PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans

by Joseph, Fabiola;L. Ramsey, Matthew

  “I intend to, thanks Amy.”

  “That’s some bullshit. I’m not working with his crazy ass,” Tyree yelled as he followed me out of the wardrobe department.

  I looked back and Amy and Karma’s faces were priceless. Karma looked disappointed, and she looked embarrassed for him.

  We didn’t even bother to knock, we just bum rushed in Breeze’s office. He looked up with a big smile on his face.

  “Good morning Jamar. Something told me you’d be stopping by to see me today.”

  “So what, just because I didn’t know where Jasmine was, and I didn’t let you take her stuff you’re replacing me with the newbie. What the fuck Breeze?”

  “Jamar, now you know we’ve been through this before, this is my business and I call the shots. I can ensure you this decision had nothing to do with our meeting yesterday. Karma needs some more exposure, and I’m hoping you’ll work on the live feed webcams today because the monthly subscribers have dropped, and we need you to bring in new business. It’s a win-win situation for Fantasy Pictures all around.”

  I could tell by his arrogant smirk that he lied. He was trying to get in my head and piss me off for standing up to him the day before.

  “Well, fuck all that shit I’m not working with Karma. I’ll work with anyone else but him. As a matter of fact call Blaze he’ll come up here real quick.”

  “Tyree, shouldn’t you be downstairs getting dressed? I don’t even know why you’re in here right now. You’re filming the scene with Karma, or you’re fired, period, end of story.”

  “You can’t fire me I have a contract.”

  “A contract you didn’t take the time to read. It clearly stated in small print that the owners have the right to terminate your contract for any reason, at any time, and I think a performer refusing to work is a perfect reason to terminate a contract.”

  “Man, this is some BULLSHIT. That nigga tried to kill me, and now you want me to do a one on one scene with him.”

  “Oh, you know what, I did hear something about that but it slipped my mind, which sucks for you because you’re playing an escort, and Karma’s going to pull over, pick you up, and drive you to the hotel that we’re filming at today.”

  As pissed as I was, I still almost laughed out loud because Breeze had a sick sense of humor.

  “Oh, hell no, you want me to ride with him too.”

  “HELL YES. Now go get dressed. Oh, and don’t worry there shouldn’t be too many red lights on that street.”

  “You’re a fucking asshole Breeze.”

  “It takes one to know one Tyree,” Breeze said right as I thought it.

  Tyree walked out and slammed his office door so hard I thought the glass was going to break. A little part of me wanted to tell Breeze thanks for fucking with Tyree, until I quickly remembered he was messing with me too.

  “Breeze I’m going home, if you fire me you fire me. If you don’t, call me when I’m the star of the movie.”

  I turned around to walk out before he called me back.

  “Jamar, hold up, I didn’t think you had it in you. Look I really need you to work on the webcams today. If you do it, I’ll triple your pay.”

  Talk about multiple personalities. One moment he’s threatening us, and the next he’s being nice and telling me he needs me. I never could figure him out. I sucked it up because I was already there and ready. Plus, I got paid a lot of money to show off my body, jerk off for people who paid for a one on one private session, and I got to fuck a cute Dominican boy while five thousand people logged in to our site to watch.

  *****

  My week was full so I stayed busy but thankfully it went by fast, because I was ready to have some fun. Breeze wanted to show off so he was throwing Jazzy a surprise party, congratulating her on her first year in the business, which for her was a great and successful year. Breeze not only demanded that everyone from the company show face, but he arranged for everyone to be picked up. He didn’t want her to see all of our vehicles parked out front, and he wanted everyone to drink and have a good time without having to worry about getting home.

