Pushing Over 40

by S M Mala

  Natalie x’

  Maya didn’t have the heart to type anything long but left a universal message.

  ‘Well done! If anyone deserves something good to happen, it’s you Natalie.

  Love

  Maya x’

  She started to cry again.

  It was like torture reading about happy people because she wanted to inflict some of the pain she was feeling. Maya wanted everyone to suffer the way she was so they would know the other side of it.

  Getting up she walked into the kitchen and reached for the bottle of gin she had started drinking when they told her what was going to happen to her child. When the word ‘choice’ was taken away and all she was left with was a tunnel of pain.

  Then

  ‘Have you done it yet?’ Shona asked as Maya stood in the bathroom.

  ‘What’s the point?’ she said.

  ‘Do it!’

  ‘I did it.’

  Maya sat on the toilet and then double blinked, staring hard.

  ‘What’s happening?’ her friend asked.

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘What do you mean you’re not sure?’ said Shona, barging in to the bathroom. ‘Give it to me here.’

  ‘Let go!’

  ‘Oh my god!’ screamed Shona. ‘You’re pregnant! Look!’

  There was a very thick blue line developing in the section that gave the reading and Maya looked at the packet.

  ‘I’m pregnant,’ Maya said and smiled broadly. ‘I’m going to…’

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I’ve been pregnant before and I know what it’s like when it all goes tits up, so we’ll see.’

  ‘You’re having Adam’s baby,’ Shona said, looking confused. ‘Am I supposed to be happy about that? Are you?’

  ‘I don’t get it. I had sex with him four days after I should have ovulated and here I am, knocked up. I must have been getting my dates in a muddle.’ Maya smiled broadly and looked at Shona. ‘Please don’t tell a soul. Let me get through to the first scan then all will be okay.’

  ‘Adam’s the father,’ mumbled Shona, still with a confused expression and then shook her head. ‘That doesn’t bode well.’

  As soon as Shona left, she looked at herself in the mirror.

  ‘I’m pregnant. I’m going to have a baby. Adam Brady’s brat.’

  Emotional as she felt she couldn’t stop from smiling and breathed deeply then sighed.

  Then the fun began.

  Maya went round and pulled all her baby books off the shelf and logged into her favourite baby website calculating the due date.

  ‘I’m going to be a mum in thirty six weeks,’ she sighed and then looked at how it would grow week by week.

  Maya stopped smiling remembering she did the same thing when she found out she was pregnant all those months ago. She immediately shut everything off and logged into ‘Pushing over 40’.

  Vivienne had sent her an email. Hesitating for a moment she opened it and read it.

  ‘Maya

  Thank you for your kind words. I know you’re thinking of us and I will be in touch soon.

  Love

  Vi’

  Then knowing she shouldn’t be doing it she checked on some of the boards and went to the section for bereavement and loss. Taking a deep breath she started to read the new emails and gulped hard at the pain being put into words. Her eyes glanced then she stopped. There was a suspicious looking email. She opened it.

  ‘We are constantly on the lookout for new stories reflecting women’s pregnancy issues. Please email me if you would like to tell me more. We will pay for published pieces.

  Kind regards

  Jane

  Pregnancy Talk’

  ‘I don’t fucking believe it!’ she said and immediately sent an open email not before deleting the contact number and email.

  ‘Please do not solicit your need to make money and sell magazines on the back of real people. This website strictly forbids any journalists or publication contacting our members. If they wish to pursue their story with you, it’s up to them but with your circulation, you should be able to find stories through other means not on the back of a genuine website that wants to support NOT MAKE MONEY from peoples’ turmoil.

  Maya De Freitas

  ‘Pushing over 40’’

  She angrily put it on the website and then felt sick. Her first reaction was to drink a glass of wine then she remembered she was pregnant and suddenly life didn’t look so bad at all.

  Her head was spinning as she felt really nauseous then composed herself before leaving the house. All she needed to do was get to the doctors without throwing up then all would be fine.

