Regretting Gabriel

by Brooks, Anna

  We lay like this for a while, and she finally puts pressure against me and pulls back to look up at me. I tilt my head down, and when my phone rings, I groan. I grab it off the nightstand, and Liam’s name illuminates my screen. I answer on the second ring. “Hey, man.”

  “You got plans tonight?”

  I twirl a lock of Cady’s hair and then watch as it uncurls when I let it go. “Just chillin’ with Cady.”

  “Everyone’s meetin’ up at Kelly’s tonight. You guys should come.”

  “There a reason?” Not like our group needs one, but with everything that’s happened recently, I want to make sure.

  “Nah. Since it was so busy the night of the benefit, everyone just wanted to get together again.”

  Part of me wants to keep her all to myself, alone in her bedroom, and not come out until they drag me out to get on the tour bus, but the other part wants to show her off, have her on my arm, and let the world know she’s mine… again. “It should be cool. We’ll stop by.” I feel her body jolt slightly. “I’ll see you later, man.”

  “Sounds good. Later.”

  Hanging up, I toss my phone on the floor. She doesn’t ask, but I can tell she wants to. “That was Liam.”

  She turns her head and then presses her lips together.

  “Everyone’s heading to Kelly’s tonight. You wanna go?”

  “You kind of already told him you were going, didn’t you?” She smirks.

  “We.”

  Her brows scrunch together. “What?”

  “You said I already told him I was going. Not that we were going. We. It’s not just me anymore.”

  “We.” The single word speaks more than a song, a whole album, but the gentle softness to her voice tells more than an entire novel.

  When we walk into Kelly’s this time, Cady’s head is held high. She’s not cowering like she was for the concert. She’s not the pillar of confidence, but I can tell she’s definitely more relaxed, which makes me feel good.

  I don’t want her to be nervous or afraid when she’s out with me and around the guys. I hope that in the future she’ll come on the road with us, but that’s a discussion for another day.

  Right now, I’m just glad she’s happy. She’s chatting with the girls and sipping on a beer. I’m shootin’ the shit with the guys, and we’re all having a kick-ass time.

  Until the night gets even better.

  Because drunk Cady is like a cat in heat.

  I never would have thought this girl, my girl, my timid, cute, sweet librarian could move her body like this. Even in my craziest dreams, I wouldn’t have imagined she’d grind her sexy ass against my dick, arms over her head, fingers pulling my hair. I got a sneak peek of the side of her with no inhibitions earlier, but it’s come out in full force now.

  And as much as I love that she’s coming out of her shell, I love that her being with me and feeling safe enough to do it is what brought it out more. When my hands glide down her sides and back up, grazing over her tits, I didn’t think that she’d push her chest out more. “Jesus, Cady,” I rumble into her ear. My breath makes her hair flutter, but the sweat on her neck has the stray hairs sticking to her skin. “You’re a wild little thing now, aren’t you?”

  She spins around and tugs my head down as she pushes up on her toes. Our lips crash together, and our bodies stop moving. I don’t know how long we stand in the middle of the dance floor just making out, but I only stop when someone bumps into her.

  She screeches, and I put a foot back to hold her up. I lift my head and find a drunk asshole staggering but staring at her ass. My ass. “Walk away,” I warn him. He looks at me, then laughs and rubs his hand over his crotch. “Oh, fuck no.” I spin her around and push her behind me.

  “Stop.” She tugs on my arm. “He’s drunk. Let’s just go.”

  It takes me glancing down at her with fear in her eyes to even be able to take a full breath. I nod at her, then shove him out of the way as I pull her through the crowd to the bar. Lisa is down at the other end of the bar alone, which means Nik will be right back.

  “I need to piss, then we’ll leave.”

  She smiles, and I kiss her forehead, then haul ass to the bathroom. It takes less than two minutes, but when I get back, that stupid motherfucker has his fucking hands on her. I have a hot temper, and I’ve been in a lot of fights. Arrested. Been through hell as a kid. And through all of that, I’ve never felt a rage boil over so fast, it almost halts my movements it happens so quickly. Nothing could stop me from getting this bastard away from her. She looks over at me as I’m charging through the crowd, and she tries even harder to get this guy away from her. Yeah, she knows what’s about to happen. No way. Not her, not on my fuckin’ watch.

