My Favorite Souvenir

by Ward, Penelope

  “So, where are you working, Kimber?”

  “Right now I’m waitressing in between modeling jobs.”

  “That’s exciting…being a model.”

  She shrugged. “Everyone always told me I should be a model, so I figured I might as well.”

  Looking around the room, I muttered, “Yeah.”

  I had zero to say to her. Then again, my jealousy over the fact that she was here to meet Matteo might have skewed my opinion of the whole situation just a tad. Let’s face it, she didn’t stand a chance with me tonight. I was going to hate her no matter what.

  For a while, there was nothing but dead air between us as we sipped our drinks. My eyes kept wandering over to the door, hoping Brady and Matteo would walk in.

  Kimber excused herself to visit the bathroom, and I let out a sigh of relief to not have to stare at her face for a few minutes.

  I immediately picked up my phone, calling Brady to find out where he was.

  He answered, “Hey, babe. Got out of work a bit late. Just headed over to Dunc’s hotel now. We should be there within a half hour.”

  I let out an exasperated breath. “Great. I was hoping you’d say you were right around the corner. I’ve been sitting here with your sister’s friend.”

  “How is she?”

  “She seems young and shallow.”

  “Sort of like my sister…” He laughed. “No wonder they’re friends.”

  “So, you don’t care that you’re setting Duncan up with someone like that?”

  He chuckled. “I don’t think Dunc is going to care. She’s attractive and will hopefully get him out of the funk he’s in.”

  “Do you really think setting him up with someone who can’t offer him more than a pretty face is helpful?”

  “Trust me, what he needs right now is a good lay. I told you, he’s hung up on that chick he went on a road trip with—the one who went back to her boyfriend. He needs a distraction. He doesn’t need to be getting involved with someone right now while he’s traveling. He just needs someone to get his mind off things. From my understanding, based on what Leah told me, Kimber’s perfect for that.”

  I was so frustrated. And the fact that Matteo had discussed me cryptically with Brady made me uneasy.

  “Okay, well…try to get here as fast as you can.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  I was just about to hang up when he said, “Hazel?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I can’t wait to see you.”

  I sighed. “You, too.”

  Brady was still being so sweet and considerate. But I couldn’t appreciate it tonight. I felt sick to my stomach as I tried to remind myself why I was here. It was my opportunity to see Matteo, to read him, and to make sure he was okay.

  After Kimber returned from the bathroom, the two of us made more small talk. She showed me some modeling photos of herself on her phone. It was the first time we actually had anything to talk about since the photos led to me mentioning my photography business, and the conversation evolved somewhat from there.

  When I spotted Brady and Matteo walking into the restaurant, my heart began to pitter-patter.

  I waved to let them know where we were seated, even though the hostess was clearly already leading them in our direction.

  “Holy shit. That’s him? With the longish hair?” Kimber licked her lips.

  Down, bitch.

  I swallowed. “Yes.”

  Her jaw dropped as she took in Matteo, and that made me more nauseous.

  “He’s even hotter than Leah said.”

  Wearing a black wool coat and dark jeans, Matteo did look handsome. My heart clenched as I longed to be back on our road trip, when things were so much simpler. If only I could have snapped my fingers and made that happen, erasing this whole complicated mess we’d gotten into. The fact that I was admiring Matteo with Brady right there also made me feel a little guilty.

  Brady kissed me on the cheek. “Sorry to make you wait.” He then looked to Matteo. “Duncan, this is my sister’s good friend, Kimber.”

  Kimber made googly eyes at him. “Really nice to meet you.”

  “You, as well.” He didn’t look at me as he sat down next to her.

  It took a while before his eyes finally landed on mine.

  I got up the nerve to say, “It’s nice to see you again, Matteo.”

  He nodded and forced a smile.

  Kimber immediately struck up a conversation with him, leaning in and twirling her hair. She definitely seemed to want him. And why wouldn’t she? I couldn’t say I blamed her. But I was burning up with jealousy watching it all go down.

  Matteo seemed to perk up a little more with each minute that passed as he listened to her go on and on about her recent night out to see Hamilton on Broadway. That morphed into a conversation about music, and it seemed like they were actually getting along pretty well.

  Then Brady chimed in, “What Duncan is neglecting to tell you, Kimber, is that he’s a pretty damn good musician in his own right.”

  Her eyes widened. “Gorgeous and talented? Wow, you’re just the whole package, aren’t you? What do you play?”

  My eyes were glued to her hand on his arm. I wanted to scream, “Don’t touch him.”

  “Guitar, and I do some singing,” Matteo answered humbly.

  “Some singing?” Brady laughed. “His voice is incredible. You should hear him.”

  Kimber squeezed Matteo’s arm. “I’d love to.”

  As impressive as it all seemed, this girl had no idea just how much of a catch Matteo was. She didn’t know him like I did. Because not only was he gorgeous and talented on the surface, he was respectful and giving. He was just as beautiful on the inside.

  Every second that passed while they were talking and seeming to get along really well was pure torture. I wanted to wiggle my nose and disappear like the chick from Bewitched.

