The Best Thing You Can Steal

by Simon R. Green

  ‘OK,’ said Trixie. ‘That sounds like a very bad idea and quite insanely dangerous. Why are we still standing here, instead of sprinting for the exit?’

  ‘The Box could be quite appallingly dangerous,’ I said, ‘if anyone knew how to work it. Fortunately, it has no obvious control mechanisms. Although why any sane person would want to look for them …’

  ‘Are you saying some people have?’ said Trixie.

  ‘There’s always someone with more ambition than working brain cells,’ I said. ‘The Box is widely believed to be some kind of doomsday device, left over from an inter-dimensional war.’

  ‘If it’s that special, why is Hammer putting it up for auction?’

  ‘Probably because he can’t make it work,’ I said. ‘And he’s hoping someone will buy it and work that out for him. Then he could take it back and … Actually, I don’t know what could usefully come after that.’

  ‘Gideon!’ Trixie said urgently. ‘That doesn’t look right …’

  The Box from Beyond was pulsing. Its sides surged in and out, as though it was breathing. And from out of its dark and starless depths, something was stirring and rising up. Something heading out of the night world and into ours. People around us were already backing away. Some called out desperately to the auction staff.

  ‘I think it’s time we retreated into the crowd and left this to someone who knows what they’re doing,’ I said.

  ‘No!’ said Trixie. ‘You don’t understand. This is down to me. It’s my gift! The Box is waking up and trying to activate itself, just to please me.’

  ‘Well, do something!’ I said. ‘Stop it!’

  ‘I told you; I can’t control my gift any more!’

  ‘You have to shut the Box down,’ I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. ‘Because if that thing does activate, everything there is could just disappear. Concentrate! Tell the Box to turn itself off.’

  ‘I’m trying …’

  She stared fixedly into the darkness of the cube, sweat beading on her forehead as she struggled to win a fight only she could see or understand. I stood as close to her as I could, trying to support her with my presence, but I wasn’t sure she even knew I was there. She was locked in battle with the Box from Beyond … which suddenly gave up and went back to sleep again. Its sides grew still and the darkness no longer looked like a night sky from another universe. Trixie leaned heavily on my arm as I led her away. Uniformed staff quickly moved in, put the Box from Beyond in a reinforced container, sealed it and then carried it away. Very carefully. One of the staff turned to address the crowd.

  ‘If I could have everyone’s attention, please … There is nothing to be concerned about. Everything is under control. But I have been asked to announce that the Box from Beyond has been withdrawn from auction.’

  There was a general murmur of approval and relief from all sides.

  ‘Well,’ said Trixie, pulling the remains of her composure around her again, ‘we just started some trouble, and Hammer’s security didn’t do a damned thing.’

  ‘I think we need something a little more obvious,’ I said.

  I looked across at the Damned. Still standing alone in his corner, and looking very much the poor relation in his shabby suit, Lex was glowering at everyone and everything with magnificent disdain. All the guests were being very careful to give him plenty of room, but there were a lot of surreptitious glances in his direction, and not a little animated conversation. It was actually something of a social triumph for people like these to have been in the same room as someone like him. Most people who met the Damned didn’t survive to talk about it. Since he wasn’t normally one for social gatherings, the general feeling seemed to be that Lex must have come looking for someone in particular. Everyone was watching everyone else for signs of guilt, if only so they could be sure of the right way to run when it all kicked off.

  I caught Lex’s eye and he immediately came striding out of his corner, plunging through the crowd and barely giving them enough time to get out of his way. They scattered before him like startled birds, making similar noises of panic and distress, followed by a certain amount of relieved laughter, once it became clear he wasn’t interested in them. Lex finally came to a halt with his back to me and Trixie. He looked round the room, carefully paying us no attention at all.

  ‘We need a distraction,’ I said quietly. ‘So people will forget the Box from Beyond only started activating after we got too close to it.’

