All That We Are

by Melissa Toppen

  “Well holy hell, look at what the cat dragged in.” Chris’s voice pulls me from my haze and I look next to the sexy stranger to see my older brother looking at me with a wide crooked smile.

  Out of all my siblings I’ve always been the closest to Chris. Probably because we are only two years apart and unlike the rest of my family, Chris shares my sense of adventure; something that got us into more trouble than I care to admit growing up.

  “There’s my girl,” my mother says, abandoning the pan on the stove as she crosses toward me.

  Within seconds, I’m in her arms and the familiar smell of lavender and honey fills my senses. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I squeeze her back, having not realized until this moment just how much I had missed her.

  “Dad told me what happened,” she whispers into my ear as to not be overheard. “I’m glad you came home.” She steps back, giving me a warm smile.

  While all of my brothers favor my dad, tall and lean with darker hair and features, I am the spitting image of my mother. Short and slender with light blonde hair and green eyes.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I offer her a forced smile, wishing I was as happy to be here as she seems to be having me here.

  “Let me make you a plate,” she offers, quickly making her way back to the stove. I follow her into the kitchen, careful to keep my gaze averted from the handsome stranger whose eyes I can still feel on me.

  “Hey, sis.” Josh offers me a small wave.

  “Hey, boys.” I ruffle Seth’s hair as I pass. “Keeping out of trouble?”

  “Never,” they answer in unison.

  “What? Hollywood not big enough for ya? You gotta come cramp our style.” Chris stands, dropping his plate in the sink before turning toward me, a playful smirk on his beard covered face.

  “What? You forgot what a razor is and decided to grow an animal on your face?” I smart back, giving the end of his beard a hard tug as I pass by him and join my mother at the stove.

  “You just wish you could look this good,” he counters, crossing his arms over his chest.

  I arch a brow, look down at myself, and then back up to him. “I think I’m good.”

  “Conceited as ever. Glad to see some things never change,” he teases.

  “Pot meet kettle.” I hold out my hand.

  “Less than two minutes and they’re already at it,” my father grumbles, pushing to his feet.

  “Where are Ben and Brad?” I change the subject, looking around the room.

  “Brad doesn’t come up to the main house very often. He’s got a wife that takes care of him now. He doesn’t need mommy anymore.” Chris grins at our mother who ignores him completely. “Ben left a few minutes ago to take Harris out for a ride,” he says, referring to one of the horses.

  “And you should have gone with him,” my father interrupts, setting his plate and cup next to the sink before turning toward me and my brother. “That fence line isn’t going to repair itself.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Chris huffs, pulling me in for a one armed hug. “It’s good to see you, sis, but duty calls.” He quickly releases me and heads toward the door, stopping inside the doorframe before turning to the sexy as sin man who’s still sitting at the table. “You ready, dude? You’re with me today.”

  The man nods. “Yeah.” His voice so deep that the one word sends another wave of heat through me.

  He pushes to a stand and slides the faded baseball cap backward over his messy hair, his back muscles flexing through the thin material of his white shirt.

  Grabbing his empty plate and glass from the table, he turns, not once looking in my direction as he deposits his dishes in the sink and heads toward the door.

  “Who’s that?” I voice to no one in particular the moment the door snaps closed behind him.

  “Thad Mitchell,” my father says, stepping up next to my mother before dropping a quick kiss to her temple.

  “Jack and Franny’s son?” I question, recognizing the name immediately. “The one who broke my arm?”

  “The very same.” My father nods.

  Jack and Franny Mitchell lived a couple miles down the road from us when I was little. Jack and my father were friends from high school and remained close until Jack was offered a new job out of state. They moved away when I was six or seven.

  That’s really all I remember and, to be honest, if it wasn’t for their son pushing me off the swing set and breaking my arm when I was four, it’s likely I wouldn’t remember them at all. Something like that tends to stick with a person.

  “What’s he doing here?” I ask, sliding into my father’s empty seat.

  “He was having trouble finding work.”

  “And that landed him here how? It’s not like you really need the extra set of hands,” I point out, knowing that with five sons my father stopped hiring outside help years ago.

  “Jack called to see if I could make a spot for him, so I did. There’s always plenty to do, and with the warm season quickly approaching there will be enough work to go around and then some.”

  “Has he been here long?” I try to keep my questions as casual as possible.

  “About eight months.”

  “Really?” I’m a little taken aback that in all the conversations I’ve had with my family over the course of the last eight months that no one mentioned that someone else was living here.

  “How long will he be here?”

  “Hard to say.” He shrugs. “We had him staying in Ben’s old room originally, but now that the weather is warmer he’s in the old camper out back. Grown man like that needs his privacy.”

  I bite back the urge to ask more questions, knowing my father needs to get back to work, so I settle for a simple nod of agreement.

  “Here you go, honey.” My mom sets a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon in front of me and a plate with bacon in front of the twins.

  “Thanks, Mom.” My stomach instantly growls. While Los Angeles offers a lot in the way of food, nothing compares to farm fresh eggs and my mom’s incredible pancakes.

