Love, Lies & Consequences

by Frazier, Natasha D.

  “I prepared your plate for you. What do you want to drink?” she asked.

  “Do you have any Dr. Pepper by any chance?” he asked.

  “No. I have Sprite and lemonade,” said Raegan, pushing away from the table, preparing to stand.

  “I’ll take the Sprite,” he said. “I’ll get it. You don’t have to get up. Is it in the fridge or freezer?”

  “Freezer.”

  “I figured that. I know you like your drinks slushy. Hopefully there’s some fizz left in it for me,” he said, grabbing the two liter from the freezer and walking to the table to join Raegan.

  Caleb blessed the food before they ate a few slices of pizza. During their pizza dinner, Raegan opened the discussion to talk about what just happened.

  “Caleb, we need to talk about our lack of control just moments ago,” she said, watching his facial expression.

  “You’re right, Cami. You need to know something. I am practicing celibacy, at least I was until earlier, but I’d like to continue my commitment. I know we struggled with purity in our relationship before, but I know we can do better now. We are much stronger people and should be able to control ourselves.”

  “I was celibate for two years before my involvement with Rico,” Raegan said. She explained the circumstances around her celibacy and her almost marriage to Damian. Raegan was doing well with her commitment to purity until she got involved with Rico. At first she thought she was strong enough to handle the temptation but she was proved wrong. It was much easier to remain celibate when she was not involved in a relationship.

  “I can’t believe you were almost married, Cami. I have to say that I’m glad that didn’t turn out well or else we wouldn’t be sitting here right now,” he said, reaching for her hand across the table. “We need to pray and repent for having sex and not make that kind of decision again until we make a commitment to one another before God. Can we do that?” Caleb asked. He was certain that she was going to be his wife and he had no problem with waiting for the gift that God would give him in her.

  “Sure, I don’t want something like this to get in the way of our growth in God and with one another. We need to be able to keep clear heads and hearts,” she answered. That was really what she wanted and she was glad that Caleb was on board with that.

  They repented for their sin and vowed to remain celibate. Afterwards, they continued eating and table talk. They watched a couple of movies before Caleb retired to his hotel. He couldn’t stay over because that would go against the promise they had just made. He kissed her softly on her right cheek and then raised her left hand to his lips and brushed it with a kiss before leaving.

  “Let me know when you make it to your hotel and are safely checked in,” she said, hugging him tight and resting her head against his chest.

  “No doubt,” Caleb said, walking to the Jeep rental, unlocking the door with the remote and hopping inside. He winked and waved good-bye as he pulled out of the driveway.

  Waving him off, she shut the door and leaned against it for a few minutes. Letting a long sigh flow from her lips, she closed her eyes for a while to remember everything that happened between her and Caleb that day. She always hated to be the one to call off relationships because she didn’t like being the bad guy. However, she knew she couldn’t worry about that much anymore. She was almost certain there was no future with her and Rico. Now the question became, how would she end things with Rico?

  CHAPTER 38

  ∞

  Raegan replayed the events of her weekend with Caleb over and over in her mind. There were moments at work during the week where she mindlessly performed her tasks because her mind wandered off to Caleb and then to Rico and back to Caleb again. She really had no idea what to do now. She needed to talk to someone about her feelings and the facts of each situation, but she was partly ashamed of her behavior.

  She had been doing so well with being celibate the past few years, and within the past few months, not only did she break her celibacy but she’d given herself to two guys. What was wrong with her, and what would cause her to act out like that? She was so sure that she was strong enough in her faith to be able to resist such temptations and situations. To prove that she was strong and fixed on not having sex until marriage, she stopped taking birth control pills about two years ago. She felt like there was no need for contraception if she wasn’t doing or planning on doing anything that would cause her to get pregnant.

  Both she and Kensi made a decision to become celibate around the same time. However, Kensi didn’t stop taking her birth control pills. Kensi knew that given the right or wrong circumstances, she could possibly find herself needing her pills. Not Raegan. She was certain that she was strong enough and hoped that her actions would encourage Kensi to do the same. After all, they decided they would be each other’s accountability partner when it came to premarital sex. They had countless discussions about how to keep themselves out of such situations and what they would do should they find themselves in heated circumstances.

  Raegan didn’t think about fleeing from temptation this past weekend and, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t want to get out of the situation at that time. She wanted to be with Caleb again.

  It was time that she had some serious discussions with God. She definitely needed to repent and pray. She needed much strength at this time in her life, because although she knew sex before marriage was wrong, she wanted it and she wanted it very badly. She even dreamed about it last night. She needed to talk with her accountability partner so that she could be encouraged.

  She also needed to talk with Rico. She had no idea what she would say to him about all of this, or even if she would mention Caleb at all. It was about time that she faced the reality of the situation with Rico anyway. They could not work. Since she’d opened herself up to him, she felt like she needed to at least try, but with Caleb back in the picture, she didn’t really want to. Part of her felt like she needed to work things out with Rico because she had slept with him. If she were to marry him, then maybe breaking her celibacy wouldn’t be so bad because she was having sex with her future husband, right? But what would that mean for the time she recently shared with Caleb? If she were to marry him, would the indiscretion with Caleb fix the situation with Rico? Her thoughts continued to jump all over the place as she tried to work out a solution.