  Lex strode forward, picked a guest at random and punched him out. The man made a hole in the crowd as he went flying, and was unconscious before he hit the floor. Lex glared around.

  ‘He had it coming!’

  Everyone nodded quickly. A few applauded. The guards had trained all their guns on the Damned, but were apparently waiting for orders. The auction staff picked up the unconscious man and carried him away, Lex returned to his corner … and the guards slowly lowered their guns. The crowd burst into noisy chatter, interspersed with loud nervous laughter at having dodged some kind of bullet.

  ‘Why didn’t the guards do anything?’ said Trixie.

  ‘Probably because they didn’t need to,’ I said.

  Trixie nodded slowly. ‘Why are there so many of them?’

  ‘To make it clear to everyone that no one messes with Fredric Hammer,’ I said. ‘Don’t let them intimidate you; they’re just thugs with guns. All you have to do is act rich and entitled and sneer at everybody, and the guards will assume you belong here.’

  Trixie sniffed loudly. ‘Like I needed you to tell me that.’

  We moved off through the crowd again. The air was full of overlapping conversations as everyone tried to make themselves heard at once. They had a lot to talk about and were loving every minute of it. And all the while, Trixie and I walked unsuspected among them, like wolves let into the fold.

  The Ghost came over to join us, walking through everyone in his way. Many of them shuddered briefly, as though they’d just heard someone digging their grave. The Ghost stopped before us and frowned unhappily.

  ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t see that I’m contributing anything useful by being here.’

  I nodded slowly, apparently fascinated by the exhibit before me. ‘I was hoping you might pick up something with your ghostly senses that we mere mortals might have overlooked.’

  The Ghost peered dubiously about him. ‘Some of the auras in this room are seriously disturbed – and I’m talking about exhibits as well as people. And not everything here is what it seems to be, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I’m not seeing anything interesting or out of place … just the usual weird shit. And even if something should happen, it’s not like I could do anything. Except wait for the trouble to finish and then try to comfort the suddenly deceased.’

  ‘All right,’ I said. ‘You can go. We’ll meet later at Annie’s place, as agreed.’

  ‘You’re the boss,’ said the Ghost. And then he disappeared before I could change my mind.

  The crowd suddenly fell silent as two uniformed flunkies brought on a podium, so that a tall and distinguished figure in a morning suit could take up a self-important position behind it. He looked out over the expectant crowd and smiled briefly, as though he thought that was expected of him, before addressing them with cool indifference.

  ‘Good afternoon. I am the auctioneer appointed by Mr Hammer to ensure that everything runs smoothly. Any time-wasters will be dealt with severely. Should there be any disagreements, my word is final because I speak for Mr Hammer.’

  A frock-coated flunky brought forward the first exhibit, and just like that the auction was underway and we were off to the races. Item after item went under the gavel in swift succession, some of them going for seriously eye-watering sums, but there were no surprises and no real bidding wars. Everyone seemed to have a pretty good idea of what they were there for and how much they were prepared to pay.

  This went on for a while, with everyone behaving themselves impeccably, until I deci
ded I’d had enough and caught Johnny Wilde’s eye. He brightened up immediately and came bustling through the crowd, grinning all over his face, talking loudly to people who weren’t there and ignoring some of those who were. The crowd wisely chose to concentrate on the bidding and not do anything that might attract the Wild Card’s attention. Johnny ended up standing beside me, looking in every direction except mine.

  ‘It’s time,’ I said quietly. ‘Make some trouble.’

  ‘Love to,’ said the Wild Card.

  He walked right up to the nearest guard, snatched the automatic weapon out of his hands and fired the gun over the heads of the crowd. Everyone shrieked and ducked, and then tried to run in every direction at once. Johnny turned the gun this way and that, sending bullets flying everywhere. I grabbed Trixie, pulled her down on to the floor and covered her body with my own, silently cursing the Wild Card. He’d gone too far, as always. Johnny strode forward, giggling happily as he waved his gun around.

