A Touch Bittersweet

by Carter Ashby

  Maggie felt sick to her stomach. If she’d had any illusions as to Logan staying there, they were certainly dashed. No wonder he left. No wonder he seemed so unhappy there. What must he look like up in Montana with the mountains at his back and the great wide open and people who—if they weren’t family—were at least friends who cared about him.

  All this heartache because of one man. Frank had been so good to her over the years. She’d adopted him as her own father. She’d loved him like a father, and still did. It was difficult to reconcile this version of him with what she knew. And yet, she’d seen it, to a degree. In the coldness between Frank and Logan. In the bitter looks Frank gave him.

  “Have you ever talked to Frank about this?” Maggie asked.

  Eleanor shook her head. “I fooled myself that I had. Over the years I’ve pulled him aside and asked him to change his behavior. To treat Logan with respect. But I’ve never asked him to go into his heart and really change. I never demanded that he love Logan as his own son.” She let out a bitter laugh. “It’s such an outrageous thought. That Frank could ever love Logan. Too late, now, anyway. But even when he was a little boy, I could never imagine Frank opening his heart to him.”

  Maggie thought about her own kids. About bringing another man into her life and theirs. She resolved right then that she wouldn’t accept anything less than real love for her children.

  “Mom!”

  Maggie looked up at the sound of Gracie’s voice. “What?”

  “Nate went around back even though you said to stay in the front yard. I told him not to, but he wouldn’t listen.”

  She always looked so proud of herself when she ratted out her brother. “It’s okay,” Maggie said. “I think Uncle Logan is back there.”

  Out of nowhere there was a scream. Maggie leaped up and scooped up Levi from the front yard—at two, he was the only one she couldn’t trust to follow her or stay put without supervision. She plopped him on her hip and jogged around the house. Logan was by the chopping block on one knee wresting with Nate, who was flailing and screaming at him, pummeling Logan with his little fists. Logan pulled Nate against him and held him until Nate collapsed into sobs.

  This was over the dog.

  Maggie knew it as soon as she saw them, and for just a moment, she hated Logan for it. He looked up at her, and she was pretty sure he hated her for this as well.

  “You didn’t even let me say goodbye,” Nate said.

  “I know,” Logan said.

  “You’re a liar,” Nate said.

  Logan looked up at Maggie. She took a breath. “Nate, it was my decision. I thought it would be best to get the dog to the shelter as soon as possible. His owners might be looking for him.”

  “Why couldn’t you let me say goodbye?” Nate shouted, his voice muffled in Logan’s shoulder.

  “I thought it would be easier this way.”

  Nate broke free, turned to her, and shouted, “I hate you!” He ran toward the guest house.

  Maggie watched as she choked back tears. She watched him disappear inside. She tried to breathe.

  When she turned back, Logan was on his feet again, eyes locked on the back door of the guest house.

  “Thank you for taking care of this,” Maggie said.

  He looked at her and shook his head. “You’re the parent. But I don’t agree with this.”

  “You don’t have to.” She took Levi and her other two children and followed Nate back to the house. Self-doubt wasn’t something she was used to. It crept over her skin like poison ivy, and when she got home, she found she couldn’t sit still because of the discomfort it caused.

  “He’ll be fine. You can’t cancel a date every time one of your kids is upset. You’ll never go anywhere.” Charlie was fussing over Maggie’s hair. “I still think you should put it back.”

  “I want it down.”

  “It’s covering up your beautiful shoulders.”

  “It’s fine, Charlie. I spent all that time ironing it. I like the way it looks right now.”

  Charlie sighed. “Fine.”

  Her sister-in-law had agreed to help out with the kids for a couple of hours. She would walk them up to the main house to be with Frank and Eleanor. Once the evening wound down and she got Levi down for bedtime, she would leave. But it was just too much to ask of Eleanor to manage a toddler along with three other active kids.

  Nate wasn’t speaking.

  Nothing surprising there. He had a book and was hiding behind it.

  Levi toddled into Maggie’s bedroom, where she stood in front of a mirror, trying to decide if the black strapless cocktail dress was too much. But David had said to dress fancy. So…was it fancy enough?

  “Stop fussing,” Charlie said. “You look amazing. I’m going to take the kids on up to the house, okay?” She bent to pick up Levi.

  Maggie gave his soft, round cheek a big kiss, then wiped her lipstick off of him. “Be good, little man.” He grinned and hugged his aunt Charlie.

  As soon as they were gone, the house grew uncomfortably silent. Maggie put the TV on for background noise. David would be there within fifteen minutes, and for some reason, she was so nervous she couldn’t sit still. Nothing about this felt right. She’d just devastated her son by having his dog taken away…and not letting him say goodbye. That was the part that didn’t sit right.

  The whole idea of watching him cling to his dog, crying as he said goodbye—it had seemed like such a traumatic ordeal. Wasn’t it best to avoid that?

  What right do you have to rob your child of that experience?

  The thought hit her square in the chest. That was what she’d done. She’d taken away this chance for him to grow. Instead of talking to him and bringing him into the decision, she’d made it for him. And of all people, Nate was big enough and mature enough to have handled saying goodbye.