  Soon as she got through the doors of the health centre she headed to the toilets but a tramp had been in before her and the smell of their strong urine made her throw up again. Eventually Maya sat in the waiting room for her appointment.

  ‘Maya De Freitas,’ the nurse called and she got up and walked into the room.

  ‘So why are you here today?’ Wendy the nurse asked.

  ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said and smiled to show it was a good thing.

  ‘Congratulations,’ she said. ‘Are congratulations in order?’

  ‘Yes,’ she smiled. ‘They certainly are.’

  The doctor calculated she was nine weeks pregnant and she felt relieved. She was going to get her nuchal scan and bloods in three weeks. They’d discussed her worry about something going wrong but she knew that if you let the mind take over, the body would get stressed.

  Maya stepped out into the fresh air and felt happy.

  ‘Three weeks to go until I see you,’ she discreetly tapped her tummy and walked down the road.

  Instead of feeling upset at seeing so many pregnant women down the road, she made a point to smile at each one and even at the buggy rage mothers, oblivious to other pedestrians as they barged down the road pushing their trendy armoury with such velocity with the aim to knock you off the pavement.

  Then she saw him.

  Tony was walking with his arm wrapped around a beautiful young woman and it was too late for her to step out of the way. She noticed he spotted her and Maya smiled, trying to walk around him.

  ‘Hello,’ he said with a grimace.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, smiling as brightly as she could.

  ‘How’ve you been?’ Tony asked tentatively.

  ‘Very well!’

  Maya grinned at the lovely slim woman by his side.

  ‘This is Olivia,’ he said, clearing his throat.

  ‘Hi,’ the girl woman replied and Maya grinned back.

  ‘Maya is Harry’s sister, you know my next door neighbour,’ he said, forcing a smile.

  ‘The kids are lovely,’ Olivia gushed looking lovingly at Tony who smiled back at her.

  ‘They’re pretty cute,’ Maya replied, feeling like an outsider.

  ‘How are things with you?’ he turned to look at her, with a serious expression.

  ‘I’m well. I was a little bit angry that someone from one of your publications, Jane if I recall, tried to get gate crash my pages to ask people to talk to her about their true stories for money,’ she said, unable to hide her fury. ‘It’s a little bit off when someone from a big publishing house wants to tout business on a non-profit website.’

  ‘I see,’ Tony replied gravely and shook his head. ‘I didn’t know.’

  ‘Well now you do. You have enough money to create a rival website and no doubt you will beat me hands down but, in the meantime, leave my website alone, please.’

  ‘Maya I really didn’t know that Jane had put something there.’

  ‘Then you should keep a closer eye on your employees, shouldn’t you? I better be going. Nice to meet you Olivia.’

  She quickly walked away and felt her tummy for some reassurance as she turned to see him kiss his girlfriend’s forehead before glancing back. Maya smiled and walked away then felt sick at the sight.

  ‘Hello stranger,’ she lau
ghed seeing Adam standing on her doorstep twenty minutes later with a big grin slapped on his face. Something lifted inside her as she sighed. ‘What brings you here?’

  ‘Can I come in?’ he politely asked and before she could answer he walked straight past her. ‘Where’ve you been keeping yourself? The last time I saw you it looked like you were upset after talking to the neighbour, your secret shag buddy.’

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

  ‘Something stronger?’

  ‘Rat poison?’ she smiled. Maya noticed he was smirking. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘You look nice.’

  ‘I’m wearing my usual old clothes, how can I look nice?’

  ‘There’s something about you… I can’t put my finger on it,’ he sighed. ‘Oh no I did, several times not so long ago.’

  ‘I’m cutting down on the booze, eating healthily and doing some exercise,’ Maya smiled brightly. ‘Do you want a beer?’

  He nodded and was grinning at her. Maya looked down and her boobs didn’t look any larger so there were no tell-tale signs. She returned and put the bottle in his hand.

  ‘I’ve split up with Penelope,’ he announced.

  ‘Again?’

  ‘Yes, again,’ he said, settling into the sofa.

  ‘What did you do this time?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said, looking aghast. ‘She told me she didn’t trust me and wanted out.’