  “Why don’t you come out and help me once you’ve finished breakfast?” my father suggests, grabbing his jug of water off the counter.

  “Sure.” I smile, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I was never one for ranch life. Hence why I left the first chance I got.

  “See you out there.” He nods, grabs his jacket from next to the door, and disappears outside moments later.

  Chapter Two

  “Well that’s something I never thought I’d see again.” Ben steps around the back of Maria, the cow I’m currently huddled beneath trying to milk.

  “Something I never thought I’d have to do again,” I grumble, wiping the back of my arm across my forehead.

  It’s the beginning of April and only around fifty degrees, but I’m sweating like it’s the dead of summer.

  “She still not cooperating?” he asks, taking notice of the near empty bucket below Maria.

  “So it’s not just me?” I sit up straight, getting the first real look at my younger brother. It’s been nearly a year and a half since I saw him last.

  My parents were beyond upset that I didn’t make it home for Christmas this past year but I had a job opportunity pop up and I couldn’t afford not to take it.

  Ben looks like he’s aged ten years in that time. He’s broader, more filled out than the last time I saw him. Like Chris, Ben seems to have spent the winter growing out a beard. I’ve never seen him with facial hair before and I have to admit, it’s a little weird.

  “I mean, it might be you.” He shrugs, giving me a teasing grin.

  “Whatever.” I roll my eyes dramatically before pushing to a stand. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and take her back outside?” I suggest, having brought her into the barn for milking.

  “Pretty sure you’re legs aren’t broken.” He shakes his head. “Good to see some things never change.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I peel the plastic gloves off m
y hands and toss them into the trash bucket to my right.

  “Still trying to push your work off on everyone else.” He smirks.

  “I’ve never done that,” I insist, pausing for a moment. “Okay, well maybe that’s not entirely true, but what good is being the only girl if you can’t rely on your brothers to pick up some of the hard labor?”

  “And walking a cow back out to the pen is hard labor?” He arches a brow, his smile spreading.

  “Oh, shut up.” I stick my tongue out at him before turning to untie the lead from the post in front of Maria. “Come on, girl.” I tug gently, relieved when she follows me without resistance.

  “So how long you here for?” Ben follows me from the barn, walking along my left side.

  “Hopefully not long.” I stop, waiting for Ben to unlatch the gate to the fence before leading Maria inside. “I’ve auditioned for a few different roles. I expect a call back any day now.”

  “Do you really or is that just wishful thinking?” he asks, not afraid to call me on my bluff.

  “I really do. I’m not giving up, Ben,” I tell him, latching the gate once Maria is inside. “It’s going to happen for me, you’ll see.”

  I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, but I can tell neither of us actually believes what I’m saying. I’ve had very little success over the last four years, and I don’t expect that to change now that I’m back in Wyoming.

  “Well, I hope it does.” He bumps his shoulder against mine as we make our way back up toward the house. “But in the meantime, I’m glad your home.”

  “Thanks.” I force a smile, wishing I felt glad to be here.

  Don’t get me wrong, a part of me feels almost relieved to be here. This is home. The place I grew up. Where I learned how to ride a horse and fix a tractor. Where I climbed trees and had snow fort wars with my brothers during the winter. Every single happy memory I have is from my time here.

  But the other part of me, the part of me that has always longed for something so much bigger than this ranch, well that part of me feels like she’s crawling out of her skin. It’s strange to feel so torn in two completely different directions. I want to be here and yet at the same time it’s the absolute last place I want to be.

  “Hey, Ben, can you give me a hand with this?” My brother and I turn in unison to see Thad a few feet to our right, next to the detached garage. He’s elbow deep in the hood of the old pick-up my dad uses to haul feed from town.

  I’ve managed to avoid him all day, for reasons I don’t entirely understand, but I can’t ignore the way my stomach twists at the sight of him.

  “Laken will,” Ben offers, quickly continuing before I can say anything. “She’s a hundred times better at cars than I am.” He tries to justify volunteering me by complimenting me, as if that makes it better.

  I am good with vehicles, so he’s not wrong there. Working on the trucks and tractors around the ranch was something I always did with my dad growing up. It was our thing and I got pretty good at it. But I also know Ben doesn’t feel like messing with it. I’m not the only one notorious for trying to push my work off on other people.

  “I promised Mom I’d be in to help with dinner,” I stumble out, not sure why I feel extremely nervous all of a sudden.

  “It will only be a second,” Thad offers, rendering my excuse null and void.

  “Okay.” I sigh, throwing Ben a wicked glare over my shoulder as I make my way toward the garage.

  The closer I get the harder my heart pounds in my chest. Thad looks unbelievably sexy leaning over the truck. His white tee damp with sweat, grease streaked down one side of his face. I snap my mouth closed, fearful that if I don’t I might start drooling at any moment.

  I avoid his gaze when I reach him, looking down to where his hand is wedged against the radiator while he tries to secure a hose.

  “I just need you to hold this in place so I can tighten the line,” he instructs.

  “Okay.” I slide my hand down to the hose, ignoring the way my skin prickles when his fingers brush against mine.

