Where I'm Going

by Parker Elliot

  Without lying awake all night missing Reign, wondering what he was doing in Dallas at any given moment.

  But he knew he was fooling himself. He knew damn good and well that there was nothing—and nobody—else that he was going to think of for a long time. No massage was powerful enough to get Reign out of his head.

  Nothing was.

  16

  Reign

  Reign thought that going home would be comforting. He thought that he’d be able to pick up right where he’d left off, as if no time had passed.

  He was wrong.

  From the moment he’d stepped off the plane, everything had felt… different.

  He’d told himself that he’d be ready to get back to work, eager to turn things around at the bar, and maybe even try to find some peace and zen with his personal life. But none of that sounded appealing once he was actually back home and in the middle of it all again.

  Even the weather was oppressive—hot and humid and wet—it was as if the universe was feeling his pain and sadness at leaving Benji behind.

  It really made him want nothing more than to turn right back around and book the next flight out to Anguilla.

  But that wasn’t going to happen. Even if he could’ve afforded another trip—and he definitely couldn’t—what good would it have done? At best, it would’ve just prolonged the inevitable. Then he’d just have to say goodbye again, and he seriously wasn’t sure his heart could handle that so soon.

  At worst, he’d get all the way out there and discover some fatal flaw in Benji’s perfection. Something that would have made the whole experience sour. Something that would have made him wish none of it had ever happened.

  Now, at least, he could hold onto the good memories, and that was… something. And there was still the chance that Benji would call sometime. Reign had put the ball in his court when they’d spoken briefly once Reign’s plane had landed back in Dallas, and now it was up to Benji.

  If he got freaked out about what they did together and never spoke another word about it, fine. That would be awful and shitty and unthinkable, but… fine. Reign could get over it.

  And if he did call, and they could remain long-distance friends? Great. Wonderful. Perfect. Reign really couldn’t ask for more than that.

  Why, then did he keep wanting so much more? When would that feeling go away?

  Because as much as Reign was tired of being alone, he was more tired of getting his feelings hurt. He’d had quite enough of that lately, thankyouverymuch.

  He was ready for things to start going his way. For the stars to start aligning in his favor.

  That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  “Reign Forester, you are a sight for sore eyes.” Jenny’s voice sounded tired, but she was grinning from ear to ear as she crossed the empty bar to welcome Reign back with a tight hug. “I’ve missed you, boss-man. I think we all have.”

  “I’ve missed you, too, Jenny. I’ve missed everyone. Even this big empty money-pit.” He gestured at the cavernous bar, with its rows of perfectly aligned barstools and shiny-but-often-completely-vacant dance floor. “I suppose it’s been like this every day since I’ve left?”

  She nodded, but he’d known the answer before he’d even asked. It had been that way for months, so why should the week he was gone be any different? Except that at least if it had been busy, he could point to himself as the bad luck charm, the thing that was wrong, the thing that had to go.

  Now, though? He didn’t know what the problem was, exactly.

  Sure, it was technically still early. You weren’t likely to find a bar that was terribly busy at three in the afternoon. Well, there was JR’s up the street, but that was different. That place was busy all the time. And Sue Ellen’s, but… still.

  Most places were slow in the afternoon, and that’s just how it was.

  But Reign’s bar wasn’t just slow. It was dead. Even the Tuesday afternoon crowd at JR’s would put Reign’s Friday night bar rush to shame.

  No matter what he tried—no matter what gimmicks he used to get new people in the door—nothing worked. Or it would work as long as the promotion was running, and then go back to crickets. And even then, Reign couldn’t turn a profit while running cheap drink promotions with expensive advertising. The numbers just weren’t there.

  It wasn’t a good way to do business, and it wasn’t going to keep him in business.

  “What are we gonna do, Jenny?” He moved behind the bar, absently pulling a glass down to polish as he spoke. The question had been mostly rhetorical, but he’d figured he might as well ask. Even though he knew he couldn’t rely on anyone else to get him out of the situation he was in, he’d definitely be grateful for any sort of eleventh-hour stroke of brilliance that she might offer.

  She was apparently out of brilliant ideas that day, because she could only shrug and look just as miserable as he felt.

  “It’s getting pretty serious,” he said, stating the obvious. “I guess I don’t really need to tell you that, of all people.”

  “I know. Everyone is complaining because business is slow, but I don’t think the rest of the staff really gets that the place might be in trouble.”

  “Is in trouble,” Reign corrected her. “Big trouble. And I just really, really don’t know what to do about it.”

  She walked behind the bar to join him, giving him a quick half-hug as she quickly dashed at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “How long do we have?”

  Reign shrugged. “A month? Maybe a little longer.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath. “Damn. I was really hopeful when we started half-priced Margarita Mondays. It seemed to be picking up for a while. At least a little…”

  “A little,” he nodded. “It would be better if we could get the people who come in for two dollar margaritas to buy a seven dollar shot to go with it. That was the whole point of the promotion—get the bodies in the door, and up-sell the hell out of them. Hasn’t really worked out that way, though, on either count.”

  “So what are we gonna do?” She repeated the question he’d just asked minutes before.

