A Touch Bittersweet

by Carter Ashby

  “Yeah, but still…Sharon Hampton? Could she be any more obvious? I mean, she gave out her slap bracelets to every cute guy in school.”

  “His tastes improved.”

  “God, I hope so. I’d like to think I was a better match for him than Sharon.”

  “Definitely. But Sharon’s a solid citizen now. Got two kids. She’s an RN up there at the local clinic.”

  “Really? Good for her.”

  David nodded and returned the papers to the lockbox. “Now. The second stage in the initiation. You have to tell us your deepest, darkest secret.”

  She bit her bottom lip against a giggle. “I’ve been a good girl, David. I don’t have any dark secrets.”

  “Aw, come on now. There’s gotta be something.”

  “Okay. I snuck out and got a tattoo when I was sixteen. It’s nothing weird, just a butterfly. I thought, at the time, that that was a pretty badass thing to do.”

  He bobbed his head back and forth, weighing out whether the secret was good enough. “I’m surprised, for sure, and I definitely feel compelled to see the tattoo. But I just don’t know that it qualifies, here. I’m looking for jaw-dropping. Try again.”

  She sighed and thought back. “Okay. Nobody knows this, okay? It’s not that bad, but I’m kind of embarrassed about it. I was fifteen and I’d caught my Dad watching some sort of soft-core porn. It was some sort of stripper act. He saw me and turned it off real fast and then pretended like it had never happened. But I was fifteen and just figuring out what it meant to have a body, you know? And the way that woman moved…it stirred some feelings in me. I mean, you’re automatically going to think I’m talking about being attracted to women because you’re a man, and that’s just the way you think. But it wasn’t that. It was just this feeling of being sexy and the power that goes with it. And later I looked at myself in the mirror. My new curves. And I felt sexy, for the first time.

  “So me and my two best girlfriends went to the mall over in Bixy and bought lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. I got this pink, lacy bra and matching panties. And it was one of those bras that pushes everything up.” She shoved the sides of her breasts up to illustrate. David’s eyes were wide and his mouth hanging open. She grinned. “And the edges went straight across.” She dragged a finger across the front of her breasts. “So you could see just a hint of nipple, right?”

  He nodded.

  “And the panties were bikini style. I wasn’t brave enough for a thong. So anyway, we got to thinking it would be fun practicing stripteases. So my friend Angela brought her camcorder over and set it up, and we took turns doing little stripper dances and drinking wine coolers we’d stolen from my parents’ fridge. The song I chose was “Poison.” Alice Cooper, you know?”

  He nodded again.

  “Anyway, that’s it. Unfortunately, I have no idea where that tape is, and I pray it never makes its way into the public eye. So there you go. Is that a good enough secret?”

  He cleared his throat, sat back, and laughed a little. “Uh…yeah…that’s…that’s a good secret.”

  “What’s yours?”

  “Huh?”

  “Your secret? What is it?”

  He grinned. “You want my ten-year-old secret or my sixteen-year-old secret?”

  “Sixteen. Definitely.”

  He crooked a finger at her and leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

  When he was finished, she sat back with her mouth hanging open. “Mrs. Mendelson? Our Algebra teacher?”

  He nodded, looking not at all ashamed.

  “She was married. What’s the matter with you?”

  “I really needed that A. And I sucked at Algebra.”

  Maggie laughed again. “I can’t believe that. She was probably our age then. I can’t imagine making out with a sixteen-year-old boy, even one as good looking as you were.”

  His lip quirked up in a pleased, half-grin.

  Maggie just shook her head. “You understand you were a victim of statutory rape, right?”

  David cringed. “Yeah, I never thought of it like that.”

  Maggie sighed. “All right, let’s finish this. What’s the last part of initiation?”

  “You’re not going to like it.”

  “You’re right. I haven’t liked any of this.” She laughed. “Go ahead, what is it?”

  “Well. We swear to carry these secrets to our graves.”

  “I do,” she said.

