My Favorite Souvenir

by Ward, Penelope

  I smiled. “That’s right. I get to meet Abbott the Rabbit.”

  “You do. And if you’re lucky, I’ll let you hold the leash when we take her for a walk. It’s just about the time I take her for her evening stroll before she goes to bed.”

  The ride to Hazel’s house was only about ten minutes. I’d expected it to be awkward like the other day in her studio, but we’d spent half of the time we’d known each other in a car, and somehow sitting next to her just felt right again. I almost didn’t want to get out when we pulled up in front of her house.

  “This is me.” She pointed to a small, white, Cape-style house on a street with a shitload of tall trees. The neighborhood was quiet and well kept and reminded me a lot of where I lived, actually.

  “This looks like the suburbs of Seattle.”

  “Does it?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I live in an apartment, but the houses and streets are similar.”

  “It’s tiny. But we never had more than two bedrooms growing up, so I think I’d feel lost in a big house.”

  I loved that she didn’t need a lot of flash. And as we walked up the driveway toward her front door, it made me think about how different she was than Brady. Brady’s family had some money, and if you were friends with him, you knew that. He didn’t come right out and say it in a pompous way, but you could see it in the things he’d waste money on—a hundred bucks for a wool hat just because it had some logo on it or how he always had the most recent iPhone, even though there was nothing wrong with his old one. I hadn’t been surprised that his apartment was in a building with a doorman, either. The whole scene was just him—guy in a suit opening the door as he approached, sleek-looking stainless steel in the kitchen, and marble in the bathroom. I couldn’t see Brady living in something understated like this.

  Inside Hazel’s house, I looked around. The first room we walked into was the living room, and it led to the kitchen behind it. Hazel made a beeline to the stove, and I followed her into the kitchen.

  “Mmm… It smells great in here. Is that brownies?”

  “Yup.”

  My eyes went wide as I stepped into the kitchen. The counters were lined with goodies. There was a plate of what looked like chocolate chip cookies, a plate of Rice Krispies treats, cupcakes frosted in vanilla, and a whole cake frosted in chocolate—not to mention the pan of hot brownies Hazel was currently removing from the oven. “Did you make all of this?”

  Hazel set the glass baking dish on top of the stove and bit her bottom lip. “Yeah. I…I’m not good at sitting still when I’m nervous, so I figured I’d make you a snack or two for when you got here.” She looked around. “I sort of got carried away.”

  I smiled. Glancing around, I noticed her kitchen was pretty simple—basic white appliances and store brands, nothing over the top like Brady’s place.

  “Where were you going to live after…” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the question.

  “I was going to move to the City, into Brady’s apartment.”

  I didn’t see any hint of disappointment about that not happening in her face. “Is that where you want to live? In the City?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not really a city girl. It’s funny. I love an adventure, but I want my home to be my calm place. I guess I don’t find the City that never sleeps very soothing.”

  I tilted my head. “So why would you have agreed to move there if you didn’t really want to live in Manhattan?”

  She tugged off the oven mitts and sighed. “I don’t know. Compromise, I guess.”

  My lip twitched. “You do know a compromise is one person giving a little and the other person giving a little, right?”

  Squinting at me, she reached over and picked up the plate with the cake. She balanced it in one hand. “Hmmm… I feel like hitting you in the face with this cake. Should we compromise on that? Maybe you’d prefer a cupcake, wiseass.”

  I put my hands up like I was surrendering, and she laughed and set the cake back down. But the minute it was on the table, I scooped out a huge chunk and held it up like I was going to smear it on her face.

  Her eyes sparkled.

  “You want to start a cake fight, huh?” I took a step closer as little pieces crumbled to the ground from my hand. “I’m ready now.”

  She took a step back as she laughed. “You wouldn’t.”

  I raised a brow and took another step. “You sure about that?”

