Pushing Over 40

by S M Mala

  ‘I never said that,’ Harry said, holding up his hands.

  ‘Who is your wife to tell me that my child isn’t good enough to come into her home? Tell me? What has she turned into? Mother Theresa all of a sudden? You know as well as I do she has her own personal hang ups.’

  ‘It’s her opinion,’ he said, scowling at her. ‘And don’t attack her when she’s not here to defend herself.’

  ‘Like you’ve done to me? Making decisions on what?’

  ‘You have to see it from-.’

  ‘Leave me alone. When push comes to shove I know who I can rely on.’

  ‘Adam? You can rely on Adam?’ Harry replied, getting angry.

  ‘People who truly care about me support my decision.’

  ‘And Adam getting you pregnant? What’s that all about?’

  ‘It’s complicated but it happened and that’s all there is to know. Let me get on with my pregnancy and if you think my child and I are good enough for you nearer the time, then good but in the meantime, piss off and leave me alone.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said, getting angry. ‘I came here to make peace with-.’

  ‘Make peace with me? You came round because I know what you’ve been saying and if that’s the sort of people you are then I feel very sorry for Eadie and Jack… because I hope they’re as disappointed with you as I am.’

  ‘And you getting knocked up by their uncle is going to make it better is it?’ he snapped.

  ‘There’s no pleasing you, is there? Sperm donor or Adam?’ she said, holding her hands as if she was weighing the words like they were on scales. ‘What’s wrong with the options there? We’re not related by blood, Adam and I. It’s perfectly legal and not incest unless you think everyone who comes round for Sunday lunch has a DNA link because they use the same toilet seat.’

  ‘Adam’s not the father,’ Harry said, standing firmly on the doorstep. ‘You’re using it as a cover, I know you are.’

  ‘Go away Harry,’ she said, slamming the door shut in his face.

  ‘Ask Adam, go on!’ he shouted through the letter box and Maya stopped as Adam stood on the corridor and looked at her with a pained expression.

  ‘What’s he talking about?’ she said, looking at Adam who was anxiously walking towards her.

  ‘Let Harry in,’ Adam said quietly.

  ‘No!’

  ‘I’m going to let him in.’

  Adam walked to the door and opened it as Harry did a double take, sneered at Adam and went past Maya into the flat.

  She looked at Adam then followed her brother.

  ‘You spent the night here then?’ Harry said, glaring at Adam.

  ‘I thought it was best he stayed here,’ Maya replied, relieved Adam had put some clothes on and looked semi respectable.

  ‘How long have you been seeing each other?’ asked Harry, sitting down, looking slightly unsteady on his feet from saying the sentence.

  ‘We’re not seeing each other,’ Adam replied. ‘It was a one off.’

  ‘One off miracle, you mean!’ snapped Harry. ‘Tell her Adam, tell her what you told me years ago.’

  ‘What?’ Maya looked at the pair of them feeling slightly confused. ‘What did you tell Harry?’

  ‘He can’t have kids as he has a non-existent sperm count,’ Harry said, staring at Adam. ‘It’s all good and well, being gallant towards my sister but knowing that I know, well that’s bloody insulting!’

  ‘That’s bollocks! Tell him Adam you were winding him up,’ Maya laughed and noticed Adam had turned ashen.

  ‘It’s true,’ Adam quietly said and Maya stood there in shock. ‘I have an extremely low sperm count. I found out years ago. I had glandular fever as a kid and wanted it checked out.’

  ‘No way,’ she nervously laughed. ‘How could I be-.’

  An even bigger shock swept over her body as she had to take it all in.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Adam said, reaching to touch her as she felt giddy.

  ‘Get off me Adam! You little devious mother fucker!’ Maya screamed out loudly.

  ‘What’s going on now?’ Harry asked, standing up. ‘If he’s not the father, then who is?’

  ‘Get out!’ she screamed. ‘Get out the pair of you and I never want to see you again, do you hear me!’

  ‘Calm down Maya, it’s not good for the baby,’ Adam said calmly.

  ‘Baby? Don’t you ever dare mention the word ‘baby’ to me again, do you hear me? Leave me alone… just leave me alone!’

  ‘We better go,’ Harry said, pulling Adam’s arm who quickly released himself from the grip.

