Beautiful Goodbye

by Heather D'Agostino

  “Ok,” I smiled back. “Call me when you’re finished so I can make sure I get back here.”

  “Will do,” he nodded as he stepped back and released me from his embrace. He grabbed his keys off the counter, stuffed his wallet in his back pocket, and disappeared out the door, leaving me standing there feeling like the most terrible person in the world. I was going to do the one thing he asked me not to… find his parents.

  It took me most of the morning to find them since I didn’t know their names, but I did it. Kasey and I sat at her laptop and looked up information about Josh’s death. All I had to go on was what Ryan had told me, but it was enough. I found the obituary, and would you believe that other than his name, Ryan isn’t even mentioned? I don’t understand how parents could be so cruel. No wonder he wants nothing to do with them. Kasey thinks I’m crazy, but I’m determined to help him even if he doesn’t want to speak to me after today.

  I used their names, Maryanne and David Mitchell, to find their address, and it’s only about twenty minutes away. Kasey agreed to come with me, and now we’re on our way to see them. I don’t know if anyone will be home at this time of day. I’m assuming at least one of them has to work. They’re not that old, so I doubt they’ve retired yet.

  “This is it according to the GPS,” Kasey motioned to the screen as she turned onto a long paved drive. My eyes lifted as we slowly made our way up to the two story brick home. The driveway was lined with large trees creating a tunnel effect, and a white BMW was parked in the circle drive right in front of the house.

  “Holy shit!” I gasped when we came to a stop. Flowers were lining the steps to the front door, and the yard was meticulous. A wooden swing hung from a huge Oak tree out front. When I closed my door, a large black lab came bounding around the house. He barked before coming up to me and sniffing. “Hey boy,” I tentatively reached my hand out to pet him. I wasn’t afraid of dogs, but I was a stranger and there was no telling what he might do.

  “Duke!” a stern voice came from the direction of the house and Duke retreated almost immediately. When I lifted my head, I came face to face with Maryanne Mitchell.

  “May I help you?” she was dressed in a pair of white slacks with her brown hair neatly pulled back in a low ponytail. Her pink blouse was cinched at the waist with a gold belt, and her lips pursed together as she assessed me.

  I glanced down at my cutoffs and flipflops before clearing my throat and stepping around the car. I looked in at where Kasey was sitting and she nodded in support, helping me push forward. “I’m Rachel, Rachel McKenzie,” I swallowed, trying to bolster my confidence.

  “We’re not looking to buy anything,” she tried to brush me off as she waved her hand in dismissal.

  “Oh, I’m not selling anything,” I rushed forward but stopped at the bottom of the steps as she narrowed her eyes on me. She stared at me as if I were sullying her yard by standing in it. “I’m Ryan’s girlfriend,” I spit the words out as fast as I could. I watched her face morph right before me. She looked surprised at first, but then a blank expression slid into place.

  “Excuse me?” her tone was void of any emotion.

  “Your son, Ryan. I need to talk,” I pleaded as she held her hand up to stop me.

  “My son’s name is Josh, and he died nine years ago in a car accident. Now you need to leave,” she pointed to Kasey’s car as she turned and placed her hand on the doorknob.

  “Please, Mrs. Mitchell. He’s dying and you could save him. If you’ll just listen to me for a minute,” I begged as I rushed the rest of the way up the steps. Before I could get close enough, she slipped through the door and slammed it in my face. “Please?” I begged as I pounded on the wood. “I love him,” I cried. I waited a few seconds to see if she’d reconsider, but the door never opened.

  “Come on,” Kasey’s voice was soft as she placed her hand on my shoulder and tugged gently. “Let’s go.”

  “I can’t,” I sobbed. “She could save him, and she won’t,” I gritted my teeth as I stared at the house.

  “You don’t know that she can. It’s just a possibility,” she guided me back to the car, and I climbed in as anger took over my sadness.

  “God damn them. How dare they do this? How can a parent let their child die? I don’t understand,” I pounded my fists on the dash.

  “She’s still grieving,” Kasey sighed. “She hasn’t forgiven herself for what happened to her other son. She’s punishing the one she has left instead. Let’s get some lunch, and then decide what to do next. This isn’t over, not by a long shot,” she growled as she cranked the engine and took off down the driveway, leaving what was left of Maryanne Mitchell in the dust.

  Chapter 18

  Rachel

  It didn’t take us long to get back to Reidsville. I mean the towns are right next to each other, and as much as I’d like to go back to Ryan’s and cry, I was too mad at the moment. I couldn’t understand how his mother could act like that. She’d brushed me off like I was telling her the weather and such.

  “You need to calm down so you can think,” Kasey reached across the center console of the car and grabbed my arm to get my attention. I’d been tapping my foot and staring out the window for the last half-hour. “Let’s get some lunch,” she tipped her head toward the diner.

  “Fine,” I blew out a breath as I shoved open my door. A small pang rippled through my chest as I thought about the last time I’d eaten here. Ryan had kidnapped me, and it was kind of our first date if you want to call it that. We’d eaten in Camden most of the other times since it was near the hospital and his place.

