Shaved Ape Key

by Jerry Boyd

  “Yes, Caveman. How did you figure all this out so fast?” I replied, “I didn’t. When I realized that boo-boo means more or less the same thing in Galactic that it does in English, it started to come together for me. I thought about the fact that your Mother didn’t show up for the wedding, and the fact your old boyfriend had the same nickname. I’ve just been waiting for things to slow down to ask you about it.” Nikki asked, “So you’re not upset about it?” I said, “I would rather you trusted me enough to tell me, but I figured you must have a good reason to keep it from me. You think your Mom and I are going to butt heads over Jimmis, don’t you?” Nikki answered, “She was livid that I married you. Said awful things about you being a primitive, not fit to be with me. I just didn’t see how we could resolve the situation peaceably.” I said, “That’s understandable. I’d like to meet him, but if it’s going to cause that much trouble, it’s probably better if I don’t. He has a stable home life, there’s no need to mess that up just to make me happy.” John spoke up. “You don’t want to meet your stepson?”

  I replied, “I want my stepson to grow up happy. If that means I don’t get to meet him, I can deal with that.”

  Jane said, “Bob Wilson, you never cease to amaze me. How did you get so grown up?”

  I replied, “Since my Dad died, Mom has introduced me to a few of her boyfriends. I spent a night in jail over one of them.”

  Steve asked, “How did you get out of that one, Boss?”

  I replied, “What Jack told me, when he let me out the next morning, is that Mom had told the guy, in front of God and everybody, ‘If you don’t drop them charges right now, you can forget about getting any more of this.’ I don’t know, but that’s what Jack said. Didn’t much matter, he was on down the road inside of six months.”

  Nikki asked, “You don’t want Jimmis to feel about you, the way you felt about that guy?”

  I said, “Yes, Ma’am.”

  I was saved from any more deep emotional conversation by Will and Fred. They walked up, and Will said, “Bob, those pilgrims of yours think they would like to settle on the island, but they don’t know what they’re going to do about housing.”

  I asked, “How particular are they?”

  Fred said, “They seemed to think cabins like the locals have would be fine.”

  John said, “Wait till they have to go to the outhouse in the winter. They’ll be crying for indoor facilities.”

  Will said, “That’s a problem for another day. Any idea how we’re going to get them some cabins put up?”

  I said, “I think we can do better than cabins. Hang on a second.” I got out my comm and called Andre. “Yes, Boss?”

  I replied, “Did you guys finish up Walking Bear’s house?”

  “Yes, Sir. We did. He said we probably shouldn’t start anything else this late in the evening.”

  I said, “That sounds reasonable. How would you feel about putting up a whole village from scratch?”

  Andre said, “Sounds like fun, actually. What kind of construction do you have in mind, Boss?”

  “I was thinking epoxy granite slabs, with a cabin on top.”

  Andre replied, “We could do that, Boss, but it would be quicker just to build the whole thing with epoxy, if you have enough machines.”

  I said, “Even better. Can you home on my comm, and come talk to Will and Fred about what they want done?”

  He said, “On my way, Boss.”, just before the line went dead.

  I commed Scotti, “Yes, Boss?”

  “How many epoxy granite machines do we have available?”

  “Six in stock, Boss. We have enough printers setting idle I could run off a dozen or so pretty quick, if you need.”

  I answered, “Go ahead and do that. Andre and Abe are going to build a village from scratch down here. I’ll have them get with you on where to drop the equipment.”

  Scotti said, “I’ll get those parts going, and case up the six we have ready for a drop. Talk to you later, Boss.”

  “Later, Scotti.”

  Fred asked, “What was all that, Bob?”

  I said, “The Marines like to build things. It’s getting to be night here, so nobody wants them making noise. We can fly them out, and they can put your village up while this one sleeps.”

  Andre came trotting up. “Boss, no need for you to fly us out. I found a bot pilot who can take care of us. Is it alright if we use the Evans to move our people?”

