Regretting Gabriel

by Brooks, Anna

  “I knew you could do it.” He drops his hand and flicks on the light in the kitchen.

  I jump at the sudden brightness and blink harshly. When I can see clearly, I notice he has a couple of my suitcases packed. I can’t help the whimper that escaped my lips, and Chris leans his head to the side. “I’m not going to hurt you, but it’s time you come home.”

  “This is my home.”

  He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. You belong with m—”

  I jump, and he reaches for his knife when glass breaks from one of the bedrooms. “What was that?” He grabs my hand, and I follow him because I don’t have a choice. He flicks the light on in my bedroom and the bottom square of my window is broken, but it’s just a small hole. “What the fuck?” He looks around, and his hand squeezes mine painfully. “Time to go.”

  “Chris, please. I don’t want to go.”

  “You’re coming with me, Cadence. Home. Where you belong.”

  I cry out when he yanks at my arm, pulling so hard I think he ripped it out of the socket. He drags me down the hallway, and as soon as he reaches the threshold of the kitchen, Gabriel appears out of nowhere and tackles him.

  Screaming, I fall to the floor from the sheer terror, covering my eyes when Chris brings the knife up in the air. All I can hear is flesh pounding flesh, and when I peek through my fingers, I see Gabriel straddling Chris, beating him to death. The knife is nowhere to be seen, and I gulp in some air that he didn’t get stabbed by Chris, but then I’m worried someone is going to die tonight; it just won’t be me or Gabriel.

  He’s like a machine, his muscles coiled tight, vein in his forehead prominent, harsh breath forced through his teeth with every punch he lands… methodical, manic. Deadly.

  “Gabriel.” I whisper his name through tears, not wanting him to kill Chris. “Stop,” I cry. “Stop it!”

  And then there’s commotion, and I whip my head up to see the cops storming into my apartment.

  “Sir!” A police officer shouts at Gabriel, but that doesn’t stop him. He keeps pummeling Chris. “Sir!” The cop grabs Gabe, but he’s not to be matched. His arms move wild, his nostrils flare, and he bares his teeth when he screams and fights to get his hands back on Chris. “Let me go.”

  “Gabriel. Stop,” I plead. His head finally snaps up, and he looks at me, but I can tell he doesn’t see me through his rage yet. “Stop,” I beg. “I’m fine. I’m safe.”

  He manages to get free and is coming at me when the cop grabs his arm. “Sir.” And then another comes and grabs his bicep. Gabriel struggles against them.

  “Stop, Gabriel. Let him go!” I shriek at them and start to walk across the room, but an officer wraps his arm around my waist. “Let me go.”

  “Miss, if you’ll please—”

  “Get your fuckin’ hands off her!” Gabriel yells and tears out of the hands of the two police officers and is charging at me.

  I struggle against the arm around my waist, not because he’s hurting me but because I need to get to Gabriel before he does something stupid. But I’m too late. He reaches me and grabs my arm, pulling me to him, and at the same time, shoving the cop away from me.

  And suddenly, Gabriel’s eyes widen, and his entire being vibrates. He collapses to the floor, and the sound of electricity flowing through his body makes my ears bleed. “Stop it!” I scream. “Stop hurting him!”

  I’m once again pulled away, and there’s a flurry of activity, so many cops occupy my apartment and hide my view of what’s happening. I uselessly fight against the hands holding me and stare down at the man I love being dragged away in handcuffs.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Meara hands me a bottle of water, and I take it but don’t open it. All I can do is replay the past two hours in my head. Chris, the knife, Gabriel, the knife, cops, Taser, handcuffs. As soon as the police got my statement and left, I ran back to the bar with tears freezing down my cheeks as they fell. I knew everyone was there, and all that was on my mind was getting Gabriel help. I was barely able to get a word out because I was sobbing so hard, but I knew I had to get it together for him.

