Heartfelt Lies

by Alexandra Christopher

  “I think I just need to let it go. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend. I just really like him a lot. I feel like we could have something special you know?”

  “I’m sorry. You’re such a sweetheart, Ella. You deserve better than that.”

  “Yeah. Maybe it will all seem different when I talk to him next. He looked genuinely surprised when he noticed me standing in the water, like he had actually forgotten about our plans. But I don't know.”

  “How could he have forgotten about making plans with you within a few hours? I'm sorry but I’m not buying it.”

  “That thought crossed my mind, too. And, if he could forget about me that easily, he must not be as interested as he made me believe. I don’t know how to feel. He sounded so sincere when he apologized. He’s called and texted a few times since then but I’m not ready to talk to him just yet.”

  “Well, no more sitting at home. Do you hear me? You and I are going to start having some fun! By the way, don’t make any plans for the second Saturday in July either, because you’re coming with me," she demands.

  “I don’t have a problem with that. Can I ask where we're going?”

  “Cliff jumping!” she singsongs.

  “Excuse me? Did you just say we were jumping off cliffs? Yeah, I don’t think so, you can count me out.”

  “That’s exactly what I said, and you'll love it! A group of us are meeting up at Blanchard Falls that morning. It’s beautiful there. There’s a hiking trail that leads to a huge waterfall that pours into a gorgeous turquoise pool of water. It’s surrounded by trees and tons of cliffs to jump from. Don’t worry, you don’t have to jump from the tall ones like the guys do. They like doing flips from the forty-foot one just to show each other up. I stick to the shorter ones myself. Much shorter.”

  “That actually sounds like a lot of fun. Do you know who all is going?”

  “Let’s see, I know for sure Zach, Will, Jax, Kai, Sophie, Amber, and Natalie are all going. And you and I of course.”

  "Anyone else?" I ask.

  “If you’re asking if Kohl and Lily will be there, the answer is more than likely yes. He never misses a trip and she tags along with him wherever he goes. Her mom lets her go anywhere with him because she trusts him to take care of her. That's my theory anyway. She and I have never really been friends, she's a year younger than me, but we've always run in the same circle. Know what I mean?"

  "Oh, gosh," I grumble. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I guess I can't avoid them forever."

  “I imagine Kennedy will be there, too. We only go to the falls once or twice a year and when we do almost everyone always goes," Jessa informs me.

  I look up just as the door opens. “The crowd's here. Come on girlie, time to work.” I turn, going to the hostess stand.

  It's six o'clock sharp, and I’ve just clocked out and pulled my purse from my locker in the break room, when Jessa walks in.

  “Are you walking home today?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I always do if it’s nice out. I don’t like to trouble Gram any more than I have to. Besides, I like to walk, it gives me time to clear my head.”

  “I was thinking maybe I could give you a ride and we could drive up to the mall in Jefferson. Do a little shopping, maybe eat dinner. They have this little Mexican restaurant with the best queso you’ll ever eat. I think you deserve a little pick-me-up after the weekend you had.”

  “Yeah, okay. Do you mind running me by the house first? I want to check on Gram and grab a clean shirt. I’ve got enough buffalo sauce on this one to coat a dozen wings.”

  Jessa bursts into laughter. “I looked up just as you were falling. I didn’t mean to laugh, I swear,” she says palms out. “It won’t take you long before you remember to tread carefully by the melted ice. You’re not the first to fall, I spent my fair share of time on my ass by that ice machine when I got my first job here a couple years ago.”

  “Man, it hurt!” I whine, rubbing my poor injured hip. “I’ve had my share of falls, but I don’t think I’ve ever hit the floor as hard as I did today. I’m just hoping it doesn’t leave a bruise. That won't be too sexy in the new bikini I plan on wearing.”

  “Oh, new bikini? Do tell.”

  “New bikini just as soon as we can get to the mall. I have a couple from last summer but they’re pretty boring. I want a little something, extra this year.” I wink.