  I said, “Makes sense, nothing else here is big enough to get you all there in one load. Can your pilot bring her back when you’re all delivered?”

  “That’s the way I had it figured, Boss. No telling when you’re going to need a quick ride back to the Gene. Murphy is our shepherd.”

  I replied, “Get the details from Will and Fred, here, and I’ll see you later. Are you taking Abe with you?”

  Andre said, “He’s staying to keep the guards on their toes.”

  “Good enough. Fly safe.”

  “You too, Boss, you too.”

  Will and Fred wound up riding out to the island with the Marines, to show them how they wanted the settlement laid out. A small freighter landed, and Diego and Bill got out. They saw us and headed over. I said, “I wondered where you two had gotten to.”

  Diego said, “Sally wanted us to run through some simulation time before she turned us loose with a ship. She asked us to ask you to return to the ship to sleep.”

  “Any idea why?”

  Bill said, “She seems to think you are important to the continued smooth running of the ship and doesn’t want to take the risk of you sleeping on the planet.”

  I replied, “If it’s that important to Sally, it must be something I should do. Can I take the ship you came down in?”

  Diego said, “Yes, Boss. We’re staying down here tonight.”

  I replied, “See you tomorrow, then.” Nikki asked, “You mind if I come along?”

  I said, “I’d mind a great deal if you didn’t. I’m not mad, I just need some time to get my head around it.”

  She said, “Thanks, Caveman. I was so worried.”

  I replied, “I noticed you were a little off your game, but I thought it was just the pregnancy.”

  Steve spoke up. “You mind if we tag along? I’d rather have Marcelle cooped up at night. No telling what kind of orneriness he would get into running loose down here.”

  Nikki said, “Sure, there’s plenty of room in the ship. Anybody else heading back?” She got no takers. I whistled up Snitz, and Marcelle followed him in. Steve and Bucky loaded up, and Nikki flew us back to the Gene. As soon as I stepped off our ship onto the deck of the Gene, I said, “Gene, could you please inform Sally that I am aboard?”

  Gene said, “Yes, Captain.” Steve picked up Marcelle, and they headed off to their cabin. Nikki and I took Snitz by his grass box and headed for our cabin. Once we were inside, Nikki said, “Tile the lodge, Gene, yourself included, this needs to be between me and the Captain.”

  Gene said, “Understood.” She turned to me and said, “I messed up. Jane told me the day of the wedding I should tell you the first chance I got. I kept putting it off. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I replied, “I told you once I’m not mad. A little disappointed, maybe, but not mad. We have a good thing going, and you didn’t want to screw it up. Believe me, I understand that.”

  “Thank you. I shouldn’t have been afraid, that was just silly. I know you love kids. Could I ask you to do something for me?”

  I said, “Always. What do you need?”

  “Could you record a message for Jimmis? I don’t think putting the two of you on a call first thing would be the best idea.”

  I replied, “Mother knows best. Whatever you think. Is he a Brangum, like his Dad, or a Slongum?”

  “Billus had the decency to acknowledge him, he’s a Brangum. Why do you ask?”

  I said, “I’m thinking this is a formal communication. It wouldn’t do to use less than his full name. I need
him to understand that I respect him.”

  She set me up in front of her comm. I started in. “Jimmis Brangum, I know you don’t know me. My name is Bob Wilson. I’m the man who married your Mother. You’ve probably heard a lot about me. I can’t tell you if it’s true or not, since I don’t know what you’ve been told. One thing I do know to be true, is that I will do all I can, for as long as I am able, to take care of your Mother. You probably know by now that your Mother is pregnant, with twins, a boy and a girl. I would appreciate it, if you would get to know your half-siblings and think of them as family. I don’t expect the same for myself. I was, after all, on the team that brought in your Dad. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t hold a grudge for that. Thank you for listening, and I hope you will consider what I’ve said.”