  The bar was closing, but when I stumbled in, everyone looked over at me. It was like a movie, where time was freeze-framed, and then suddenly, everything moved again at a breakneck speed. As soon as I opened my mouth and told them what happened, they jumped into action. Liam gave Meara and me a ride back to my place, and I heard him saying to her that I shouldn’t be alone, and he’s right. I don’t want her with me. I want Gabriel.

  But she’s hanging out with me until Liam gets back since he and the rest of the guys are going down to the jail to see what they can do. I guess they have some connections, so they’re going to try to help him.

  All I’ve been able to sit here and think about is his face—how he looked like a totally different person—and I know there’s more to him than he ever told me. He doesn’t just have a temper. He has some major anger issues, and I’m guessing they stem from his childhood, but he never told me about it.

  And shame on me for not asking him. He asked all sorts of things about me and wanted to know everything, but I didn’t do the same. I was so intent on keeping the truth about me hidden that who he really was got lost in my lies.

  The knock on my door causes me to jolt in my seat, and Meara pats my leg. “Let me see who it is.” I hear the murmur of a male voice, and a second later, I look up and see her with an older man. “Cady, this is James. He’s Jamie’s dad, and he owns a construction company. He’s going to fix your window, okay?”

  Gabriel went to Gia’s apartment and crawled over the fire escape and broke my window to cause a diversion. Then he opened my front door, that in all the commotion I realized Chris didn’t lock, to save me. And that he did, but he just destroyed himself in the process.

  I nod but find I’m incapable of speaking a word right now. The murmur of their voices are muted from my bedroom, but it wouldn’t matter if they were shouting in front of me right now because I wouldn’t be able to comprehend anything said to me.

  I think he’s here for about a half an hour before he leaves, and shortly after that, all the guys come back. I don’t know them, not really, and from the way they’re looking at me, I’m not sure if they know who I am or not. I don’t know if Gabriel told them that I’m Maverick Holiday’s daughter and the person who killed him.

  If they do know, they don’t give me any indication that they do. So they’re either really good at pretending, or Gabriel kept it to himself. And knowing him, it’s the latter.

  “How are you doin’, Cady?” Mike asks as he squats down in front of me.

  “How’s Gabriel?”

  “Stuck.” He shakes his head, but it’s Liam who talks. “There’s nothing anybody can do at this point. He assaulted a police officer—”

  “No, he didn’t. He—”

  Liam shakes his head and squeezes my shoulder. “I know, but that’s the charge. And with his priors…”

  He doesn’t have to finish the sentence because I already know where this is going. I’d offer to pay for a lawyer, or several, but the band is already represented by one of the most amazing firms in the country, so my offer would be declined.

  There’s nothing anybody can do right now, and frankly, I want these people out of my place so I can be alone. “Thank you for trying to help him.”

  “Of course, what else can we do for you?” Jamie tilts his head at me.

  “I’m fine.”

  Liam holds his hand out for his wife, but Meara reaches over and hugs me. “My number’s on a sticky note on your fridge. Please call me if you need anything.”

  “Sure.”

  She pulls back, and they all start to make their way to my door, but Mike stops before Liam opens it. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Cady. Gabe’s got no fuse, and if he knew you were blaming yourself for something that he did, he’d be pissed.”

  It must be written on my face that I feel that way. I simply shrug because I don’t agree. I
t is my fault.

  “I don’t know what happened between you guys, but we’re all a family, Cady. And you obviously mean something to Gabe, so like it or not, we’re gonna be lookin’ out for you until he can again.”

  One big family just like my dad and his band, except I never leaned on any of them after Dad died when they offered or tried because I blamed myself. I think in some way I thought that being treated like I did by Chris was my punishment for causing the accident that killed my father; even though I know my dad would be pissed at me if he were still alive.

  I offer Mike a tentative smile this time, and he presses his lips together and gives me a curt nod before he and the rest of them leave. The door barely clicks shut before I rush down to my bed and throw myself in face first, shoving my head into a pillow and screaming into it as sobs overtake my nervous system, and my breath hitches and my body spasms.