  “I could get on board with that. I haven’t bought any new suits this year either. Maybe you and I should both go for a little something extra. We'll have all the guys turning our way.” She giggles.

  “Right? I mean, why not? I think I’ll splurge on a new beach towel and cover up while I’m there. And maybe an extra bikini or three. A girl needs a little variety after all.”

  “Absolutely, she does. But, why stop there? If we’re buying new towels and cover ups, we might as well go for some new flip flops and sunglasses too.”

  “Jessa, you just became my new best friend,” I say, linking my arm with hers.

  “Hey! I thought I already was your new best friend?” she pouts.

  “Awe, you were… or are… you know what I mean. It sounded good at the time so just go with it.”

  We make our way out to the parking lot arm-in-arm. I may have had a bad weekend, but Jessa is helping me turn my mood around. I’m so thankful to have found a friend like her.

  I miss Reed like crazy and he’ll always be my best friend, but I don’t know what I would do without Jessa in my life. She’s here and easy to talk to. Plus, she knows everything about everyone so she can guide me in the right direction. Reed can listen and be supportive all day long, and he is, but without him being here, it’s hard for him to give the best advice.

  Jessa starts the car and my favorite song blares through the speakers. A smile instantly spreads across my face. Yeah, this is gonna be a good night.

  8

  Kohl

  “What’s with that frown? Trouble in paradise already?” Lily smirks.

  “Something like that,” I murmur, trying to concentrate on backing the jet ski trailer into the shop.

  “Seriously?" Lily huffs. "She’s just going to have to get over the fact that you and I are good friends. Sounds to me like she might be a little insecure if she’s already jealous. I mean you guys have been out on one date. One."

  “I don’t think she’s jealous, more like upset. We had made plans to spend the day together today," I admit. "I was half asleep and not thinking last night when I agreed to bring you to the river. I basically stood her up. And to make matters worse, I didn’t even call and cancel with her once I remembered.” I hit my steering wheel with frustration. “Damn! How could I have been such an ass? I don't know what the hell I was thinking.”

  She tosses her hands up angrily. “Wow! Glad to know you enjoy being with me so much. Don’t let me put you out next time!”

  “I didn’t say that, and you know it. I chose to keep my plans with you because it's your birthday and I didn't want to upset you. In all honesty, I should’ve been able to call and tell you I had already made plans with Ella and had just forgotten. I shouldn’t have to worry about you throwing a fit.”

  “Tell me how you really feel,” she grumbles.

  “Lily, you and I have been friends for a really long time, since we were just little shits chasing each other across the yard. I don't want to fight with you. Can't we just call a truce here?”

  “Sure." She sighs. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry, Kohl. I didn't mean to ruin your plans. I can try to talk to her if you want.”

  "No, this is my mess. I'll clean it up."

  I huff out a frustrated breath as I slide out my door. I can’t wait to get home and just put this day behind me. I’ve fucked up big with Ella, judging from the hurt in her eyes today. I didn’t call because I didn’t want to hurt her. That’s why I acted like I had just remembered our plans when I saw her at the river. I’m sure the shock of seeing her helped to sell my lie.

  She already think
s Lily hates her. I didn’t really know how to explain myself without looking like an ass and making her think I was choosing someone else over her, and Lily of all people. I basically did just that though. I’ve got to find a way to make it up to her. I’ll beg her forgiveness if she’ll let me.

  I detach the trailer, and yell for Lily to pull my truck forward so I can lower and lock the shop door. She's staring out the window but turns, offering a supportive smile as she climbs over the console.

  Damn, why did I have to screw things up with Ella already? I had a choice to make when I woke up this morning, and damn if I didn’t make the wrong one. I’ve made a mess of this whole situation.

  My plan was to call Ella tonight and explain my predicament with Lily, but then there she was, standing in the river, shining twice as bright as the sun, with her long brown hair flowing down her back and those bright blue eyes piercing me straight down to my soul.