  The stretch Hummer limo picked us up at 9:00 PM as scheduled. When we were informed that a car would pick each of us up I assumed everyone would get picked up individually. I was surprised to see thirteen other faces staring at me as I entered the limo. Some people couldn’t wait for the real party to start because they were dancing in their seats as the music played, and taking shots on the ride there. When we arrived at Breeze’s mansion we were greeted by guys and girls all dressed in black and white suits smiling, and handing us tall skinny glasses of champagne. Inside was decorated really nice; he obviously hired a party planner because I know he didn’t go out of his way to set everything up. You could tell he spared no expense. There were banners, ice sculptures, fully stocked bars with bartenders mixing drinks, tables of snacks, a buffet table with servers behind each item, and a huge cake that said “Congratulations Jezebel”. The D.J. was on point playing a hot mix of music. Everyone was dressed to impressed and smiling as they enjoyed themselves. I noticed a few of the girls were standing next to the fire place looking up at the painting of Jasmine laughing, so I told DeeDee to follow me so we could hear.

  “I don’t see what the big deal is. She’s not even that pretty,” Vicky Vixen said right before all of her followers agreed.

  “He needs a bad bitch like me, not this typical boring porno hoe.”

  She was pretty but she was the complete opposite of Jasmine. She had shoulder length jet black hair, with a nicely toned tanned body, big fake breast, and both of her arms were covered with tattoos. She paused to see if the other girls were going to laugh but when they didn’t she continued with her spill.

  “I promise you by this time next year, if not sooner my painting will be hanging over this fire place, and I’ll be living here.”

  I couldn’t take it anymore, so I cleared my throat so Vicky would know DeeDee and I were behind her listening to every word she was saying. I waited for here to turn around before I spoke.

  “Bitch, you barely got your foot in the door, and you’re acting like you’re the shit. You can’t even compare yourself to Jezebel.”

  “Who the hell are you?” she asked.

  “I’m her best friend, bitch.”

  “Hold up, Jamar, I got this.” DeeDee said as she stepped in front of me.

  She got in Vicky’s face.

  “I know, you know who I am hoe, so I’d advise you to shut you’re fucking mouth.”

  “What’s your problem DeeDee? Don’t tell me your friends with that whore too.”

  DeeDee grabbed Vicky by the throat faster than I could blink. Vicky tried to pull away but DeeDee grabbed her by the hair with her other hand.

  “Let me go right now, I’m not playing DeeDee.”

  Vicky barely could speak, and all of her friends looked nervous and scared.

  “I don’t want to cause a scene, but I don’t have a problem doing so. Here’s what we’re going to do. I want to hear all of you apologize for talking about Jasmine, and then I want all of you to enjoy the rest of your night, but if I even see any of you looking at us or Jasmine sideways all of you are going to get a beat down. Got it sluts?”

  “SORRY!”

  They all said in unison as if they rehearsed it.

  We watched as they headed to the bar while one of the girls was trying to fix Vicky’s hair.

  “Did you see how scared they were?”

  “Yes, you had them shook.”

  “I really wanted to pull her hair out, the whole time I was hoping she would get smart with me, or refuse to apologize.”

  We laughed our asses off as we headed to the dance floor. I was having a good time and then sometime after ten o’clock all of the lights shut off. A few of the females screamed which I found to be hilarious only because I was tipsy.

  “EVERYONE BE QUIET. I JUST GOT WORD THAT SHE’S ABOUT TO PULL IN THE DRIVEWAY NOW.”

  After standing
there in the dark, in silence which felt like forever, Jasmine finally walked in.

  “SURPRISE!”

  She was definitely surprised and startled. I should’ve given her a heads up to expect something but I knew she’d tell Breeze to cancel whatever he had planned. He would’ve automatically assumed I told her, and I didn’t want to deal with him. Everyone stood around and watched as Breeze informed her why we were all there. She finally made eye contact with me so I smiled and motioned for her to join us. I waited to speak so her and DeeDee could clear the air since the last time we were all together.

  “Hey girl, did we scare you?”

  “Did you? I damn near pissed on myself.”

  We laughed and I gave her a hug.

  “It’s nice to see you again. Your ass has been M.I.A. lately.”