  Brady placed his hand on my knee under the table, and it made me fidget. I smiled over at him from time to time, but for the most part we were quiet, listening in on Matteo and Kimber’s conversation. I knew, in Brady’s mind, the purpose of tonight was to get his friend laid. I could tell by the look on his face as he watched them that he assumed his mission had been accomplished.

  I was also starting to believe that scenario was a real possibility, which worried the hell out of me. Sure, Kimber was attractive. But I also wondered if Matteo felt the need to also take her back to his hotel just to spite me, to punish me for spending time with Brady. Or worse, what if he wrongly assumed I’d somehow known who he was all this time and hated me because he thought I’d deceived him?

  Overcome with emotion, I needed a breather.

  “I’ll be back. Heading to the restroom,” I said as I got up.

  Nearly knocking into two people as I walked across the restaurant, I finally found my way to the bathroom. Once in the safety of that private space, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked flushed. That came as no surprise, considering I’d been white-knuckling my way through this evening.

  I didn’t feel like going back to the table, so I took my time, checking my makeup, washing my hands carefully.

  When I finally forced myself out of the bathroom, the last thing I expected was to see Matteo exiting the men’s room at the same time.

  He froze, and we stood facing each other in the small hallway between the restrooms. Had he come here hoping to find me? Or did he just have to go to the bathroom?

  I finally said, “How come you didn’t answer my calls?”

  He glanced out toward the dining area before his eyes returned to mine. “Because I didn’t know what to say to you, Maddie. I still don’t.” He looked down at his feet and muttered, “Fuck, I mean Hazel.”

  “Are you taking her back to your hotel?” I blurted. I couldn’t help it. I needed to know.

  He looked up at me. “No.”

  I let out a sigh of relief that was probably a bit too obvious. “I know I have no right to admit how da
mn jealous I am right now, but I can’t help it. This whole situation is a nightmare.”

  Matteo gritted his teeth. “Nightmare is a good word to describe what it felt like when I discovered who you are.”

  “I know.” I exhaled. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like. I only know what it was like for me. Pure shock…and then sadness.” I felt tears forming. “I’m so sorry, Matteo.”

  His expression softened a bit. “It feels so weird to hear you say my name. But it sounds fucking beautiful, too.”

  My heart clenched. The words that had been at the tip of my tongue all night but unable to be unleashed finally escaped.

  “I miss you,” I whispered.

  He let out breath of frustration. “Do you realize how messed up this is, Hazel?” He shook his head. “So messed up.”

  “We need to talk.”

  It nearly broke my heart when he said, “Is there anything left to say?”

  “Maybe it’s not right, but yes, I have so many things I need to say to you, things I need to ask you.”

  He glanced out to the dining room again before he lowered his voice. “You think I want that girl out there? I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe since I left you in Atlanta. And now I’m just…choking. I want to be with you tonight, and that’s so fucked up, because you’re my best friend’s woman.”

  I wanted to take him into my arms and hold him, but I refrained. His words left me speechless.

  Fishing in my purse, I took out a pen and found a gum wrapper to write on. I jotted down my number.

  “We can’t do this right now. But please call or text when you can. Don’t go back to Seattle until we’ve had a chance to talk,” I begged. “Please.”

  He took the wrapper and placed it in his pocket before heading back to the table ahead of me.

  We didn’t say anything to each other for the rest of the dinner, and he barely looked at me.

  And once the live music started, everyone’s attention turned to the band. That was a good buffer in the midst of a tense night. But as the four of us supposedly watched the performance, Kimber was gazing at Matteo. And I was watching both of them. Matteo and Brady seemed to be the only ones truly paying attention to the music.

  While I was sure Kimber would try to weasel her way back to his hotel room, I trusted Matteo’s word when he said he wasn’t going to entertain that. He didn’t owe me anything, but I somehow knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

  During a break in the performance, Matteo left the table. At first I thought he was headed for the bathroom. But then he went up to the lead singer and started talking to him.

  The next thing I knew, the guy handed him a guitar. My heart beat faster as it hit me that he was about to perform.

  Matteo took a seat on a stool and adjusted the microphone in front of him. “These guys were nice enough to let me entertain you during their intermission. Just don’t throw stuff at me, okay?”

  The audience laughed.

  “This is a song called ‘Almost Lover’ by A Fine Frenzy.”

  Almost Lover.

  When he started to sing, everything else in the room faded into the background.

  I closed my eyes, listening to his gravelly yet soothing voice and took in every word of the song he’d chosen. It was about saying goodbye to an unrequited love. It was haunting and beautiful all at once, and I was one-hundred-percent sure he was singing it to me.

  Chapter 19

  * * *

  Matteo

  It had been a couple of days since I saw Hazel, and I still hadn’t called her. I’d also been avoiding Brady, which was ridiculous considering the purpose of this trip was to visit him. Brady had no clue that the song I performed at Finn’s was meant for his girlfriend. There was no end to how screwed up that was. And yet I couldn’t help trying to get that message to Hazel, wanting her to know that I cherished what we’d had, but nothing could likely ever come of it now.