  Hazel stepped back again, this time bumping into the counter behind her. She had nowhere to retreat. “I made you all of these delicious snacks, and this is how you’re going to repay me? Cake in the face?”

  I closed the gap between us and put one hand on the stove behind her. Blocking her in on three sides, I brought the cake to within a few inches of her face. “You started it.”

  “Alright! Alright!” She laughed. “I won’t throw cake in your face, and you won’t throw that mess in your hand in mine.”

  I grinned. “Well, whaddya know? The woman knows how to compromise suddenly.” I lifted the cake to my mouth and bit off a big chunk. “Mmmm… It’s pretty good. Are you sure you don’t want some in your face?”

  I was teasing, but the cake was actually delicious. I licked my lips to swipe the last morsels off, and when I looked up, I found Hazel’s eyes zoned in on my mouth, watching intently. It looked like she was hungry, but not for cake. I became mesmerized, watching her watch me—the way her pupils dilated and the blue of her irises darkened right before my eyes. Eventually, she looked up, and our gazes caught.

  The moment was so damn perfect to take her in my arms and kiss her. And I wanted to so damn badly. But I’d just walked in the door. We were alone. And although I’d only passed through the living room and into her kitchen, I could already count fifty different surfaces I wanted to have her on. So I wasn’t about to even attempt a kiss. Though, apparently Hazel had other ideas.

  I stopped breathing when she pushed up on her toes and moved toward me. Her face was so close that I could feel her warm breath tickling my lips. My heart beat out of control when her eyes closed, assuming she was readying to make the first move. But then suddenly, just before our noses touched, she veered to the right, bringing her mouth to the large clump of cake in my hand. She opened her luscious lips wide and sucked all four of my fingers into her mouth.

  Oh shit.

  Hazel had the most devilish glint in her eyes as she looked up at me from under her thick lashes. Confirming she had my complete attention, she sucked my fingers in deeper, reaching all the way to my knuckles before pulling back to slowly lick off all of the cake.

  Fuck me.

  It was the most erotic thing I’d seen in a long-ass time. My jeans grew snug as she finished cleaning me up, releasing my fingers with a loud pop.

  Seeing my face, she smirked like the devil she was at the moment. “That was a good compromise, wasn’t it?” She tilted her head coyly.

  I shut my eyes and shook my head with a groan. “Remind me never to negotiate anything with you. Where’s your bathroom? I need a minute.”

  I wasn’t kidding. I needed a bathroom, because the situation in my pants was not going away on its own.

  She laughed. “Down the hall on the right.”

  “Be right back,” I said.

  She smiled, seeming to know why I needed to rush away. “Okay. I’m going to find Abbott.”

  My growing erection and I made our way to the bathroom, still thinking about how it had felt when my fingers were in her mouth. That was too much. She’d made it way too easy to imagine how that mouth wrapped around my cock would feel.

  In fact, it would only take about two seconds to relieve myself. Although I didn’t think anything would really do the trick to calm me down tonight. My sexual attraction to Hazel was off the charts, totally out of control. Not sure how I’d thought it was a good idea to come here when I apparently couldn’t control my dick, and couldn’t trust myself. And she couldn’t be trusted either—that finger licking damn near kil
led me.

  Locking the door behind me, I walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on my face.

  Then something came out of nowhere, landing right on the top of the sink.

  What the fuck?

  I jumped back.

  Scared. The. Living. Shit. Out of me.

  With long, floppy ears, the little creature looked up at me. The next thing I knew, its two beady eyes were scrutinizing me…judging me for the bulge in my pants.

  Abbott the Rabbit.

  This is not the opportune time to meet you.

  “Holy shit. You scared the crap out of me, little one.”

  I took a few deep breaths and proceeded to wash my hands, all the while noticing her watching me.

  Yeah. I was glad I hadn’t decided on a quickie jerk-off session or I’d have had an audience.

  “Let’s just forget what was going on in here, okay?”