  ‘She does have a point,’ Maya said, sitting next to Adam. ‘You’re too flirty for words sometimes. Who did you sleep with Adam?’

  ‘I’m not going there,’ he said, holding his hands up.

  ‘Adam?’

  ‘Alice Fulmer, you know, Dee’s next door neighbour, your secret middle aged lover’s kid?’ he mumbled.

  ‘You did what!’ Maya stood up and looked down at him. ‘Why on earth did you sleep with her?’

  ‘She came up to me and asked if I fucked as well as I looked and I told her I’ve had no complaints,’ Adam said innocently, looking up at Maya. ‘Did you have any complaints?’

  ‘You know she’s bisexual?’ Maya scolded. ‘Or she thinks she is because at that age you’re anything you want to be.’

  ‘Oh I know that. I was in bed with her and her girlfriend,’ he said, before breaking into a massive grin.

  ‘You really are a dirty little shit do you know that?’

  ‘Well I wasn’t fucking her daddy, was I?’ he said as Maya dropped back down to sit on the sofa. ‘I have to confess something about what you told me last time but don’t get angry with me.’ Adam moved closer. ‘I saw the pair of you together.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘I was baby-sitting and fancied a quick fag so I went to the back of the garden. Anyway I was just hanging around and I heard someone laughing… it was you. Now I was wondering if you were coming to pounce on me,’ he laughed and Maya could see he was building up to something.

  ‘Spit it out,’ she gently said.

  ‘I found myself climbing up the fence and looking over and you can imagine my shock when I look into the house and see my darling Maya riding the next door neighbour!’ Adam laughed out. ‘On that fucking expensive suede sofa!’

  Maya couldn’t speak.

  She gulped hard and looked at Adam who was smiling sweetly at her.

  ‘I’m not going to lie to you,’ he said sighing. ‘I was a little bit surprised but I never said a word even when you confessed what you’d been doing.’

  ‘When did you see us then?’

  ‘Just before Jack’s birthday,’ he looked away then glanced back. ‘You certainly know how to pick them! I saw the way he was looking at you at Dee’s. What the hell did you see in him?’

  ‘Remember, I used to fancy you once upon a time?’

  ‘He dropped you as soon as you mentioned you wanted to have babies.’

  ‘He can’t give me any. You don’t think Dee and Harry know?’

  ‘I don’t think Harry would take kindly to you porking his next door neighbour, especially when he thinks Tony is wonderful! And Dee fancies the arse off him so she’s only going to get jealous.’

  ‘Slapper behaviour runs in the Brady family then? Has she forgotten she’s married to my brother?’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with flirting,’ he laughed. ‘Do you still think he’s a nice guy?’

  ‘Not sure,’ she honestly replied.

  ‘I’ve been invited round to dinner with Alice.’

  ‘Don’t you dare mention a thing Adam, I mean it!’

  ‘Trust me.’

  ‘I don’t want you to say anything, promise? I’ve made a fool of myself over him and I don’t want you using what I said to have some fun with it.’

  ‘You still like him,’ Adam said glumly. ‘I can tell.’

  ‘To be honest I’m not sure if I really liked him or the fact the baby dilemma would be permanently put on hold if I was with him. It doesn’t make any difference now because I’m focussing on other things’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘The website and me,’ she smiled, catching Adam staring at her.

  ‘I don’t want to go round and pretend I like him for the sake of Alice,’ said Adam, shaking his head furiously. ‘That’s how he gets women into bed, telling them his wife died and before you know it, they drop their knickers at a shot.’

  ‘I didn’t sleep with him because of his wife, I slept with him because he was the most attractive offer I had in a year,’ she smiled putting her arm around the unsuspecting father of her child.

  ‘But then you screwed me and made noises only the old man could only dream about.’

  ‘I’m bleeding,’ Maya said, shaking as he held her mobile phone.

  ‘Oh no?’ Shona replied. ‘How much blood?’