  I struggled with whether I was in the wrong for continuing to want her, despite knowing the truth. And what Brady had confided in me about her had made the situation even more confusing. He’d called off the wedding because he had the hots for some Greek chick and that made him have second thoughts? What the fuck? And now he’d come to his senses? He seemed to really care about Hazel, but I wondered how she would feel if she knew the full story. And was I a bastard for wishing she did? Would that even change anything? If she left him, we still couldn’t be together. As much as Brady was in the wrong for how he’d handled things. He was my friend and deserved my loyalty. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to work.

  Sitting on a bench in the middle of Central Park, I’d become so wrapped up in my own head that I didn’t notice an old man sitting to my right until he said something.

  “Boy, you must have gotten yourself into some serious shit.”

  I turned to him. “Why do you say that?”

  The guy had bushy eyebrows and was holding on to a cane. He gestured to a woman sitting across from us on another bench.

  “That looker over there has been eyeing you for a full ten minutes, and you haven’t noticed her once. You must be preoccupied.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

  “It must be a lady. Only a woman you’re hung up on could keep you from noticing that one over there.”

  Nodding, I chuckled. “You’re right.”

  “Feel like unloading on an old geezer?” He leaned in. “Maybe I can help?”

  While I doubted the guy could offer me any solid advice, I took the opportunity to vent to a stranger who couldn’t judge me. I proceeded to tell him everything over the next twenty minutes.

  It turned out his name was Sherman. He’d lived in Manhattan all his life and had never been married. He shared a story with me about the one who got away—a woman who’d been traveling through the city some forty years ago. They’d had a whirlwind romance for two weeks before she left to go back to Norway. In those days, there was no Internet or any easy way to keep in touch. So he lost track of her and always regretted not fighting harder to make things work.

  He had a lot to say about my situation. “By the time you come to your senses, sometimes it’s too late. Now, I’m not telling you to do wrong by your friend. But it doesn’t sound to me like this guy knows exactly what he wants, either. I get you not wanting to betray him. It’s not my place to tell you what to do one way or the other. But in the end, you fell for this woman without realizing who she was, not even knowing her name. You can’t help that you fell, and you didn’t do anything wrong. But the most important thing here is not what you or he wants. The question is…what does she want? Do you know?”

  If only it were possible to figure out what Hazel was really thinking.

  “I thought I had the answer to that before I came here. I would’ve bet all my money that she would have met me in New Orleans. So, seeing her with him really shocked me. And now I can honestly say I don’t know what she wants.”

  He pointed with his cane. “Here’s the thing. If you want to be with her, and she wants to be with you—well, that’s two out of three. I get that your friend would be hurt, but it wouldn’t be fair to him if the woman he claims to care about really wants to be with his friend, either. People can’t change how they feel. I think you need to figure out what she wants and take it from there.”

  It was simple advice, but it made sense. If Hazel intended to stay with Brady, he’d never have to know anything. If she wanted to be with me, then and only then would I have a decision to make. Concluding that it all came down to what Hazel wanted seemed to clarify the situation.

  “You know what? You’ve been really helpful.” I hopped up.

  He laughed, seeming amused by my sudden realization and need to flee.

  “You take care of yourself, Sherman. Thanks for the talk.”

  I pulled out my phone as I rushed away and texted the number Hazel had given me.

  Matteo: Where are you?

>   The three dots moved around as she typed.

  Hazel: Hey. Just finishing up a shoot.

  Matteo: Can we meet?

  Hazel: Yeah. Of course.

  Matteo: I can come to you.

  Hazel: That would be great.

  Matteo: I need to be sure Brady won’t see us. Where is he?

  Hazel: He’s working late tonight. He told me he has a business dinner. So, if you come to Connecticut, we should be good. You can meet me here at the studio.

  Matteo: Text me the address. I’ll hop a train now.

  • • •

  Hazel’s studio was on Main Street in a quiet suburb. Surrounded by local boutiques and restaurants, it was definitely in a prime location.

  She opened the door before I even made it to the steps. She’d been watching for me.

  Without saying anything, she pulled me into her arms. It surprised me, but it felt so damn good to hug her again. The feel of her soft breasts pressed against my chest further ignited the turmoil inside of me. I wished so badly that we were back in Atlanta, taking up where we’d left off before reality hit us like a ton of bricks.

  Letting a long breath out against her neck, I took a moment to enjoy the feel of her in my arms without guilt.

  “I’ve been dying to see you,” she said. “I’m so sorry about everything, Matteo.”

  “Stop apologizing.” I moved back to look at her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Hazel. I need you to know that.”

  “I was afraid you thought I’d somehow known who you were.”

  “Of course not.” I sighed. After several seconds of silence, I took her back into my arms and whispered into her skin. “I just want you to be happy, okay? You have to follow your heart. If being with Brady is what makes you happy, then—”

  “I haven’t been able to think about anything but you.” She pushed back to look me in the eyes.

  Her admission stopped me in my tracks. Now I was speechless.

  “I know it might look like I’d been planning to take Brady back, but the truth is, I hadn’t made any decisions. We’ve just been spending time together and—