  “We can figure this out,” Kasey murmured as she followed me inside. “There has to be another way. We just don’t know what it is yet.”

  “They’ve been looking for a match for over a year, Kase. I don’t think there are any other ways unless someone that matches dies and they’re a donor. Why do you think my dad was so adamant about donating? He knew there were people out there like Ryan that needed it.” We shuffled over to a table and sat down as a server nodded that she saw us. “I don’t want to wish ill on anyone, but I don’t see things changing anytime soon, and he’s getting worse,” I placed my elbow on the table and propped my chin on my fist.

  Kasey sat there silently, staring off in the distance when I saw her straighten unexpectedly. Her brow furrowed as she pushed at my arm, garnering my attention. I couldn’t figure out her change in demeanor until a shadow came over our table, causing me to look up. My eyes blinked a few times as I took in the man standing over me. His hair was graying over his ears, and in his short beard. His eyes looked tired, and he cleared his throat before motioning to an extra chair near us.

  “Mind if I sit?” he pulled it over and lowered himself into it as I shrugged. “For someone who had a lot to say a half-hour ago, you sure are quiet now.”

  Anger that I tampered down began rising to the surface as I debated about who this was in my head. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before turning to give him my full attention. “Can I help you?” I gritted out.

  “I came to apologize for my wife. I heard what she said to you, and while I didn’t stop her, I don’t agree with her either.” He rubbed his hand along his jaw. “I was sitting in the other room when she came inside and rushed upstairs to lock herself in Josh’s room. I’d heard the commotion outside and listened from the doorway.”

  “He needs you guys,” I sniffed. The thought of losing Ryan was so much greater than my anger toward his parents, that the sadness took over and rose to the surface. “If you could just get tested,” I started but he held up his hand to stop me.

  “I’m a match,” his father nodded. “We have the same blood type,” he swallowed as he looked away. I couldn’t place the expression. Shame, guilt maybe. “I can’t go against my wife,” he continued.

  “This is your son,” I gasped.

  “He’s the reason our other son is dead,” his voice was monotone just like Maryanne’s, and I knew I’d lo
st him at this point. Whatever little piece of compassion he’d shown me had been shut down at the mention of Josh.

  “I don’t think Josh would want this,” I begged. “He loved his brother.”

  “You don’t know anything about it!” David pointed his finger at me in warning.

  “I know that your other son hasn’t forgiven himself for what happened. I know that he’s hidden his condition from pretty much everyone because he somehow feels like he deserves it. I know that he mourns his brother constantly, and just wants forgiveness for what happened. He sees Josh in every decision he makes, Mr. Mitchell.” I was pleading at this point, but it didn’t seem to do any good. “He’s gonna die if he doesn’t get a kidney. Don’t you care?”

  “I have to go,” David stood from the table and stepped back. “I came here to apologize for my wife. I’ve done that. Good day,” he nodded quickly before turning on his heel and striding to the door. My mouth dropped open as I watched him burst out onto the sidewalk in front of the diner. He stood for moment as his shoulders rose and fell quickly. I wasn’t sure if he was breathing heavy, or crying, and I can’t say that I cared. He was willing to let his pride take over and let his son fend for himself.

  I started to stand, but Kasey stopped me. “Let him go. You’ve said your piece. You need to let him come to his own realization on what he should do. You can’t force this.”

  “He’d rather let Ryan struggled than admit that he’s wrong. What kinda sick parenting is that? Who does that?” I growled.

  “Stubborn people apparently,” she rolled her eyes just as a server bounced up to our table, officially breaking the moment.

  Ryan

  I spent most of the day at the hospital. My doctor, Dr. Leeds, came down to the dialysis unit while I was receiving my treatment. They’d put in the port, and I was lazily reading and bird watching out the window. I’d scored a primo spot for treatment today, and the sun shining through the window was proof. It helped make my circumstances a little more bearable, that is until Dr. Leeds crushed my hope… again. “No match yet,” he had said as he pulled a stool over and sat down beside me. “I’ve put you on medical leave too. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to cut back. Five days a week on dialysis is a lot on the body, and it’s taking its toll,” he pointed to the newly inserted port. “You need rest, and you’re not getting it, even with abbreviated shifts,” he argued as I tried to reason with him. I knew it was a waste of breath, and just nodded as I accepted my new reality. Thoughts of having to tell Rachel made my stomach turn. She was already afraid she was losing me, how was I going to explain that I was getting worse?

  It was evening when I finally finished at the hospital and made my way home. I stopped at the local deli to grab Rachel a sub, and a salad for myself before heading home. When I pulled up my driveway, Kasey’s car was still parked there. I knew Rachel had planned to spend time with her, but I it still surprised me. “Hey,” she waved as she came stepping out the door. “Perfect timing,” she smiled. “She doesn’t need to be alone right now.” Before I could ask what was going on, Kasey climbed in her car and took off.

  I lifted my hand in a wave as she peeled out the driveway, leaving me standing there baffled at what I’d just witnessed. Rachel had been fine when I left in the morning. We’d had an argument a few days prior, but we were past that. “Hello?” I called as I stepped through the front door.