  Without thought, I immediately turned, flying across the water in her direction. When she spun around and fled, the weight of my mistake hit me, and my stomach sank. I swear, I’m never going to put someone else before her again. The thought of her never speaking to me is eating me up inside. I can’t stop picturing the hurt expression on her face, it will haunt me every day until I have a chance to make things right. That is, if she'll give me a chance.

  I climb back in my truck after securing the shop. If I’m going to fix things with Ella, I’ve got to get my head out of my ass and come up with a plan.

  “So, what exactly would it take for you to forgive a guy that stood you up?” I ask reluctantly.

  “Honestly, probably nothing. You know I'm not exactly the best person to ask for advice. I don't have the best track record with guys."

  “You know, now that you mention it—"

  "Ouch!" I rub my arm where Lily just pinched the shit out of me. "Why you gotta be so mean, Lily? Damn. You're always beating up on me."

  “How about we just change the subject? I don't see this ending well for you," she warns.

  "Oh, yeah? You mess with me and I might just make you walk," I tease.

  "What? You wouldn't dare!"

  I can't stop the laughter bursting from my mouth. I wasn't even a little serious and she knows it. "Nah, I guess not. I should probably keep you around. Who else do I have to spoil me with pecan pie?"

  "You, jerk! That's not the only reason you keep me around. But if you mess with me there will be no more pecan pie in your future!" she threatens.

  "Come on now, there's no need for something so drastic. I was only kidding," I back-track. She knows I have a wicked sweet tooth. No way I'm giving up her pecan pie.

  She rolls her eyes dramatically. "Don't worry, you big baby, there's no way I'd deprive you of pie."

  "All joking aside, I'm really worried I screwed things up beyond repair with Ella. I can't stop picturing her face. She looked so upset. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't give me a chance to apologize."

  “Well, if she doesn't, she's clearly not the girl for you. You deserve someone that's willing to let you make a mistake or two, someone that sticks with you through the good times and the bad. Don't get yourself all twisted up about it."

  “I still screwed up, whether she's the right girl for me or not. I hurt her and that's unacceptable. I can't just ignore that, that's not who I am."

  "I know it's not. That's one of the things I love most about you, Kohl. You have a soft heart and it's why I worry so much about people taking advantage of you. My advice would be to just give it some time. Yeah, you screwed up, but it's not like you two are in a relationship or anything. If she's interested, she'll come around. If not, well, then I guess you'll know she's not worth the trouble."

  “We're not in a relationship yet and at the rate I'm going we never will be. I've at least got to apologize before I give her space. I won't be able to sleep easy until she knows I regret what I did. She means something to me. I know we just met but there's something there. I can feel it and it's different than anything I've ever felt before.

  "Just promise me you'll be careful, take things slow. I know I've already told you this, but I really don't want to see you get hurt.”

  "I know. Thanks for watching out for me, but I can handle it. I don't see Ella as the type to purposely hurt someone."

  "Maybe not on purpose, Kohl. But I think she has the power to hurt you like no one else can," Lily says seriously.

  I know she speaks the truth, Ella does have the power to hurt me worse than anyone else. I'll take my chances though, because the things I'm feeling for her only come around once in a lifetime. There's no way I'm turning my back on that just because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

  We pull into Lily's drive just before dark. It seems like we've been gone for days instead of hours. "It's been a long day," I say through a yawn. "Talk tomorrow?"

  "Yeah, thanks for spending the day with me. I had fun."

  "I'm glad. Happy Birthday, Lily."

  She hops out the door, giving me a quick wave. "Talk to you tomorrow."

  I watch her walk inside the house and close the door behind her before backing out. I drive home with a knot in my stomach. How did I get myself into this mess? I feel terrible about how the day unfolded. I just hope Ella gives me a chance to make it up to her, to show her how serious I am about spending time with her.

  I'm home in no time. I walk inside and take a quick shower. As soon as I'm out, I call Ella, praying she answers, and she doesn't. I send her a quick text.

