Pushing Over 40

by S M Mala

  ‘This is a nightmare,’ he said, shaking his head furiously. ‘A fucking nightmare!’

  Maya looked at him and felt puzzled for a moment as she tried to take in what he was saying.

  ‘Adam, you did know that by donating sperm there might be the tiniest possibility that I could get pregnant?’

  He glanced at her and she noticed he was frowning heavily while looking down into his mug of coffee.

  ‘You didn’t think I’d get pregnant, did you?’ she said, trying to catch his eye. ‘You thought you’d donate your sperm, make a few grand and that would be it. Adam look at me.’ Maya didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘You were trying to fleece me!’

  ‘I fucking well wasn’t!’ he said loudly then glared at the other people in the place.

  ‘Why are you upset? No one’s going to know you’re the daddy are they? I’ll keep it quiet as long as you can do the same thing.’

  ‘Harry’s furious by the way and Dee can’t believe you’d get anybody’s old sperm to do the business,’ he grimaced.

  ‘I don’t care what they think.’

  ‘They think it’s wrong and you should have either met someone or not have a kid at all,’ he said quietly.

  Maya tried to hide her disappointment as she sipped her herbal tea.

  ‘I knew they weren’t going to be overjoyed but it’s too late.’

  ‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ he said, now putting his knuckles in his mouth. ‘It doesn’t make sense.’

  Now

  They lay on the bed holding each other. Maya felt his arms around her as he held on tightly. She looked at Adam who was staring into space.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked, reaching to touch his unshaven face.

  ‘Yes. How are you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said and looked at his chest. ‘I’m still bleeding and feel pretty shattered.’

  ‘What did your doctor say?’

  ‘He told me I should see a bereavement counsellor which he’s going to set up, as if that’d make me feel better about it.’

  ‘It might help.’

  ‘Adam I wish you hadn’t witness-.’

  ‘You needed me there. I couldn’t have left you. What sort of man would that make me?’

  ‘I never thought I’d say this but you are pretty wonderful… sometimes.’

  ‘I wish I could have changed things,’ he said gulping and she knew it was a sign he was going to cry again.

  ‘Nothing could have changed things,’ she said, burying her face into his chest and crying. ‘It started the day I conceived. There was no turning back the clock.’

  Then

  Maya sat on the sofa with Eadie and Jack as they watched television. She could hear the noise from next door. Tony was having a party and everyone had been invited except for her. Not that she cared as she didn’t want to go especially as she was pregnant.

  The day before Maya had gone back to the hospital and given her next set of bloods at sixteen weeks. She felt relieved it was all over but anxious as this time she was given more leaflets to read so she would be fearful until the baby popped out.

  ‘Okay, time for bed,’ she said to the pair of them looking at the clock.

  ‘Not yet,’ said Jack, staring at the television screen. ‘The film hasn’t finished.’

  ‘I’m recording it too, you know,’ she sighed knowing this would be her trump card.

  ‘I won’t sleep until I know what happens,’ he protested as Maya turned to a yawning Eadie.

  ‘It’s true, we won’t be able to sleep,’ Eadie yawned louder.

  ‘Enough! I need to do some work and I can’t do it while you two are up.’

  Jack scowled at her and she pulled the pair of them up the stairs, taking them to bed and tucking them in.

  ‘Go to sleep and no mucking about or I’ll tell your dad,’ she said sternly.

  ‘Why’s daddy annoyed with you?’ Eadie asked sitting up in bed.

  ‘He isn’t,’ Maya replied and stood by the door.

  ‘Yes he is!’ shouted Jack. ‘He said you’ve made a mess of things.’

  ‘Did he now?’ Maya responded not wanting to find out any more just in case she felt the need to go to the party and throttle their father.

  ‘What have you made a mess of Auntie Mimi?’ Eadie asked, slightly confused.

  ‘Your daddy doesn’t agree with anything I do and that’s because he has his own opinion and I have mine,’ she diplomatically replied.

  ‘Mummy said what you’re doing is wrong,’ Eadie whispered. ‘What have you done that’s so naughty?’