  He doesn’t see me coming, and even if he did, it wouldn’t stop me from doing what I’m about to do. Nobody touches her. Nobody. I grab him by the back of his hair and pull his head back, then hurl it forward on the bar. He finally lets her go, but my work isn’t done. “Oh, my God.” I hear Lisa gasp in shock at the same time as this motherfucker squeals in pain.

  “Gabriel,” Cady whispers fearfully, but I can’t look at her right now. I need to teach this motherfucker a lesson. I already warned him once, which was more than he deserved. I pull him back but turn his bitch ass around so he can get a good look at me, so he can see through the blood that splattered on his face who’s about to hand him his ass.

  “Fuck, dude.” He sways and can barely stand, and I don’t know if that’s from him being drunk or from having his face slammed against the bar, but I don’t care.

  “You picked the wrong girl to touch, motherfucker.”

  I bring my fist back and bash it into his jaw, and his head flops to the side. I do it again, but as my fist is midair, it’s caught, and Nik pulls me away. “Cool it, bro. Jesus, you’re gonna kill the poor bastard.” I’m panting with rage now, shaking, the adrenaline nowhere near worn off. I peek over at Cady and see she’s being comforted by Mercy, but don’t let her fear or the way she’s looking at me, frightened, penetrate. “Chill.”

  “I’m good.” I shrug him off and drop the guy who I’m still holding up by his shirt. He collapses to the ground, and I squat down. He groans and flinches, but I bring my face close to his, so close I can smell the metallic dripping down his temple. “You ever touch her again, I’ll kill you.”

  His eyes drift closed, and I push to my feet, then find my girl. I know this is going to set me back, but frankly, I don’t give a shit. I reach for her, and surprisingly, she meets me halfway, fusing to me as we walk out. “Don’t say a word.”

  She presses her lips together and nods, and during the short drive back to her place, she doesn’t say a peep. I get us inside her apartment and drop my keys on the table.

  “Look, I’m sorry. That was out of—”

  She cuts me off by crushing her lips against mine. Her hands pull at my head, and all it takes is her soft tongue barely touching my lip to lose it. The control I’ve barely held on to snaps. “Gabe.” She moans my name, and I lift her up by her ass and start walking down the hall. The heat of her pussy is enough to melt even the iciest of hearts.

  I don’t make it to her bedroom before she starts pulling my shirt off. I drop her to her feet and have us both naked in seconds. I press her back into the wall and bury my face between her breasts.

  “Gabe.” Her fingers dig into me, and the pain makes me so fucking hot that I lift her up and crash into her without warning. “Oh, God.” Her tits shake with every thrust, and she smacks her palms against the wall.

  “So good.” I grunt. “God, Cady. Never been so fucking good.” And for the next thirty minutes, it only gets impossibly better until there’s nowhere else for all that good to go, and we both explode.

  Cady

  I roll to my side, feeling safe. Like I can tell him everything, or at least some things. I still can’t believe that he’s lying next to me or that he loves me or that any of this is real with him. It’s almost too good to b
e true. “Nobody’s ever really stood up for me like that before. I mean, ever. And it means a lot. I mean, you were really violent, and I hope I never have to see you like that again, and I shouldn’t condone it, but it was nice to know that for once, somebody had my back.”

  “I already warned him once, and I’m pissed that he put his hands on you at all, but I’m also pissed at myself for leaving you there before Nik got back. I was so damn ready to get you home I wasn’t thinking clearly. When it comes to you, I’m a bit irrational, and I admit, I took it too far. It wasn’t a big deal, though.” He blows me off, but he needs to know.

  “It is to me, Gabriel. You don’t understand.”

  The fingers that were wrapped around that jerk’s throat caress my cheek softly and gently. My temple. “Then help me understand. I want to understand everything, Cady.”