  Gabriel

  One month later

  The buzzing sound doesn’t shock me anymore, but every time I hear it, a little part of my soul dies. When the metal slides and the screech pierces my ears, it kills a different part of me. And when I close my eyes and see her face, any part that was left standing is obliterated, knowing I lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Due to no fault but my own.

  At least I can die knowing that I saved her from her stepbrother.

  “Hunter, visitor.” I sit up on my cot and drop my feet covered in jail slippers to the cold, concrete floor.

  “Who is it?”

  The guard tilts his head, clearly annoyed that I’d ask him such a dumb question; he doesn’t give a shit. “I don’t fuckin’ know. Get your ass up and let’s go, rock star.” Yeah, that’s been fun, too. As soon as word spread who I was, I became a target because others thought I was weak… that I was nothing more than a rock star who couldn’t hold his own.

  They learned as fast as my fists could fly that that was not the case. I might be a rock star, but I’m not a pussy. And I ain’t nobody’s bitch. As soon as that was established, aside from me being locked up, it’s been about as terrible as anyone could imagine jail being, but instead of being picked on, I’m respected by the other inmates.

  Sighing, I drag my feet and follow the guard down the hallway and into the visitor room. I scan the small space and hold my breath, looking for Cady. The last time she was here was the only time she will ever be here because when I saw her, clean and innocent in this dirty ass place, I lost my shit and had her banned from my visitor’s list. So I know she’s not here, but I still always look for her for whatever illogical reason… wishful thinking, maybe?

  It cut deeper than normal sending her away because I knew it’d be the last time I saw her, and not just because I was locked up. She looked so beautiful—so, so beautiful—but she was scared shitless. The door shut, and she jumped. Her eyes darted around, and her hands were visibly shaking. I didn’t even sit down. I had to do it quick.

  “Hey.” She whispered the word through the phone, and it set every fiber of my being on fire.

  The only reason I talked to her was because I needed to hear it from her. Her being safe was the only thing that mattered at that point. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I am. He’s, um… in jail. But he went out to the other one because his crime was worse or whatever.” She shook her head, and I could have stood there and stared at her forever. “I’m sorry. I’m nervous.”

  However, my forever with her ended when I threw her into a kitchen table. “You need to go, Cady. Leave and don’t come back.”

  “But—”

  “Goodbye, Cadence.” I hung up the phone, and tears immediately fell from her eyes. Fuckin’ broke my heart seeing that and knowing I was the cause, but it’s for the best. She’s better off without me. She’ll eventually move on and find a good man who’s into intellectual shit and has soft hands who would probably never be able to make her come with his sissy ass fingers, but at least he’d never hurt her with them.

  I try not to think about my girl with another man because if I do, it drives me mad. And I can’t have that. I need to have good behavior so I can move on with my life and get in the studio with the guys. I need out of this place and I need out on the road. That’s where I belong.

  Those thoughts are constantly waging war inside my head, and when I get to the visitor area and see my sister glaring at me, I almost turn around. But I don’t because if I can get extra time out of that fucking cell, I’ll take it. I sit down and stare at her and hate that she looks disappointed in me. She points at the phone on the other side of the glass, and I sigh. Lifting it to my ear, I already hear her. “Gianna, serious as shit if all you’re gonna do is yell at me, then you need to go home.”

  “Oh, no I do not, Gabriel. You need to listen to me and listen good.”

  I raise my brows, indicating for her to continue.

  “What did you do to her?”

  “To who?”

  “Don’t play dumb, asshole. She’s a fucking mess. She just sits at home crying all the time and has missed work like ten times last month. The only thing I got out of her was that you guys broke up before all this shit with you getting arrested happened. And from the way she’s torn up, I know it wasn’t her choice. So… what the heck were you thinking?”

  I lean forward, trying to hide the pain in me that Cady’s in pain. “I hurt her, Gianna.”

  “Yeah, no shit. Broke her hea—”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I hurt her. Shoved her so forcefully she went flying across the room and landed on her kitchen table so hard the fucking thing broke.”

