but she wasn’t trying to hear me. Then she ran off, after I tried stopping her, and the neighbors got to talking about calling the laws. Shit, that was four days ago, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

  “That shit crazy.” He flopped down on the couch next to me. “You don’t know where she’s at?”

  I shook my head. “I called everybody she knows, and went by their houses. Not even Cavalli knows where she at.”

  Melo rubbed his chin, seemingly deep in thought. “I’m saying, main. If she aint nowhere to be found, and you done checked with everybody she knows, the you gotta take other shit into consideration.”

  “Like what?” I furrowed my brows.

  “You ever thought about her running to ole boy?”

  “Ole boy?” I frowned.

  “Yeah, nigga. Come on, don’t play crazy with me. I’m talking about that nigga she was fucking with. You know. The one you pulled that pistol on at the Gucci concert.”

  I sucked my teeth. “You talking about Flame’s bitch ass. And Ion think she that crazy. She know what I’d do to her if I catch her with his ass. Especially while she pregnant with my child.”

  “Man,” Melo drawled. “Boi, you crazy. After walking in on her friend sucking your dick? Nigga, anything is fair game. Just out of spite she probably ran off to fuck with him. She feels violated, right now. And no matter what you say, she got every right to feel that way. Regardless of what you say, she knows what she saw. So, whatever she doing, you just gotta eat that. Aint no way around it.”

  I blankly stared at the wall. “Don’t tell me that shit. Cause if I see her with him, aint no telling what I’d do.”

  “Alright, nigga,” he gave me a pointed look. “Don’t be stupid. You know that I know like nobody else how it feels to watch your woman ride off with the next man. But in reality, there aint too many choices. Either throw away your whole life, and kill the nigga. Or accept it if she decides to be done with you.”

  I gritted my teeth. “Man, fuck what you talking about. She aint gon be with nobody else, period. And if I gotta take that nigga out, then that’s what it is. Cause at this point I really don’t give a fuck. It’s us, or nothing. On my life.”

  Mya

  It had been a couple of weeks since I’d left Omari, and I still felt no better. Every day was filled w
ith constant tears, and I hadn’t even begun to think about what I was going to do moving forward. I’d left with the clothes on my back, and my phone, so there wasn’t much I could do. My I.D. and bank card was in my purse, so I had no money, but that didn’t matter. Flame had been generously providing everything I needed it from food to clothing.

  Crazily, Flame lived about five minutes away from Omari, so I avoided going out in public as much as possible. Consequently, I spent most of my time locked away in his high-rise condo. He had luxurious living accommodations, so there were no complaints there, but it didn’t feel like home. It didn’t matter how much he told me to get comfortable, I just couldn’t. A huge part of me didn’t feel right, staying with a dude while pregnant for another. However, the alternative of crashing at a friend’s and Omari finding me, wasn’t appealing, either. Therefore, I remained at Flame’s crib.

  The thing was that I knew that the situation wouldn’t last for long, as it stood. By all accounts, Flame had been on his best behavior, but this was no fairytale. He had bitches hounding him left and right, while I took up space in his home. Therefore, I felt that his adoration for me would only get me so far. He’d eventually expect more, or probably want me to move around, and I was trying to prepare myself for that. But I honestly, didn’t know how.

  In a couple of weeks, I’d be welcoming a baby into the world, while nothing in my life was certain. All the baby’s stuff was with Omari, and I wasn’t in the head space to deal with him. Needless to say, I was utterly lost and confused, and tried my best to not completely shut down, and ignoring the fact that I had lingering shit that would eventually have to be addressed.

  “Mya,” Flame practically sang, as he stepped through the front door. I was thrown off, when I noticed two older Black chicks step into the door right after him.

  “What’s up?” I asked from his couch.

  He wore a pleasant smile on his face. “How you feeling? You good?”

  “Yeah, other than my back killing me, but you know how that is.”

  “Yeah? Well, I got something for you.”

  I arched a brow. “What’s that?”

  He glanced to his left and right, gesturing at the two women. “This is Mary and Katy. They’re professional masseuses, and they’ve come to give you a day of pampering. All on me.”

  My mouth dropped, as I covered it with my palm. “Flame.”

  He chuckled. “Close your mouth, man.”

  I became choked up. “But why?”

  “Cause.” He sat next to me. “I be hearing you in the room crying, and shit. I hate to see you like that. So, I decided to offer you some form of relief.”

  I smiled. “Aww, that’s so sweet, and thoughtful.”

  “I know.” He winked, standing up. “I’ma step outside, and grab their stuff out of the hallway. Then I’ll be out of yall’s hair.”

  “You leaving?” I quizzed disappointingly.

  “Yeah, just for a little while. My baby mama on some bullshit, and I gotta see what the fuck is up.”

  “Okay,” I sighed.

  “Come on, man. Don’t look like that.” He knelt, kissing my forehead. “I’ll be back, before you know it. In the meantime, Mary and Katy are gonna take care of you, and make that back feel better.”

  I nodded. “I got you.”

  He stood upright, gazing down at me. “That’s what’s up. Don’t fight me on this. I just wanna see you smile. That’s it.”

  ******

  “That’s when they smile in my face. Whole time they wanna take my place. Whole time wanna take my place. Whole time they wanna take my place. Yeah, I know you wanna take my place. I can tell that love is fake…”

  “Yeah, turn this shit up,” I voiced, as I toyed with the knob on Flame’s stereo in his drop top Porsche. “That hoe was smiling in my face.” I bobbed my head to the music.