  I’m afraid at this point what will happen when he finds out who I am.

  “My dad.” I clear my throat, just those two words are enough to get me choked up. “After my dad died… I didn’t have anyone to look out for me. Not like that.”

  “Sorry, sugar.”

  “Thanks. He was… he was the best father a girl could ever imagine. And when I lost him, a huge part of me went with him, and living without him made me realize how much I needed him. It took me a while to realize that… that…”

  He palms my jaw. “Realize what, Cady?”

  “That I…” I press my lips together. “That I need someone… that I need you.”

  “Glad you finally figured out what I’ve been sayin’ all along.” I shiver, and he rubs his hand along my arm. “Are you cold?”

  “Yeah.”

  He looks around my room. “Do you have another blanket anywhere, we left the other one in my Tahoe?”

  “I can get it.”

  I start to get up, but he puts a hand on my belly and pushes me back down. “Where is it?”

  “In the other room.”

  “Need anything else?”

  “Just you.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Cheesy as hell, woman.” He kisses my forehead. “But I like it.”

  “I like you.”

  “I love you.” He jumps off the bed and wanders down the hallway.

  I throw my arm over my face and giggle at the bliss that is my life and try to remember the last time I was this happy. I can’t believe it’s really happening with him, but it is. I’m with him. I am officially in a relationship with the boy I crushed on as a girl, the man I fantasized about as a woman.

  A smile tickles my lips as I roll over, and I’m off on cloud nine somewhere when I realize Gabriel’s been gone for several minutes. “Gabriel.” I call his name. “Did you get lost?”

  He doesn’t answer, and a chill makes my stomach clench, and it has nothing to do with being cold. Shit. I throw the covers off and run down the hall, and skid to a stop at my second bedroom. The room that has all my father’s things in it. The one that the door has been closed to.

  “What’s your last name?” His back is to me, but I can see he’s holding a photo of me and my father. Shit. Shit.

  “Gab—”

  He holds up the picture, but he doesn’t need to. I know exactly what’s on that photo down to the color of the carpet. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Hell, like it was this morning. My dad took me into the studio with him, and I sat at the piano, him next to me on the bench, and he taught me how to play. Little did I know, they actually recorded some of the music from that day and it was in one of their songs. “What the fuck is your last name, Cady?”

  I swallow, barbs slicing my throat. “I was going to tell you.”

  “What. The. Fuck. Isyourlastname?” He whips around and throws the picture. The frame breaks the drywall and falls to the ground, shattering. If it wasn’t for the fact that I know I’m about to lose him, I’d laugh at the symbolism. “Say it.” I jump when he screams. “Tell me!”

  “Holiday.”

  “You’re Maverick Holiday’s daughter. You’re Cadence.”

  When Gabriel first came into my life, I questioned everything when it came to him. I can’t even believe I was so stupid. And right now, I’d give anything to have the time back when I pushed him away because I’m never going to get it back. I’ll never get him back. Now that I’ve had him, now that he’s proven himself to me in all the ways that count, I know without a doubt I can’t lose him even though I just did. “Let me explain.”

  “There’s nothing to fucking explain. You lied. You straight up lied to my face this whole time.” I jerk back because it feels like he just slapped me. That stung, but I deserve it.

  “Gabriel, please. Please, give me a minute to explain.” I try to keep my voice calm and even because his is so jagged.

  “You think you deserve that?”

  I nod adamantly. “I do. Just like you had your reasons for not telling me who you were, I have mine for doing the same. After I explain those to you, you can decide.”

  “Oh, I can? Can I? I can decide. Is that what I can do, Cadence?” he asks condescendingly.

  “Yes, please let me explain.”

  He shakes his head and laughs humorlessly, the hollow sound reflecting my soul. “I thought you were worth it. Thought you were real, but now that I know that you straight up deceived me, you made the decision for me. And you made it really fuckin’ easy.” He turns his back to me and heads to the door, but I run to him and grab his arm. No. No, he can’t leave.