  My sister’s mouth falls open, and she reaches up with the hand not holding the phone to cover it. Yeah, not pretty is it, big sister?

  “So yes. I broke up with her. And I deserve to be in here for what I did to her. Fucking hate that she’s upset, but it’ll be better for her in the long run. She’ll be better off with someone else.”

  She drops her arm. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

  “I know that.”

  “You’re a fool.” She hisses. “I know you. I know you, Gabriel. There is no way you shoved her out of anger. No way. Not after wha—”

  “You weren’t there. It happened. Now we’re done. End of fuckin’ discussion. You want to talk about something else, have at it, but if you bring her up again, I’m walking away.”

  I lean back and watch as she mumbles something under her breath. She straightens. “I’m moving to New York permanently.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I came home to take care of all the loose ends and stuff, but I’m going back next week.” She came back as soon as she heard I was in jail, but her life needed to go on, so she went to work after only a couple of days here. But now she’s back, and I’m glad to see her, but curious what brought her here in the first place again.

  “How’s Mom taking it?”

  She shrugs. “She’s sad.”

  “I bet.”

  “She’s coming to visit you tomorrow.”

  “I hate that either of you have to step foot in this cesspool.”

  Her eyes water, and I lean forward again. “Don’t cry, Gianna.”

  “I hate that you’re in there. You don’t deserve to be in jail at all, but definitely not for months. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Instead of agreeing with her, I shrug. I may not deserve to be in here, but at the same time, I do. It is what it is. I already had a record, so I knew the next time I was arrested, there would be consequences. And like I said to Gianna, for what I did to Cady, I definitely deserve it.

  But for pushing at a cop who had his hands on my woman who was struggling to get away from him? I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Fuckin’ assholes used the Tazer on me, though. That shit sucked balls. I’d never been tazered before, and I definitely don’t suggest it to anyone.

  “I pushed a cop.”

  “You were defending your girlfriend.”

  “I almost killed the guy who was th
reatening her. It went beyond self-defense.”

  She waves that off. “Whatever. Are you okay? Are they mean to you?”

  I laugh and roll my eyes. “It’s jail, Gianna, not summer camp. Of course they’re not nice.”

  We only talk for a few more minutes before I’m told time’s up, and I dread going back to my cell. “Please take care of yourself in here,” she begs. “I’m going to come back when you get out, and I’ll write you when I get to New York, and I want you to call me, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “I love you, Gabriel.”

  “Love you too, Gianna.”

  I stand and wait for the door to shut behind her before I turn and am escorted back to my cell. I sit in the center of my bed and stare at the envelope on my slab they call a desk. It’s been there for days, and I can’t bring myself to read it.

  Leaning over, I hold it between my fingers, and then run my knuckle over her handwriting. I smile when I remember the first note she ever wrote me, and how I thought even that was endearing. Now, sitting here in a six-by-eight-foot cell, I find it even more so. I literally have all day, so I take my time opening it slowly, so as not to tear the paper, just separate the lip of the envelope so I can take out her letter.

  I glide my finger over the adhesive where she used her tongue to secure it, then bring it to my mouth and press my lips to it, remembering for a moment what it felt like to kiss her. How soft her lips were and how delicious her innocence tasted. Swallowing my pride, I turn the paper over and read her words.

  Gabriel,

  I’ve started and stopped and then restarted this letter a dozen times. I want to respect your wishes, but I can’t let you go until you hear me out. I need you to understand.

  I killed my father.

  Can you imagine? I killed him, Gabriel. I killed a rock god, an icon, the best guitar player of this century, my daddy, your idol… I killed him.

  He was letting me drive his car, his baby, the one thing aside from me that he loved the most. I don’t even remember how it happened, but from what the police told me, the moment I turned the corner the sun blinded me, and I swerved. There was a car in the other lane that had just veered off to avoid a deer, and we crashed. My dad’s car rolled. I don’t remember that part. Luckily the family in the other car was unharmed. All I remember is waking up and seeing blood everywhere. I held his head in my lap and watched him take his last breath.