My Favorite Souvenir

by Ward, Penelope

  “You don’t owe me an explanation. We’re not a couple. We’re two people who had a great time together. We had plans to maybe meet up again, but nothing was set in stone. It was always supposed to be about what felt right. You need to do what feels right. If you want to be with Brady, then— ”

  “When I came back, everything that happened between us almost felt like a dream, Matteo. Then when Brady told me he regretted canceling the wedding, it was like a reality check. I thought I owed it to myself to give him a chance, but at the same time, I owe it to myself to figure out who I really am and what I want. Either way, through it all, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.” She reached for me. “Then to find out who you really are… It’s just been too much.”

  I squeezed her hands. “I’ve been a wreck.”

  We stared at each other until she finally said, “I have to ask you something.”

  “Ask me anything.”

  “How did it not occur to you even once that I could have been Brady’s ex?”

  This was the one question I’d feared her asking. Because in order to tell her the truth, I’d have to betray Brady’s trust and admit that he’d lied to me.

  How could I admit what Brady had told me? I couldn’t. I had to come up with a generic answer that would buy me some time.

  “I can honestly tell you it didn’t occur to me even once.” That was technically a truthful statement.

  “I figured you couldn’t have known… It’s just so hard to believe this happened.” She blew out a long breath. “Tell me what you did after I left Atlanta.”

  “I was in a funk. I missed you…badly. Originally, I was gonna go straight to New York, but I just felt like being home for a little bit first. So I went back to Seattle, spent Thanksgiving with a friend, and also checked in on my apartment and Bach.”

  Her mouth curved into a smile. “Bach is your cat’s name?”

  “Yeah.” I smiled. “He’s been staying with a friend of mine. She’s one of the other teachers and offered to take him in.”

  “So you checked in on Bach and then came to New York. What were your plans for after this trip?”

  I needed her to know.

  “You want the truth?”

  “Yeah…”

  “These next few months were going to be about biding my time until I got to see you again. I feel like now I may have to hold my breath forever.” I cupped her cheek. “I don’t know where your mind is, Hazel. I can tell you that without a doubt, my plan was to meet you in New Orleans and not to let you go again. But at this point in time, I have no plans. I can’t see beyond today.”

  She shut her eyes tightly, looking tormented. “How long are you staying in New York?”

  “I keep changing my plans. I’ve extended my hotel a few times and rebooked my flights. Right now I’m supposed to check out tomorrow and fly home.”

  A look of panic crossed her face. “What time is your flight?

  “Around eight at night.”

  “Can you please change it again? Will you stay a little longer?”

  I had no idea how to answer that. “As it is, Brady knows something is up with me,” I told her. “He won’t stop talking about how I ditched Kimber the other night. He knows I’m hung up on someone. He just doesn’t know it’s you. I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending to be okay when I’m not, Hazel.”

  “We need a bit more time to figure this out,” she begged. “Please…”

  I nodded. “Maybe I could tell Brady I’ve decided to explore the city some more.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief. “Please do that.”

  Hazel took my hand and led me over to the white backdrop she had set up for portraits.

  “What are you doing?”

  She smiled. “Humor me for a minute, please?”

  After situating me on a stool in the middle of the backdrop and brushing a few wayward pieces of hair out of my eyes, she grabbed a camera from her desk. Raising it to her face, she said, “Smile pretty for the camera.”

  “That’s not an easy request these days.”

  She lowered the camera, and her playful smile wilted. “I know. But give me whatever you can, please. I want to show you something.”

  I stared at her, realizing that even now there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for this woman. Pretty sure if she told me to get up and hop around like a frog, I’d be busy ribbiting on the floor. So I guess forcing a smile wasn’t so bad.

  Giving in, I flashed my best pretend smile, and Hazel snapped a bunch of pictures. When she was done, she looked back through the digital shots in the viewfinder and printed one out on an enormous printer in the corner that looked more like a copy machine. Walking back toward her desk, she unzipped a leather carrying case on the floor, took something out of a folder, and came back to where I still sat on the stool.

  She held up the picture she’d just taken with one hand, and I frowned. Jesus Christ. Do I really look like that? The best I could describe my expression is that it looked like someone had just told me they’d run over my dog and then forced me at gunpoint to smile. I was about to comment on the photo when she raised the one in her other hand.

  The second photo wasn’t of my face, but I was certain it was me. Not because I’d spent countless hours studying my mouth and knew intimately what my teeth looked like, but because one glance at the smile on my face and I knew exactly what I’d been thinking in that moment. My mind had envisioned me lying flat on my back with her sitting on my face. Her pussy was practically smothering me, while my cock was down her throat. Yeah…I definitely remembered that smile. Swallowing, I looked up at her.

  “This…” She shook the hand with photo sixty-nine back and forth. “I miss this, Matteo. This beautiful smile and the man who gave it to me so easily and often. You can’t leave…” She held up the other photo. “You can’t leave like this.”