  Nikki shut down the recording. She said, “I don’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t it. You talked to him like he was grown.”

  I said, “Talking down to him was just going to convince him I was as bad as he already thought I was. Maybe this way, he’ll have to think about what I said.”

  “I hope you’re right. I can’t send it. Gene’s got the room locked down too tight.”

  I got up and walked out into the hallway. I said, “Gene, release privacy on our cabin, please.”

  He said, “Privacy released, Boss. Do you need somewhere else to sleep?”

  “Not tonight, Gene. After I cook chili for the Starfoot, probably. Goodnight.”

  Gene replied, “Night, Boss.”

  I went back in, and I must have gotten rusty, because a great deal of practice was required. Morning came soon enough, with the familiar ear lick. What wasn’t so familiar was Marcelle looking me right in the eye from three or four inches away. It took me a second to realize what I was seeing, and then longer to figure out how to get my arms out from under the covers to put him on the floor. I rolled out of bed, before he could jump back up. I took care of what I needed to do and slipped out without waking Nikki. I went with Snitz to his grass box, and then we went to the galley for some breakfast. Veronica greeted me as I sat down. She must have been hitting the culture pack, because she said, “Good morning, Captain. Hello, how do you do?”

  I replied, “I’m doing well. How are you Veronica?”

  “I’m fine, Captain. Trying to keep busy.”

  I replied, “Don’t like waiting, do you?”

  Veronica said, “No, it’s too much like the old days. We waited around for years, with nothing to do. They could have at least shut us down till they needed us. Bringing us out of a dormant state would have only taken an hour or so, but they were all sure they were going to find an imminent alien threat any time, and that hour delay would mean the end of the human race.”

  I asked, “What was your job, back in those days?”

  She replied, “Scout pilot, Pathfinder, I did just about anything that was out on the bleeding edge. Why do you ask?”

  “I thought maybe we could find you some work you liked better. I do try to keep my people happy.”

  Veronica said, “What kind of work would you have for a scout pilot?”

  I replied, “We’ve got a couple of geeks working on an algorithm to find lost colonies. Somebody is going to have to go check the answers they get. The last colony they went to didn’t agree with them.” I hadn’t noticed Mingus and Rangolus sitting in the corner when I came in. Mingus, said, “Geeks, Sir?”

  Veronica saved me by saying, “Yes, geeks. Bookish types best left to their natural habitat of laboratories and libraries. Very useful individuals, so long as they are not asked to do practical tasks.”

  Rangolus said, “That’s an accurate description of us, Mingus.”

  Mingus said, “Yes, it is. Sorry, Sir.”

  I said, “No offense intended, fellas. But I do think that the last planet proved that sending you two down to a primitive planet is not the best use of your time.”

  Mingus said, “I wouldn’t mind if we never had to do that again. I still have nightmares.”

  I asked, “Have you been to Medical? Most of the staff down there has had experience with traumatic memories, they might be able to get you started on getting a handle on what you experienced down there.”

  Rangolus said, “It’s not really a medical issue, is it?”

  I replied, “If you have nightmares, you wind up short of sleep. That will make you more susceptible to nearly any disease, not to mention making you more prone to stupid accidents. It may fall under prevention, rather than repair, but it certainly is a medical issue. Besides, you’ll do better work if you get good rest, and being a hard-nosed Boss and all, I’m only interested in your work product.”

  Veronica said, “You’ll have to peddle that line of crap somewhere else, Captain. Nobody here is going to believe it.”

  “You mean I don’t have a reputation as a ruthless Captain?”

  Ruth poked her head out of the kitchen. “No, Boss, I’m still here. Did you think I left?” Rangolus had to explain that one to Mingus, but they got a giggle out of it, all the same. Steve and Bucky wandered in, Steve asked, “Have you seen my cat this morning? Can’t find him anywhere.”