  I don’t ask for additional instructions as I could probably replace this hose with my eyes closed. Lord knows I’ve done it enough times over the years.

  Without a word, Thad grabs a wrench and begins to tighten the bracket that holds the hose in place. His arm bumps gently against mine several times as he works. With my face turned away from him, I try to hold my crap together.

  As if he isn’t already the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, he also smells incredible. All man, sweat, and outdoors. His scent hits me in waves every time he moves.

  It takes him less than sixty seconds to secure the hose and as anxious as I am to get away from him, I’m also disappointed that it doesn’t take longer.

  I’ve met men that I’ve been instantly attracted to before, but never one that made me feel so out of sorts. From the moment our eyes met in the kitchen earlier today something about him got to me. I don’t know how to explain it.

  “Thanks for your help.” His voice sends a chill down my spine and I quickly retract my hand from the engine, taking a full step back.

  “Yeah, no problem.” I shrug, wiping my hand on my jeans.

  “You don’t remember me, do you?” he asks, forcing me to meet his gaze which I have successfully avoided up to this point.

  The minute those light blue eyes are on mine I go blank. “Huh?” I stupidly say.

  “That’s probably a good thing.” He smiles and I swear my knees wobble at the sight. “I’m Thad.”

  “You shoved me off the swing set when I was four,” I announce, feeling heat flush my cheeks.

  What the hell is wrong with me? I am not the girl that gets all flustered and unsure in front of men. I’ve never been that girl... ever. So why the hell do I feel like I’ve forgotten how to act all of a sudden?

  “So you do remember me?” He smirks.

  “Hard to forget someone who was responsible for my first broken bone,” I counter, finding some semblance of control over myself.

  “Yeah, sorry about that.” He chuckles and it’s like kryptonite to the wall I’ve been trying to hold up since this morning. It crumbles and I feel myself smiling right along with him.

  “I guess I can forgive you.” I shrug playfully.

  “Thanks for that.” He picks up a dirty rag off the engine before slamming the hood of the truck down. “Well, I guess you need to get inside to help your mom. I won’t keep you. Thanks for your help.” He gestures to the truck.

  “Yeah, no problem.” I give an awkward wave before quickly turning and running back to the house.

  —-

  I manage to avoid looking at Thad for most of dinner but by dessert my will has depleted and I find myself glancing in his direction more times than I care to admit.

  I can’t help it – he’s just so damn good looking. He showered at some point before dinner, his raggedy white tee replaced with a light blue one that makes his eyes pop even more. His hair is still damp and combed back, putting his gorgeous face on perfect display.

  Lord help me. If someone had told me this is what I was missing by not being here I think I would have come home a hell of a lot more often. I could stare at him all day long and dream about what it would feel like to have his full lips pressed to mine. To have his rough, calloused hands glide across my skin. To feel his thick hair slide through my fingertips.

  A conversation floats around me but I digest very little of what’s being said. It’s like I’m here, yet not really. I’m hyper aware of myself – of every move I make, every sound I create, to the point that the only thing I can focus on is that and the heat that flushes through my veins and covers my cheeks every time Thad looks up and meets my gaze.

  “I got the Chevy going. Just needed a new radiator hose.” When Thad speaks, I hone in on him, hanging on to every word as it leaves his mouth. In my mind he’s speaking the most beautiful poetry and not talking about my father’s old beat up truck.

  “Good. I fig
ured that’s what it was.” My father nods, shoveling another bite of my mom’s homemade dumplings into his mouth.

  “Tomorrow I’ll take a look at the McCormick. Chris said it’s been starting rough.”

  “Sounds good. Maybe Laken can help you. She’s pretty good with mechanics.” The instant my name is mentioned my stomach twists.

  “So I’m learning.” Thad offers me a soft smile and I thank the moon and stars that I’m currently sitting down because I’m fairly certain if I were standing I’d be on the ground right about now.

  “What do you say, honey?” My father sits back in his chair, his focus on me.

  “I can do that,” I force out past the knot that has formed in my throat.

  “Good, then it’s settled.” My father nods, taking a long drink of his iced tea.

  “So, I was thinking I’d like to take Cocoa out for a ride after dinner if that’s okay,” I announce, not even thinking about doing anything of the sort until this very moment.

  Truth be told, I feel like I need to get away for a few. Being back here – it’s overwhelming, and that feeling is intensified by the incredibly attractive man sitting across from me.

  “I think that would be good for the both of you. Just make sure you stay on the trail and don’t take her out too far. I don’t want you out past the fences by yourself.”

  “That’s the best place to ride,” I object, not surprised to see that even at twenty-two my father is still way too protective of me. I guess that comes with being the only girl.

  “Then one of your brothers can go with you.”

  “Not it,” the twins call in unison as if they were waiting for the moment when my father would try to volunteer one of them.

  “Hey, don’t look at me.” Ben holds up his hands. “I’ve got a date tonight.”

  “Sure you do.” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “What about you, big brother?” I turn toward Chris.

  “No can do, Lake. I promised Brad I’d head over to his place after dinner. I’m helping him build a new porch,” he says, eliminating him and my oldest brother in one fell swoop.