  There was a knock on the door—but not the front door. Why would David go around back?

  She made her way to the sliding glass door to see Logan there, leaning against the frame. She opened the door, he took one look at her, and his mouth hung open.

  When he didn’t speak, she said, “Yes?”

  “W-what’s the occasion?”

  Around this family, if you told one of them something, they all knew—often within minutes. She’d assumed word would have gotten to Logan pretty quickly that she had a date tonight.

  “I’m going out with David,” she said.

  Logan’s gaze moved from her chest up to her eyes. “What?”

  Shit. Maggie took a deep breath. It was all she could do not to turn around and run. “I have a date.”

  A whole range of emotions played out on his face. All the way from shock to hurt to anger. He looked her up and down and back up to her eyes. “I wish to hell I could get over shit as easily as you can.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I came down here to talk about Nate. I mistakenly assumed that situation would be heavy on your mind, but I guess I’ll leave you to your date.”

  “You don’t get to come down here and talk to me about how I parent my kid.”

  “You put me in one of the most painful positions I’ve ever been in. And I did it because I trusted your parenting. But looking at you…maybe I shouldn’t have. That boy deserved to get to say goodbye to his dog. You were wrong about that, Maggie, and I wouldn’t be saying that except it’s real clear he ain’t even on your radar right now. You just pulled his world right out from under him, and now you’re going on a date.”

  Her face was hot, her ears were hot, her hands were in fists at her sides. “How dare you.”

  “The kid deserved better than this.”

  Tears stung her eyes. He wasn’t wrong. He was coming to her telling her to her face everything that she was saying inside her own head. And there she was crushed in a vice of harsh truth.

  “I’m doing the best I can.”

  He dropped his head back and laughed. “Sure. You have fun, tonight, huh?�
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  He turned to walk away. His contempt hurt so much. If there was anyone she wanted to be on good terms with, it was Logan. But David would be there any minute.

  She sucked in a breath and shouted, “You’re leaving!”

  He stopped at the top of the porch steps.

  “You’ve said it a million times. You’re not staying here. And I know why. I know about you and Frank. I know you can’t stay here, I get it.”

  He turned to face her.

  She took another breath. “So you don’t get to walk up to my face and judge me. You don’t get to make decisions about me or my kids. You don’t get to be a part of this when you’re very clearly on your way out the door. I’m in this alone. I have four little worlds resting on my shoulders, and a foundation that got shattered not even two years ago. I’m doing. The best. That I can. And that’s none of your goddamn business.”

  He looked on the verge of walking away, but still he stood there. He shook his head and looked off toward the sunset. Softly, he said, “Feels like…”

  She waited. When he didn’t finish, she said, “What?”

  He met her eyes again. She suddenly felt naked, standing in front of him. She hugged her waist, folding her arms and letting her hair fall forward to cover her shoulders even more.

  “Nothing,” he said. “Enjoy your night.”

  He turned and walked away.

  Maggie shut the door as fast as she could. She was breathing way too hard. Way too fast.

  And then David knocked on the front door.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “YOU LOOK SO beautiful,” David said for the third time that evening.

  “Thank you. When you said to dress fancy, I had in mind we’d be going somewhere, you know, fancy.”

  She bit into her cheeseburger. David was in a nice, charcoal gray suit. They sat on the patio of the Riverfront Diner, where everyone else was dressed in jeans and T-shirts.

  “No place in town fancy enough for that dress.”

  “There’s places fancier than this.”

  David grinned and sipped his soda. His eyes sparkled as he stared at her.

  She let out a laugh and shook her head. “You know I had a day, don’t you?”

  “Chatted up your mother-in-law before I came down to get you.”

  “Of course you did. So you changed your plans and brought me somewhere you knew I’d be comfortable.”

  He hitched a shoulder. “I’m a thoughtful guy.”

  “You are.”

  “Nate okay?”

  “He will be. I screwed up, though. Bad.”

  David frowned and shook his head. “You made a decision. You did the best you could.”

  Did she? “You should have seen his face. I’d have canceled this date except that I know he needs a little space. But when I get home, I have to talk to him. Explain to him what I was thinking.”

  “Apologize?”

  She blew out a breath. “Do you think that shows weakness? Josh always thought we shouldn’t show weakness to the kids.”

  “I think it sets a strong precedent,” David said. “My parents always apologized when they messed up…or thought they messed up.”

  “And look how good you turned out.”

  He grinned. “I have nothing but respect for the way they handled those situations.”

  Maggie nodded. “I’ll apologize to him. Thanks, David.”

  “Sure, Maggie. Anything else on your mind?”

  “Nothing you want to hear about.”

  “Then let’s not let him come on this date with us, huh?”

  She knew her smile was sad. “Okay.”

  “I wanna make sure when you kiss me, tonight, I’m the only man on your mind.”

  “When I kiss you?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You’re gonna have to do a little better than beer and cheeseburgers, buddy.”

  “I’m not worried. You done? I wanna take you somewhere.” He signaled the server for their check.

  “Where?”

  “It’s a secret,” he said with a charming wink.