  ‘Nothing. And even though you must listen to what your parents say, they can be wrong, you know. Night night.’

  She opened the laptop and logged in ten minutes later so she didn’t have to think about how her family felt the need to dismiss her pregnancy as an almighty cock up. The noise of the party was distracting her and she could hear they were in the garden. Opening the door slightly she heard the laughter and chatter.

  It was a beautiful night and she sat in the garden with her laptop listening to the voices and smiling. Her heart sank. She wished she could be there, laughing and smiling, telling everyone how happy she was to be pregnant.

  ‘Fucking hell it’s her decision, stop going on about it,’ she heard Adam say.

  ‘It’s not the most sensible thing she’s ever done is it?’ whispered Dee. ‘You don’t pay some clinic to put sperm, from god knows who, inside you to get pregnant.’

  ‘She did so leave it,’ Adam hissed. ‘Maya’s pregnant and there’s nothing you can do about it.’

  ‘We don’t have to accept the child into our family,’ she said and Maya sat there stunned by the words. ‘We don’t have to acknowledge it if we don’t want to.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid and it’s not an ‘it’ it’s a baby. Who are you to get on your high horse? Weren’t you the one that got banged up when you were seventeen and didn’t know who the father was?’ Adam snapped and Maya double blinked at that piece of information.

  ‘Shut up!’ Dee hissed. ‘I was young not a middle aged woman.’

  ‘You make out that butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth but I know what you were like. You met Harry then suddenly you have all these fucking airs and graces, looking down your nose at people,’ sneered Adam. ‘I think it’s brilliant what she’s doing.’

  Maya smiled at hearing Adam’s words and walked closer towards the fence.

  ‘That baby is not coming into my home,’ declared Dee. ‘And Harry agrees with me. We don’t have to accept what she’s doing as normal because it isn’t.’

  ‘What if she was with someone and he couldn’t have kids? Would you object if they wanted a baby and got a sperm donor?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘You’re a bitch do you know that!’ he said loudly.

  ‘I don’t know why you’re defending her. You’re always saying she’s a pain in the arse.’

  Maya stood away from the fence and remembered that eavesdropping was never a good idea.

  ‘She is… but at least she’s genuine,’ Adam replied.

  ‘Are you saying I’m not?’

  ‘Hello, am I missing out on something?’ Harry asked and Maya stepped further away from the fence.

  ‘Your wife was telling me that you’re not going to have anything to do with Maya’s baby, is that right?’ Adam asked. ‘Your niece or nephew?’

  ‘Adam!’ Dee snapped. ‘Just shut up!’

  ‘I don’t agree with what she’s done,’ Harry calmly replied. ‘I don’t have to accept her child any more than I have to pretend to be happy for her, because I’m not.’

  Those words cut deeply through her.

  Her own brother, who knew how much she wanted to be a mother, wasn’t even prepared to stand by her.

  ‘Have you told her this?’ Adam asked and Maya knew he was getting angry. ‘Does she know how you feel? You better tell her don’t you think?’

  ‘We’re going to tell
her at lunch tomorrow,’ Dee calmly said. ‘I think it’s best we get it out into the open.’

  ‘You really are a pair of shits, do you know that?’ shouted Adam.

  Maya could hear he was walking away.

  ‘Adam!’ Dee shouted.

  ‘You don’t have to tell me tomorrow!’ Maya shouted loudly standing closer to the fence. ‘I heard everything!’

  ‘Maya!’ Harry shouted back.

  ‘Come and look after your own children, I’ve got my own one to see to!’

  She grabbed her laptop and marched into the house, putting it into her bag and grabbed her coat opening the door and shutting it gently.

  At the top of the path she could see Harry.

  ‘Don’t you dare open your mouth!’ she said, pointing her finger accusingly at him.

  ‘Maya,’ he said. ‘Let’s calm down a moment.’

  ‘Who the fuck are you to tell me whether you’ll accept my baby or not? You’re the little fucker that knocked up a woman and then posted her half the money for an abortion!’ she shouted as Dee stood next to her husband.

  ‘Why did you bring that up?’ Harry said angrily.