  “Don’t take it personally, you know how I do. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit, plus I’ve been rehearsing and working on Roommates.”

  “Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much.”

  “Just the drama you missed earlier,” DeeDee added.

  “What happened? What did I miss?”

  “Those hoes over there were talking reckless about you, and Vicky Vixen hasn’t even been here two months and was talking about how you don’t deserve Breeze, and that she’d be living here soon.”

  “OH, REALLY?”

  “Yeah, but don’t sweat it.”

  “DeeDee and I checked them bitches.”

  “And you know they’re scared of me. I had their scary asses apologizing and everything.”

  We laughed some more.

  “Fuck them bitches.” Jazzy said.

  “Fuck who?” Breeze asked as he walked up and joined us.

  “Nobody,” she replied.

  After he kissed and rubbed on her, he told us know he had to steal her away for a little bit. She changed into a stunning red dress with some sexy ass heels, before walking around with Breeze to acknowledge her guest. DeeDee and I were hungry so we got a plate of food and sat down to eat while we watched everyone dancing and having a good time. The rest of the night I had a blast. I was able to avoid Ebony and Tyree.

  I think all of us were just as surprised as Jasmine was when Breeze surprised her with a new car. At that moment I thought this is the kind of man I need in my life, I’m never dating a broke ass loser ever again. Later that evening when Jasmine, DeeDee, and I had some alone time she filled us in on what happened with her and Lanell. I think we were shocked that Tanya hadn’t learned her lesson and told Lanell where Jasmine moved too. She must’ve been bitter and missed living the life of luxury with Breeze. Even though it was such a good night and Jasmine’s professional life was better than ever, I knew my friend was hurting inside.

  Chapter 35

  “They wait for you to look away, to fall asleep,

  for you to underestimate them before they strike.”

  An hour had passed without notice. I must have texted Lanell back ten times before losing count. I even tried to call but he wouldn’t answer. The bartender had cut me off, saying that I had reached my limit. “Fuck him” I thought. How could he tell me what my limit was? I was in pain, I had no limit.

  “Please, just one more. I am not driving, I’ll call a cab.”

  This was my lowest. Begging the bartender for just one more drink, but it worked. I swung back my last shot and headed out of the door. I didn’t know where I was going, or if I should have been walking around in that drunken state, but I couldn’t just sit there and let my mind run wild with thoughts of him. As I walked down Hollywood Boulevard, I watched everyone go by. I wondered if some of them had come out to L.A. with big dreams that never manifested. I wondered if they were all just as broken as I had become. I wondered if they were all as lonely as I felt in that moment. After a fan asked to take a picture with me, I knew what I had to do. I had to call the only person who could make me smile, the only person who could save me from myself and not judge me.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m on Hollywood, right in from of my new poster for WET WALLS. You know…the more I look at it, the more it looks like someone different. I can’t even tell that it’s me, Jamar, I can’t see myself in that person at all.”

  I had started to cry. I knew why I was crying but in the same instance, I didn’t. It was as if looking at that poster made me realize that I had lost so much of myself. Some lost parts were good, others bad. But all in all, I had lost too much.

  “Have you been drinking, you sound drunk?”

  “Yes, I have, and I still need a fucking drink.”

  We were both silent for a second before laughing.

  “I’m on my way. Is there somewhere you can go to sit down until I get there?”

  I looked around and saw a bus stop. I told him that I would wait for him there, my hero.

  *****

  It didn’t take him long to get too me. As he pulled up to the bus stop, I could see the pity in his eyes, and I hated that it was there.

  “Don’t look at me like that Jamar, I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess, I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”

  He got out of his car and held out his hand to help me to his car. He didn’t answer me until we were both sitting in the car and buckled up.

  “It’s not pity Jazzy, just sadness. I know that you’re in pain, just wish I could make it go away. And don’t be sorry, I would drive to the moon for a true friend.”

  I said nothing, didn’t have to. I just reached over and held his hand.

