A Right to Remain

by Beth Rinyu

  “With my grandkids.” She beamed. “So how have things been with you?”

  “Okay, I guess.”

  She tilted her head and gazed at me. “Are you sure?”

  “Well, I thought I was okay until last night.” I finally relented and gave her the details of my meltdown.

  “Oh, honey. It’s okay. You worked through it, and you’re moving on.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I suppose I did.” Although, I wasn’t quite sure if I would have been able to get through it if it weren’t for Quinn.

  “You did, Lacey. You’re here talking about it…so you did.”

  I gave her a warm smile.

  “Make this upcoming new year all about you.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “Then do it.”

  “Yeah, maybe I will.” I was so grateful she had come into my life. Two years of therapy hadn’t done half as much as knowing Camille for just a few weeks. “Merry Christmas, Camille.”

  “Merry Christmas, Lacey.” She reached over the table and squeezed my hand tightly.

  Chapter 19

  Quinn

  I had stopped at work to get caught up with some paperwork, and I was just about done when Jeff, one of the other detectives, stuck his head in. “Hey, what are you doing in here on a Sunday?”

  “Just needed to finish up some things.” That, and I needed to clear my head after last night. Seeing Lacey that way, so weak and vulnerable. I hated it. Then waking up with her was the best and the worst feeling. I was there to offer her comfort, but a small part of me wanted more, and that was just something I could never expect to have from her. I was destined to be her friend and that was it. I thought I was okay with it until I held her in my arms all night long with her long dark hair draped across my chest, listening to each breath she took. She was so damn beautiful inside and out. She made me feel good on the inside just by being around her, and judging by the way my body was reacting when I slipped out of her bed this morning…she made me feel good on the outside too. But I could never let her know that after everything she had been through.

  “Football game starts in an hour, man.” Jeff stared down at his watch.

  “Yeah, I’m actually headed home now to get on that.”

  “Well, I’m meeting a few people at the Shamrock to watch it. Want to come?”

  “Uh…no. I was there last night. I just want to go home and crash.”

  “Yeah, I hear ya, man. I envy you. I wish I could go home and crash. My wife has her sister staying with us for the week. The kids always have their friends over. It’s like a three-ring circus in my house.”

  I smiled. Little did he know, I envied his life. I gathered my things and stood up.

  “Happy birthday, Quinn.” One of the dispatchers stuck her head in as she walked by.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “Ah, man…today is your birthday?” Jeff asked as we left the office.

  “Yup.”

  “And you don’t want to go out drinking? Man, Quinn, you must be getting old!” he teased. “Have a good one!” he shouted as we departed.

  The ride home consisted of a phone call from my sister apologizing for what my mother had done last night. She made sure to let me know she and my dad had both laid into my mother over Sara’s surprise visit. I’m sure it didn’t do any good. My mother had it in her head that Sara and I were going to work things out, and nothing or nobody was going to get her to think otherwise. I noticed Lacey wasn’t home when I pulled in the driveway, which gave me the opportunity to check things out without freaking her out. As I stepped out of my truck I looked around her windows and front door. She was so upset last night, and even though I was one hundred percent sure it was the deer Gus had sensed outside, I wanted to put her mind at ease completely. There was nothing unusual as I scoured the area. I reached her bedroom window and bent down upon seeing the cigarette butt lying on the ground. Relief set in when I remembered the guys I had out winterizing the air conditioning unit, which was right under Lacey’s bedroom window. They had been here a few weeks ago, so that explained where the cigarette butt must have come from.

  I headed upstairs and turned on the game, plopping my ass on the couch where I planned on not moving from for the rest of the day. That was the plan, until I heard a knock on my door. Please don’t let it be my mother or worse yet, Sara. I thought to myself as I prepared to answer. I couldn’t contain my smile when I opened it and saw Lacey instead with a card, balloons, and a cake in her hand.

  “Happy birthday, Quinn.” She smiled, a welcome change from the terrified girl I saw huddled in the corner last night. I opened the door wider and let her in, taking everything from her hand and placing it on the table.

  “Thanks, Lacey. This was really nice of you.”

  “Well, you’re really nice to me, so it’s the least I could do.”

  “That’s what friends are for.”

  She stared up at me with her hypnotic eyes, looking like she had something she wanted to say. I waited patiently for her to get the words out. “That girl you saw last night curled up in fear. I don’t want to be her anymore.”

  “You don’t have to be, Lacey. It’s gonna take time, but you’re getting there.”

  She took a step closer to me and bit her bottom lip. “I want to be the old me. The one who loved laughing. The one who enjoyed life instead of dreading it. And every now and then when I’m with you, I see small traces of that girl coming to the surface. You’ve given me hope that she still exists. I can’t thank you enough for that.” She looked away briefly before focusing on me once again. “I want to move on, and I want you to help me.” The back of her hand gently swept the side of my face before standing on her tippy-toes and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. “There’s no one else in this world I trust more than you, and I promise I won’t expect anything from you.” Her eyes filled with tears.