  ‘Adam’s right, who are you two to act the high and mighty about things, to judge me. I’m good enough to look after your kids when you want to piss off out. I’m certainly good enough when you need a favour here and there, but never forgetting money when you need to do something to that pile of shit you call your home. I’m not asking you for anything, I just thought you’d be happy for me.’

  ‘We’re not,’ said Dee, standing firmly next to her husband. ‘And we don’t have to be.’

  ‘Well at least I know where I stand,’ Maya hissed. ‘Goodbye!’

  ‘You went to a sperm clinic to have a baby. Don’t you know how wrong that sounds?’ Harry said anxiously. ‘What are you going to tell people?’

  ‘I get it,’ said Maya, walking past her brother. ‘What are you going to tell people you mean? Have I brought shame on the family? Give me a break! Living in a house down a road where you can hang out with the pseudo millionaires, you’re worried if I’d tarnish your image? Jesus, look at the pair of you, you do that enough on your own as it is.’

  ‘Don’t you dare speak to us like that! It’s not right. That child could be anyone’s and you don’t know what the man looks like!’ barked Dee.

  ‘Did you know what your kids would look like before they were born? Or were you fretting about the shade they’d turn out?’ Maya replied, knowing she was hitting below the belt but needed to say it. ‘Didn’t you ask me once if we had any black ancestors and what was the probability the kids would have afros?’

  ‘Oh Jesus!’ Harry groaned and she noticed he put his hand over his face.

  Maya knew the neighbours were listening and even though she was angry, it gave her some pleasure.

  ‘Hello, is everything alright?’ Maya heard and saw Tony walking towards them followed by Adam and Alice.

  ‘It’s fine,’ she said, unable to look at him. ‘I’m just saying goodbye to my judgemental family.’

  ‘We have every reason to judge you when you go and do something as daft as this! When you look at your child you won’t know what it may look like? If they’ll have your eyes or his?’ bellowed Harry.

  ‘Or an afro?’ Maya smirked.

  ‘You’re pregnant?’ said Tony, looking aghast at Maya. ‘Maya are you pregnant?’

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed. ‘And they’re not happy about the method of conception.’

  ‘You went ahead with the sperm clinic?’

  ‘You knew!’ said Harry, looking more shocked that before.

  ‘Yeah,’ Tony said, shrugging it off. ‘She mentioned it when we first met.’

  ‘I mentioned it to a perfect stranger because I couldn’t talk to you about it,’ she hissed at Harry. ‘Even after I had a miscarriage it was swept under the rug as if it was expected regardless how unhappy I was feeling, it’s just me so therefore it’s not important.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ defended Harry. ‘But that was different. It was Vince’s and he’d left you-.’

  ‘So if shit things happen to me then it’s okay, is it?’ Maya said, turning to her brother blinking back angry tears. ‘As long as it fits in with what you think is right and wrong.’

  ‘A sperm donor is just so clinical,’ Harry gasped. ‘It’s not-.’

  ‘I’m the father,’ Adam said and everyone turned to look at him. ‘She’s protecting me. I’m the father of Maya’s baby.’

  In a split second she saw a fist come flying out and Adam was on the floor.

  ‘What did you do that for?’ said Dee, running to her brother.

  ‘He slept with my little sister!’ Harry shouted holding onto his fist, looking in pain. ‘How could you do that?’

  ‘It was very easy!’ Adam yelled at him from the floor as he grabbed his chin. ‘There’s no fucking pleasing you two, is there!’

  Maya looked up and saw Alice and Tony in shock as Alice turned and ran into the house crying, quickly followed by her father.

  ‘Let’s go inside and talk,’ Dee calmly said, helping Adam up as Harry stormed into the house.

  ‘Go and look after your husband,’ Adam grumbled, pulling away from Dee. ‘I’m taking Maya home.’

  Adam grabbed Maya by the arm and dragged her down the road. They didn’t speak to each other until they got into the kitchen.

  ‘You arsehole!’ she shouted getting some ice and putting it into a tea towel and shoving it in his face. ‘You should have kept your mouth shut!’