  ‘Maya, I was going to-.’

  ‘You were going to cheat me, weren’t you? Of two thousand pounds,’ she said, her head reeling from the shock and trying hard not to cry at the bitter disappointment which was Adam Brady.

  ‘Cheat what? I don’t understand? What two grand?’ Harry said, looking at the pair of them. ‘Why’s Adam trying to protect you by saying he’s the father? Who is the bloody father?’

  Maya looked at Adam as he stared right back at her.

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Maya. ‘Can you two just go?’

  ‘Maya,’ Adam said. ‘I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’

  ‘Let’s go,’ Harry said gently. ‘Are you going to be okay Maya?’

  ‘No, of course I’m not!’

  ‘Thanks for coming guys,’ Maya said, sitting in a bar with Judy, Natalie and Grace. ‘I thought I’d treat us out to a nice meal.’

  ‘Why?’ Judy said, eyeing her suspiciously. ‘We know you’re pregnant, god knows how! So what’s the special occasion?’

  ‘There isn’t one. I’ve had a bit of a shitty weekend so I wanted cheering up… if that’s possible,’ she sighed still reeling from the shock of Adam’s news and basically feeling let down by the little shit.

  ‘How’ve you been feeling?’ asked Grace, her auburn hair flopping forward over her face.

  Maya noticed she was smiling but realised deep down she was probably upset about her being pregnant.

  ‘Not bad. I’m just waiting for the sixteen week bloods then I can look forward to the twenty one week scan and take it from there,’ Maya said cheerfully.

  ‘So who is the father?’ Natalie whispered. ‘If you don’t mind me asking?’

  ‘I-.’ Maya spotted Shona walking towards them. ‘Hello!’

  ‘Hello ladies hope you don’t mind me joining you,’ she said brightly, sitting in between Natalie and Grace. ‘My, don’t you all look lovely.’

  ‘Has she been on the sauce again?’ whispered Judy to Maya.

  ‘She’s never off it,’ mumbled Maya.

  ‘I heard that. What are we drinking? She’s paying so it’s a rare treat. Are you claiming it as expenses?’

  ‘Obviously,’ Maya grinned.

  ‘So who is the father?’ Natalie asked again, making Shona laugh.

  ‘Hasn’t she told you?’ giggled her best friend. ‘It’s priceless.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ replied Maya watching Shona do a double take.

  ‘This is a joke right?’ Shona had a fixed grin which Maya watched slowly fade. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘It’s a little bit messy,’ Maya replied. ‘Let’s eat.’

  ‘Why’s it messy?’ asked Grace, shaking her head. ‘Surely you know who the father is? How many men did you sleep with?’

  ‘Two,’ Maya mumbled and looked as Natalie’s mouth drop open.

  ‘Two! exclaimed Judy. ‘Wasn’t one of them spermless? Her words not mine.’

  ‘Here’s the dilemma. I slept with someone who I thought couldn’t give me a child then I slept with someone who said he could. What I have since found out is that the one who said he could, can’t, so that means that the one who couldn’t might have… does that make sense?’

  ‘You lost me after ‘dilemma’,’ Judy said, sipping her red wine.

  ‘You are joking?’ said Shona, sitting back in her seat. ‘You paid Adam to get you pregnant a
nd he’s what?’

  ‘Very low sperm count to the point of non-existent due to glandular fever,’ Maya said, trying to get her head around it. ‘He forgot to tell me this but still took the money.’

  ‘You paid someone to sleep with you?’ Grace whispered, holding her menu close to her chest. ‘Well that’s very modern.’

  ‘No sex was involved at the time, purely a swapping of receptacles which I dropped,’ said Maya sighing, knowing it sounded worse than it did. ‘Listen, I don’t know who the father is and both are sterile in some way or form so either one of their swimmers got through or I’m carrying Baby Jesus the 21st century version.’

  ‘Do you care who the father is?’ Natalie asked, sipping her water.

  ‘No,’ Maya said and looked at Shona. ‘They’re both little shits, one way or another, so I frankly don’t care.’

  ‘Hold on a minute,’ said Judy as if coming out of a trance. ‘You slept with that bloke with the vasectomy, so how comes you didn’t get pregnant before then?’