  We stared at each other for a long time. Eventually, I nodded. I was confused about a lot of things—how life could have thrown this curve ball our way, if I could ever be that guy to Brady. You know the one. We all have one in our circle of friends. He’s kind of on the outside perimeter, but nevertheless still part of the group. We’re all friends with him, yet we wouldn’t leave our girlfriend who’s had a little too much to drink alone with him either.

  Yeah, that guy.

  I wasn’t sure if I could be that guy. Though I also wasn’t sure how I could walk away and never look back at this woman again. So I was totally turned inside out right about now. But I knew I didn’t want to leave yet. Hazel and I might not wind up with a happily ever after. In fact, I was pretty certain that wouldn’t be the case. Still, I couldn’t end this story right here.

  Not yet.

  Not like this.

  “So…can we spend some time together?” she asked hesitantly.

  I raked my hand through my hair and blew out a deep breath. “Yeah. We need to be careful, though. I don’t want Brady to find out and screw things up for you, if…” I just couldn’t bring myself to finish the damn sentence.

  Hazel smiled sadly. “You’re even thinking of me first when it comes to this.” She reached out and touched my cheek. “It takes a special heart to be able to do that. I hope you know that.”

  Here she was telling me what a good heart I had, and just her simple touch on my cheek made me want to press her up against the wall and kiss the living shit out of her.

  “Trust me.” I nuzzled into her cheek. “My heart isn’t thinking about my friend at this moment.”

  The spark that had always been there between us began to burn inside of me again. Looking into Hazel’s eyes, I saw the change in her, too. Which meant I needed to get the hell out of here. My head wasn’t clear, and I didn’t want to fuck things up if I was going to stick around for a while.

  I took her hand from my cheek and held it in mine. Squeezing, I said, “I should go.”

  She nodded. “When can I see you again?”

  “Tomorrow afternoo
n I’m supposed to be playing cards with Brady and a friend we went to college with while we watch the Giants game.”

  “Could I see you after that, maybe? Monday I have a photo shoot that’s going to go all day, and then I have a private maternity shoot in the evening. I don’t want to wait until Tuesday. I could come to your hotel after you get back?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s a New York hotel room. The room is basically a bed.”

  “Does it have a lobby bar? Maybe we could have drinks? Or if not, go somewhere nearby?”

  “I don’t want you traveling into the city at night.”

  “I do it all the time.”

  “Maybe. But not because of me. I’ll come to Connecticut.”

  “How about my house? I could show you my wall of smiles.”

  As long as we kept things confined to the living room, I figured that would be okay. Plus, I didn’t want to be walking around where we could run into any people she and Brady might know. “I’d like that.”

  I tilted my head toward the door. “I’ll text you tomorrow when I leave the city.”

  We looked at each other awkwardly. The last time we’d said goodbye in private, we’d mauled each other. But there was nothing wrong with a hug. Friends hug. So I took a step forward and brought her into an embrace. Hazel wrapped her arms around me and squeezed hard, not letting go.

  I finally forced the separation. Pulling back, I nodded one last time. “Have a good night, Ma…” I corrected myself. “Hazel.”

  She smiled sadly. “You, too, Mi…Matteo.”

  Chapter 20

  * * *

  Matteo

  I felt like a damn traitor.

  “What the hell are you doing? Memorizing the things? Do you want a card or not?”

  I blinked a few times and found Brady staring at me. “Huh?”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re lucky I’m a good friend, or you’d be walking out of here with only the lint in your pockets. You usually kick my ass at poker. What the hell is up with you today?”

  Trevor stood from the card table. He pointed to Brady. “You want a beer?” He pivoted and pointed his finger in my direction. “You want a beer?”

  That made me smile. Trevor Two Times. “I guess you caught a buzz, huh? I guess you caught a buzz?”

  Brady smirked. “He drank, like, eight already. He drank, like, eight already.”

  Trevor flipped the table the bird. “Dicks. I’m only getting myself a beer.”

  Eddie, Brady’s neighbor and the fourth in our card game this afternoon, stood. “I have to run downstairs and put whatever gross concoction my wife made into the oven so she can burn it when she comes home. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

  Brady stretched his arms over his head. We’d been playing a few hours, since the first game started at one. “So what did you wind up doing last night?” he asked.

  Ugh. I was going to have to start writing down my lies so I could remember them all. “I just walked down to a bar near my hotel and had a few drinks.”

  He sipped his half-empty beer. “Out cruising? You could’ve taken Kimber home with you the other night if you were looking for a hookup.”

  I shrugged. “Wasn’t feeling it.”

  “Yeah. She’s a gorgeous model who was into you, doesn’t want a commitment, and lives halfway across the country. I can see why she wouldn’t be the perfect candidate for a hookup,” he said sarcastically. “Have you talked to that girl you’re hung up on yet?”

  Shit. “Uh, yeah. Just for a few minutes.”

  “She still jerking you around?”

  I shook my head, feeling defensive of Hazel. “She’s not jerking me around. She just came out of something, and she’s not sure if it’s over.”

  Brady finished off his beer and set it on the table. “Oh, that’s over.”

  My brows furrowed. “What makes you say that?”

  “Well, even if she doesn’t wind up with you, if she’s out there falling for another guy, whatever she had with the first guy wasn’t going to last anyway.”