  He shook his head. “Did you see her, while you was there?”

  “Nah, I wish,” I replied. He’d just picked me up from school, after I’d taken my finals. I hadn’t attended class at all that month, but my teachers had allowed me to do all my work at home, and I’d just aced the finals, so I would be walking across the stage. Prom had come and gone, and I’d decided to sit it out, due to the fall out between me and Omari.

  “That’s probably for the best. You bought to drop that baby. You don’t need to be fighting or nothing.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t gonna fight her. Probably spit on the hoe, or stab her, but no fighting.”

  He tittered. “Damn, you gon cut her?”

  I folded my arms underneath my breasts. “Hell, yeah.”

  “Girl, I swear you full of surprises. You don’t even seem like a fighter.”

  “Shit, that’s cause you just don’t know. I done whupped plenty of bitches back at that school.”

  He glanced my way. “You be cutting up, huh?”

  “I can.”

  “I hear you,” he claimed, as he gripped the steering wheel, while cruising down the street.

  I studied him for a second. Just a year ago, I would’ve been nervous to merely be in someone like his presence, but now I was comfortable. Still, I really was puzzled at what he saw in me. There I was, eighteen and pregnant for another nigga. My baggage was out of control, and I knew he had his choices of women, but he was kicking it tough with me. I just didn’t get it.

  “Flame,” I lowered the volume on the music. “Let me ask you this.”

  “What’s up?” he furrowed his brows.

  “Why do you like me?”

  “Man, what type of question is that?”

  “I’m saying, I really want to know. I see you ignore a million calls whenever you sit around me. Then you’re handsome as fuck, with your shit together, which means that you could be kicking it with pretty much anybody. But you chilling with me.”

  He licked his lips. “Well, honestly, you pretty as shit, and your body is out of this world…”

  “Oh, so, it’s all about looks with you? Is that it? My big booty makes your dick hard?” I interrupted.

  His head fell back with laughter. “She in her feelings. Nah, man. Chill out, girl. It aint like that. I mean, the physical is what first caught my attention, but if it was all about that, I would’ve lost interest a long time ago. I think that I liked the chase. You wasn’t easy to get at, and believe it or not, that shit is rare, nowadays. So many bopping bitches think with their pussies, and bank on me hitting it, and falling for them. But you never came at me like that. I’d take you out on little dates, and you never asked for shit beyond my time. That shit made me feel good, but in a different way than usual. It made me see you as somebody special. Like some pure, uncorrupted shit.”

  I tucked my lips into my mouth, listening to him. “You know, Flame, I’m not as innocent, as you might think. I’ve done some corrupt shit myself.”

  “What, like dealing with ya BD, after he was with ya mama first?” he inquired, shocking the shit out of me.

  I narrowed my eyes. “Who told you?”

  He smirked. “Your girl.”

  “Who?” I pressed.

  “Nerie.”

  “Wow. Are you serious?”

  He snickered. “Nah, I’m bullshitting. I never even held a conversation with her ass. But yeah, just so happen my auntie hangs out with Glenda.”

  My heart skipped a beat, hearing her messy ass name.

  “My auntie told me that you got caught fucking ole boy in your mama’s house. All the while I didn’t know that it was the nigga I always see you with, until she said his name. I was fucked up in disbelief, but then my auntie got to running her mouth. She was telling me how your mama was handling you. Sending you to school fucked up, keeping your child support checks, and even carelessly letting you get raped. She said that she used to feel sorry for you, and that she never liked your mama because of the way she treated you. That’s when I thought about the person I’d known you to be, and screwing your mama’s man didn’t seem to be something in your
character. That’s when I decided that extreme circumstances had to take place for you to be down with some shit like that. So, I aint one to judge.”

  “So, how long have you known all of this?”

  “Right after Gucci’s concert.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything before now, then?”

  He shrugged. “I really didn’t know if I was ever gonna discuss that with you. My auntie had laid some deep shit on me. Talking about rape, and shit. I know how detrimental that can be for a female, and your mama failed at protecting you, so the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel fucked up about anything. That wasn’t my place.”

  I nodded. “I hear you, and I can honestly say that no matter what happens between me and you, I’ll always consider you a friend. You’re realer than bitches I’ve known most of my life.”

  “I can accept that, but we both know that a nigga aint trying to be just your friend, girl.”

  I beamed. “I know.”

  Right then, my cell vibrated. Looking down, I saw that it was Omari calling. Every day, he called no less than ten times. Not once had I picked up, but admittedly it was comforting to know that he hadn’t given up.

  “That nigga again, huh?” Flame pried.

  “Yeah,” I sighed, as I rested my head on my fist. “Like clockwork.”

  “I guess his bitch ass is concerned about his baby.”

  “Whatever. He should’ve thought about that, before he did what he did.”

  “True, but I can’t even lie. I’d be going crazy if my BM just up and disappeared while she’s pregnant. I know that nigga is going through it.”

  “I hope so,” I spat bitterly. “Matter of fact, turn down this next street.”

  He glanced at me. “Left or right?”

  “Left.”

  “Alright,” he agreed, before making a sharp turn. “Where we going?”

  “To that bitch Nerie’s house.”

  He smashed down on the brakes. “Mya, I just told you that you’on need to get on no bullshit. You gotta think about your baby, man.”

  “Flame, you have my word. I’m not going to fight. Nobody is usually home this time of the day, anyway. I just need to do something, real quick.”