  ‘We used condoms,’ Maya whispered hearing Shona and Judy start to laugh as Grace was trying not to. ‘Just because he didn’t have sperm you never know do you?’

  ‘Oh my god!’ Judy said, fanning herself with a coaster. ‘You crack me up!’

  ‘Are you going to tell the other one there’s a probability he might be the father?’ asked Shona, narrowing her eyes after she stopped laughing. ‘The one who apparently thinks his vasectomy is working?’

  ‘No way! He’d only think I was trying to stitch him up and anyway, he wants to buy the website.’

  ‘What! You’re selling the website,’ shouted a horrified Judy. ‘You can’t do that.’

  ‘I’m not going to. Did you see that shit bag journalist trying to get people to give her stories,’ Maya said angrily. ‘The cheek of it!’

  ‘I saw your reply,’ said Grace. ‘Good for you. They’re preying on emotional women!’

  Suddenly Natalie burst into tears and Shona looked at Maya before turning to her sobbing dinner guest as Judy just took the opportunity to fill up her glass and knock it back.

  ‘Whatever is the matter?’ asked Shona, putting an arm around Natalie.

  Maya looked at a bemused Judy and a confused Grace.

  ‘I’ve done something awful,’ Natalie said. ‘You see we needed the money.’

  ‘Oh god, don’t tell me,’ groaned Judy. ‘Did you sell them your story?’

  ‘I did but on provision that they wouldn’t use my name and now they said they want to say who I am and I haven’t said a word to anyone. Not even my husband knows. He’ll go spare. His family don’t know we’ve been doing IVF and how many times we failed. They paid me upfront and now I can’t get out of it.’ Natalie sobbed into her napkin. ‘What am I going to do?’

  ‘Did you sign anything?’ Maya asked, her heart going out to Natalie and her anger directed at the magazine.

  ‘They said I didn’t need to until later and now it’s escalating. I’ve arranged for more treatment, paying up front. I wanted to tell you guys but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry,’ she sobbed.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Maya said. ‘I know the publisher. Let me sort it out.’

  It had only taken a few emails to Tony’s PA to arrange an appointment for the following week. As Maya set off she saw a letter from the hospital and then re-read it. Her result had said her chances were 1:60 for having a downs syndrome baby and she had to call the counsellor immediately.

  She was stunned.

  Her nuchal had been good and she couldn’t take the odds in. Putting it to the side she placed the letter in her bag and headed to the publishers, meeting Natalie outside.

  ‘We’re going to see Jane, the editor of ‘Pregnancy Talk’,’ Maya calmly said. ‘Don’t let her bully you into anything.’

  ‘I’ve spent the money,’ she said, looking upset. ‘My husband thinks I got a bonus. What am I going to say? Oh Maya this is a mess.’

  ‘It’s not a mess, it’ll be fine,’ she said, rubbing Natalie’s back.

  ‘I feel so sick.’

  ‘Just stay calm and let me do the talking,’ Maya calmly replied as they walked into the building. ‘We’ll sort it out.’

  Maya and Natalie went into a meeting room where they were met with Jane and another woman.

  ‘Hello,’ Jane said, standing up nervously as the other woman, who looked like an advert from ‘Zara’, got up too. ‘This is Rachel, the writer who spoke to Natalie.’

  ‘Hi,’ said Maya, ignoring the hands being put out to her as she sat down opposite them. ‘Are you feeling okay Natalie?’

  ‘Yes,’ replied the weeping woman.

  ‘You know why we’re here today don’t you?’

  ‘Natalie is a little upset with her story,’ Jane gently said.

  ‘Natalie is very upset about the story. She thought that you would give her some sort of anonymity because it’s a very delicate thing, IVF, for some people.’

  ‘Her story shows determination and spirit,’ Rachel interrupted. ‘She has had eight attempts at IVF and she keeps going. At forty three that’s amazing.’

  ‘At forty three she has no bloody choice! Don’t you get it?’ snapped Maya looking at Natalie who was sitting there stunned. ‘I think you took advantage of a desperate woman, if you ask me. You knew she wanted the money from this article to have one more go and now you’re putting on the screws to make her do something that will give you a better circulation.’

  ‘That’s not strictly true,’ replied Jane calmly with a fixed smile.