  “I wish I knew. I’m going to do my best to think of something—we’ve all worked too hard to just close up without a fight. But,” he paused and shook his head, “it might be too late. If something doesn’t change, we will shut down. And soon. There’s just no other way around it.”

  He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and then moved around her to put away the glass he’d been absently cleaning. “Anyway, sorry to be so doom and gloom. I just figured I needed to level with you, so nothing would come as a surprise if… you know, if things go from bad to worse.”

  “I appreciate it. You’ve been a good boss and a good friend. We’ll think of something. Something will work out. It has to.”

  Reign nodded and walked back to the office. He wanted to say something reassuring, for her sake as much as his own, but he just didn’t have it in him.

  There was really nothing else to say, anyway.

  17

  Benji

  Benji looked up from his desk as his office door opened, his face cracking into a wide smile. “Well, well, well…”

  “I hope you’ll see me without an appointment.” Chase grinned as he crossed the office and clapped his brother into a hearty embrace before pulling up a plush chair to Benji’s imposing desk. “Gloria didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “She didn’t even tell me you were here,” Benji said, furrowing his brow as he looked down at the stack of messages from his assistant—including some that he still hadn’t gone through from his vacation. “We didn’t actually have an appointment today, did we?”

  It had only been about a week, but the time since he’d been back from Anguilla had dragged on and on, blurring together until he wasn’t exactly sure what day it was or what he was supposed to be doing.

  Chase laughed. “No, I wasn’t even really planning on being in Nashville this week, but Jackson had a charity event to attend, and we figured i
t would get more press for the charity if we both showed up together.”

  “Sounds like something your manager should know about,” Benji said, raising an eyebrow. It wasn’t like Chase to make official appearances without at least giving Benji a heads-up. But he wasn’t going to try and pick a fight with his brother within the first five minutes of seeing him. And anyway, Benji just didn’t care enough to make a big deal out of it.

  “Whatever,” Chase waved a dismissive hand. “It’s not business. Not my business, anyway. I’m just going as Jackson Miller’s other half.”

  “Better half,” Benji amended. “But anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I wasn’t expecting to see you again until… I think you’ve got a gig in Detroit in a couple of weeks? Sometime around then.”

  God, why couldn’t he just focus? He had the date and venue in Detroit written down somewhere among the heap of papers on his desk. Probably. Maybe.

  “Yeah, something like that.” Chase cocked his head to the side. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine. Great. Why do you ask?”

  Chase’s eyes narrowed, and Benji knew from experience that his younger brother could see right through his act. Chase had always been able to tell when Benji was trying to bullshit him, and this time was apparently no exception.

  “Well, you sounded a little, um, off, the last time I spoke to you, while you were still at the resort. But you said everything was okay then, too.”

  “I’d just been through a hurricane, Chase. Maybe you can cut me a little slack?”

  “Of course,” Chase readily agreed. “I’m glad you made it through the tropical storm with no trouble—very glad, actually. And I let that slide, because I figured it was just the weather, or the jet lag, or whatever. Then, just now, when you weren’t sure if we had an appointment or not? I might have let that slide if it had been an isolated incident, too.”

  Chase gave him a pointed look, and Benji didn’t bother trying to hide his exaggerated eye roll.

  “Okay, Nancy Grace,” Benji smirked at his brother’s effort to connect dots and find hidden meanings that just weren’t there. “What’s the verdict?”

  “I haven’t figured it out yet,” Chase said. “But you’re not acting like yourself. That shit about you not knowing when my next gig is? That’s not the Benji I know. Whatever happened in Anguilla has thrown you for a loop, bro, for real.”

  Benji sighed. Chase definitely wasn’t wrong. The old Benji knew the plan for every minute of every day, weeks in advance. That was the Benji who lived and breathed Chase’s career from the time he woke up until the time he went to bed. That Benji hadn’t made it back from Anguilla.

  That Benji might not ever make it back.

  But how much of that did he need to tell Chase? If he was being honest, Benji still hadn’t sorted through his feelings about… everything. His job, his life, Reign—it was all sort of up in the air. And even though he’d made a point to call and text Reign as much as possible without feeling like a stalker, their conversations had stayed firmly in the friend zone.

  Which was fine, of course. Great, really. All that he could ask for.

  Right?

  “I’m fine,” Benji repeated, recognizing that his voice didn’t sound very convincing. But whatever. He didn’t have the energy to lie. Much. “I think I just need a little time to get back in the groove. For someone who had never been on a vacation before, that one was… a lot.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” Chase nodded, but Benji could tell by his tone that he wasn’t done thinking about the issue, even if he might be willing to let Benji off the hook for the moment. “Well, hopefully you can get back in the groove quickly. You know I can’t do this without you, man.”

  Benji gave a half-smile. He suspected Chase would actually be just fine without him, but it was certainly nice of him to insist otherwise.

  “I’ll get it together, don’t worry.” Benji shrugged. “Just one of those days, you know?” One of those weeks. Months. Years.

  “Come have a drink with me after you leave here. Or… take a long lunch and have a drink with me now.” Chase grinned. “Tell Gloria to clear your schedule for a couple of hours and let’s do some day-drinking.”