  “And to always watch each other’s backs.”

  “I do,” she said again, grinning.

  “And to be loyal to the brotherhood forever.”

  “I do.”

  “Then we cut our wrists and…”

  “I do not…no way,” she said.

  “Well, being as you’re the first female inductee,” David said, “we could probably come up with an alternative.”

  “Hmm. Again I’m wary.”

  He shrugged. “You don’t have to. But being as I’m the current president of the Adventurer’s Club and the only member representing tonight, no one would know if instead of swapping blood we, you know, swapped spit instead.”

  She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, my God. This whole detour has taken nearly an hour. That’s a long setup to end on such a lame move.”

  He took her hand and gazed intensely into her eyes. The candles flickered and cast shadows over his gorgeous face. “Maggie, I’m concerned you aren’t realizing the gravity of the situation, here. This ritual is sacred. I would never use my position of power to make a play on you.”

  She snorted.

  “Now we’ve come so far. One little kiss, and you’re an official member. You’re not going to let one little kiss stand in the way, are you?” The grin he’d been forcing back was fighting its way out.

  She shook her head. “This is pathetic. You’re a grown man.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not going to apologize for it. Make your decision, Maggie.”

  He was adorable. And so sweet to bring her here. Show her a little about Josh that she hadn’t known. Something else of his that she could have. Her smile faded. She stood to her knees. He did the same. She brushed her fingertips along his jaw and leaned up. Their lips touched and moved softly together. She draped her arms around his neck, and his went around her waist.

  When the kiss ended they stared at each other for a long moment. “That was really nice, David,” Maggie said.

  “Nice,” he repeated.

  And then she laughed, abruptly ending the mood. “I’m sorry. Hot. Hot was the word I was going for.”

  “Yeah.” He frowned. “Well it was for me, anyway.”

  “Hey, don’t get your ego all in a twist. I needed nice a lot more than I needed hot, just now. There’s all kinds of kisses, and that was just the right one for the moment.”

  He arched a brow skeptically, then stood and helped her to her feet.

  They blew out the candles and made their way back to the parking area, back to his car. They held hands the whole time. There was something so natural about it. While touching Logan felt wild and crazy and even a little forbidden…touching David felt just right.

  When they got to the car and he opened the door for her, she found herself unwilling to let go. Maybe he was right. Maybe she needed to give him a chance. Maybe love didn’t always hit you like a truck…maybe sometimes it grew slowly.

  Logan was leaving.

  That was the bottom line. He’d stated on more than one occasion that he wasn’t here for long. He’d made it abundantly clear that anything they started would be short-lived. She ached deep down and all over her body at the thought of not ever seeing him again.

  But here was this kind, beautiful man who wanted to love her…and wanted to love her forever. What a waste to throw away a potentially solid relationship for a volatile, flash-in-the-pan thing.

  She looked up at David. “What do you think about kids?”

  “Love them. I’d like at least a dozen.”

  That sealed it.


  She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a rough-and-ready kiss. There was only a second’s hesitation on his part before he joined her, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her against him. It wasn’t the same as Logan’s kiss. It wasn’t worse. Or better. It was just…different.

  His hunger was just as intense. He pulled at her and squeezed her and touched her everywhere he could. He pulled her leg up over his hip and moved hard against her, pressing her back against his car. His hand went up her thigh beneath the skirt of her dress. She felt him pull at her panties, and for a moment, she let him. Even positioned herself to help him along.

  But then it hit her, where they were going with this. And hadn’t she been on the verge of this same moment with another man earlier in the same day? My God, had she just made out with two guys in one day? What if she and Logan hadn’t been interrupted…would she have ended up having sex with him and then coming out tonight and having sex with David? Who had she become? Was this who she was?

  “Stop,” she gasped. “Too much. Too fast.”

  He eased back, his lips swollen, his eyelids heavy. “Yeah. Sorry. Got carried away.”

  “Yeah.” She was shaking. From passion? Maybe. But definitely fear, too. That realization of what she’d been about to do. Tears stung her eyes. “Oh, God, what’s wrong with me?”