  ‘You went onto my website to try and get the women to talk to you!’ snapped Maya losing patience with the android women. ‘Without asking my permission knowing full well we don’t like publications or journalists to go onto the site. You have your own bloody website, go and use that.’

  ‘Maya,’ Natalie said gently. ‘Don’t stress yourself out, not in your condition.’

  ‘Are you pregnant?’ asked Jane, now sitting up.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How fantastic!’

  ‘How old are you?’

  ‘Forty two and this really has nothing to do with it. Have you gone to print yet?’

  ‘We’re awaiting sign off,’ said Jane calmly.

  ‘Does your boss know how you got the story?’

  ‘I do,’ she heard Tony say as he stood at the door.

  Maya gulped hard as she didn’t expect to see him there.

  ‘And you think that’s fine? Getting a vulnerable woman to tell her story when you dangle a cheque in front of her face knowing she’s desperate for treatment. Can’t you see what you’ve done to her? Her husband will go ballistic,’ Maya said, looking at the women and then standing up to make eye contact with Tony. ‘Please pull the story.’

  ‘We’ve paid her already,’ he calmly replied, walking to the table and sitting next to Jane.

  ‘How much did you pay her?’ Maya asked.

  ‘That’s between Natalie and us,’ said a smug Jane.

  ‘She didn’t sign anything to say she would let the story go ahead,’ said Maya now annoyed with Tony.

  ‘She accepted payment,’ Tony replied, glaring at her.

  ‘Then I’ll give you back the money,’ Maya angrily gulped. ‘How much was it?’

  ‘Twelve hundred pounds,’ Jane said. ‘And it’s too late.’

  ‘Tony, is this is what your staff are doing to women who are desperate? Can’t you see it’s wrong? These women are willing to sell their stories because they need the money for private treatment because the NHS say they’re too old. That’s not right and not fair!’

  Maya suddenly felt giddy and sat down.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he said, looking at her wide eyed.

  Maya glared at him and reached into her handbag to pull out a piece of paper. She wrote something out and handed it to Jane.

  ‘‘I owe you twelve hundred pounds’,’ read Jane.

  ‘I don’t walk around with my cheque book so I’ll drop it off at yo
urs,’ she said to Tony.

  ‘You can’t do that,’ Natalie said, her pallor now quite ashen. ‘I’ll never be able to-.’

  ‘When the baby comes use ‘Maya’ as a middle name, whether it’s a boy or a girl,’ she said, rubbing Natalie’s arm before turning to Jane. ‘Now drop the story or keep her identity a secret.’

  ‘What if we don’t accept it?’ Jane glared at Maya.

  ‘Then I’m going to tell everyone on my website what you’ve done. I’ll contact all the other pregnancy magazines to say how you don’t care about the real women you just want the stories and it doesn’t matter at what cost. I’ll even let them print my interviews for free and you can sue me but you and I know what you’re doing is wrong. Making misery and money on the back of others,’ she said and sat back giving them a disgusted look but focussing it harder on Tony, who was scowling at her.

  ‘I feel sick,’ Natalie said, standing up. ‘Where’s the toilet?’

  ‘I’ll show you,’ said Rachel, ushering her out as Maya turned to Tony and Jane.

  ‘Do you accept my payment?’ Maya asked again.

  ‘No,’ said Jane. ‘We go to print in-.’

  ‘Yes we accept it,’ Tony said, taking the chit of paper.

  ‘But we can’t find another story in-.’

  ‘We can. Keep her identity secret and we can just re-write it,’ he said and Maya could see he was staring at her. ‘Come round at eight thirty tonight and hand over the cheque. You can tell Natalie we won’t say it’s her.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Maya said, standing up and sighing. ‘What you’re doing is wrong and it goes to show that your publication and publishing empire is not good enough to buy my website. You have no compassion and idea about what these women and their partners are going through. Shame on you!’

  Now

  ‘I didn’t get the DNA done,’ she said and looked at Adam standing by the kitchen counter waiting for the kettle to boil.

  Deep down she knew who the father was.

  It was an instant recognition as soon as the baby was born.

  For the moment, Maya knew to keep it to herself.

  ‘I don’t care,’ he said. ‘She was my baby whether I’m her paternal father or not. I touched her, I held her and no one can take that away from me.’