  ‘I wiped and there was brown blood. It’s like when I miscarried. I’m nearly twelve weeks, how could this happen?’ she started to sob. ‘I’m going to lose the baby.’

  ‘Calm down, this happens. I bled every month when I was pregnant and all was well so just stay calm.’

  ‘How can I!’ yelled Maya as she felt her heart thump quicker. ‘I’m going to lose my baby. I know I am.’

  ‘Call the doctors now and make an emergency appointment.’

  ‘What’s the point? The scan is in three days. If it’s going to happen it’s going to happen.’

  ‘Maya,’ Shona said sternly. ‘Book an appointment now.’

  Sitting in the reception, her heart was racing as she waited for her appointment. As soon as she heard her name she raced into Doctor Persaud’s surgery and sat down.

  ‘I went to the toilet and-.’

  ‘Hello Maya, how can I help you?’ he asked, writing something out on a piece of paper.

  ‘Hello,’ she calmly said. ‘I went to the toilet and I wiped myself then spotted some brown blood. I think I’m having a miscarriage.’

  Then she burst into tears.

  ‘Any pain? Has there been much bleeding?’

  ‘Just a wipe,’ she said. ‘But I miscarried before and I know the signs.’

  ‘Calm down,’ he said, touching her hand.

  ‘My scan’s in three days and I know the baby will be dead, I know it,’ she cried, upsetting herself more in the process.

  ‘I could send you for a scan tomorrow if you are worried or you can wait three days. It’s really up to you,’ he gently asked.

  ‘I need to know now, I really do.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll make the phone call.’

  Maya sat there in a stunned silence as she heard him arrange for her to go to the early pregnancy scanning unit first thing in the morning.

  ‘It’s all sorted,’ he calmly said. ‘You have to stop worrying. It’s no good for the baby or for you.’

  ‘I can’t help it. I just know there’s going to be something wrong, I can feel it.’

  As she lay on the bed, shaking with nerves and her bladder bursting, cold gel on her stomach, she felt the scanner cross her abdomen and closed h
er eyes, not able to look at the screen.

  ‘Okay, we can see baby’s heartbeat,’ the woman said and Maya opened her eyes and looked at the screen in total relief.

  ‘It’s okay?’

  ‘It looks fine,’ she said. ‘Let me just check a few things.’ She watched the woman roll the scanner over her stomach. ‘Everything is as it should be.’

  ‘Oh my god, thank you,’ Maya said, starting to cry and wiping the gel off her stomach.

  ‘You’re booked for your nuchal in a day’s time,’ the woman said, glancing at her notes.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, feeling relieved as she hopped off the table. ‘Can I have a picture?’

  ‘Of course,’ the radiographer said and smiled, while printing it out. ‘There you go.’

  Maya looked at it and wanted to cry.

  This was the little baby in her tummy and nothing could stop her feeling of elation.

  She’d rung Grace several times and got no reply. Judy had told her that Grace was pregnant but didn’t want to say anything, hence not getting together for the regular drinks but she hadn’t heard from her in three weeks. Maya knew she had no choice but to track her down.

  Knocking on her front door she waited then her partner, Rufus, answered it, looking quite ashen.

  ‘Hello Maya,’ he said relieved.

  ‘I’ve not heard from Grace for a while and I wanted-.’

  ‘Hello,’ Grace said, standing in the corridor looking tearful, her auburn hair tightly tied up into a ponytail.

  Maya immediately knew the signs.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Maya asked and felt relieved on seeing her. ‘I was worried. I hadn’t heard from you so I wanted to see if everything was okay. Judy was chomping at the bit.’

  ‘Come in,’ Rufus said, ushering her in as she walked up to Grace. ‘I’ll just pop out for a moment, get some fresh air.’

  They waited for the door to close and Grace walked into the living room as Maya followed.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Maya asked as Grace sat down on the sofa. ‘You don’t look well.’

  ‘I…’ Grace looked up at her and started to cry. ‘I was all set to go to the hospital to get the scan. I didn’t tell anyone about it as I wanted to see how I felt as I was so happy and worried at the same time.’