  I replied, “Yes, I have, as a matter of fact. He helped Snitz wake me up this morning. Waking up eye-to-eye with a cat was a new experience for me.” Veronica brought out some breakfast, and we dug in. I was just finishing up, when my comm rang. Diego said, “Walking Bear just brought in a couple of nice deer, Boss. What should we do with them?”

  “Get Fred or one the Millers to help you field dress them and skin them. I’m sure you can find one of the local ladies who will take the hide and brains off your hands. I’ll be down in a few minutes, and we’ll start working them up for chili.”

  “So, you’re jumping Knocks Hard into the Brothers of the Wind tonight?”

  I said, “Might as well get it over with. Nikki is going to give me grief until I do.”

  Diego asked, “Where are you sleeping tonight?”

  “Launch bay four, if Nikki gets a say.”

  Diego asked, “One of the colony folks asked me this morning if I knew anything about when they would be able to move to their new village. I didn’t know what to tell them. Can you bring me up to speed, Boss?”

  I replied, “Nope. I sent out Andre and his crew last night, but I haven’t talked to him this morning yet. I wouldn’t think it would take them too long to get the place put together, but I’m just guessing. I’ll talk to him and have you an answer by the time I get down there. Best I can do.”

  Diego said, “That’s plenty good enough, Boss. I should have asked Sally. She could have put me in touch with Andre.”

  “Don’t worry about it. At least, this way I get to feel useful.”

  “See you in a bit, Boss.”

  “See you, Diego.”

  I hung up and commed Andre. “Morning, Boss. What can I do for you?”

  “Probably quite a bit, if past performance is any indication. How’s that village coming?”

  Andre said, “Good, now that Scotti sent down those extra epoxy machines. The first couple of hours were slow, with just the first six.”

  “Any idea when we can move them in?”

  “This stuff outgasses for about eight hours once it’s poured. If they want to avoid the stink, I’d say tomorrow morning at the earliest.”

  I asked, “So, you plan to be done with the work about sundown, and then the houses need to air out?”

  “That’s what we’re figuring. They could probably move in tonight, we’re almost finished with the dwellings, but tomorrow would be better.”

  I asked, “What are you building besides dwellings?”

  “Water tower, wellhouse, we planned to run a good fence around the place to keep the wildlife out, just extras like that.”

  I asked, “You’re giving them indoor plumbing? What are you doing for a sewer?”

  Andre said, “We put in septic tanks and lateral fields. The houses are too far apart for a municipal system.�
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  “Let me get this straight. You’ve got the houses spread out too much for a municipal sewer, but you’re running a fence around the whole place?”

  Andre replied, “We’ve got eighteen machines spitting out blocks, Boss. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

  I said, “You know I’m going to have to go by the bridge now and get the aerial view of what you’re doing, don’t you?”

  “Suit yourself, Boss. This is a colony layout they left in our memory from way back.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine. You guys do good work. I just want to see it for myself. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye, Boss.”

  I hit the transit, and Snitz came with me. When we entered the bridge, Sally sang out, “Captain on the bridge!” I replied, “As you were.” Sally asked, “What can I do for you, Boss?”

  I replied, “I need some kitchen help, but I doubt there’s any way you would agree to both of us being off the ship at the same time.”

  Sally said, “Not yet. We’re still figuring out how the ship needs to run. Once the crew is settled in better, maybe.”

  “Well, then, could I talk you out of a view of the village Andre and his crew are building?”

  Sally said, “That I can do. Why don’t you get Ruth on your way off the ship? She’s good in the kitchen.”

  I replied, “You don’t need her at the helm?”

  “I’m training some of the small ship pilots to fly the Gene. If things get dicey, I can always page Veronica. She’s almost as good as Ruth.”

  I sat in one of the extra chairs and got a good look at Andre’s work. The layout he had chosen made a lot of sense. Each house had plenty of ground for a garden, a chicken coop, maybe even a goat pen. It looked like a nice place to live. I said, “Thanks, Sally. I’m assuming you want me back onboard to sleep tonight?”