  ‘I was sick of them getting on their high fucking horses. It’s been three weeks since you told them and I know they’ve been stewing about it,’ Adam said, holding the iced packed cloth to his face.

  ‘Did he hurt you?’

  ‘Harry’s a wimp,’ he shrugged. ‘It’s cosmetic.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, stepping closer. ‘Alice looked upset.’

  ‘I don’t care. She’ll get over it, at her age it takes minutes.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ Maya said, looking up at him. ‘I was eavesdropping from the other side of the fence. I heard what you said.’

  ‘Really?’

  He looked genuinely surprised.

  ‘Yes I did. Thank you Adam, you didn’t have to.’

  ‘I did,’ he said and leaned closer to her.

  Maya looked into his big brown eyes as he kissed her lips and she didn’t stop him from letting his tongue gently press through.

  ‘The problem is with being pregnant,’ she said, pulling a little away. ‘Is that I’m very horny but I haven’t got anyone to facilitate my need.’

  ‘Is that you asking politely for a fumble?’ he said smiling.

  ‘Go on then.’

  Adam dragged her to the bedroom and they took off each other’s clothing as quickly as possible before flopping onto the bed. She felt his hands travel her body and stop around her tummy.

  ‘It feels the same to me,’ he said and gently stroked it. ‘It won’t hurt the baby will it?’

  ‘No,’ she smiled.

  ‘And it’s okay to have sex?’

  ‘Yes Adam, it’s okay to have sex.’

  ‘Just checking,’ he said as he gently squeezed her bottom. ‘And I can still do everything as normal?’

  ‘Yes you can.’

  ‘Your tits look huge! I think I’m going to have a field day later on,’ he said, staring at them so much that Maya pulled the covers up. ‘When does the milk come out?’

  ‘When I open the fridge and take the carton out,’ she laughed.

  ‘I’ve never slept with a pregnant woman before,’ he sighed and kissed up her neck. ‘That I know of.’

  ‘Well there’s a first time for everything,’ she groaned feeling Adam’s lip trace her skin.

  She felt alive and responsive to his touch. Something about Adam made her feel warm and cosy, knowing she was carrying his child. This was all she ever wanted, to be with the father of her chil
d who she cared deeply about.

  Maya gasped as his mouth worked on her breasts then felt his finger dip inside her before gently circling her clitoris, which she knew was very stiff as her inner lips swelled in anticipation.

  It took her a matter of seconds to climax as she gently bit onto his shoulder as Adam pushed inside and started to kiss her gently, moving slowly as possible.

  ‘You feel amazing,’ he whispered. ‘Really, really hot. I swore I wouldn’t sleep with you again, you know.’

  ‘Me too.’

  For a moment they looked at each other and, again, she had an unexpected stirring inside as he started to move faster, burying his head in her neck, giving her goose pimples.

  ‘Oh Jesus… Jesus!’ he moaned.

  She felt his body shake as he let out a little squeal then a grunt finished by a groan before he dropped on the bed beside her.

  ‘You can stay here the night, if you want, or do you want to go home?’ she said, kissing his face. ‘You know you’ve been my hero today.’

  ‘That was the one and only time I’ll ever do it for you,’ he sighed. ‘I need to talk to you.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, looking up at him and smiling, feeling so much love towards her reluctant hero.

  ‘Ah, it can wait,’ he said and rolled on top covering her with kisses.

  ‘Can I come in?’ Harry said, standing on her doorsteps the following morning.

  ‘Say what you have to on the doorstep,’ she replied, arms folded waiting for her brother’s next outburst.

  ‘We can be civilised about it, can’t we?’

  ‘You obviously can’t. You had no right to hit Adam. You’re not my father or my keeper.’

  ‘It was my first-.’

  ‘You’re a two faced shit, do you know that?’

  Maya looked at him and could see Harry was spooling for a fight.

  ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘When I’ve hinted at getting pregnant you never said a word even when I said about getting a sperm donor.’

  ‘I didn’t think you were serious,’ he said, shrugging his shoulders. ‘I just put it down to one of your strange jokes. You know what you’re like!’

  ‘Who are you to say if my baby is good enough to come into your home and mix with you?’ she hissed.