  The whole crowd was panicking now. Screams filled the air. They kept trying to head for the exit, but somehow Johnny was always there to block their way. He kept up a steady stream of fire over everyone’s heads, even though, technically speaking, he should have run out of ammunition long ago. If anyone had taken the time to look properly, they would have noticed Johnny was deliberately aiming so as not to hit anyone. But they were all too busy to notice.

  Johnny darted back and forth, moving too quickly for any of the guards to get a clear shot at him, and he was always careful to stay inside the main body of the crowd, even as it tried to run away from him. But in the end, his aim wandered at just the wrong moment and one of the items on display exploded into a thousand pieces. And that was when the auctioneer stuck his head above his podium and gave the nod to the guards.

  They aimed their weapons as one and opened fire on the crowd, shooting down the guests so they could get to the Wild Card. The roar of so much massed gunfire was painfully loud, almost enough to drown out the screams as men and women in expensive clothes were hit again and again. Their bodies were punched this way and that by the impact of the bullets, and their arms flailed wildly, as though reaching out for help that never came. Blood flew on the air as more and more people crashed to the floor. The wounded lay alongside the dead, trampled on blindly by the other guests as they ran madly back and forth, searching for safety and shelter that wasn’t there. The guards kept firing, and the bodies kept dropping, and I huddled over Trixie and kept my head down.

  Johnny realized what was happening and stopped firing. He threw his gun away and stuck his hands in the air, but the guards just kept on firing. Johnny ran through the rows of exhibits still on display, and the guards turned their guns to follow him, aiming carefully to avoid the exhibits, but not one bullet touched the Wild Card. The guests were still dying.

  Dominic Knight cried out to the guards to stop, and when he saw that wasn’t going to happen, he went to work, knocking the guards down while ducking and dodging their bullets with an ease that bordered on arrogance. He never saw the auctioneer draw his own gun, and probably never even heard the shot that took him down from behind.

  He should have known this was no place for a gentleman adventurer.

  The Damned was already tearing through the guards. Wrapped in his armour, he clubbed them down with his fists of light and darkness, and even the guards’ superior firepower wasn’t enough to stop him, but there were just so many of them. Some turned their guns away from Johnny to fire on the Damned as he bore down on them, but even the special guns Hammer had provided were no match for the Damned’s armour.

  Johnny ran straight at the tall standing mirror and dived into it as though it was a pool of water. The glass swallowed him up, and he was gone. The guards finally stopped firing and lowered their weapons, and a terrible silence filled the room.

  There was smoke on the air, and blood and bodies all over the floor. Some of the dead were guests; others were auction staff. Some were guards the Damned had got to. In the sudden hush, the surviving guests huddled together, not wanting to draw any attention to themselves. Even the wounded did their best to stifle sobs and cries of pain. They might be rich and important people in their own right, but it had just been demonstrated to them that none of that meant anything to Fredric Hammer and his security people.

  Buyer beware.

  The guards were still covering the room with their weapons, even though Johnny was gone and the Damned had disappeared. Auction staff came rushing forward, ignoring the wounded and the traumatized to check how many of their precious exhibits had survived. The guests were on their own. They rose slowly to their feet, careful to make no sudden movements, but the guards just watched them indifferently. The wounded were helped to their feet and urged towards the exit. Some clearly shouldn’t have been moved, but no one wanted to stay. The crowd headed for the door, and the guards let them go. No one looked back at the dead they left behind.

  I helped Trixie to her feet, and she clung on to me as we joined the move to the door. We passed by the standing mirror the Wild Card had disappeared into. There was no sign of him in it, or of the wild-eyed man who’d been trapped there. The mirror showed no reflection at all. Two guards came forward and smashed the glass with their gun butts, and we moved quickly on.

  ‘So now we know how far Hammer is prepared to go,’ I said quietly.

  ‘This was down to us,’ Trixie said numbly. ‘We’re responsible for all of this.’