  Out of nowhere, she made a noise like a growl. I didn’t even know rabbits growled like that.

  Reaching out, I carefully lifted her into my arms. She made the same noise again but seemed to be tolerating the contact.

  When I emerged from the bathroom, Hazel caught sight of me holding her.

  “Oh my heart.” She rushed toward us. “You found Abbott! I’d been looking everywhere for her.”

  “Yeah, everywhere but the bathroom. Little bugger scared the snot out of me—hopped up from inside the bathtub to the top of the sink.”

  “She has a habit of doing stuff like that. I find her in the weirdest places.”

  The rabbit purred, seeming to have acclimated to being in my arms.

  “She likes you.” Hazel smiled. “Her mom likes you, too.” Her cheeks turned red as she looked up at me.

  Oh, Hazel. All the things I would do to you tonight if I could. I wanted to devour her mouth so badly right now. My eyes lowered to her neck, and I wished I could bite it.

  Maybe it was a good idea if we got the hell out of here for a bit.

  “Didn’t you say you needed to take her out for a walk?”

  “Yeah. It’s that time of evening. Let me get my leash.”

  I laughed to myself as she walked away. This was going to be interesting.

  After she returned, I bent down, setting the rabbit free and watching as Hazel adjusted the leash around her. We grabbed our coats and headed out for a brisk walk around Hazel’s neighborhood.

  It was dark aside from the light coming from people’s houses. Abbott scurried a few inches in front of us.

  “So, no one ever questions why you’re walking a rabbit?”

  “Oh, I get looks, believe me. I just don’t care.”

  “I love that you don’t care. Fuck people if they have a problem with it.”

  Hazel slowed her pace and arched her neck to look inside one of the houses.

  “What’s so interesting over there?” I asked.

  “Oh, nothing. One of my favorite things to do is walk at night and look inside people’s homes,” she said. “When it’s dark and people have their lights on, you can really see inside. There’s something so interesting about catching people in the midst of their daily lives without them knowing, whether it’s a man reading a book in the corner of his living room, or a family sitting down to dinner. It’s real, unfiltered life, you know?”

  “I believe there’s a name for that.”

  “Yeah?”

  I knocked my shoulder playfully into hers. “It’s called voyeurism.”

  “Very funny.” She laughed.

  “So, this…spying inside people’s houses while walking Abbott on a leash is basically your nightly routine?”

  “Yeah. Abbott likes fresh air, and I find it calming for me, too. Well, except for that one time a dog tried to attack her. Have you ever heard a rabbit scream?”

  “Can’t say I have.”

  “They don’t do it often, but it sounded like a screaming child. It was a shock to hear that noise come from her. They say rabbits scream when they’re feeling truly threatened.”

  I could relate to that. As soon as she said those words—feeling threatened—they reminded me how I felt about losing Hazel to Brady. Maybe I’d feel better if I screamed out into the night like a scared rabbit to let out my frustrations.

  I breathed in some of the cold night air. This walk was good for us. The less time alone in her house together, the better.

  As Hazel and I continued our stroll, it seemed her habit had rubbed off on me. I was now checking out the insides of people’s houses. We caught one couple having a pretty heated argument and watched about two minutes of the news on someone’s television.

  “Thank you again for agreeing to stay in town a little longer,” Hazel said.

  I looked down at my shoes hitting the pavement. “Leaving so soon didn’t exactly feel right, although I’m not sure I’ll be going back with any more closure than if I’d left when I was originally supposed to. This feels like…an impossible situation. And right now, time doesn’t seem to be fixing it.”

  That was more than I should’ve shared on what was supposed to be a casual walk. Without knowing how she truly felt about Brady, the future was a blur to me. I didn’t know what would happen with us, or with my friendship with him, for that matter. I didn’t even know if I’d see her again after I went back home. I had to trust that I’d gotten into this situation for a reason, and what was meant to happen would.

  I backtracked. “You know what? I shouldn’t have gone there. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company tonight.”