  “In here,” she grumbled from what sounded like the kitchen. I stepped out of my shoes before going to search her out, and when I rounded the corner I found her on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor.

  “What are you doing?” I gaped as I twisted the bag our dinner was in that was dangling from my fingers.

  “What does it look like?” she snapped as her head went back to staring at the floor and her hands started moving. “I’m not hungry.”

  “OoooKay,” I chewed on my bottom lip as I watched her. I was starving, but I wasn’t sure if my eating would piss her off even more than she already was and I didn’t know what put her in the current mood in the first place.

  “You can eat if you want,” she flipped her hand in the air, motioning toward the table without even looking up at me. “I mean, I know you need to,” her voice trailed off as she continued scrubbing.

  My house was never really dirty. It was just me until recently, and I wasn’t home much until lately. The way Rachel was scrubbing you could practically eat off of any surface. I’d never seen her do this, and it was kinda freaking me out. I stood there for another minute or two before I shuffled over to the table and sat down. I placed her sub at the spot where she normally sat before opening my diabetes kit to check my sugar. After writing everything down, I opened my salad, and took a giant bite. It tasted so good I couldn’t help but groan in satisfaction. “Mmmm,” I sighed, closing my eyes.

  “Glad someone’s enjoying themselves,” Rachel muttered.

  I shook my head, placed my fork in the container, and lowered myself to the floor. “What’s going on, Rach?”

  “Nothing,” she pushed me away and continued to scrub. Her fingers were bright red like she’d been doing this a while, and her hair was falling out of the ponytail she’d pulled it back in. The little bit of makeup that she was wearing was smudged, and her eyes were red as if she’d been crying.

  “Did something happen with Kasey today? Are you hurt?” I reached for the hand holding the scrub brush and tried to still it so she’d look at me.

  “No,” she shook her head and refused to meet my eyes.

  “Can you look at me when you say that?” I prodded.

  “Why?” she sniffed as she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and lifted her eyes to meet mine.

  “Because you can’t lie to me when you’re looking me in the eye,” I tucked a stray hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. Her eyes dropped and she sniffed before they welled with tears. “Hey, what’s going on?” I pulled her into my lap and she curled into my chest, fisting my shirt before she began shaking with sobs.

  “I failed,” she cried, refusing to look at me.

  “Because you’re not a match?” I assumed this was what she was talking about. Dr. Leeds had said no match yet. I didn’t think she knew this though. Her shoulders shook harder and she burrowed farther into my chest, neither confirming or denying my assumption. “It’s gonna be ok,” I whispered into her hair as I hugged her close. “It’s gonna work out, you’ll see.” I didn’t want to tell her that things were actually getting worse. I was on medical leave with the hospital and I’m sure if she knew this, it might put her over the edge emotionally.

  “Promise,” she mumbled before lifting her head to look me in the eyes.

  “Promise,” I gave her my best attempt at a smile. “Now can we eat before you scrub all the finish off my tile? I’m kinda hungry, and I’d say the place is sparkling.”

  She wiped at her nose and eyes with the back of her hand before nodding and climbing out of my lap. As I was beginning to stand, however, a knock sounded at the door. I looked over at Rachel before furrowing my brow. Kasey had left not too long ago, but if Rachel was acting like this then, she may be back to check on her. The knock sounded again, this time more insistent, before I started moving toward the door. “Just a minute,” I called as the knocking continued.

  When I reached the door, I yanked it open intending to give the person a piece of my mind with the way they were banging on it, only to come face to face with the last person I expected… my father.

  “Hello, Son,” he shuffled his feet as he clasped his hands behind his back. “Can I come in?”

  Chapter 19

  Ryan

  “What are you doing here?” I stepped forward, effectively blocking the doorway. I hadn’t spoken to my dad in years, and I had no intention of starting now.

  He nodded and glanced away before turning back to me. “It was brought to my attention that you might need some help. I’d like to talk to you.”

  I sti
ffened before turning slightly to see Rachel standing behind me, wide-eyed. She had done whatever this was, and at the moment I wasn’t sure if I was pissed or awed by her determination. “I have nothing to say to you,” I gritted out as I turned back toward my dad.

  “Please, Son,” he stepped closer, but I didn’t back down.

  “Don’t call me that. You lost that privilege years ago,” I pointed at him in anger. My entire body was shaking with the emotions that were racing through it. I didn’t know what to make of this. I hadn’t seen or heard from either of them in almost eight years. I put up with their brush offs and blame for a year after Josh died. They treated me like a leper. I was just some person that lived in their house. They didn’t show me any emotion or even let me grieve.

  “Ry?” Rachel’s voice was quiet, tentative, as she lightly placed her palm on my shoulder.

  My father turned around as if he was giving up, and started to walk back to his car. “I shouldn’t have come,” he mumbled as he offered a sad smile.

  I closed my eyes as I sucked in a deep breath, and against my better judgement, called him back, “Wait!” He froze in place. His shoulders squared, back stiff. “Come in,” I stepped out of the way, and flung my arm out, motioning him into my house. I still wasn’t sure how he found the place unless Rachel told him that too.