  I pushed her hair from her face and pressed my forehead into hers. “Are you sure, Lacey?” She swallowed hard and nodded. I wanted her so badly. There was just something about her from the first time I had laid eyes on her. “I want this to happen. I really do, but I want to make sure you’re one hundred percent sure you do too.”

  “I do,” she whispered, blinking away the tears. My lips pressed against her forehead before taking her hand and leading her into my bedroom. Her hands were still in mine as we stared silently into each other’s eyes. She kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her jeans, pulling them down and stepping out of them. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips as we took a seat on the bed. Our tongues began to intertwine as we lay down together. Her entire body trembling when I lifted her T-shirt ever so slightly and traced my fingertips over her stomach. “Lacey, it’s me. I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. We can stop anytime you want.”

  She bit her bottom lip and swallowed hard. “I’m...I’m fine,” she whispered, turning on her side and lifting her arms, allowing me to remove her shirt with ease.

  My fingers moved over her back. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I whispered with my lips on her warm, soft shoulder. She quickly nodded, trying to relax her rigid form. “Hey, come here,” I gently requested. She rolled over on her back and stared up at me while I gently caressed the side of her face.

  She gently bit on her fingertip, giving me a bashful grin as I pulled my shirt over my head. I hovered over her, and she reached up and grabbed my neck, pulling me closer and kissing me harder. My lips moved down her neck, sucking in the sweet scent of her familiar perfume. We were both experiencing a first tonight. I was the first man she was allowing herself to be with after losing so much of herself to a horrific senseless act. She was the first woman whom I had been unfaithful to my wife with. But as I stared down into Lacey’s beautiful eyes, I wasn’t feeling guilt over what I was about to do. I wanted it to happen and not as a payback to Sara. It was because I truly wanted to be with Lacey. I stood up and took off my jeans and boxers before reaching in my nightstand drawer for a condom. She tur
ned her head to the side and took a deep breath when my fingertips skimmed the top of her panties, slowly pulling them down her legs until they were completely off. I traced my fingertip up her leg to the inside of her thigh, gently moving it inside of her. I studied her face to make sure she wasn’t uncomfortable with my actions, before moving on. I wanted to know she was one hundred percent okay with this. As I locked gazes with her, she nodded, aware of what my eyes were trying to convey. I ripped open the condom package and put it on, still looking for any indication this wasn’t what she wanted.

  She squeezed her eyes shut as I carefully and slowly eased myself into her, pausing to allow her to acclimate to me when she let out a loud gasp. “Do you want me to stop?”

  Her eyes sprang open. “No, don’t stop,” she whispered. My movements were slow and methodical as I searched for some type of sign from her as to what she wanted. When I saw tears forming in her eyes, I had gotten my answer. I went to pull out, and she stopped me. “No, I want to do this, and I want to do it with you. I don’t want to be scared of it anymore.” I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, continuing my motion. It didn’t take long for her to relax as she began to respond to my movements, meeting my body with hers. It felt so damn good. I hadn’t had sex in months and having this beautiful woman lying beneath me was like a dream come true, but I knew Lacey and her needs had to come first right now.

  I brushed my lips to hers. “Look at me, Lacey. Open your eyes. It’s okay. No one is ever gonna hurt you again.”

  Her eyelids slowly peeled open, and she stared up at me as if she was hanging on my every word, and as I gazed back down at her I saw a small trace of hope emitting from those beautiful eyes. I placed my hand on the top of her head, lightly stroking her hair while I continued to move in and out of her, continuing to concentrate on her reception. When she pulled me closer and began to match my movements, I knew she was finally into this and allowing some of those fears to lift. Now I needed to focus on not doing what I wanted to do too soon. I wanted Lacey to be able to get everything out of what we were sharing tonight. Her body continued to move and her nails gently dug into my back. She let out a gentle cry, and I felt her tighten up around me at the same time I gave in to what I had been holding back.

  I rolled over and pulled her closer, feeling her warm teardrops fall upon my chest. “Hey, why are you crying?” I asked while trying to catch my breath.

  “I-I don’t know. I never thought I’d be able to—” She let out a loud sob. “Thank you, Quinn. Thank you for making me see that it’s something beautiful and not something violent.”

  “You’re welcome.” I kissed her on the top of her head. “Are you happy, Lacey?”

  “I’m getting there.” Her warm, soft lips skimmed my chest.

  I pulled her closer, feeling like I could hold her in my arms forever. I hadn’t felt this good in a very long time. Today, I may have made Lacey overcome her fears, but she also helped me realize I deserved to be happy as well. And lying here with this beautiful, caring woman in my arms was the happiest I had been in a very long time.

  Chapter 20

  Lacey

  My mind wandered back to yesterday as I sat at my desk, waiting for my students to finish up their math test. Quinn was so caring and gentle. He was the perfect person to take that next step with. Even through my apprehension, I was able to find enjoyment. My heart skipped a beat, remembering how it felt to have his warm, soft hands caressing my body. The look in his eyes when we finally came together and how he held me in his arms long after, making sure I was okay. He was beyond special to me, and yesterday, he’d proven that once again. I wasn’t sure where we would take things from here. I felt a kick to my gut every time I reminded myself he was still married. He had a wife, and I had slept with him. Even though they were separated and he had started the divorce proceedings, the last thing I wanted was to feel like I was coming in between them if there was a chance they could make things work. I didn’t want him to feel like he was obligated to me in any way just because we slept together. I told him I wouldn’t expect anything from him, and I meant it, even though I was finding myself needing him more each day emotionally, and after yesterday, physically. But I would keep those feelings buried deep inside, never making him feel as if he had to make a choice.