  She needed to talk to Caleb as well. As much as she loved him, he needed to know she couldn’t possibly have a future with him until she settled this thing with Rico. She just hadn’t quite figured out how she would do that yet. Her phone beeped. She had a text message from Rico that said, “I need to see you today. It’s urgent. Please make time. Thanks.”

  Well that didn’t sound comforting, she thought. Anytime someone needed to see you or talk to you, it was never anything good. She replied and told him that she would meet him during her lunch break. After that exchange, she wasn’t able to be as productive as she needed to be. It was hard to focus on work after someone said something like that to her. Simple words but often loaded with some sort of bad news or disappointment.

  Raegan spent the rest of the day on conference calls and live meetings. When she wasn’t meeting with someone, she was glued to her desk trying to catch up on the work that seemed to keep piling up. She had tons of things to review, because of her transition into her new role, in addition to all of her regular duties. Even with all of that, she still needed to prepare for a presentation that she had to give later in the week.

  Rico’s message was bothering her and she hoped that she would be able to get away during lunch time to meet him, but she had to cancel and settle for grabbing something quick.

  While standing in line at the deli downstairs, the knots in her stomach immediately returned when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

  CHAPTER 39

  ∞

  Tammy sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. Her mind replayed all of the possible outcomes of the situation with Joshua ove
r and over again. She prayed that all would be well, seeing that they missed the last nine years with each other because of her selfishness.

  The doctor came over and touched Tammy’s shoulder. Her head shot up and she jumped out of her seat, anxiously waiting to hear what the doctor would say.

  “Mrs. Archer, everything is just fine,” he smiled. That comforted her because that was the first smile coming from him all evening. She then breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Thank God! Can I see him?” she asked.

  “You can see him in just a moment, but I want to discuss his condition with you. You will be the one caring for him, right?” the doctor asked, wanting to be sure that he was giving care instructions to the right person.

  “Yes,” she said.

  The doctor asked Tammy to follow him into his office. He discussed cardiomyopathy and what that meant for Joshua. He showed her brochures on the condition and told her that it is generally a manageable condition. She had no need to worry about Joshua, although he would have to take it easy for a while.

  The doctor reviewed the recovery instructions with Tammy to make sure that she understood the type of care Joshua would need. He really needed to rest and she knew he wouldn’t do that if he stayed in Boston. They would have to arrange for him to return to Texas with her when the doctor released him.

  “He is definitely going to need you.” The doctor reminded her as he stood to escort her out of his office. “I’m going to take you to see him now.”

  Relieved that all turned out well and that she would get the chance to reconcile with her husband, she happily followed the doctor to Joshua’s room.

  Running to his side, she immediately planted a kiss on his lips. She was well aware that she should no longer take her time with him for granted. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” Tammy said after she broke the kiss. She remained close as she cupped the back of his head in her hands.

  “Me too. I told you not to worry. Everything is going to be fine,” he said, rubbing his hands through her hair and caressing the side of her face.

  “While that is true, some changes will have to be made,” she said. Tammy pulled away to sit beside him on the bed. She then questioned the doctor about whether or not it was a good idea for him to fly. There was no way she was leaving him in Boston. She still needed to work, and the best thing for both of them was for him to spend some time in Texas.

  “I think that’s a great idea for his recovery. A change of scenery is always good,” the doctor stated and smiled at the two of them. He always felt a sense of satisfaction when his patients were doing well and had loved ones to care for them.

  Joshua had to stay in the hospital a couple more days for observation and was free to travel to Texas once the doctor released him.

  When the doctor finished checking on him and left the room, Joshua said, “Thank you for staying by my side.”

  Tammy was a little saddened that he would even think that she would leave him. Although they hadn’t been together, she didn’t wish him any harm. She still loved him and there was no way she would leave him at a time like this.

  “You don’t have to thank me. I’m your wife; I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said and kissed him once more.

  He raised her hand to his lips and gently kissed it. When he proposed, he had no idea that he’d be on his way to Texas. But now that they were reconciling, he didn’t care where they lived, as long as they were together.

  CHAPTER 40

  ∞

  Raegan was not expecting to see Rico at the sandwich shop since she had to cancel their meeting because of work demands. While standing in line, about to place her order for a meatball marinara sandwich, she heard someone call her name. Immediately recognizing the voice, her stomach twisted into knots and her heart beat rapidly. To her, the beating was so loud, it sounded as if drums were playing in her ears matching the rhythm of her heart.

  She slowly turned around and saw Rico walking towards her.

  “Hey Raegan, I thought that was you standing in line. How are you?” he asked, seeming a little distant she noticed. He didn’t move to embrace her in a hug or offer a kiss on the cheek as usual. He was definitely not behaving the way he normally did, and that made her even more nervous.