  ‘No,’ I said fiercely. ‘This is all down to Hammer and the orders he gave his guards. Johnny went out of his way to make a lot of noise, without ever putting anyone in danger. The guards had to have realized that because they didn’t do anything until one of the exhibits was destroyed. They didn’t care about anything except protecting Fredric Hammer’s property.’

  Trixie nodded slowly and finally looked at me. ‘You put your own body between me and a bullet. Risked your life, to protect mine.’

  I shrugged quickly and kept her moving. ‘Old habits die hard.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Trixie. ‘But don’t get any ideas. Ours is still a strictly business relationship.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said.

  We made our way down the long corridor to the front door and out of the auction house, leaving the death and destruction behind.

  ACT THREE

  The Heist Is On

  TEN

  To Make God Smile

  Have a Plan

  Trixie sat in silence on the Tube, all the way across London. She wouldn’t even look at me. I stayed as close as she’d let me as I walked her back to her tower block, offering as much comfort as I could with my presence, and used the time to do some hard thinking. Given the sheer savagery of Hammer’s response to such a minor disturbance, my confidence had taken a real battering, so I went to great pains to test my plan from every angle … but it still seemed sound. We could do this. And all the blood and slaughter I’d witnessed only made me more determined to bring Hammer down.

  The moment Annie was back in her flat, she started tearing off Trixie’s clothes and throwing them away, as though by removing the persona she could free herself of the bad memories that went with it. I didn’t wait to be dismissed; the moment the clothes started coming off, I disappeared into the kitchen, where I used my knowledge of her cupboards to organize two big mugs of hot tea.

  Time passed, but she didn’t call for me to come back in. In the end, I knocked politely on the closed door, and when she still didn’t say anything, I went back in anyway. Annie was sitting slumped in a chair, wrapped in a battered old dressing gown, all the makeup scrubbed off her face, staring at nothing. I pressed a mug of tea into her hand, and she took a sip without looking at me. I sat down opposite her.

  ‘No sugar,’ she said finally. ‘You remembered.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said.

  Annie slowly raised her head to look at me. She hadn’t been crying, but she had the look of someone who’d been hit, and hit hard.

/>   ‘So much blood … I can’t say I liked any of those people, but they didn’t deserve to die like that. They never stood a chance. Be honest, Gideon: did you have any idea something like that might happen?’

  ‘Of course not,’ I said. ‘It was only supposed to be a fact-finding mission. Prod the auction’s security with a stick to see how it would react. Hammer has changed since we last knew him. He always was ruthless, and vicious when it suited him, but what happened at that auction was way out of proportion. When I told Johnny to make some trouble, I was expecting invisible chains or a paralysis spell – some weird means of imposing control. I didn’t expect men with guns and kill orders. Hammer had all those people butchered, just to protect things he didn’t even want any more.’

  ‘Well,’ said Annie, ‘at least now we can honestly say we know just how far Hammer is prepared to go. But you’re still intending to go ahead with the heist, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Because he deserves what’s coming more than ever. Hammer needs to be hurt the way he hurts other people.’

  ‘I’m not sure I want to be a part of this any more,’ said Annie, staring into her mug. ‘What’s the point of revenge? Whether we win or whether we lose, we’ll still be us, and he’ll still be him.’

  ‘Not if my plan works out,’ I said.

  ‘What plan?’ She put her mug down and stared right at me for the first time. ‘You keep going on about this amazing plan, but you still haven’t explained anything about how we’re going to make it work!’

  ‘Wait till the others get here,’ I said. ‘And then all will be made clear.’

  A door suddenly appeared in the far wall. A perfectly ordinary-looking door, except that I knew for a fact there was nothing on the other side of that wall apart from a very long drop. Annie and I were quickly on our feet and standing together, ready to present a unified front to whatever was coming. And then the door swung open and Johnny Wilde came striding through, looking very pleased with himself. He was followed by the Damned, who remained his usual dark and brooding self. Johnny started to say something, and then glanced back at the door and snapped his fingers. The door quietly disappeared, and the wall was just a wall again.