  “So, where do you want to go?” he asked as he started his car. I thought about it for a minute and knew that I didn’t want to go home.

  “Vegas.”

  Jamar looked at me as if I was joking.

  “I just can’t be around him right now. Are you coming with me, we can fly first class,” I asked trying to entice him.

  “Fuck it, I’ve been planning to go out there and see you dance anyway. And when you’re not so drunk, remind me to tell you about that crazy fucker Breeze.”

  And with that, we were off to the airport. I didn’t ask what he had to tell me. I knew if it had to do with Breeze, it could wait.

  *****

  Once we landed, I called the Black Oasis and told them that I was in town. By the time we made it to the hotel, they had the penthouse suite booked and waiting.

  “Damn bitch, you living like Beyoncé. Just put in a call and BAM, shit is done,” Jamar said as I walked over to the bar and made us a drink.

  “Learn how to move your ass like I do and BAM, you’ll have this too,” I said as I moved my ass in a slow circle. I sat down beside him and handed him his drink.

  “Haven’t had enough yet?” Jamar asked as he held up his drink.

  “Shit, I’m just getting started. Now drink up, you have a long night ahead of you.”

  He didn’t ask any questions. He knew that I needed to wild-out, even if only for one night.

  We hit up as many clubs, casinos, and bars as I could find. We stayed at some for an hour, and others for less than 20 minutes. If they weren’t fun enough to distract me, I would leave within a drop of a dime. Vegas provided me with all of the access for destruction I was looking for. I had started to make a name for myself there and no place had I gone to denied me. I danced on stages, in cages, and entered any V.I.P area I wanted. Jamar and I had a ball, but by 7 in the morning, he had had enough.

  “Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go,” he demanded as he grabbed onto my arm. I was on the dance floor bumping and grinding with some random blonde. I was pissy drunk and held onto him for support.

  “I’m not ready to go yet, just one more hour?” I pleaded like a child at the park as I pulled away from him.

  “Look around Jasmine, there are only about fifty people here, it’s time to give it up, boo.”

  I looked around and he was right, but I didn’t want to stop, or slow down. I wanted to ignore the pain.

  “You go ahead; I’ll meet you in the roo
m.”

  He looked at me as if I was crazy.

  “I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”

  This time he grabbed my arm with force. I was out of control and he realized that he had to take on the father role and make me do what he said.

  “GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled. I tried to pull away from him but he had a firm grip. He turned me around and made me face him. He didn’t look like the friendly Jamar I knew and loved, no; he was serious and fed up.

  “Get a fucking grip, Jazzy. I’m trying to help and love you right now but you ain’t making this shit easy. You think that you’re the only one with problems, well you’re not? Now let’s go before I say fuck you and really leave your ass here like you’re asking me to.”

  He started to pull me out of the club and I let him. I’m sure I looked like I was being dragged out of the club by my angry parent but I didn’t give a damn. He was right about everything that he had just said. He dragged my ass the whole way down the Vegas strip. I had to hurry my steps just to keep up with him. He didn’t let go of my arm until we got to the hotel.

  Once in the suite, I sat down on the couch too embarrassed to speak. Jamar had been a really good friend to me yet here I was dragging him into my bullshit. He didn’t say much either. I just watched him disappear into the bathroom and thought about dipping out while I had a chance, just to spare him from anymore of my crap. Just as I was getting up to leave, he came back out and told me that he had drawn a bath for me. I walked to the bathroom and took off my clothes as he stood by. There was no need to even think about being naked in front of him, because he had seen everything I had to offer. I slipped into the Jacuzzi tub and tried to relax. I tried to think of anything besides my life at that point but it wasn’t working. It seemed like the more I sat in that tub, the more I had to deal with what was lacking in my life. Tears started to fall and I couldn’t stop them. Jamar climbed into the tub, with his clothes and all, and just let me cry in his arms. He didn’t try and tell me that things would be okay, nor did he give me any shit for feeling so down. He just let me cry, and I needed that.