  If he only knew...

  Brady had never been philosophical, but he did have a point. If you’re truly in love with someone, your heart should be full, and there wouldn’t be room to let another person in. “I guess…”

  “Did you fool around with this girl?”

  I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. “No. It wasn’t like that.”

  “So it’s not about great sex then?”

  I shook my head. I definitely needed to extricate myself from this somehow—change the subject. Then it dawned on me, I could turn the tables. My own morbid curiosity wanted to know what had gone down with the Greek woman who caused Brady to call off his wedding, and this was the perfect opportunity to toss out a question and get the heat off of me at the same time.

  “What about you?” I asked. “You just said if you’re in love with someone and you’re out there falling for another person, the first relationship is doomed. Didn’t you tell me about some woman—Athena, I think you said her name was? Doesn’t that mean you and Hazel are doomed?”

  He smiled. “That’s different.”

  “How? Because we’re talking about you now and not me?”

  “No. Because I never fell for Athena. It was just a physical thing between us. If you saw what she looks like, you’d understand.”

  Trevor came back from the kitchen. He passed us each a beer, even though he’d said he wasn’t getting us any, and twisted the cap off his. “What who looks like?”

  Brady responded. “A Greek goddess from my office.”

  Trevor took a swig of his beer. “Oh yeah? Set me up.” He wiggled his brows. “Greek is my favorite thing to eat.”

  “She’s not your type,” Brady said.

  Trevor looked offended. “Why not?”

  He smirked. “Because she’s into tall, clean cut, physically fit, successful dudes, that’s why.”

  Trevor was short, scrawny, and had a long, hipster beard. He looked at me and thumbed in my direction. “So I guess he’s not her type either? Dunc needs a haircut.”

  Brady laughed. “Didn’t you go to college with us? Dunc is every chick’s type. I only hung around him for the leftovers.”

  Eddie came back into the apartment, and I knew our discussion was about to go off track. I gave it one last-ditch effort. Picking up my beer, I twisted off the cap, tossed it into the middle of the table, and pointed the bottle at Brady. “So set me up with Athena then. Maybe I’ll like her better than Kimber.”

  Brady grabbed the cards from the table and started shuffling. “I would. But you have that rule. At least you did in college.”

  “What rule?”

  “You don’t dip your pen where your fraternity brothers have inked before.”

  • • •

  It was almost nine by the time the conductor on my train announced Maddie’s station was next. I’d spent the last hour and a half beating myself up over where I was going after where I’d just come from. What kind of a guy spends the day with one of his best buddies from college, a guy whose wedding he was supposed to be in, and then sneaks off to his fiancée’s house at night? Or his ex-fiancée anyway.

  An asshole—that’s who pulls that kind of crap. I knew a few guys who’d done shit like this over the years, and I’d always kept my distance, looking down my nose at them for breaking bro code. Yet while I beat myself up over it, I also could have gotten my ass off the train at a dozen different stops along the way and gone back home.

  Instead, I’d found a way to justify my actions.

  Brady had cheated on her. He’d come clean on that fact tonight.

  So he didn’t deserve Hazel.

  He was the real piece of shit in this equation.

  What I’d done, I’d done innocently.

  In fact, it was totally his fault. If he hadn’t called off his damn wedding because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, I wouldn’t hav
e had to take a trip to Vail, and I would have met Hazel when she was his wife.

  Goddamn Brady. He was the real cause of the mess we were all in.

  Not me.

  That was the truth.

  Now…if only I could believe the shit I’d been telling myself the last hour and a half, I might feel a little better.

  I sighed as the train slowed and pulled into the station. I’d texted Hazel when I’d first gotten on to let her know I was on my way. She’d offered to pick me up, but I told her I’d grab a cab and asked for her address, which she’d texted. So I was surprised when the doors slid open, and I stepped off the train, and the first thing I saw was Hazel standing in front of a car parked smack in my line of view.

  My mom used to read romance novels and leave them laying around the house open to whatever page she’d stopped at. When I was a teenager, I’d pick them up and read aloud as she cooked dinner—poking fun at what I interpreted as over-the-top, bullshit women’s fantasies that didn’t exist in real life. But apparently that crap—the sweaty palms and swollen hearts skipping a beat when you see the person you love—might not have been so unrealistic after all.

  Wiping my hands on my pants as I walked over to Hazel, I heard my blood pumping through my ears. She smiled, and I swear to freaking Christ, I couldn’t see anything else but her for a minute. I had complete tunnel vision. I’d known how I felt about her before, but damn… I had it really damn bad.

  “Hey.” I smiled as I reached the car.

  She wasted no time wrapping her arms around me and engulfing me in a big hug. “I’ve been so on edge all day thinking you were going to back out.”

  I squeezed her as hard as she was squeezing me. “I almost did a dozen times on that train. But I just couldn’t.”

  Hazel pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I’m glad.”

  I brushed a piece of hair from her face. “Yeah, me, too.”

  She took a deep breath. “Come on. I have something in the oven, and when I left I couldn’t find Abbott to put her in her cage. She likes to hide sometimes.”