  He’s so strong he’s dragging me across my wood floor, but the panic in me has me clinging to him, my nails cut into his skin, but I don’t let go. I can’t. I won’t. Not until he listens to me. “Gabriel, wait. Please.”

  “Let me go.”

  “Gabriel, please. Let me explain.”

  I can literally feel his body vibrating. “Let me go.”

  “No. Stay. Please. We need to talk.”

  “You need to let me the fuck go, Cadence.” There’s so much disdain in his voice it makes me sick. If it wasn’t for the knot in my throat that’s restricting the air from coming or going to my lungs, I’d surely vomit right now.

  I stand strong and hold tight, refusing to give up on him, on us. But he reaches for the doorknob with his other hand. I don’t let go because I can’t lose him. I just can’t. “Don’t leave.” He puts one foot in front of the next.

  “Let go, Cady.”

  “No.”

  “Let go.”

  “No.”

  “Fuckin’ let me go!” He turns so fast that my fingers lose their grip and his forearm crashes into my stomach. I fly backward, reaching out to grab something but only touching air. I collide with the table, and the back of my head hits something, the thud of my skull connecting piercing the silence. “Jesus shit. Fuck. Shit.” He’s in front of me on the floor before I even open my eyes, and his hands are shaking but for a different reason than unrestrained fury like a second ago.

  I blink, but the stars don’t go away, so it almost looks like his head is framed by a halo.

  “God, God. Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… fuck. Are you hurt?” His voice sounds all echoey amidst the buzzing in my ears.

  I don’t want to shake my head. “No. I’m fine.”

  “You are not fuckin’ fine. You just went flyin’ across the fucking room. Jesus fuck. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” He reaches for me and lifts me into his arms, and I hold on. Tight. Clarity begins to take shape again.

  “That wasn’t your fault. I’m fine. Just a little dazed.” I reach back and wince when I touch a goose egg on the back of my head.

  He ignores me and stomps down the hall to my bedroom and gently lays me on the bed. “I’ll be back with ice.”

  “I don’t need—” I don’t even try to stop him because he’s on a mission and already out the door. I take a moment to close my eyes and regain my bearings. I’m honestly not hurt. Maybe a little on the back of my head, but otherwise, I’m fine. More startled. I knew he was strong, but I had no idea he co
uld toss me across the room with one hand. Not that he did it on purpose.

  Gabriel comes back with a baggie of ice and a kitchen towel. After he wraps it up, he hands it to me, his breaths releasing in a series of sharp pants, and to appease him, I apply it on the back of my head. “Gab—”

  “Don’t.” He cuts me off. His jaw is tight, muscles clenching in his cheeks. The pulse in his neck pounds excessively, so rapidly that I’m afraid he’s going to have a heart attack, and his eyes, haunted and angry and darker than I’ve ever seen them, stare at my face. “Just don’t.”

  “You don’t even know—”

  “It doesn’t matter. Just shut up and go to sleep.”

  I swallow the acid that’s bubbled up my throat from my stomach. “I’m not tired, and we need to talk.”

  “We will later. Sleep.”

  He starts to stand, and instinctually, I reach out and grab his arm. His body becomes a sculpture, still and hard and ice cold. I drop it, and he hangs his head. He settles into the mattress, his hands rest on either side of his thighs on my bed, fisted quilt bunched up around his white-knuckled fingers. I watch him. But he doesn’t look at me.

  His breath is even now, but harsh.

  His jaw clamped tight.

  “That won’t ever happen again.” He barely whispers the words.

  “It wasn’t on purpose, and it was my fault.”

  “It’ll never happen again,” he vows, and I simply nod even though he’s not looking at me.

  I don’t know what he’s thinking. Or why. I want to ask, want to make him listen to me, but he won’t. Not now. So I wait.

  I need to tell him about my dad. I have to explain why I kept it from him. I’m trying to rehearse what I’m going to say, and I repeat it over and over in my head so I don’t forget the minutest detail. But like I’m counting sheep, the repetition becomes tiring, and eventually, my eyes become heavy, and I can no longer keep them open.

  And when I wake up some hours later, all the lights are on, but Gabriel is gone.