  Me: I tried to call but didn’t reach you. Can we talk please? I want to explain what you saw today. It wasn’t what it looked like. Well, kind of, but not really. Damn. This is so hard. Can we talk face to face? Please, Ella. Give me a chance to make things right.

  Hours have passed since I called and texted Ella. I’ve yet to receive a response. I’ve stayed up as long as I can stand, five o’clock comes early in the morning, and I’ve got to hit our home gym before heading to work. I fall back onto my bed, deciding to send one more text. I want to apologize in person, but this seems to be the only way I can right now.

  Me: I’m so sorry, Ella. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I never meant to hurt you and I know I did. I could see it in your eyes this afternoon and I never want to put that look there again. Please give me a chance to explain. Sweet dreams, beautiful.

  It's been a week and a half since that day at the river and I haven't heard a single word from Ella. I texted and called her several times in the days following my epic screw up, not once did I get a response. No matter how long I stared at my phone begging it to light up with her name, it never did.

  Dad finally gave in and confronted me about my piss poor mood a few days ago. After explaining what went down, I agreed to take his advice and give her some space and time to cool off.

  I’ve let her be for about as long as I can stand though. We finished up early at work today and I plan to make the most of it. I drove straight home and took the fastest shower known to man. The wait over these past ten days has been driving me crazy and today that comes to an end.

  I step out of the flower shop, my arms loaded with the biggest arrangement of lilies and daises money can buy. I'm driving them straight to Ella's with a heartfelt apology, face to face like she deserves. It's what I should have done to begin with. I took the cowards way out though and decided to hide behind my phone. It's no wonder she hasn't responded to me. I probably wouldn't have either.

  I rehearse everything I want to say over and over, all the way to her house. When she opens the door however, every thought flees my mind, except...

  "God, I've missed you!" I barely get the words out through my scratchy voice.

  Ella steps out onto the porch, closing the door behind her, a look of indifference covers her face. “Kohl. What are you doing here?” she asks without a trace of emotion.

  “I’m here doing what I should have done days ago. I know I don’t deserve it but I’m going to ask anyway. Ella, I a
m so sorry, I can’t tell you how deeply I regret hurting you. Will you please give me a chance to explain myself before you kick me off the porch? I promise, if you give me another chance, I’ll do my best to never hurt you again.”

  I’m begging at this point, but I couldn’t care less. I stand here, staring patiently into mesmerizing blue eyes, while silently pleading with her in my mind to let me back in her life. I don’t hide the remorse from my face, I want her to see how truly sorry I am for the hurt I've caused.

  She stares back at me, her mouth opening and closing twice before she finds her voice. “I’ll hear you out this one time, Kohl. Just once. My world’s been filled with lies and broken promises my entire life. Moving here is supposed to be my chance for a fresh start.” Ella shakes her head looking thoughtful for a moment. “I refuse to allow the same old demons to follow me. With my mom, I didn’t have much of a choice, but with you, I do. I won’t allow you to lie to me and then get hurt time and time again when you let me down.”

  “I won’t let you down, Ella. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to keep from hurting you again. Can we sit on the swing a few minutes, so I can explain things?”

  She walks toward the swing without saying a word. I take that as a yes, and I follow suit, making my way over. I place her flowers down on the porch and take a seat beside her.

  Turning sideways, I cautiously reach for her hand. She looks up at the feel of my skin touching hers. I can’t explain the relief that washes over me when she doesn’t pull away.

  Just allowing me to touch her and hold her hand, already has hope growing inside me. I swear if this girl lets me back in, she’ll be my number one from here on out. I won’t allow anyone to come between us ever again.

  I can’t help myself when I lift her hand up to my lips. I place the softest of kisses there. My lips remain tenderly pressed against her hand as I close my eyes and take a cleansing breath. I thank God that this girl, this sweet, beautiful girl, is willing to hear me out and possibly give me another chance.