  She reached for me, looping her fingers with mine, and we walked the rest of the way hand in hand.

  Chapter 21

  * * *

  Hazel

  Once we returned to the house, the mood brightened as Matteo and I hung out in the kitchen, demolishing some of the sweets I’d baked. A part of me wanted to dip his fingers in the frosting so I could suck on them again. But I refrained. This more relaxed vibe as we noshed was almost reminiscent of our Milo and Maddie Hooker days.

  A feeling of nostalgia came over me. How much simpler things had been back then, only a matter of weeks ago. Catching myself getting emotional, I shook that thought from my head.

  “I never really gave you a proper tour of the house.” I got up. “Come on, I’ll show you around.”

  He seemed hesitant but got up anyway. I knew why—because I knew Matteo. We’d always worked so damn hard to not be in a bedroom alone together. It was almost comical how diligent we’d been about that. But you know what? I took a lot of pride in my house and wanted him to see every room.

  We started with the wall that displayed my sixty-eight smile portraits.

  “Wow.” He stopped in front of it and grinned, marveling at the black and white photos. “The famous smile wall.”

  “Yeah.”

  I watched his expression as he took it all in.

  He pointed to one of them. “Who was this?”

  “That was a man watching his girlfriend approach him at the airport. He was very happy to see her, as you can see.”

  He moved to another photo as I followed close behind him.

  “And this?”

  “That was a grandmother watching her granddaughter roller skate at the park.”

  “They’re all genuine smiles.”

  “Yup. That’s key. You saw the difference when I showed you your own smiles.”

  “It’s surreal to be standing here, seeing this in person. When you described it to me, I had a vision in my mind, but never imagined I’d actually get to see it.”

  “That’s wild, huh? That you’re here.”

  He gazed up at the wall, and after a long moment said, “I don’t regret it, Hazel.” He turned to me. “Even with everything we know. I don’t regret a minute of it.”

  “It sounds crazy to say, but neither do I.”

  “No matter what happens, I will always be a better person for having met you and for having gotten to spend time with you.”

  Why d
id his words sound kind of final?

  With an uneasy feeling in my chest, I wrapped my hands around his face and reached up, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

  After several seconds of gazing into each other’s eyes, he turned his attention back to the photos on the wall.

  He moved closer. “This is the one, isn’t it? The one you said was your favorite. The little girl.”

  “Yep. That’s it.”

  His eyes seared into mine again. “You get so much joy from the happiness of others.” He moved closer and cupped my face. “Are you happy, Hazel? That’s all I need to know. And you don’t have to answer now. Just think about the answer to that question and tell me when you know. Because if you’re happy with Brady, that’s all I need to hear. But if you’re not, you shouldn’t settle for anything less than total happiness.”

  I was happier than I’d ever been when I was on the road with him; that I knew for sure. And I needed to find a way to keep that self present in my life. But if I admitted that right now, would it make me seem insensitive to Brady? Matteo’s words sparked a series of questions that were now bombarding my mind. I’d thought I loved Brady. But his canceling the wedding really left me with trust issues. I also thought I cared deeply for Matteo. But how much did I know about him, about what life would be like with him?

  Brady was safe. Brady loved me—or so he claimed. But could Matteo love me now that we had this dark cloud hanging over us? And could I ever hurt Brady in such a profound way by leaving him for his friend? Would Matteo betray Brady like that, just to be with me? There were so many unknowns that wouldn’t be resolved before Matteo had to leave.

  “There’s so much I’m unsure of right now, Matteo. But how I feel when I’m with you isn’t one of those things.”

  He lifted his index finger and traced my lips. It lit my insides on fire. I closed my eyes, relishing his touch to the point that I found it hard to breathe. I could feel his quickened breaths on my cheeks. I wanted him. There was no denying that. My nipples hardened. I knew now that I would forego showing him my bedroom because I truly couldn’t trust myself.