  Benji laughed. “I can’t just go… day-drinking, whatever that is, because I’ve got work to do. Work on your behalf, I might add. So you shouldn’t be a bad influence on me.”

  Chase shook his head. “Always so responsible. But I guess one of us had to be. Anyway, say you’ll come with me for a drink after work. Please? I’m not meeting up with Jackson for the fundraiser until seven, and he’s busy until then. You know how bored I get when I’m by myself for hours and hours.”

  Benji knew exactly how bored Chase got, and he had the credit card statements with the pages and pages of impulse purchases, trips to Vegas, psychic readings, and no-telling-what-else to prove it. The man really couldn’t be left to his own devices for more than a couple of hours at a time without getting restless. And now he had enough money to take it to a ridiculous level.

  Besides, drinks didn’t sound like such a bad idea. In fact, after the last few days he’d had, Benji probably needed a drink or three.

  “Fine,” Benji said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “Drinks at five. I’ll call you and we’ll figure out where to meet.”

  “Perfect.” Chase flashed a winning smile and jumped up out of his seat. “I’ll catch you later, then. And don’t even think about canceling on me. You know I’ll just come get you.”

  Benji opened his mouth to reply, but the sarcastic response fizzled in his throat. Chase was already closing the door behind him. And it wouldn’t have done any good, anyway. His brother was one of the most stubborn people Benji had ever met, and also one of the most persistent. If he had it in his head that they were going to have drinks, then by God, drinks would be had.

  The distraction would be nice, though. Better than going back to his condo and sulking, at least. Maybe it would even help keep his mind off Reign for a while.

  It certainly couldn’t hurt.

  At the end of the day, when they were finally settled in a corner booth at the small bar that was just up the street from his downtown Nashville condo, Benji was glad that he’d agreed to have a couple of drinks.

  He wrapped his hands around the cold mug of beer in front of him, thankful for having a brother who always seemed to know how to make everything okay.

  It also helped that the bar was quiet and upscale enough that Chase’s presence there didn’t really cause much of a stir. Not that seeing a country music star out and about in Nashville was out of the ordinary for anyone who lived there, but at Chase’s level of fame, there was literally nowhere he could go without being recognized. So being in public without it being A Big Deal, without bodyguards and screaming fans, was nice.

  Almost like old times, before all the fame. It was pretty relaxing.

  Unfortunately, most of the brotherly love and gratitude Benji had been feeling evaporated as soon as Chase started asking more questions.

  “So,” Chase said, quirking an eyebrow as he leaned in intently. “Are you gonna keep me guessing?”

  Benji blinked. “I’m sorry?”

  “About whatever it is that’s wrong with you. Whatever was bothering you earlier at the office.”

  If Benji had hoped that playing dumb would make the conversation go away, he’d been wrong. But he’d already known better. Once Chase had something in his head, he didn’t let it go. Ever.

  “I already told you nothing was wrong,” Benji said, trying to keep the annoyance he was feeling out of his voice.

  That was a fail.

  “And I already told you that I don’t believe that. I’m your brother, Benji. Don’t you think I can tell when something is bothering you?”

  “Right now, you’re the one who is bothering me, bro.”

  Chase smirked. “Fair enough. And I can see that, too. But I just want to help. If it’s really no big deal, why does it have
you so fucked up?”

  “I’m not all fucked up,” Benji insisted. “I just have a lot on my mind, okay?

  “Okay. Like what?”

  “For starters, the fact that all I do is work and go home. That’s it. I just go to work, and when I’m done there, I go home.”

  Benji rolled his eyes. He knew that sounded kind of dumb, but that was part of it. The only part that he was comfortable sharing with Chase, anyway.

  “Yeah, I know that’s all you do, because you’re pretty boring. But that’s how you’ve always been, Benji. You work too much, and then you go home and do it again the next day. It’s just… you.”

  “You’re right. That is how I’ve always been. But I guess I just didn’t realize it until I was away from work for so long. When I was forced—by you, as I recall—to relax in Anguilla, I thought I would go crazy. But it turns out that I kind of liked slowing down and… smelling the roses, for a change.”

  “Okay, great. So do more of that.”

  “It’s not just that, though.” Benji sighed. How much was he going to tell? Clearly, Chase wasn’t impressed with Benji’s problems so far. “What if it’s Nashville? Like, what if I decided to leave Nashville someday?”

  “Um, what?” Chase sat back in his seat as if he’d been struck. “Leave? You can’t. You have to be here.” He shook his head, emphasizing his point. “I can’t do this without you, Benji. We’re a team, remember? In this together?”

  Benji knew the conversation would go off the rails the minute he went deeper into it. It was why he’d been avoiding bringing any of it up with Chase in the first place. As much as he loved his brother, and even though he knew Chase wanted only the best for him, there were some topics that he was pretty sure Chase wasn’t ready to deal with.

  Moving away from Nashville—and, by extension, away from Chase and his career—was definitely one of those topics. But how could Benji even think about a long-distance relationship without at least discussing the possibility of moving away at some point?