  “Absolutely nothing, Maggie. I’m sorry for getting carried away. Of course it was too much. You’re going through a lot right now.”

  “I just…I’m a mother. I’m a responsible adult. I can’t go around just making out with anyone I want.” She fought to control her breathing. “Oh my God, David, am I…am I a slut?”

  He laughed, but cut off the laughter quickly. “No. Maggie, no.”

  “This is just so immature of me, you know? It’s crazy. It’s insane that I would do this.”

  “Why is it so far-fetched to you that I might be the right guy for you?”

  Of course he would take it personally. She looked up and saw that his expression had sobered. His brow furrowed. He couldn’t see that she was terrified, only that she regretted kissing him. “Eighteen months ago I was lying in bed with my husband getting in all the time I could before he deployed.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. “Yeah. Jeez. I’m sorry. I know it’s a big adjustment.”

  “I made out with two different men today. I’m a mother. I’m a respectable woman.”

  “You made out with Logan?”

  “Yeah, and that should tell you how wrong this is. How not ready I am.”

  “It tells me you’re not happy with him. If you were, why’d you come out with me? I mean, he clearly wants to be with you. But you came out with me. You kissed me. You chose me, tonight, Maggie. And I know it may not seem like it, but you made the right call. What can he offer you, huh? Where’s he going with his life? I’m right here. I’ve always been right here.”

  She smoothed down the skirt of her dress. “I don’t mean to play with your emotions like this. I don’t mean to…to tease.”

  “You’re not teasing. I know you. Please, don’t trouble yourself about that.”

  “You’re so kind and patient.”

  He moved toward her again and cupped her elbows. He laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I see my future with you. It’s worth the wait.”

  Once again, he pulled the car door open for her. This time she got in, and he drove her home.

  She might have asked him to hurry if she’d realized what she was going to see when she got there.

  Logan hadn’t taken Wolf to the shelter, and that was no one’s business but his own. But Maggie had told him to get the dog and himself out of Nate’s life, so he’d told Nate that he’d taken him to the shelter. So now he was a liar and a dog-napper.

  Wolf couldn’t stay in the barn, obviously, because Nate might find him there. So Logan had taken him out to Maggie’s new place. She had a shed in the back yard. Logan put a dog bed and some food and water there. He played with Wolf a while. Took him for a walk. Then put him in the shed for the night.

  Then he stood outside the shed staring at the door, feeling absolutely awful about everything. But what could he do? He would just have to come back out first thing to let Wolf out. He could figure out what to do on a more permanent basis then.

  He’d walked away, gone back home, knocked on Maggie’s door, found out she was quickly moving forward with her life, said some regrettable things, and wound up back in his bedroom. Pacing. He could hear the family downstairs. Frank and Eleanor were playing a board game with Maggie’s kids. Nate wouldn’t be playing. He’d be too overwhelmed with grief. But as much as Nate weighed on Logan’s mind…it was Wolf that had him up and pacing and fidgeting and worrying.

  So he slipped back out of the house, hopped into his truck, and drove out to check on Wolf.

  The dog was fine. Sleeping soundly. Logan sat on the floor of the shed next to him and patted him. Wolf moved to curl up against Logan’s leg.

  “What are we gonna do with you, buddy?”

  Wolf lifted his head and looked at Logan. Then rested his chin on Logan’s thigh.

  Hiding in a shed with an illicit dog. Pretty silly of him. Maggie was Nate’s mom, not his. If he wanted to keep a dog, that was his business. Would it be so wrong? They could take care to be clear with Nate and the other kids that the dog would be Logan’s. That when Logan moved back home to Montana, Wolf would go with him. Nate might not like it, but wouldn’t it be better than what he’d gone through today?