  “I’m doing well. I’ve just been very busy today. What are you doing so far away from your office this late in the afternoon?” She thought that it was quite odd because she had never known him to be in that area this late.

  “I was just taking a little break. I needed to get some fresh air. I was passing through to go to Starbucks when I happened to glance this way and caught a glimpse of you. Do you have a few minutes to talk?” he asked. He remained standing a few feet away from her, not once showing any ounce of affection. He figured that now was as good a time as any to put his plan into action.

  “Well, I was actually going to grab a sandwich and head back upstairs to finish a few things so that I could catch up with you after work. But I guess since we’re both here, I have a couple of minutes to spare,” she said, stepping out of line, becoming even more uneasy than before. It was a good thing that she wore flats today, because she probably would have toppled over in four-inch heels being as nervous as she was.

  “Good. Did you want to order your food first,” Rico asked her, nodding toward the short line of customers.

  “No, it can wait. I’ll be fine. What’s up?” she asked, running her hands down the side of her peplum top and skirt as if to smooth out any wrinkles. It was something she did to help ease her anxiety. He motioned for her to follow him as he walked outside of the restaurant. They walked down the hall and took a seat on a wooden bench. Raegan sat down and quietly waited for him to speak.

  Taking a deep breath, he found the words to say everything that he’d rehearsed a hundred times to himself that morning on the way to work. Coming up with hundreds of reasons why they wouldn’t work out, he settled on something that he thought would certainly be a deal breaker and would flip the tables to get her to break up with him. “Let me first start by saying that I’m sorry and I had no idea,” he said.

  Her stomach twisted in a way that she never knew it could as she held her breath. This could not be good. Okay, just breathe, she thought. You don’t know what he’s going to say, just relax and listen. “Okay,” she mustered. “Just go on.”

  “A couple of days ago, I received a phone call from an ex-girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t really a girlfriend, but someone who I used to sleep with. She said that she has been diagnosed with genital herpes and that I could be infected as well. And let me just say that I have never had any outbreaks or any signs that I could possibly be infected.”

  Oh no! she thought. What in the world is happening? How could this be happening to me? Oh, Lord, what about Caleb. I just had sex with him. For a few seconds, she didn’t hear anything else he was saying. What about my future? This is going to ruin me! Okay, breathe. Go get tested, Raegan.

  “Are you serious?” she asked, hoping that he would tell her that it was all a lie and that he just wanted to break up with her. “Please tell me this isn’t true. How long have you known about this?” Her breathing became labored as she started getting angry.

  “Yes, Raegan, I’m serious and I just told you that I found out a few days ago,” Rico said calmly as he continued with his manufactured story.

  “Why would you wait to tell me? Don’t you think you should have mentioned this to me as soon as it was mentioned to you?” She asked, becoming furious.

  “I wanted to get tested first.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “What were the results?” She asked. She couldn’t believe him. If she weren’t near her workplace, she would have slapped him.

  “They were negative, but you still should get tested,” he advised calmly.

  “Don’t worry. I will,” she said, her voice hard and eyes cold.

  “You’re actually taking this a lot better than I thought you would. I
figured you would be trying to kill me when I told you that,” He said. He sat hunched over on the bench with his head low, no longer looking at her.

  “Are you sure that this was some old fling and not someone you recently had sex with?” she asked through clenched teeth, wondering if he had been unfaithful to her just as she had been unfaithful to him.

  “Are you trying to say that I’m cheating on you?” he asked incredulously. He was getting too caught up in the moment. He wasn’t cheating on her; he was cheating on his wife with her, but she didn’t need to know that.

  “You are so ridiculous. Don’t try to turn this thing around on me when you’re sitting beside me, practically telling me that you may have given me an incurable disease! Bye Rico! Please don’t worry about trying to call me again,” she spat as she stood up to walk away.

  “Raegan, wait. I’m not done,” he said grabbing her arm.

  “Oh yes, you are!” she said as she snatched her arm away from him, trying not to cause a scene. People were already starting to stare.

  “Raegan, we should cool things down a bit, don’t you think? All of this just has me thinking about how I can’t be the man you need me to be.”

  “That’s the best thing that came out of your ungrateful mouth this afternoon. Good-bye!” she said, walking away without giving him a second glance. “Bastard!” She said under her breath as she stormed away.

  Her previous nervousness had now turned into bitterness. She was bitter, angry and feeling pretty malicious. She really wanted to hurt him, but now she had to think about herself and explain this foolishness to Caleb. Her anger immediately changed to guilt. It was her fault. She seduced Caleb, and now look at the price that they both potentially would have to pay. This entire situation just seemed to keep getting worse and worse. There was no way that she could stay at work now; she had to get to the doctor’s office. It was only 2 p.m. so hopefully her doctor had an opening. She walked as quickly as possible back to the elevator bank. On the way, she pulled out her cell to call the doctor’s office.