  “A secret?” She sipped her beer. “I’m intrigued but wary.”

  “As any intelligent woman would be. Are you in?”

  She finished off her beer. “Sure. Why the hell not.”

  He took a back road just outside of Splitlog. Claimed it was a shortcut. She knew the road and that it would take them behind the town and toward the river. Off the paved road, he turned onto a narrow, gravel road. It was dark and if she were with anyone else but David, she might have been creeped out. As it was, it gave her a bit of a thrill, doing something so far out of the norm.

  He pulled his car off the gravel road and onto a foot path. Then he put it in park. “We walk from here,” he said with a grin. He reached into the glove compartment for a flashlight and then climbed out of the car.

  They held hands like kids. The path was overgrown in places, and she was sure she was going to go home with a mess of ticks or chiggers. “I could have worn better shoes if you’d mentioned this,” she said, her voice hushed. Something about the quiet night made her feel she shouldn’t talk too loudly. He must have felt the same.

  “This is as bad as it gets. Your shoes can take it.”

  The path didn’t get worse, but they were going steadily uphill. It twisted its way endlessly. After about fifteen minutes, the ground started leveling off. They rounded a bend and then slowed to a stop. “This is our hideout,” David said, mildly out of breath. He shined his flashlight.

  Maggie stared at a ramshackle little clubhouse, which had clearly been nailed together by ten-year-old boys with little attention to detail. The boards were lopsided, the roof crooked. Maggie felt her smile widen. “You and Josh?”

  “Yep,” David said.

  “How is it still here?”

  “No idea. I hadn’t been up here in ages. The day I found out about Josh, I came up here—I don’t think I was really even conscious of where I was going. Just wanted to walk. And here it still was.”

  “You guys built this when you were kids?”

  He nodded. “We hiked a lot of trails. One day we hiked this one and for some reason, this is where the trail stopped. There was this huge cleared-out place, and we figured we’d build our hideout here. Took weeks to swipe enough lumber and get it hauled up here.”

  Maggie giggled. “He told me he had a secret hideout, once. But he never would show it to me.”

  “Good. No girls allowed.”

  “Well are you betraying some sacred oath or something, bringing me here?”

  David smiled down at her. “I think Josh would’ve wanted you to see it. He probably would’ve brought Nate up here. And Levi, someday.”

  Maggie was sorry for a future that would never be. If David had gotten married and had kids, they would have all been best friends, their kids all playing together. “What did you guys do up here?”

  “Important stuff,” he said. “There’s a lot of stuff a boy needs to try out. Cigarettes. Beer. Playboys. It’s good to have a hideout to do all that in.”

  “Seems to me like you could have had a lot more fun if you didn’t have that darned ‘no girls allowed’ rule.”

  He grinned down at her. Maggie felt her legs actually weaken. He’d been dreamy in high school. That was just magnified, now. And he still looked at her the same way. “Come on,” he said. He took her hand again and led her toward the clubhouse.

  She dug her heels in. “Uh, I’m thinking snakes and spiders.”

  “I’ll check,” he said. He ducked inside. A few moments later, he came out holding a huge, black snake that was half as long as he was tall. “You were right,” he said, grinning.

  “Holy Mother of God!” she shrieked. “Kill it.”

  “No,” he said, looking genuinely offended. “They eat rats. You wanna touch it?”

  “Do I look like I wanna touch it?”

  He laughed and tossed the snake out into the woods. “Come on,” he said
, holding his hand out to her. “It’s all clear now.”

  She was skeptical, but knowing he could handle the snakes so easily gave her confidence.

  She had to duck to fit in the clubhouse. There were two small rugs on the floor with a large, wooden spool for a table between them. He set the flashlight down and opened a large Army trunk. “Here we go,” he said, pulling out a couple of candles. They were scented candles in glass jars, which made Maggie smile. He lit the candles and then turned off the flashlight.

  “Now, Maggie, as the first female member of the Splitlog Secret Adventurer’s Club, I have to ask you to swear an oath that everything revealed among the members here remains a secret upon penalty of death.”

  She held up three fingers like when she was in Girl Scouts and put a hand over her heart. “I swear on my Grandmother’s Pecan Pie recipe, may it forever be lost to the world, should I break this solemn vow.”

  He grinned again. “Okay. Now for initiation.” He rummaged in the trunk again.

  “Oh, Lord. Nothing gross, okay?”

  “Nope. Nothing gross.” He pulled out a small lockbox, which he still remembered the combination for. There were scraps of paper inside. He handed her a blank one and a pencil. “The initiation is about trust. So you have to write down the name of your true love and trust that your brother club members will keep your secret. Of course, if you betray us, we’ll blab it all over school.”

  She laughed and wrote Josh’s name on the paper. She tossed it into the box. “So do I get to see what you guys wrote?”

  He dug around and found his and handed it to her. There were several other boys in this club, apparently. “Katy Cates,” she said. “I don’t remember her.”

  “She moved in eighth grade.” He handed her Josh’s paper.

  “Sharon Hampton? That little tramp!”

  David laughed. “Well there wasn’t a pretty Maggie Lucas around yet.”