  Logan gave Wolf one last rub behind the ears, then stood. He stepped out of the shed, turned, and started to close the door. Wolf just stared up at him, tongue hanging out, tail wagging low to the ground as though he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he should be getting excited yet. Logan pushed the door closed halfway and stopped again. Wolf was sitting in a narrow strip of moonlight. He’d be fine. He’d sleep through the night, and Logan would be back first thing. No big deal. Besides, he needed to have a conversation with Maggie before he brought Wolf back to the farm.

  Logan shut the door and immediately opened it again. “Get in the truck, Wolf.”

  Wolf leaped up and dashed out of the shed.

  Logan let him ride in the cab, but he hung his head out the window. He would park on the far side of the house, out of view of Maggie’s house. She probably wouldn’t be home from her date, yet, but better safe than sorry. If he headed down the slope on this side of the house, he’d be hidden from view long enough for the darkness to cover him once he got out in the open. There’d be no way she could see him from the guest house, and he could discreetly get Wolf tucked back into the barn where he belonged.

  He parked the truck and climbed out—but something was wrong.

  Charlie was on the front porch on her cell phone, pacing frantically. Her husband came out and whispered something to her. She shoved him away. Brandon looked up and jogged toward Logan.

  “What’s going on?” Logan asked.

  “We can’t find Nate. Have you by any chance heard from him?”

  “I’ve been out…running errands. This isn’t hide-and-seek? He’s actually missing?”

  Brandon looked back. “She’s trying to get the sheriff to come help. He says he hasn’t been gone long enough and to keep looking around here.”

  “Where’s Maggie?” Logan heard himself ask it. He was grateful there was a portion of his brain willing to continue to function on autopilot while the rest of his body went into panic-mode. His heart pounded so hard he had to fight to keep his breathing under control.

  “She’s still out with David. We’ve left a few messages, but maybe she’s got her phone turned off.”

  Logan looked around—like he was going to suddenly find a kid they’d been looking for for— “How long has he been missing?” Logan asked.

  “The last time we saw him was an hour ago. He didn’t say where he was going. We were playing games and Eleanor just all of a sudden noticed he wasn
’t there. We’ve searched the whole house.”

  “Guest house?”

  “Yeah, there too.”

  “Barn?”

  “I think Frank’s down there now.”

  Logan ran around and opened the door for Wolf. The two of them hustled down to the barn. There was lantern light coming from inside and Frank shouting, “Nate! Nate, you’re worrying us all to death!”

  Wolf went straight to his old bed of straw and lay down. Logan found a second lantern. “Where haven’t you looked?”

  Frank turned to face him—an expression of desperate fear on his face. “I don’t know. They’re still looking in the house in case he just hid well. I—I don’t know.”

  “Did he leave a note or anything?”

  “Not that we found.”

  Logan felt a surge of helplessness. He pushed it down. Now was the time for action. Fear and despair wouldn’t help.

  He left Wolf in the barn and headed up to the guest house. As he was walking, he tried giving Maggie a call, but it went straight to voicemail. Logan jogged the rest of the way to the house and went in the back door. The lights were all out except for the one over the stove. Logan started flipping switches on and shouting for Nate. He went upstairs and found the bedroom Nate and Gracie were sharing. The dresser drawer was open with clothes hanging out.

  Logan looked around. The closet was open. A little girl’s pink suitcase stood alone on the floor of the closet.

  Logan went to the bed and moved blankets and pillows. He’d run away, once, when he was a little older than Nate. He’d left a note in case anyone cared to find him. A kid didn’t run away because he wanted to run away…he did it to get attention. So there had to be a note around there somewhere.

  Logan knelt next to the bed and looked underneath.

  There. A piece of folded paper. It must have fallen at some point. Logan stood and unfolded the paper, but before he could read it, he heard the front door slam open.

  “Nate!” It was Maggie.

  “Nate!” That would be David.

  Logan headed down the stairs. “He’s not here. Found this, though.”

  Maggie in her pretty black dress with her hair a mess and her lipstick smudged, grabbed the paper from him. Logan glanced at David and noticed he was wearing the same shade of lipstick as Maggie.