  “Mrs. Sullivan—” I was broken from daydreaming when Billy Porter, one of my students, stood at my desk, staring at me inquisitively with his math test in hand.

  “Hey, Billy, what’s up?”

  “Nothing.” He smiled a sweet toothless grin. “I’m done.”

  “Oh…okay, great!” I smiled back.

  He started to walk back to his seat before stopping and turning his attention back to me. “Mrs. Sullivan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m glad you’re my teacher.”

  “Thanks, Billy, and I’m glad you’re my student.”

  I smiled, watching him take a seat back at his desk. Despite my little relapse the other night, every day did seem to be getting better and better.

  ***

  I finished up the day and was feeling accomplished. I was all caught up with lesson plans and grades.

  “Knock, knock,” Julia said, standing in my doorway, looking like she was on her way out.

  “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “Not much. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you today. How was your weekend?”

  “Pretty good!” I smiled as I began to pack up my papers. She came in further and took a seat at one of the student’s desk.

  “And…how was yours?” By the way she was beaming I was fairly certain she was dying to tell me.

  “Well…” She threw her head back and laughed. “I had a very handsome visitor.”

  I creased my eyebrows, clueless as to who she was talking about.

  “Adam!” she exclaimed.

  “Adam? Wh-what was he doing here?”

  “Umm…he was in the city on business, and he came by to pay me a visit.” Suddenly my great day was taking a turn for the worse. “What’s the matter, Lacey? You seem upset over it.”

  “No. I’m not upset. It’s just…I know he has a reputation with women.”

  “I know you had said that, but, Lacey, I don’t know, we seem to really click.”

  “Well, that’s good…I guess.” I wrestled to get the stack of folders in my bag.

  “Lacey, I don’t get it. I thought you’d be happy.”

  “I-I am. If you’re happy, then great!”

  “Well, he was gonna stop and see you, but it was late and he was running short on time.”

  I threw my coat over my arm, grabbed my bag, and we walked out.

  “Oh, and we saw your boyfriend.” She giggled.

  “My boyfriend?” I snapped.

  “Jeez, Lacey…chill out. Quinn.”

  “He is not my boyfriend, Julia!” I snapped again.

  “Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “He was at The Shamrock, getting drunk off his ass the other night when we were there.”

  “I highly doubt he was drunk off his ass,” I replied, knowing she was embellishing. He smelled of alcohol, but he was a far cry from inebriated.

  “Well, he was certainly throwing them back. And why are you so quick to defend him?”

  “I’m not, but that’s how rumors get started, and he’s got a job that could be affected by those rumors.” If she rolled her eyes at me one more time, I was going to smack her in the back of the head so they stayed that way.

  “Will you relax? I only said it to you! So unless you’re going to run your mouth about it, then his secret is safe. I just know he was still there putting them away when we left.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t refer to him as my boyfriend to Adam?”

  She let out an obnoxious giggle. “I said he was your friend.”

  An annoyed breath escaped me.

  “Well, he is. Isn’t he?” she asked once we reached our cars.

  “Whatever.” Now it was me rolling my
eyes.

  “Lacey, if you’re mad because Adam didn’t stop to see you, don’t be. He actually left right when we left the bar because he had to be back in the city early the next day.”

  “I’m not mad at anything, Julia. It’s been a long day and I’m tired.” I opened up my Jeep door and threw my things on the passenger seat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I forced a smile and hopped in, watching her walk off to her car.

  What the hell? I came here to start a new life, and Adam has to bring my old one back. I wasn’t bothered at all by the fact that he didn’t pay me a visit. In fact, I was glad he didn’t. I was still annoyed at him over our last conversation and the tone he used with me. I hadn’t talked to him since that day, even though he tried calling me a few times after. I knew I’d eventually have to make that call to talk to him about buying out Aaron’s part of the business. It was a call I was dreading to make and one I would save for after the holidays.

  I stopped off at the food store on my way home, deciding on tacos for dinner, feeling a little disheartened when I arrived home and didn’t see Quinn’s truck.

  Stop it Lacey! Stop it! I hated feeling like I needed to see him every day. Gus greeted me in his normal “I love you so much” manner before heading outside to relieve himself. Once he came back inside, I made sure to lock the door behind him, plugged in my Christmas tree, and got to work on my tacos.

  I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down to dinner with Gus at my feet, feeling extra lonely. I’d been having a great day until Julia dropped her news on me. Why did I even care? I warned her, and if he hurt her then that was on her. But deep down inside I knew that wasn’t the real reason. The thought of Julia finding out anything about my past made my stomach churn. It was as if Adam was reading my thoughts when I looked down at my ringing phone. I knew I couldn’t keep avoiding him, and I was fairly certain Julia had probably gotten to him already and told him about my reaction to his visit.